Brainwashed

[TommiV]

Ok, I know I'm gonna get a beating over this but...

Jeeez, I can't believe how frickin' brainwashed people get ove this site. I only say it cos I was getting so brainwashed. I'd sit here and read the new posts each evening, then go out and feel this new confidence, like I was the prize. Like I had something to offer people. Started carrying myself like the girls WANTED ME!

What a load of crap.
I mean I know I'm a total ewb at this compared to some guys but really. Not from the lack of effort... my social cricle is no bigger. I have hardly any guy friends, mainly because the few friends I do have or so boring and jus wanna stay in and play cards or watch f**king TV or do something geeky and boring like that.

I've met like 1 girl in a club who I kiss closed... and even thinking about that, it was only cos she was into it from the start... i.e. She seemed to want it, so SHE made it happen. I can brainwash myself all I want, if SHE didn't want it, I couldn't make her do it.

After weeks of this now, Last night just brought it home to me, it was the straw that broke the camels back.
I was clubbing wit two other guys... them looking all moppy and depressed as usual so all we'd attract was attention from the other sad loser guys in there. And I'm trying to have fun. I try to get the guy laughing and joking so we wouldn't look so boring, nope they weren't having it ("Music is sh*t, this is sh*t", all the usual excuses). I try getting them dancing... I loved the music, and I'm a decent dancer so I at least managed to get one of them out on the floor for a while.

Now my biggest problem ALWAYS in clubs is just approaching, I just have this horrible thing about what might happen. Anyway, to me last night was the night, I was dancing for a bit and just though, "If I don't just do it now, I never will"... so I just tried it. Went up to some girls and gave it a shot... NOTHING! They were all in bunches of 2 or 3... needless to say my "wing" refused to help me, by approaching the firends too to make it seem easier to open their set. No, No... he preferred to stand back and laugh when I got nowhere... nice, I'm thinking, at least I f*cking tried, not like him... but still I feel like sh*t.

The truth being, its not like its just me, I saw other guys trying to break their sets too but got nowhere... I could see the girls turning back to their friends rolling their eyes. ***** shields are up you'll say but can u blame them... guy just look hopeless and cheesy in clubs. I even tried to be different, but nope, they weren't having it.

Then it starts to hit me... I can MAKE myself think whatever I want but if I REALLY look around this club I am getting ZERO eye contact and ZERO attention of any kind. I kept telling myself "yeah, she's looking", but being true to myself, no they weren't... not with any interest.

I spotted ONE girl towards the end of the night, who seemed to give me a look on the dance floor... a little EC. She turned to her friend whispering, and then looked back at me. Ok, I'm thinking FINALLY... thats some sort of a sign.. what have I got to loose... at least she won't totally blow me off... she was looking...
.. I go over... NOTHING... she just doesn't want to know...
Now you'll say "Oh, but you failed the test.. blah blah blah"..... nope.. I tried, she was just blank, had no interest, obviously I was wrong about her showing any signs of looking at me.


I mean seriously... I'm f*cking sick of it. I mean, I took the positive step a while back in MAKING myself be more positive... stop putting MYSELF down, thinking that was all the was holding me back. I mean, I'm not a god by any means but I'm tall, I'm strong looking, maybe I haven't a Brad Pitt face, but I'm a lot better than some guys out there... the same little runty, skinny, dipsh*ts I see wit the hot girlfriends.
I got the new attitude from reading all the info here but at the end of the day how much progress have I made... I mean, outside my own head? ZERO! I'm still in the same rut. I have (had) the confidence now at least, to just approach the girl rather than do nothing and regret it... now I'm wishing I hadn't thrown away my self respect to embarrass myself by trying to talk to them... In my heart, I know I'm better than them, I know they have NO right to put me down, I'm a good guy, I earn money, I have loads of interests... but somehow this morning as I sit here, I feel like utter sh*t, like nothing I have even f*cking matters just because women somehow find me repulsive and no amount of brainwashing on my own part seems to be helping that fact...

I'm hitting above my weight apparently... like I said, I'm not a god, but I thought a tall, strong man would at least get some action with some confidence... apparently not.
I'm sorry, but I'm just the kinda guy who doesn't "settle"... I'm not saying its my god given right to every HB10 that comes along but I at least think I deserve a brak like anyone else... I don't settle for anything else in life...
Why should I settle for a 4 or 5, when I'm attracted to nicer women. I've seen many guy older than me and MY age who've settled and it makes them miserable being stucck wit a girl they aren't attracted to but are wit her because they cn't get anyone better... I'm sorry but I'm not like that, I won't do it....

But what the hell do I do now?

 

[Bvbidd]

People tell themselves whatever, but yeah your still a loser.

You probally just don't look good enough, or look the type they want, or who knows.

It's up to them in the end, you don't make them attracted to you all that is bull****.

The only way they get attracted to you is if your fun, the rest is out of your control.

 

[TommiV]

retard.

 

[flippinfreak]

I've met like 1 girl in a club who I kiss closed... and even thinking about that, it was only cos she was into it from the start... i.e. She seemed to want it, so SHE made it happen. I can brainwash myself all I want, if SHE didn't want it, I couldn't make her do it.

Man, That was one hell of a flashback you just gave me. All those good feelings of times past when I was an indirect game master, but an AFC at everything direct game.

My mind stumbles, my heart trembles, and my stomach twists as I think back over how easily women were able to seduce me. Using proximity and whispers to draw me into their sense of the world. guiding my body, without touching me. Seeking action, that I could only deny, but could never say is myself.

TommiV

If you've really tried anything on this site, you didn't put any real effort into it. To exact true effort, you must negate in your mind ANY consequences. The only thing to fear, is fear itself. Do not fear death when you approach a woman, because you fear rejection. Don't fear death from new acquaintances, because you fear embarrassment. Don't fear new activities, because you fear being wrong.

Don't rag on your friends for not following what you want to do, it just means you don't have the skill to lead them yet. You haven't tested the boundaries of your friendship.

Don't rag on girls because they don't warm up to your routines, it means you haven't piqued their interest. You haven't gone over the edge to impress.

You don't make friends by simply approaching them, you make friends by connecting with them.

You don't connect with people by copying them, or following their signals. You do it by comparing and contrasting your views of the moment... You will lose friends and you will make friends as your goals change in life. You HAVE to lose friends and make new ones if you EVER hope to break free from your comfort zone.

We are what we repeatedly do. If you talk to yourself and of your friends negatively, but you remain the same and keep the same friends, the negativity will remain. Ins saying, if you aren't happy where you are, move somewhere else, do something else, and if you get a feeling that it may be enjoyable, you pursue it.

Way back when, a girl could inspire me to do nearly anything they wanted, and I would enjoy it. I would have fun, be their friend, and it was always up to 'fate' as to whether our conversation meshed into a sexual experience. My friends would ebb and flow, sometimes for over 10 years we wouldn't say more than "hi" to eachother, other times plans were made with eachother that just made us hoot and holler about the most inane things in life.

What I see you doing when you write, in everything except getting your friends to dance to $hitty music, is reacting to signals. A girl looks at you and shows interest... with EC, is mostly what I heard from your post. What you've got to do to change yourself, is to aproach, with nothing going for you, and just be friendly. It sounds as though all the old friendships, were started because of what was happening at the moment, what you have to do, is create and accept the moment, while you are creating friendships.

 

[grr]

That's some really good advice.

 

[TommiV]

I was only talking about this one girl with the EC... for some reason that just made me go "**** it, I'm sick of this..."

I mean, to be looking over at me and then the whole whispering to frioends and giggling and looking back means one of two things...
1 she wanted me to approach, or
2, she was just ****ing laughing at me.

I guess I know which now considering she turned away the second I tried to come near her...

It just gets to me... I've been trying this new positive attitude for so long now, I've been trying to better myself, stop acting so easy. But its ust not getting me anywhere.
Women DON'T look at me... I don't care what u guys say, approaching 100's of girls just to get 1 to notice you in any sort of good light is NOT anything I want to be doing. I have self respect... how is looking for 1000 rejectipons gonna help my self-esteem? Its not, it makes u look like an idiot. I thought a DJ had everything going for himself... why would a DJ humiliate himself like this, as if he had to grovel for some girls attention. Some girl who's probably not half the person he is, but somehow can make u feel like sh*t just because she's the slightest bit cute (and some of them not even cute!)

I swear I AM trying hard here. I really am. But I have a busy life, I have a good job, I have hobbies that keep me going so much of the time, I just wish it was as easy to just meeting a NICE girl, npt some f*cking *****, that I could just hang out with, cos I'm sick of either doing everything wit lame friends who just think everything is "sh*t" because they're lives are so ****ing boring but they won't do anything about it. Or else I have to just say f*ck it and go do things myself, which in a way I prefer only it gets boring.

I mean lately, I just gave in and went out myself. To a bust club so it wasn't so noticable. I've read a lot of guys on here saying you should do this. I don't know whether to congradulate myself for at least taking a step in the right direction if my friends are only gonna hold me back, or if I've taken a step towards being the ultimate loser for going out alone.


I know my friends, I've known them all my life. They just go around all the time talking endlessly about how they can't get women, and whats the point, and therefore going out is sh*t and because of that, every pub, club we could possibly go to is sh*t, and all the music no matter what type it is is sh*t. It just gets tiring you know. Being able to give your buddies a call on a Saturday night and say, "hey, lets hit the town" would be cool, if they didn't start sulking the minute you mentioned being around people. We had just arrived at the club the other night and they litterally found the darkest quietest corner (somewhere I didn't even know existeed there) to "hide out". I had to literally drag them to where people were dancing and chatting and having fun.
I know I can't blame other people If *I* don't score with women but its all part of one big f*cking problem in my mine, neither helps the situation.

I'm f*cking sick of it. I don't want a supermodel, A++ genious girlfriend. I just want a nice, decent, girl who can have a laugh.

Is it THAT hard? Surely it can't be.

 

[Skel]

Some people choose to blame something else for their shortcomings. I guess you are one of them.

Oh and one more thing. This website isnt about picking up women.

 

[Bvbidd]

retard.

Did the truth hurt you?

 

[TommiV]

Did the truth hurt you?

Dude, you had like 2 posts before you replied to mine... both trolling posts telling people they were losers...
Post something quality, then I'll respect your opinion.

To REAL posters:
I'm not trying to blame anyone, I'm trying to say I feel like I'm in a total rut.

When I'm doing what you guys are saying and I'm not getting the results I'm looking for. Its so frustrating.

I was actually just looking for someone, who maybe has gone through this kinda slump before to offer some advice how to get out of it, how to change things around, where to turn.

That'd be great, some support. Then again, just goes to show, by the lack of responce, how few people on here actually know what they're talking about. Since theres probably only a few small few who could actually offer some REAL advice, rather than hide behind their monitor reading all this **** and never using it, then putting on a front and talking sh*t on this board.

I'm actually getting out there TRYING. I'm not doing a very good job of it obviously that the results aren't as I'd hope yet but at least I'm trying. At least when I go out now and see a girl, I think "why not give it a shot, better than doing nothing", instead of the old me, running scared and regretting it for the next week. All I'm saying is, I'm getting some stuff wrong obviously. Just wanted some advice/supprt instead of f*cking 12 year olds acting like they know sh*t.

 

[flippinfreak]

lol, seriously, your focusing too much on the environment, and not enough on yourself. You've got some wicked questions, you are obviously very skilled at what you are doing. What are you doing? Being negaitve, but that might just be one of your alter egos talking right now, I commend that ego, he's got good taste in the negativity of life. Kind of makes you sick and tired of sleeping in in the morning and smoking cigarettes and rinking coffee. The kind of ego that could kick your own ass if you give it the chance.

On the other hand, that ego keeps telling you how HARD everything is to perfect, and how SH*TTY your life and circumstances are, and how NOTHING is going to change if it doesn't want to. Kind of looking at the world with shady sunglasses and belittling everything to make your life better.

I can see your joyous and happy side shining from your complaints. Your complaints tell me who you want to be, where you want your life to be happy, and I can hear the screams of pain coming from your ego. You want some good ego boosts to make you happy again, you want your friends to be what you envision in yourself, you want girls to notice you and respect you before they decide to test your patience.

I mean, to be looking over at me and then the whole whispering to frioends and giggling and looking back means one of two things...
1 she wanted me to approach, or
2, she was just ****ing laughing at me.

3. She asked her friends what to do , they said "let him chase you, that way he'll think he's captured your heart"

It just gets to me... I've been trying this new positive attitude for so long now, I've been trying to better myself, stop acting so easy. But its just not getting me anywhere.

A negative way of looking "new positive attitude", is to say that it is NEW to you, and not what you've been missing, or neglecting. Trying to better yourself is a misnomer, you should be getting better just by trying, there is no failure, ever. Stop acting so easy, means not bending to others will, no matter how petty the will really is.

Women DON'T look at me... I don't care what u guys say, approaching 100's of girls just to get 1 to notice you in any sort of good light is NOT anything I want to be doing. I have self respect... how is looking for 1000 rejectipons gonna help my self-esteem?

You get rejected, so that rejection doesn't phase you. You keep calm and persistent in life, because you know at some point you will reach a critical mass, and rejections will simply be run of the mill, something you can expect, and something you can enjoy, something that brings joy to your life because you know that you are specializing and people are opposing your mindset.

I thought a DJ had everything going for himself... why would a DJ humiliate himself like this, as if he had to grovel for some girls attention. Some girl who's probably not half the person he is, but somehow can make u feel like sh*t just because she's the slightest bit cute (and some of them not even cute!)

A Dj is always looking for ways to improve, he is not PERFECT, he knows he is imprefect, and aims to capitalize from it. If he knows he is not perfect, than he knows he still has something to look forward to learning. He knows that as he learns to be positive, he will find positive meaning from anything he learns. The ugliest person in the world, can have the ugliest mindset, why would you want a person like that to give you praise and love you? Unless you are helping them, than learning what they like is not of any use to you.

I mean lately, I just gave in and went out myself. To a bust club so it wasn't so noticable. I've read a lot of guys on here saying you should do this. I don't know whether to congradulate myself for at least taking a step in the right direction if my friends are only gonna hold me back, or if I've taken a step towards being the ultimate loser for going out alone.

Not so noticable, you are fearing rejection because you are alone. Why not go to a bangin club and look for new friends? Do you see yourself as above them?

If so, that is what you must seek to change. Everybody is human, everybody is a unique snowflake. It is up to you to accept the fact, and to accept new mindsets, learn from everything you can, no matter how painful and scary it may be. If you become angry because things are not going your way, that means you don't know how to control your anger, making you less of a man than any wimp out there.

We had just arrived at the club the other night and they litterally found the darkest quietest corner (somewhere I didn't even know existeed there) to "hide out".

You were a pushover, tell your friends, NO, come sit over here. Break from your comfort zone of being laid back friends and accepting that they don't want to follow you, and JUST LEAD THEM. Go grab a few girls, and sit them with your friends. Go sit at your own table, invite other guys to sit down and chat with you. Stand around while your friends are sitting and tease them about it... don't sit down with them and accept your fate.

To find a nice, decent, girl who can have a laugh. YOU have to be the guy that FINDS the NICE, DECENT, GIRL who likes to LAUGH. Staying where your friends are, doing what your friends want to do, getting teased and rejected by girls, and ACCEPTING that what they say is the final word is WRONG!

 

[Obsidian]

A few thoughts:

1. Don't expect instant success. You probably won't see large-scale progress until several months to a year after you abandon your AFC lifestyle. Or, if you put minimal time and effort into learning, it may take even longer.

2. You may have some priorities out of whack. You make it sound like you will only go for HB10s. While beauty is good, looks are definitely not everything. The hottest girls tend to be pretty stuck-up and full of themselves a lot of the time. Even assuming that many HB10s are good people, you're severely limiting your possibilities by holding such superficial standards.

3. You haven't really described your dating/love life, but if it's practically non-existent, you might try starting small. You won't attract the best (physically or otherwise) girls at first, but after you get good at dealing with the mediocre ones, you'll be able to handle the superb ones better.

4. Your friends sound like total losers. I'd consider ditching them completely in favor of new, better friends. Or if you can't stand to lose them completely, at least find some other friends and hang out with your old friends less (and not in public places, where you're trying to get girls). They definitely don't seem like the type of guys who are going to help your game at clubs.

5. Your anger at the female gender is a good starting point. Women are inferior to men in a number of ways. Perhaps now you will be less inclined to put women on a pedestal. Do try to understand women better and make them work for you, tho, rather than against you. They have some important qualities to offer.

6. Everyone has bad days and nights.

I wouldn't say you're a loser, because you are trying.

 

[El MonoLoco]

There is way too much to cover here in one simple reply...

But I know what you are going through....I'm sure a lot of us do in fact....


As of right now all I can say is PM me or something and we can work out some of those issues you are dealing with.

You are sitting on the very top of the mountain right now, the very edge. The direction you choose to take will affect you for the rest of your life. You can tuck tail and run back down the mountain. Or you can poke your head through the clouds in your brain and see the new mountain that lay before you. It is that new mountain that will lead the way to you greatness. Turning around is just the easy way out.

You've already beatin yourself up enough here today. Give yourself a while to think about what you really want and where you want to see yourself in the future. Then come and ask for assistance on more specific topics instead of just being angry at the night before or the week before or even your friends. We here for ya buddy.

 

[flippinfreak]

What's that saying?

There's a mountain in Germany

If you spit to the west, you'll end up floating down the Rhine.
Spit to the east your flowing down the nile.

 

[brucevangeorge]

What's that saying?

There's a mountain in Germany

If you spit to the west, you'll end up floating down the Rhine.
Spit to the east your flowing down the nile.

I wish I could give you a rep boost. But the board won't let me...