Break down.

[SamTheHobit]

Its day 41 of no contact and im breaking down. Nothing seems to have changed. I thaught my feelings for her where suppose to fade? Why has nothing changed?

 

[zekko]

There's no guarantee of how long it will take for your feelings to fade, but they will fade. I don't know the situation but if she's a first love or something it might take longer. I bet by the time another 41 days have gone by you'll be in a lot better shape. Eventually you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

In the meantime, you should be trying to find other things to think about. You shouldn't just be sitting around mooning over her. Get out and find something else to do to distract you. Hang out with friends, flirt with other girls, spin some plates. Do something you enjoy. The fact that you're counting the days is a clue you are probably spending too much time thinking about her.

 

[Die Hard]

Feelings will fade when you stop thinking about her.

When you go no contact, it will be easier to stop thinking about her. But it's still up to you to actually stop thinking about her, you still have to make that effort.

Going no contact doesn't mean you automatically stop thinking about her, it just makes it easier. The effort still has to come from you, nothing or nobody else is gonna do that for you. When you lie in your bed at night and you start thinking about her, it's you who has to force yourself to let that thought go. No matter how long you go no contact, if you don't make that conscious effort to stop the thoughts, nothing will change.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Feelings will fade when you stop thinking about her.

When you go no contact, it will be easier to stop thinking about her. But it's still up to you to actually stop thinking about her, you still have to make that effort.

Going no contact doesn't mean you automatically stop thinking about her, it just makes it easier. The effort still has to come from you, nothing or nobody else is gonna do that for you. When you lie in your bed at night and you start thinking about her, it's you who has to force yourself to let that thought go. No matter how long you go no contact, if you don't make that conscious effort to stop the thoughts, nothing will change.

I understand what your saying. But how am I suppose to stop thinking about her , when I have so much trouble letting go.

 

[disgustipated]

Do you work? If so, really delve deep into it. Try to get really good at whatever it is you do.

If you don't work, apply the same to school. Basically there should be something you're doing with your day that eats up 6-8 hours of your time....start REALLY getting into it, even to where you're thinking about it when you go home(ways to improve at it).

Then, take up a hobby. Something as simple as working out or jogging. Maybe take a drive or walk a half hour to a park and jog for another half hour. That kills an hour and a half to 2 hours right there.

Just fill your day up with productive **** that you are actually interested in and that you can mark progress with. There shouldn't be 2-4 hour blocks of time where you are doing nothing...that includes internet surfing.

Do you have a Facebook? Is she on there? Delete it. Remove her completely and any temptation to see or hear about her. When you delete a facebook account it just makes it go inactive so it's always there when you want to come back to it(when you're over her).

At any point during these daily activities you start thinking about this girl, remind yourself that you are not being mentally present in NOW. At the moment of this thought, look around and you'll see this girl in nowhere to be seen but yet you are allowing your mind to drift off and see her. You are not focusing on whatever you're currently doing. Keep your mind on whatever is happening NOW, not the past or future or some make believe fantasy. It's an excercise, try it and you may find it helps I hope.

 

[Groovy]

Look at your situation.

You started feeling very bad 41 days before when you two broke up, if i understand the situation correctly. Today your feelings still are pretty much the same.

They are still strong. So your method of "I will ignore her and thus my pain will go away" is not working well. Why keep insisting? Why keep saying: "I will just wait a little longer and they will pass"? 41 days a long time.

You could say to yourself: Maybe it is time to try something different.

I suggest you to think this over. Change. Now!! I would think like this: "If 41 days of no contact haven't helped my cause, screw no contact. I am going to try something else!" You don't want this suffering in your life or do you? Don't you wanna feel good and fresh? Energetic and sexual? Then come up with something right now.

I can suggest that maybe, if your mind isn't the problem, it is your body. If your mindset is: "Man there are more girls out there, so screw it, just screw it!" But you are still angry, then something else must be wrong... So if inner game isn't the problem, then I suggest these:

It would help you to eat different. Mind and body are linked! I remember Pook wrote that once. He said: As one goes stronger, so does the other. Eat more fruit, I dunno. If your body isn't helping your mind achieve what it wants, do something to change it. Make it better.

How often do you masturbate? Maybe it's related, try not doing it for a week or two. Your testosterone will go up the roof.

Another thing is: exercise, but I assume that isn't a problem for the people in this board. Good luck, keep us posted.

 

[vatoloco]

I understand what your saying. But how am I suppose to stop thinking about her , when I have so much trouble letting go.

What you have to do though is force your mind to be occupied. Force yourself to sarge. Delve into work or a hobby.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1761930&postcount=19

 

[SamTheHobit]

Thanks everybody for the great advice.. It looks like I just have to keep my mind busy, and I have not been doing that. Im gonna start concerntrating on school work and just keep busy. Thanks again.. I will update this thread to let you guys know how it's going.

 

[Die Hard]

I understand what your saying. But how am I suppose to stop thinking about her , when I have so much trouble letting go.

