BPD seriously messed me up

[empath88]

Hey all, I'm a guy who's 25 and recently had a fallout with a BPD. BPD is known as borderline personality disorder, the most insidious mental illness I've ever encountered, which puts even schizophrenics and bipolars to shame.

Anyway, I was genuinely nice to this girl (she was 20) and really felt bad for her especially when she showed me her scars. She sort of professed she really liked me and we went out on a few dates. I'm moderately shy, in that I do socialize, but generally a little reserved so that when she invited me to her apartment and made clear advances I backed off because it seemed unnatural the way she went about it. She later apologized and told me she wasn't serious about it and was only trying to make me happy, and that she only slept with two people in the past. Her moods became more explosive and I was called clingy and distant at different times. She then cut me off completely. Very cold-hearted... I've never been treated so poorly in my life.

I recently found out from her friends that while we were "together" she was with 6 other guys and sleeping with others on the weekends. I estimate that in the 3 month period we were together she had been with about 13 different people (2 were women) while confessing to me she only had 2 in her life and was sexually restraint.

Now I can't change what someone is. But what makes this painful is she really led me on as being the good girl and being an all around decent person. I saw a future with her too, she is in a top law school and is extremely bright and attractive. She "confessed" that I was someone she could have kids with. This was then met with silent games and mood swings which really put me through a lot of drama. As crazy as she is, there was enough sane elements that made it very believable that I could reform her.

I'm completely shattered. Suicidal even. My mental health is generally fine but I do have mild anxiety issues so meeting people hasn't always been my forte. I'm not desperate for her either. In fact, I would never take her back after all this. Yet she is all I ruminate about constantly. I feel so used and damaged. I'm seeing a therapist which has helped a little but not much. Can anyone relate to this ordeal? And what can I do about it? I know it sounds petty and weak but I am seriously screwed up after this and want to be normal again...

 

[CrimsonPanther]

i think it's a trend nowadays to label women as BPD when we mess up / delude ourselves into thinking that a woman is to be trusted.

this girl is simply a liar and a slvt, maybe even an attention seeker. BPD is much more than that.
it tends to be easier for us to just label the woman as sick, and we the victims. just learn from this experience, pump and dump these females and live your live for yourself.
this girl gamed you bad lol. don't worry about it, else she will be right about you being clingy.

 

[empath88]

my BPD diagnosis is no "trend". not only was she officially diagnosed by 3 separate doctors (she keeps changing them), but was scarred all over her arms and back from knife cuts, a lot of small tattoos, very impulsive and drug dependent, and generally impulsive and not "normal". despite all this she was ridiculously high functioning and career-driven.

i know when a girl is generally a b1tch and best avoided. this was not the case. there were genuine moments where she was a sweet and caring human being. that is what makes this so hard. i'm not some loser who picked up a skank. this is a girl with a 3.8 gpa, very articulate, and has class... until you find out how she fills her void and emptiness. i don't get the sense she understood anything she was doing, goddam crazy. i fell for her bad man...

 

[Weaver]

She later apologized and told me [...] she only slept with two people in the past.

The old "third time lucky" trick from the borderline/slut playbook.

I'm completely shattered. Suicidal even. [...] I'm seeing a therapist which has helped a little but not much. Can anyone relate to this ordeal? And what can I do about it? I know it sounds petty and weak but I am seriously screwed up after this and want to be normal again...

Plenty of men can relate, including some on this board.

By far the best resource I know of is Tara J. Palmatier's site (shrink4men[dot]com).

In order to get better and to protect yourself in the future, you need to learn about psychos and sluts, but you shouldn't dwell too much on your experience. Don't succumb to depression and suicidal ideation: lift weights, go outside, have fun.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

my BPD diagnosis is no "trend". not only was she officially diagnosed by 3 separate doctors (she keeps changing them), but was scarred all over her arms and back from knife cuts, a lot of small tattoos, very impulsive and drug dependent, and generally impulsive and not "normal". despite all this she was ridiculously high functioning and career-driven.

i know when a girl is generally a b1tch and best avoided. this was not the case. there were genuine moments where she was a sweet and caring human being. that is what makes this so hard. i'm not some loser who picked up a skank. this is a girl with a 3.8 gpa, very articulate, and has class... until you find out how she fills her void and emptiness. i don't get the sense she understood anything she was doing, goddam crazy. i fell for her bad man...

in that case, i apologize if i offended you, it was not my intent to do so.
on this forum, however, it tends to be a trend.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

in that case, i apologize if i offended you, it was not my intent to do so.
on this forum, however, it tends to be a trend.

Yea, I tend to agree. Guys are quick to blame some of "disorder," otherwise poor game is the only reason.

For the OP, did she SPECIFICALLY tell you all those things about the future, or did you just assume them?

Not to be so harsh, but all the tats, cuts, etc, should have been a deal breaker, and any "disorder" she had shouldn't even be an issue.

Unless she specifically set out to con you, meaning she tricked you into falling in love with her or something, I think maybe you just some assumptions that you shouldn't have.

I know that sounds harsh, but accepting full responsibility for what happened is the quickest way to heal yourself.

Blaming others feels good, but it won't help. It's too easy to become a woman hating cynic and see all women as the enemy.

Plenty of girls out there who aren't, and WILL be on your side.

Just step back, learn from this, and do better next time.

 

[abe0]

Bpd

There are many topics on this. These people are afraid of intimacy and connection and have a fear of being dumped so they do a pre emptive dump on you first. They come with strong feelings towards you...makes you feel like you are the one....then for no reason they leave you hanging ....and your like WTF happened. They have split feelings ..they do not feel like you and I do and they even forget how much they were into you the week before.
You must avoid people like that.....no cure...can not change.....and they are toxic. The thing is that since they love you so much at first you get wrapped up into it....and then BAM....they are gone.
You are lucky....you are no longer with her.
Abe

 

[Bible_Belt]

she is in a top law school

Sorry, but that doesn't jive with having BPD. Do you know that for sure? Maybe it was a lie, too. What school is it?

"Professional" therapists like to throw out multiple diagnoses; it makes them look good and justifies their existence. Most of them don't really understand borderlines that well anyway. My ex-wife is a pro counselor with a Master's. The word "borderline" never came up during her education.

I think she is a compulsive liar more than anything else. She may have been a sex addict, too, or maybe that was just another lie. The scars would indicate strong self-esteem issues. You might want to look back on everything she ever said to you, and throw out the things that you have not seen proof of. Much more of her story may have been a lie than you realize.

 

[abe0]

she is in a top law school

Sorry, but that doesn't jive with having BPD. Do you know that for sure? Maybe it was a lie, too. What school is it?

"Professional" therapists like to throw out multiple diagnoses; it makes them look good and justifies their existence. Most of them don't really understand borderlines that well anyway. My ex-wife is a pro counselor with a Master's. The word "borderline" never came up during her education.

I think she is a compulsive liar more than anything else. She may have been a sex addict, too, or maybe that was just another lie. The scars would indicate strong self-esteem issues. You might want to look back on everything she ever said to you, and throw out the things that you have not seen proof of. Much more of her story may have been a lie than you realize.

Lord Jesus....does it really matter. The bottom line is to get away from people like that and do not waste your time trying to figure them out...cause you can't. Run Forrest ..Run.....and do not look back! Abe

 

[empath88]

she is in a top law school

Sorry, but that doesn't jive with having BPD. Do you know that for sure? Maybe it was a lie, too. What school is it?

Yes it does jive with BPD. The high-functioning BPDs actually do really well for themselves career-wise which is why they rarely admit they have a problem. I know that for sure. This girl and I had classes in undergrad and she was always at TOP of the bell curve.She reads a ton and even writes poetry, won a lot of awards and scholarships for it as well. This isn't stuff she told me, these are things I saw for myself which was part of the attraction.

What school you ask? Fking Harvard Law. Near perfect LSAT. I know a graduate student at Harvard and he confirmed she was there.

"Professional" therapists like to throw out multiple diagnoses; it makes them look good and justifies their existence. Most of them don't really understand borderlines that well anyway. My ex-wife is a pro counselor with a Master's. The word "borderline" never came up during her education.

3 doctors, my own intuition, friends confirm it, and I relate to a lot of what is written about BPD on the web. Look, I'll own up to my own mistakes. But the fact that she was BPD and bat **** crazy is not an error.

I think she is a compulsive liar more than anything else. She may have been a sex addict, too, or maybe that was just another lie. The scars would indicate strong self-esteem issues. You might want to look back on everything she ever said to you, and throw out the things that you have not seen proof of. Much more of her story may have been a lie than you realize.

That's what makes this hard. She was forthcoming with being a difficult person to be with. It's clear she wasn't always in control of what she was doing and didn't exactly plan ahead. Yeah there were a lot of lies, and I've come to realize them, but there was a lot of guilt too... and not the superficial phony kind. She was a sex addict, and had drinking problems. Obviously very serious self-esteem issues... that's kind of the core of BPD... but also a kind of narcissistic arrogance. She treated me like crap, and there is no excuse for that, but I can't deny that a lot of it was from her mental illness. When triggered she wasn't a person, she became an animal. I feel so isolated precisely because of posts like these (I do appreciate the replies, and I know you guys mean well). No one seems to understand what I was dealing with here. This wasn't just "another" girl or a "typical" breakup. The blame, the lack of closure, the warmth, the coldness, push/pull... it wasn't human. I know I sound like a whiny b1tch, but this girl ripped my soul into shreds.

 

[abe0]

I agree with the OP. First, therapist almost always are reluctant to make a personality disorder diagnosis and since most who have bpd have concurrent psychiatric illness they are most likely to make that their primary diagnosis.
I am not going into "my wife is a therapist" bs.....I am a physician and my x wife had borderline and bipolar disorder....I talked extensively to various psychiatrist about her after four suicide attempts. The funny thing....none of the 4 different psychiatrist who she saw every submitted a bill for borderline....they would put bipolar part of it was a stigmata the other part is that people with personality disorders do not want to accept it...they have no insight into their disease....and it was bad enough to be given a diagnosis of bipolar now you are adding something else.
BTW, my x wife had an IQ of 157 and was top in her class...she too was a health care provider. Borderlines are usually pretty smart people...it is what makes them so dangerous. They are a formidable advisory and the best way to deal with them is never to have met them to begin with.
I feel for you, OP, I really do.....I too almost lost my life to her because I started to believe I was the problem...
Keep in mind these are not necessarily evil people though they behave in evil ways. Most do not think about what they are doing....they have a split emotional personality ....and there love and affection for you one day is easily forgotten with rage and anger.
Frankly...nobody here can dx your gf ....there is no reason why she could not have borderline....plus a narcissistic...plus she a fckn lying btch. They do not have to be exclusive.
Best, Abe

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think this is a troll thread, and Abe and Empath are the same person.

 

[empath88]

I think this is a troll thread, and Abe and Empath are the same person.

and who exactly am I trolling? I'm only on here because a Don has had access to more women and is most likely to have at least encountered one of these monsters.

It's kind of an initiation thing with BPD women... once you meet one you acquire a sixth sense and a dose of cynicism which is why my world is turned upside down. But the scary bit is you can't communicate your experience to anyone because it's really something you have to experience.

Check out this blog... look at the comments too... then come back here and tell me I'm full of sh1t.
http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/20/borderline-personality-disorder/

 

[abe0]

Bible Belt...that is the biggest bs I have ever heard. You need to grow dude if someone does not agree with you try to be a man instead of making accusations. Abe

 

[Bible_Belt]

I am a physician ....none of the 4 different psychiatrist who she saw every submitted a bill for borderline....they would put bipolar part of it was a stigmata

That must have been very painful on her hands and feet. Good thing you're a doctor.

And it's about the availability of meds for one condition and not for the other. A doctor should know that.

My ex-wife didn't know jack about bpd because she is a professional; that was the point of mentioning it. She knew about it because her sister had it. People who have dealt with borderlines typically know more about it than a run of the mill professional.

I don't know exactly who is full of sh!t, but it sure does stink in here.