Breadcrumbs or Cautious?

[SNS]

Long story short



Smashed girl from work 2 months ago after I came out of a LTR , I simped - texted her next day saying last night was good, tried to set up second date she said she had plans but didn’t offer an alternative



That shows me her interest dropped straight away from one message. I should have waited for her to message me like she said she would.



I Keep passing her **** tests at work by being masculine/dominant and laughing at them etc



She shows a fair bit of attitude and is always testing my frame, I remain confident and masculant. We are very comfortable around eachother, always very very close to one another



My question, she likes to “react” to my instagram stories but not initiate meaningful convo

All I do is like the actuall emoji she sends and sometimes send a single emoji back, so low and aloof investment from myself too



She is always the one initiating on Instagram but they are small breadcrumbs like this, rarely proper conversation, but it’s always her initiating





How do I get her to invest more to the point of actually getting her to be more direct in asking me to see her? Build comfort? (I haven’t asked her out since the smash and haven’t initiated convo)



Or is she doing this and getting close to auto rejection? Or not interested?



I feel as if her not offering an alternative date signified very low interest or am I the one who needs to show more interest for the first couple dates ?



Keep doing what I’m doing and play harder to get to see if she starts to invest more ?



I feel as if I totally ignore her instagram emojis it shows I’m butthurt, so I will respond but with less investment than her even if it’s just me acknowledging her breadcrumb.



At times she won’t even view my reply for many days. (Testing me to see if I become needy? Which I haven’t yet)



At this point im not sure if she has interest and is being cautious or not, should I build comfort and ask her out again or is she just not into me?

Or wait until she subtly brings up doing something and tell her to join me

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

How do I get her to invest more to the point of actually getting her to be more direct in asking me to see her? Build comfort? (I haven’t asked her out since the smash and haven’t initiated convo)

You're too invested to do this without coming off as a simp, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this thread.

Or is she doing this and getting close to auto rejection? Or not interested?

does it matter? don't read into it, maybe she just likes your story. sometimes 10 chicks might like your story post, are you going to sit down and methodically think out why each of them did that?

I feel as if her not offering an alternative date signified very low interest or am I the one who needs to show more interest for the first couple dates ?

how many times does she need to decline or make an excuse before you get the message? personally for me it's ONE TIME. i don't chase.

Keep doing what I’m doing and play harder to get to see if she starts to invest more ?

again you're putting the cart before the horse. it doesn't matter if she comes back, you're too invested. pretend it'll never happen again and be cool with it, like it was a one time fling. personally if she flirts with me i'd flirt back until she's practically begging for me to fuuck her brains out before asking her out, but we're in different mindsets. IDGAF what she does, you do.

she knows you're wrapped around her finger already, that's why she's not interested, that's why she plays with you, because it validates her. no need to be upset, it's just the name of the game.

sadly you're too much of a simp right now to do anything meaningful. faking your way into her pusssy is just going to compound the issue of being validated by her, so don't do it.

 

[dustmuffin]

How do I get her to invest more to the point of actually getting her to be more direct in asking me to see her? Build comfort? (I haven’t asked her out since the smash and haven’t initiated convo)

You don’t get her to invest. She is just interested in your attention, nothing else. Spend your time looking for girls that are interested in you.

 

[Clamslammer]

Long story short



Smashed girl from work 2 months ago after I came out of a LTR , I simped - texted her next day saying last night was good, tried to set up second date she said she had plans but didn’t offer an alternative



That shows me her interest dropped straight away from one message. I should have waited for her to message me like she said she would.



I Keep passing her **** tests at work by being masculine/dominant and laughing at them etc



She shows a fair bit of attitude and is always testing my frame, I remain confident and masculant. We are very comfortable around eachother, always very very close to one another



My question, she likes to “react” to my instagram stories but not initiate meaningful convo

All I do is like the actuall emoji she sends and sometimes send a single emoji back, so low and aloof investment from myself too



She is always the one initiating on Instagram but they are small breadcrumbs like this, rarely proper conversation, but it’s always her initiating





How do I get her to invest more to the point of actually getting her to be more direct in asking me to see her? Build comfort? (I haven’t asked her out since the smash and haven’t initiated convo)



Or is she doing this and getting close to auto rejection? Or not interested?