Man, we could talk for hours! This is a tough question you're asking . I'd say it all comes down to these two elements:

1. Assuming the right attitude
2. Perseverance

Assuming the right attitude is all about allowing anger to take over. You're in a situation, a bad situation, and you need to deal with this situation, you need to change it. No one else is gonna change it, it'll stay the same forever until you grasp the situation by the balls and fvcking change it! And that's gonna take a big effort, it's not just some crossword puzzle in the newspaper that you're trying to solve or a tight knot in your shoelaces that you have to untie... This is serious bussiness, man! As pathetic as it may sound, a man trying to recover from a broken heart is a man fighting for his life! Just as if you're a man left in the desert with no water, the sun burning 40 degrees Celsius above his head and the closest town being a 3 day walk from there.

Serious situations need to be dealt with in an utmost serious manner. That man better not think to himself: "Oh well, I'll try to make that 3 day walk and see how far I get" coz if he deals with his situation with such an attitude he'll end up dead! What I'm trying to convey through this analogy is, you need to fight with all your strength to overcome the situation you're in... It requires you to activate your survival instinct. If some guy comes at you with a big knife and starts swinging and stabbing, you might assume a "WTF?! What's your problem, dude?!" attitude at first. You might tell him he got the wrong person, that you don't even know him and didn't do anything wrong to him so he should stop attacking you now. But when you feel his knife cutting your arms and legs, feeling the sharp pain and seeing your own blood flow around, realizing that you're gonna be dead in a few moments, survival mode takes over fast! You go crazy and start shouting like a wild animal, you grab his arm and bite a piece of flesh out of it. While you spit that piece on the floor, you grab his head and stick your fingers in his eyes, scratching the damn things out of their sockets. As he falls on the ground and keeps cutting you all over your body, you smash his head on the concrete and you keep smashing it until it's a bloody pulp. Long after his body becomes motionless you keep smashing his head on the concrete, all the while screaming like a maniac. And when innocent bystanders approach you to take care of you, telling you "it's over, everything's okay now, he's dead..." you grab their heads and try to smash them to the concrete too. Survival instinct and rage totally took you over... If it hadn't, you'd be stabbed to death by that other guy...

When you're dealing with serious heartache over a girl, you need to get into survival mode too. You don't "try" to stop thinking about her, just like the guy in the desert doesn't "try" to make that 3 day walk or the guy being stabbed doesn't "try" to reason with his attacker and convince him to stop swinging the knife. That kind of attitude won't cut it, man! You gotta assume a fight-or-die-attitude! Anger needs to take over, aggression needs to take over!

Have you seen the Rocky movies? Remember when Rocky didn't believe in himself anymore after Mr. T. beat his ass? He was afraid and weak and pathetic, a shadow of the man he once was. He was paralyzed by fear and self-doubt...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlbKn8_p3vk

Then his fighting spirit takes over and he gets that "eye of the tiger" again. Look at his facial expression below at 1 minutes 5 seconds and throughout the rest of the fight. THAT'S the right attitude to win a fight, whether it be a boxing match or overcoming your heartache. Anger and determination!! Rocky's pissed off, angry as hell! He's not gonna fail, he's not gonna lose, Mr. T. is not gonna beat him again. He's gonna win this fight or die trying, goddamnit!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7CaiWxKYBo&feature=related


Perhaps you feel like your "opponent" isn't as clear and tangible as Rocky's, and you wonder "What exactly do I direct my anger at?" Well, you direct it at the whole fvckin situation you're in. The way you feel...the pain inside, the sadness and the weakness that rule over you now...AND the cvnt that put you in this situation! What, you think she doesn't deserve your anger? Dude, you can't afford yourself to think about the morality of your anger towards her, about the question whether it makes you a "bad" person if you hate her and bullsh!t like that. You're in a fight-or-die, kill-or-be-killed situation, remember? And you also can't afford to blame your situation on yourself, for that matter. Thoughts like "It's all my own fault, I shouldn't have trusted her, I shouldn't have fallen in love with her, I should've seen the consequences of this and that, blah blah blah." Consequences, SCHMONSEQUENCES!! She hurt you, so now be angry at her. Without anger, you're not gonna get through this situation, so don't be a moron and just do what's right for you.

It's all about letting go of the passive attitude where you're a victim of your situation and your circumstances, like a guy who can't handle the beating that he's being given and just curls up on the floor, hoping the beating will stop. Is that all he has to offer when dealing with his situation? Curling up and hoping that the beating will stop? That's not good enough... No, the beating will not stop! He has to get off his ass, get up on his feet, stand up straight, take charge of the situation and FIGHT BACK!.

I think that's about all I have to say about the attitude part. I'll leave you with one other appropriate scene that came to mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_qgVn-Op7Q



I'll be brief about the second element I mentioned: perseverance. Once you've assumed the right attitude, you just make sure you stick with that attitude for as long as neccesary to get through the situation. You just persevere until you reach victory. There will be no surrender...

 

[runner83]

Good advice already given, stay strong.

Remember, if she dumped you, she secretly wants you to make contact again, break down and reinforce her feelings of superiority.

Don't give her the satisfaction!

Also, I assume you have deleted her number.

- Stay busy
- See other chicks

It will pass.

 

[SamTheHobit]

@Die hard.. Thanks for that exellent post!!! Everyone should read that!

 

[Alle_Gory]

You're experiencing withdrawal. All those good feelings you had when around her, your body misses them. They're physically addictive.

This will explain more and what to expect: http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/07/07/extinction-burst/

 

[Evzone]

How to move on? Easy, just get other things going on in your life. Focus on your career and making some money