Branch Swinging Monkeys

[MacAvoy]

Ok gents, this past year has become a real eye opener for me in terms of seeing branch swinging monkeys in full action. I've never really come across this phenomena before so I've never had to deal with it.

So my question is more for the future as I don't have any LTR prospects and don't plan on going that route any time within the next 6 months. However I want to be prepared if that fork ever appears.

So my question is how should I be laying the ground work when I'm in the dating phase of seeing a women. How do I let it be known that it isn't acceptable while remaining a DJ?

 

[squirrels]

So my question is how should I be laying the ground work when I'm in the dating phase of seeing a women. How do I let it be known that it isn't acceptable while remaining a DJ?

Acceptable for what? If she wants to swing, let her swing. I wouldn't want to try to contain a woman who wants to be free to move around. If she really wants to be with you in the long-term, she won't swing. If she's on the move from guy to guy, all you can do is enjoy your time with her for what it is...and get some play out of the deal.

You can "let her know it's unacceptable" any way you want...it doesn't mean she won't do it unless she really wants to be with you in the first place. If she looks at you as just another branch, any rules you set will be fragrantly disobeyed.

That's one of the reasons I've been out of the game so long lately (>1 year)...I'm just tired of trying to control people other than myself.

 

[guru1000]

Let's talk about control.

"O, NO! you cannot control a woman. You cannot control people. You can only control yourself." This is the majority consensus.

Yet I control people everyday with a paycheck at the end of the week.

Just like the MEDIA controls people's thoughts and created the matrix, CONTROL is what makes huge corporations triumph on a quarterly basis.

Back to the topic. The OP asks "So my question is how should I be laying the ground work when I'm in the dating phase of seeing a women?"

VERY SIMPLE. You just lay out the ground work. IN THE BEGINNING, you give her the RULES of how you EXPECT her to BEHAVE. Make very clear, if she CHOOSES NOT TO RESPECT YOUR RULES, YOU WILL WALK AWAY. Your CONTROL and POWER lies in your INTEGRITY with THE ABILITY TO WALK AWAY. This is called DIRECTING A WOMAN.

I live by the above and all my plates are very well behaved and mannered.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Let's talk about control.

"O, NO! you cannot control a woman. You cannot control people. You can only control yourself." This is the majority consensus.

Yet I control people everyday with a paycheck at the end of the week.

Just like the MEDIA controls people's thoughts and created the matrix, CONTROL is what makes huge corporations triumph on a quarterly basis.

I don't buy it sir. What you're confusing is subjective control. Because you hold these peoples' paychecks does not give you any control or authority over thier lives. Any one of them can quit at any time, can get a gun and shoot you in the face or spit on you whenever they want. How do you control over that? You don't. You have a minimal sense of superiority and megalomania which looks to be fvcking up your head.

And your statement about the media is well off too. The media only leads you to some mirage of water in the proverbial desert but it's the weak minded and those easily led sheeple who go and try to drink from said illusion.

VERY SIMPLE. You just lay out the ground work. IN THE BEGINNING, you give her the RULES of how you EXPECT her to BEHAVE. Make very clear, if she CHOOSES NOT TO RESPECT YOUR RULES, YOU WILL WALK AWAY. Your CONTROL and POWER lies in your INTEGRITY with THE ABILITY TO WALK AWAY. This is called DIRECTING A WOMAN.

I live by the above and all my plates are very well behaved and mannered.

Ok, now you make a little bit of sense. You're referring to what I call BOUNDARY RESPECT. You have rules and a centralized belief system of which you will not bend, sway or break for the attention of a woman. This is a very good thing brother. Once she knows, and as you advise them, at the forefront what you will not put up you'll both have a good point of reference and an understanding of which you can each make a decision yo ucan live with and reflect on.

 

[squirrels]

Let's talk about control.

"O, NO! you cannot control a woman. You cannot control people. You can only control yourself." This is the majority consensus.

Yet I control people everyday with a paycheck at the end of the week.

Just like the MEDIA controls people's thoughts and created the matrix, CONTROL is what makes huge corporations triumph on a quarterly basis.