I feel as if her not offering an alternative date signified very low interest or am I the one who needs to show more interest for the first couple dates ?



Keep doing what I’m doing and play harder to get to see if she starts to invest more ?



I feel as if I totally ignore her instagram emojis it shows I’m butthurt, so I will respond but with less investment than her even if it’s just me acknowledging her breadcrumb.



At times she won’t even view my reply for many days. (Testing me to see if I become needy? Which I haven’t yet)



At this point im not sure if she has interest and is being cautious or not, should I build comfort and ask her out again or is she just not into me?

Or wait until she subtly brings up doing something and tell her to join me

Firstly good job on the intial interaction. Secondly nothing wrong with reaching the day after you gave the pipe. I actually recommend this to make sure she does not throw any allegations at you in this metoo era if you dont contact her.

Now.
Stop being weak. Who gives a f if she is checking your instagram, twitter, tiktok, facebook, or any other useless social media account you have. You asked her out and she did not counter. You are now done asking her out. Keep it cordial at work and keep it moving. If she comes around and asks you out which may happen naturally if you stop acting weak then go on another date and have fun otherwise go date another cutie.

Guys need to stop overanalyzing things.

 

[SNS]

she knows you're wrapped around her finger already, that's why she's not interested, that's why she plays with you, because it validates her. no need to be upset, it's just the name of the game.

What makes you say she has me wrapped around her finger? Just curious to how you noticed this? She constantly fails when I give her little negs, like getting defensive etc

 

[Robert28]

Text her this “when you gonna let me hit it again?”

 

[SNS]

Text her this “when you gonna let me hit it again?”

Surely this is beta... id rather wait it out till she comes around and have it on my terms and get more of it

Better approach am I right?

 

[Visionist]

OP you aren't the only guy she's smashing. I've been in that situation.

My first advice is to dial back the antisocial media in general, unless it's bringing you other benefits, like clients. Stop sending her anything online, even as a reply. That's a nonsexual interaction. Only respond if she invites you to spend time with her one on one.

In person, let her approach you. Tease and flirt and leave it at that. That's probably how you ended up sexing her in the first place.

If she doesn't ask to spend time with you, leave her be otherwise. You could invite her round yours later on down the line, but by then you should have found other women who aren't so flip-floppy.

If you do invite her round, tell her to bring something to eat. If she doesn't want to come over, she's just an attention seeker at this point.

Remember, she's having sex with other guys too.

 

[dude99]

Stop thinking about what/should/could/would.

Wait a few days. Text , im going to such and such a place for 8pm. Join me for drinks.

If she does then move forward. If she rejects or makes excuses? You next her. Quite simple. If there is a return on your investment, your attention and your time you move forward. If not. You move on.

Ps get off instagram and stop validating girls that way.

 

[SNS]

OP you aren't the only guy she's smashing. I've been in that situation. My first advice is to dial back the antisocial media in general, unless it's bringing you other benefits, like clients. Stop sending her anything online, even as a reply. That's a nonsexual interaction. Only respond if she invites you to spend time with her one on one. In person, let her approach you. Tease and flirt and leave it at that. That's probably how you ended up sexing her in the first place. If she doesn't ask to spend time with you, leave her be otherwise. You could invite her round yours later on down the line, but by then you should have found other women who aren't so flip-floppy. If you do invite her round, tell her to bring something to eat. If she doesn't want to come over, she's just an attention seeker at this point. Remember, she's having sex with other guys too.

OP you aren't the only guy she's smashing. I've been in that situation.

My first advice is to dial back the antisocial media in general, unless it's bringing you other benefits, like clients. Stop sending her anything online, even as a reply. That's a nonsexual interaction. Only respond if she invites you to spend time with her one on one.

