Brand new start - what to do?

[onthepath]

Hi guys,

I got a brand new job in a new city (not going to say which one*) and i'm happy to have the fresh start

now what the hell do i do?

so far, i've been only day dreaming about how great life can be - no more labels for me, noone knows about me; what a great opportunity

i want to do so much sh!t - i'm sick of my anti-social tendancies and lack of a life. this job is a good pay increase for less work which is what i've been striving toward

so i know i'm going to sign up for some classes for anything and everything (not exactly the big pub/club kinda guy, and i *feel* i'm too old for it, though i will definitley give it a shot, even if it's only to practice talking to strangers)

but i'm still quite lost as to how i go about getting my dream life

all thoughts greatly needed and appreciated

*fk it. i'm moving to boston. so if anyone knows who i am, then i guess the ball's in your court

 

[KarmaSutra]

A few things to narrow down my suggestions:

1. Your age.
2. Your top priority (truly think about this one).
3. Your objective in the next 12 months.
4. Describe your life the past six months.
5. Your willingness to learn.
6. Your willingness to accept direction.

Give me these answers and I'll have a game plan and set goals for you.

 

[miba]

Pimp the fact that you are new in town to chicks and you need someone to show you around

 

[onthepath]

this was me a whileback:

"I used to frequent these boards a lot, got my confidence growing and managed to move myself up from loser to semi-successful guy

I’m 21, at uni and working full time, and I have my life pretty much sorted, job, hobbies, etc, all except women

I’ve never been on a date, never had a girlfriend, never even gotten a girl’s number

I have no real female friends either

Eye contact and being personable (to some extent) is not the issue, I managed to get myself through some pretty gruelling interviews and land jobs"

it seems when i'm at work, i turn into this hardworking successful guy and i'm able to get in very good with the managers and the HR babes, but whenever i start out with "intentions" say at lunch when i see someone sitting alone, i bail out pretty much without even trying

1. Age: Now 22

2. Top Priority: Being Happy with a well rounded life

3. 12month Objectives:
a) Be totally socially comfortable around anyone, to the point where i'm a "natural" who can talk, flirt and charm anyone
b) Another promotion (higher salary)

4. Life for last six months: Working on myself - joined a gym + kickboxing class, working hard (got promoted very early), studying quite hard - no social life yet and dont have a foreseeable plan for it just yet. my workload leading up to the move is quite heavy, and i know i still have inner game issues to work on first (even when i'm driving, i find it intimidating to just hit the horn at hot women, let alone say hi to people on the street)

5. Willingness to learn: This is the chance of a lifetime, which i think about everyday. it's what is pushing me though this stupidly hard time right now - i wont let it pass me by.

6. Willingness to accept direction: Clearly my self directed learning has reached the end - i'm only any good at work (after reading the bible and countless posts, i started out by working on me and never moved on). I need help.

Look forward to hearing from you all

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

Do you have any friends or anything? Cause obivously you sould concentrate on you're career and all that but you need some sort of social life or you'll go crazy. Plus the longer you stay away from it the more socialy retarted you become.

 

[onthepath]

yeah i have some old "friends" (mostly losers who i wont be keeping contact with after the move*)

but it seems the itneractions i have at work wheter it's with my clients or with the HR babes is keeping me sane. i do find that sometimes i can come up with a c+f comment which gets a smile, so i don't think i'll become a ret@rd

*fcuk it. i'm moving to boston. so if anyone knows who i am, then i guess the ball's in your court

 

[dj trainee]

make an effort to get to know your new work friends... there is lots of potential there. dont give up too much about yourself, i like to keep work friends at a certain level until i know i can trust them.

join some classes... dance classes is a great way to meet women. take up some mixed team sports...

 

[Effington]

Work friends are obviously key. Not only are there simply a lot of new people, but making friends there will increase your job happiness by 100x. At my old company and many of my friends', they had happy hour on Friday where they went for drinks after work, and a lot of times someone will host weekend barbeques for football or other various events.