Back to the topic. The OP asks "So my question is how should I be laying the ground work when I'm in the dating phase of seeing a women?"

VERY SIMPLE. You just lay out the ground work. IN THE BEGINNING, you give her the RULES of how you EXPECT her to BEHAVE. Make very clear, if she CHOOSES NOT TO RESPECT YOUR RULES, YOU WILL WALK AWAY. Your CONTROL and POWER lies in your INTEGRITY with THE ABILITY TO WALK AWAY. This is called DIRECTING A WOMAN.

I live by the above and all my plates are very well behaved and mannered.

The point is that to be able to LAY ground rules, you have to demonstrate your value, and then respond with your time in accordance with her behavior.

In other words, you can't get angry and expect things. You just do what they do...if they're not doing what you want them to do, you give them less of your time until they do. But you have to be the man she wants first. And in most cases, women will not play games with the man they WANT. And if she tries to have her cake and eat it too, that's when you lay down the law.

 

[guru1000]

I don't buy it sir. What you're confusing is subjective control. Because you hold these peoples' paychecks does not give you any control or authority over thier lives.

I do not CONTROL LIVES. I control the relationship where I am the BOSS and my employee does the work I ask him/her to perform. If the employee does not want to perform, she is fired( equivalent to walking away).

Any one of them can quit at any time, can get a gun and shoot you in the face or spit on you whenever they want. How do you control over that? You don't.

If the given employee refused to accept the CONTROL and quit , then I find another who will perform the duty (equivalent to spinning another plate).

And your statement about the media is well off too. The media only leads you to some mirage of water in the proverbial desert but it's the weak minded and those easily led sheeple who go and try to drink from said illusion.

Agreed, the weak minded, 95% of the population.

 

[MacAvoy]

Ok guru, we know how you control your employees who you pay to keep around, but how do you control your plates?

 

[KarmaSutra]

I do not CONTROL LIVES. I control the relationship where I am the BOSS and my employee does the work I ask him/her to perform. If the employee does not want to perform, she is fired( equivalent to walking away).

More evidence of anger and a dash of megalomania. Because someone who works for you doesn't do exactly as you want doesn't make you God. Your tone is that of a spoiled brat instead of a man in CONTROL of himself. And you're confusing walking away with throwing a temper tantrum because you don't get your way.

If the given employee refused to accept the CONTROL and quit , then I find another who will perform the duty (equivalent to spinning another plate).

I am in Management. Upper Management at my company and those whom I oversee RESPECT me and understand when I question an action that it is not out of order. They learn from thier mistake. You seem to think that because they have a slight fear (this is likely only in YOUR mind) that you have any semblence of authority. You do not. I don't respect you here much less in person. You obviously know nothing of what Rollo means by Spinning Plates.

Agreed, the weak minded, 95% of the population.

No. The weak are those who prey on people's shortcomings. Another chink in your armor is your overt arrogance.

 

[DavenJuan]

guru-

i think you are missing what MacAvoy is saying here.

what Guru you are saying is simple. I lay down the ground work , set boundaries, if they decide to step OVER those boundaries, then game over, goodbye.

MacAvoy sounds like what he is saying is how to AVOID this completely. OR if i take what the OP said in its simplicity, he is simply asking how to let the "plates" know this is not acceptable behavior

we can meet 120 women in a row who are considered "branch swinging monkeys" you set the boundaries, they did not comply so you moved on.

setting the boundaries and what you expect and dont expect is pretty much simple enough. outside and beyond that, there is nothing that can be done. at that point move on

 

[guru1000]

More evidence of anger and a dash of megalomania. Because someone who works for you doesn't do exactly as you want doesn't make you God. Your tone is that of a spoiled brat instead of a man in CONTROL of himself. And you're confusing walking away with throwing a temper tantrum because you don't get your way

.

LOL. Come to NY, I'll show you how to make money. Are you in an office environment sitting on your fat a$$? We are in two different worlds. I would fire you without hesitation. You don't have the fortitude to produce and likely are not in a heavy competitive environment.