In person, let her approach you. Tease and flirt and leave it at that. That's probably how you ended up sexing her in the first place.

If she doesn't ask to spend time with you, leave her be otherwise. You could invite her round yours later on down the line, but by then you should have found other women who aren't so flip-floppy.

If you do invite her round, tell her to bring something to eat. If she doesn't want to come over, she's just an attention seeker at this point.

Remember, she's having sex with other guys too.

I’m very active on instagram for business purposes so doesn’t a sudden change especially ignoring messages come off ass bitter especially when I am active on it for business purposes ?
So what you guys are saying is, keep being my fun flirty self to all the girls at work like I am, but let them be the ones to initiate it all?

it shows I am only reciprocating which may confuse them and make them desire me more?

 

[jaymbrs]

Sounds like she's more interested in breaking your frame than actually hooking back up with you. To her it's a game she's trying to win. Best thing to do is move on and cut off unnecessary communication.

 

[Lookatu]

Just be glad you smashed it once and had your turn. Move on to girls where you don't have to work so hard and worry so much(investment). It's easy for girls to make you crazy(especially if you're a simp). Also the fact that you had your chance and nothing came of it probably means the sex wasn't all that great to "her". Up your sex game if you have to as well.

 

[SNS]

Th

Sounds like she's more interested in breaking your frame than actually hooking back up with you. To her it's a game she's trying to win. Best thing to do is move on and cut off unnecessary communication.

this is 100% the vibe I’ve been getting, it’s like who has the power as soon as I get it she does something to try get it back such as purposely ignore my messages

 

[jaymbrs]

Th

this is 100% the vibe I’ve been getting, it’s like who has the power as soon as I get it she does something to try get it back such as purposely ignore my messages

Been there before. Don't waste time on women like this. You'll regret it later.

 

[Dash Riprock]

If you're interested in her, wait a few days to a week or so and then say, "Hey, I'm doing XY and Z on this day. Open invite if you'd like to join me. Ciao, OP" This way, you draw her back into your frame by saying you're doing this XYZ activity with her or without her. It's either a yes or no at that point from her. If she declines, have a backup lined up, and never ask her out again despite whatever signs or crumbs she throws you.

As an FYI, women hate competition from other women, even with guys they're not dating or with. After your activity, post a few fun pics on Instagram. If you can get a hot chick to join you, more power to you and your posts. I would almost guarantee the other girl from work would be clawing at you for a date. Have some fun with it.

Good luck.

 

[SNS]

If you're interested in her, wait a few days to a week or so and then say, "Hey, I'm doing XY and Z on this day. Open invite if you'd like to join me. Ciao, OP" This way, you draw her back into your frame by saying you're doing this XYZ activity with her or without her. It's either a yes or no at that point from her. If she declines, have a backup lined up, and never ask her out again despite whatever signs or crumbs she throws you.

As an FYI, women hate competition from other women, even with guys they're not dating or with. After your activity, post a few fun pics on Instagram. If you can get a hot chick to join you, more power to you and your posts. I would almost guarantee the other girl from work would be clawing at you for a date. Have some fun with it.



Good luck.

What if I wait until she was practically begging to see me, as in her initiating it provided I wait it out which I am willing to do at this stage.

I feel like if i do it this way it could be multiple lays?

 

[Georgepithyou]

Why is she the only girl in your rotation? Who cares if she is showing low investment.

 

[synecdoche]

If a girl is confusing you whether or not she is interested, she isn't. She is just playing games.

When you have a woman with a high IL everything goes effortlessly, she'll move mountains to see you. She might be a bit interested, but as far as I can see she's just having some fun with you. You are a free source of attention for her.

I agree with Dash, invite her over, give it one more shot. If she declines and doesn't propose something else, hard next her. It's as simple as that. Invest in other prospects.

EDIT: And yes, some women with initial low IL can have a higher IL as you get to know them, sometimes the timing is off etc... But in this example I don't think you can "raise" her IL.