Another great way to meet people is through sports leagues. Teams are always looking for more players. In Chicago, co-ed softball leagues are HUGE.

Other than that, I'd really just do stuff you enjoy. Personally, I love the bar scene and music, so I like to go to bars that have bands playing.

 

[onthepath]

1. Your age.
2. Your top priority (truly think about this one).
3. Your objective in the next 12 months.
4. Describe your life the past six months.
5. Your willingness to learn.
6. Your willingness to accept direction.

Give me these answers and I'll have a game plan and set goals for you.

bump

would like to hear your ideas

 

[foxhound87]

The key to a new start is to enjoy the ride.... honestly go out and socialise as much as you can, this includes clubs and pubs. Go out by yourself this is how you meet new people! And women seem to always love the out of towner..:rockon: If someone asks why your out alone just explain that you have only been town for x amount of time, you will find that most of the time they will accept you with open arms (Unless your a wanker)

 

[dj trainee]

if u got a nice bachelor's pad, be a great entertainer and invite ppl over..
that starts making u like the social glue

 

[KarmaSutra]

bump

would like to hear your ideas

Answer my questions and you'll get them.

Answer them as completely and honestly as possible.

 

[dannyc]

Answer my questions and you'll get them.

Answer them as completely and honestly as possible.

Didn't he do that?

 

[onthepath]

i guess i can elaborate a bit

1. Age: 22

2. Top Priority: Being Happy with a well rounded life – by well rounded I want to have a close circle of true friends who I can rely on like family; I want to excel at my hobbies; I want approaching women to become a natural function of mine, I want to be very successful at work earning a boat load of money. I want all of this without having to give up who I am, I want to maintain my odd sense of music taste, my nerdy characteristics etc, I don’t want to fake being some stereotypical common guy, I like being different

3. 12month Objectives:
a) Be totally socially comfortable around anyone, to the point where i'm a "natural" who can talk, flirt and charm anyone – I want to be able to approach women whenever I see someone I’m interested in, no excuses, no hesitations, with a very high success rate
b) Another promotion (higher salary)

4. Life for last six months: Working on myself - joined a gym + kickboxing class, working hard (got promoted very early), studying quite hard - no social life yet and dont have a foreseeable plan for it just yet. my workload leading up to the move is quite heavy, and i know i still have inner game issues to work on first (even when i'm driving, i find it intimidating to just hit the horn at hot women, let alone say hi to people on the street)

5. Willingness to learn: This is the chance of a lifetime, which i think about everyday. it's what is pushing me though this stupidly hard time right now - i wont let it pass me by. Moving to a new city is giving me what I always dream about – I want the opportunity to come back a few years later and show everyone how much I’ve changed and flaunt some of it to some dumb b!tches I know (not the healthiest motivation but its strong)

6. Willingness to accept direction: Clearly my self directed learning has reached the end - i'm only any good at work (after reading the bible and countless posts, i started out by working on me and never moved on). I need help. I’m pretty much at my wits end, I just don’t know how to start. I’ve become so accustomed to being by myself and trying to use my career and money to push me on that I just feel like at this rate I’ll be miserable all my life

 

[KarmaSutra]

Didn't he do that?

Apparently I didn't look back far enough.

 

[KarmaSutra]

i guess i can elaborate a bit

1. Age: 22

Still young enough to imprint a fresh paradigm. Good.

2. Top Priority: Being Happy with a well rounded life – by well rounded I want to have a close circle of true friends who I can rely on like family; I want to excel at my hobbies; I want approaching women to become a natural function of mine, I want to be very successful at work earning a boat load of money. I want all of this without having to give up who I am, I want to maintain my odd sense of music taste, my nerdy characteristics etc, I don’t want to fake being some stereotypical common guy, I like being different

Embrace your quirkiness. Cherish it. The trick to being a congruent, self appreciative, fun guy people love to be around is to smile. It's really that simple. Your appearance to everyone around you is what they notice far before anything you say. When you smile, a genuine smile, it tells people that you don't have fear of life.

3. 12month Objectives:
a) Be totally socially comfortable around anyone, to the point where i'm a "natural" who can talk, flirt and charm anyone – I want to be able to approach women whenever I see someone I’m interested in, no excuses, no hesitations, with a very high success rate
b) Another promotion (higher salary)

Approaching women is easy. It's a thought mechanism which you can turn on or that can stay turned off and forever scare the hell out of you. When you turn it on it builds confidence. Confidence begets courage. 100% of the time. Courage begets true mature masculinity. Women, above all creatures, can smell it and lust after it miles away.

4. Life for last six months: Working on myself - joined a gym + kickboxing class, working hard (got promoted very early), studying quite hard - no social life yet and dont have a foreseeable plan for it just yet. my workload leading up to the move is quite heavy, and i know i still have inner game issues to work on first (even when i'm driving, i find it intimidating to just hit the horn at hot women, let alone say hi to people on the street)

You're on the path young brother. Keep running as fast and as hard as you can and stay on that path. Once you tackle and defeat one area of your life you free up that much time and devotion to another problem area. For example: You've joined a gym and working out hard, sticking with your short term goal. Once you've reached that goal you can apply your energy to furthering that particular goal or you can stay a constant at the gym and use your newfound confidence toward your academic career.

5. Willingness to learn: This is the chance of a lifetime, which i think about everyday. it's what is pushing me though this stupidly hard time right now - i wont let it pass me by. Moving to a new city is giving me what I always dream about – I want the opportunity to come back a few years later and show everyone how much I’ve changed and flaunt some of it to some dumb b!tches I know (not the healthiest motivation but its strong)

Revenge is a dish best served cold. It's only useful in miniscule amounts but beware of how that revenge will multiply and begin to cloud your thinking. You jumped ship and made a fresh start in a new town with a new attitude. Do you know what a leap of faith and balls it takes to do that? Pat yourself on the back brother because you did well. Instead of thinking "I'll show them!" with a scowl on your mug, you should reframe it and think about how many more glances and "ooohs and aaaah's" you'll be rewarded with.

6. Willingness to accept direction: Clearly my self directed learning has reached the end - i'm only any good at work (after reading the bible and countless posts, i started out by working on me and never moved on). I need help. I’m pretty much at my wits end, I just don’t know how to start. I’ve become so accustomed to being by myself and trying to use my career and money to push me on that I just feel like at this rate I’ll be miserable all my life

This is the crux of both your dilemma and greatest revelation! You know what you need to do, thus you have a point of reference. Now you can build your foundation. Start by accepting the fact that nothing worth doing comes easily. Reconcile the fact that life ,as you've become accustomed, will no longer be safe. Zen as a state of mind. Watch and learn then speak ONLY when you have something of value to say. There is unlimited power in silence.

I'm going to send you a couple of books and what I have of the KARMIC LAWS in print. I'll also be sending you questions for you to reply with as updates of your progress.

If this is intriguing and I have your full capacity, let's get it on.

 

[onthepath]

Wow!
I wasn't expecting that at all, i was expecting some harsh brutal "get your head out of your @ss" type thinking, but that was refreshingly inspirational

thanks so much for taking the time to write that KarmSutra. i've read a few of your other posts and you seem to be the real deal

lets get it on!

 

[onthepath]

I'm going to send you a couple of books and what I have of the KARMIC LAWS in print. I'll also be sending you questions for you to reply with as updates of your progress.

have you got ebooks or names of the books you're going to send?
i'm not too sure about handing over my mailing address(s)

 

[onthepath]

bump

 

[DonJuan11]

so i know i'm going to sign up for some classes for anything and everything (not exactly the big pub/club kinda guy, and i *feel* i'm too old for it, though i will definitley give it a shot, even if it's only to practice talking to strangers)

but i'm still quite lost as to how i go about getting my dream life

22 and too old for a club? unless you want to marry and have kids tomorrow, that doesn't make sense.