I am in Management. Upper Management at my company and those whom I oversee RESPECT me and understand when I question an action that it is not out of order. They learn from thier mistake. You seem to think that because they have a slight fear (this is likely only in YOUR mind) that you have any semblence of authority. You do not.

So you are an employee. Makes sense now.

No. The weak are those who prey on people's shortcomings. Another chink in your armor is your overt arrogance

Clearly not a producer. It is good your salary is not contingent on production.

 

[ketostix]

I think women as branch swinging monkies ties into the concept that women generally prefer to focus sexually on one guy at a time, even if it's only for a few days or weeks. As much as I hate to say it, sometimes the only way your going to stop a girl from branch swinging is if you at least lead her to believe that you're going to play the BF role. You know, make that deep connection with her and all the junk that tends to go along with it. Usually I don't see the girl as relationship material so I let her swing to the next guy and let him be her BF.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Clearly not a producer. It is good your salary is not contingent on production.

Nope. I'm a Director. Clearly you have no understanding of what it is to Manage multiple people.

Just posting this dribble is making you pissed off and upset. Speaks volumes about your lack of character.

 

[guru1000]

Nope. I'm a Director. Clearly you have no understanding of what it is to Manage multiple people.

Just posting this dribble is making you pissed off and upset. Speaks volumes about your lack of character.

Now there is the TENACITY I like. On second thought, you might have some POTENTIAL.

As a director, you recieve a W2 from corporate. You are just an employee.
100% shareholder and owner (ME W2's guys like you. You are a write off to me. Hey, you have to learn to crawl before you walk. Keep up the good work!

 

[bigjohnson]

Nope. I'm a Director. Clearly you have no understanding of what it is to Manage multiple people.

Just posting this dribble is making you pissed off and upset. Speaks volumes about your lack of character.

Drivel. Dribble is what she does on the way to the loo afterwards.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Drivel. Dribble is what she does on the way to the loo afterwards.

The last thing you want to do is correct my grammar. I meant dribble.

 

[bigjohnson]

The last thing you want to do is correct my grammar. I meant dribble.

So what does it mean in this context?

 

[drmeathead]

holy **** how is this back and forth helping the OP in anyway?


getting back to the OP. it is simple. if being free is worth more than whats left behind...its goodbye time. it is that simple really. she wants to branch swing or sample other guys, let her. just dont be the fool she comes back to when she finds that the grass isnt really greener on the other side. i do agree with the other posters in that you do need to have strict boundaries on this matter.

it is a very personal thing. you must decide what you are truely comfortable with your partner doing. no one else can decide that for you. the trick then is in the presentation of the subject. you have to be able to sell ice cubes to eskimos so to speak.

my advice is to do it early. not out of thin air though as that appears you are weak and worrisome. the first time this really rears its ugly head you need to mention it matter-of-factly, as though you are saying to her the sun sets in evening and rises in the morning, where your boundaries are. she will probably disagree somewhat but you need to stay firm.

BEWARE of the game of her being cool with it at first but trying to poke holes in your resolve with minor minor execptions or clarifications of your rule. if this happens, like guru1000 and squirrels said, just state your point again but taper your time off with her by just a little.

you need to keep firm on your boundary. if you dont you end up like i did with my bpdexgf. she was a master at slowly eroding boundaries with execptions and clarifications often preceeded or followed up with histronics. it was terrible. it was also very tough to not give in. i did and paid for it. best of luck

 

[bigjohnson]

Just my personal view but if she's always trying to push the boundary after having the chat about gender roles and how they should be treated, it's time to disqualify her as LTR material. I have no patience for repeating something we already discussed and agreed on.

Obviously if she flunks the initial chat she should never be viewed as an LTR candidate.

Beyond that, if she doesn't want an exclusive LTR then fine, it's the woman's job to lock that down anyway. Why would a guy try to press a woman into an exclusive LTR?

 

[KarmaSutra]

So what does it mean in this context?

His words are as effective as cvm dribbling down some skanks' chin.

 

[guru1000]

His words are as effective as cvm dribbling down some skanks' chin.

Class Act! Good thing you are married. :rockon: