BPD X not acting out with new boyfriend

[GeoMan]

I dated a girl with BPD. Messed me up. Done some research and realize that relationships with BPD woman go as follow:
1)The vulnerable Seducer
2)The clinger
3)The hater

That's exactly what happened with me and her. She came to me with her problems and was very sexual. Once relationship started she became extremely clingy. Go days without sleep and barely eating to be with me and talk on the phone with me all night. Seemed so in love. Then the drama started when I started putting less attention on her and more on school and work. She cheated. Lied. Left and banged guy after guy before settling with a guy that seems codependent. I've reached out to her and hanged out with her behind his back. She tells me that she sees him with more of a best friend with benefits. That unlike us they had no honeymoon stage. That she's not as clingy with him. That she gotten better at spending time on her own. That he really understands her and shes happy.

She has a history of nasty relationships similar to ours so it cant be just me but do you think she's actually healing with this new guy or maybe shes not as attracted to him and causes her to be able to focus on herself more? Or maybe hes just a better fit for her? Or is the relationship still to early to tell (they been together 3 months). Also I noticed all the guys that revolved around her and friends she had when she was with me all have vanished one way or another. Obviously at the beginning she would say she had never been happier with anyone else before me and she would never cheat on me and blah blah blah. Just like shes saying about this new guy.

 

[GS750]

Idealize
Devalue
Discard

That's the pattern their relationships follow. She will not be different with a new guy. Sooner or later he will see the same fate as you and all of her other former boyfriends. She will badmouth him to a new guy just like she does everyone else, since nothing is ever her fault. BPD's should be forced to wear a sign so guys know to stay away from these lunatics. The only upside is that once you've dealt with one, chances are you'll spot one in a nanosecond and stay away from them.


good article: https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/20...friend-or-wife-be-different-with-the-new-guy/

 

[Infern0]

Tick tock

That is all

 

[Speculator E]

The trigger for BPD is when their feeling start to get too personal as it activates their fear of abandonment. That is the reason for all the drama. As long as they don't start to develop any real feelings, things will be okay. My BPD ex did the same thing. Her boyfriend that replaced me was a beta that eventually got dumped by her. I don't think she pulled any drama with him.

 

[Infern0]

The trigger for BPD is when their feeling start to get too personal as it activates their fear of abandonment. That is the reason for all the drama. As long as they don't start to develop any real feelings, things will be okay. My BPD ex did the same thing. Her boyfriend that replaced me was a beta that eventually got dumped by her. I don't think she pulled any drama with him.

This

They will have "fake relationships" with ugly betas so as not to get triggered

The crazier they were with you the more they liked you

 

[BlueAlpha1]

This

They will have "fake relationships" with ugly betas so as not to get triggered

The crazier they were with you the more they liked you

I believe this is true, even though it is so paradoxical and counterintuitive because we know quality women play less games the more they like you.

Mine was the stuff of demons in a horror movie and really pushed me to the brink, and yet she still has huge tattoo on her right foot which is a tribute to me. You don't do that without being infatuated. When they're hot they're hot, when they're cold they're like ice. Hence the rollercoaster of emotions...

 

[Infern0]

I believe this is true, even though it is so paradoxical and counterintuitive because we know quality women play less games the more they like you.

Mine was the stuff of demons in a horror movie and really pushed me to the brink, and yet she still has huge tattoo on her right foot which is a tribute to me. You don't do that without being infatuated. When they're hot they're hot, when they're cold they're like ice. Hence the rollercoaster of emotions...

Everything about BPD is paradoxical and counterintuitive.

They are self destructive to the max, if they have a good thing going they have a compulsive NEED to destroy it, they CANNOT allow themselves to be happy, it's tragic, but you can't help them it's not possible, it's up to them to get the years of therapy they require that can make their lives somewhat manageable. They can never "cure" the disorder though, they will have to battle their demons until the day they die.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

This

They will have "fake relationships" with ugly betas so as not to get triggered

This is it right here ^^^ The abandonment aspect for them is the main one IMO and NEVER leaves them. Its actaully very sad, even though they consume men like locusts in a cornfield.

It was one of the biggest learning curves in my dating career.

 

[GS750]

This

They will have "fake relationships" with ugly betas so as not to get triggered

The crazier they were with you the more they liked you

I never considered this, but it makes perfect sense.

 

[WanderingMan]

Great advice in this thread already, but I'll point out a few things to you.

I dated a girl with BPD. Messed me up. Done some research and realize that relationships with BPD woman go as follow:
1)The vulnerable Seducer
2)The clinger
3)The hater

That's exactly what happened with me and her. She came to me with her problems and was very sexual. Once relationship started she became extremely clingy. Go days without sleep and barely eating to be with me and talk on the phone with me all night. Seemed so in love. Then the drama started when I started putting less attention on her and more on school and work. She cheated. Lied. Left and banged guy after guy before settling with a guy that seems codependent. I've reached out to her and hanged out with her behind his back. She tells me that she sees him with more of a best friend with benefits. That unlike us they had no honeymoon stage. That she's not as clingy with him. That she gotten better at spending time on her own. That he really understands her and shes happy.

She has a history of nasty relationships similar to ours so it cant be just me but do you think she's actually healing with this new guy or maybe shes not as attracted to him and causes her to be able to focus on herself more? Or maybe hes just a better fit for her? Or is the relationship still to early to tell (they been together 3 months). Also I noticed all the guys that revolved around her and friends she had when she was with me all have vanished one way or another. Obviously at the beginning she would say she had never been happier with anyone else before me and she would never cheat on me and blah blah blah. Just like shes saying about this new guy.

How is hanging out with you behind his back not "acting out"?

On top of this, she will tell you whatever shows herself in the best light, always.

That he really understands her and shes happy.

Case in point. He understand her, therefore this boyfriend is all the things you were not. According to her, you were the problem all along, not her. You were the reason the relationship failed, and the reason she acted the way she did, it was all your fault.

In all reality, this new boyfriend of hers is either an extreme beta that she abuses on the reg, or he's on a constant roller coaster ride just like you were.

The only time a BPD changes its stripes is in fantasy land.

 

[Uropa]

Give it some time and she will. Every new BPD relationship has a honeymoon period.

 

[Infern0]

Great advice in this thread already, but I'll point out a few things to you.



How is hanging out with you behind his back not "acting out"?

On top of this, she will tell you whatever shows herself in the best light, always.


Case in point. He understand her, therefore this boyfriend is all the things you were not. According to her, you were the problem all along, not her. You were the reason the relationship failed, and the reason she acted the way she did, it was all your fault.

In all reality, this new boyfriend of hers is either an extreme beta that she abuses on the reg, or he's on a constant roller coaster ride just like you were.

The only time a BPD changes its stripes is in fantasy land.

Yeah i agree, it's clearly "acting out", she's either lying to her new bf about it or telling him in which case it's like a thinly veiled threat "yeah, i'm still hanging with my ex, so your ass better behave"

I've heard it all before from bpd's

"i hate you, i love my new boyfriend and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together"

a month later

"i made a mistake, i hate my new boyfriend, we should be together"

 

[Infern0]

The sooner she never ever crosses your mind....the sooner you are free.

Work on that......

This

****ing gargantuan task though, especially if you are/were codependent

 

[Reykhel]

Only a ghost wallows in the past

I don't know what any of my EX'S are doing....go figure...

do you really need to be fvcking her?

do you have other options?

Instead of trying to figure out her behaviour......don't you think brutal full on NO CONTACT would serve you better?

BPD is like anyone who's toxic to you: a cancer

The only solution is to remove the malignant cvnt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVb6eEX00Qs

 

[GS750]

The sooner she never ever crosses your mind....the sooner you are free.

Work on that......

Repped. :yes: