BPD question....

[Clooney4life]

Just a little background... I was with a full on BPD for over 10 years... Of course at the time I had no idea that's what it was... We went through the normal... Things are amazing just to have the rug pulled out for no reason.... Thanks to this forum I have read allot of great advise and it has helped me become the man I once was..Getting back fit.. focusing on my career..ect. That being said... it's been over a year being divorced and the sex with her is still the best I've ever had.... I initiated NC and it helped me disconnected from all the emotional ties that were dragging me down.... But I still miss the raw sexual nature of how we are in bed.... My question is, should I just resolve myself that our sexual compatibility was unique but it's better to not have her in anyway in my life... or would it be a bad thing to have her for the sex, but nothing else....

 

[plate's_empty]

10 years with a BPD.....

Are you in therapy?

If not, and she really was BPD, you might need some in order to ever have a normal relationship with someone in the future.

 

[Clooney4life]

I did suffer from PTS for the first six months, but that has subsided. for the most part.. Bad things happen to all of us so as long as you just knuckle up and push forward then you can skip all the couch time and talking about how things made you feel.. It sucked, it hurt, it's over... The biggest help was reading this site.. (which I found here)

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

I have to admit that I don't trust most people now since I used to project who I am and what I would do onto them only to find they may not be as noble... But that's not a bad thing... trust is earned not by words, but consistent reliable actions...

As for having a normal relationship in the future I'm finding it easier to just focus on me and having fun... If a woman happens to be part of it then great, if not it's still a good time :rockon:

 

[VladPatton]

I'd keep the fück away from her at all costs.

 

[Clooney4life]

You're probably right.... I think somewhere deep down it would just be me trying to stay connected.... or worse trying to be a white Knight and save her from herself..... Wow been over a year and I can still feel that draw, even with all the pain and health issues that came from being with her.... Word of caution.. you can't save them and they can cost you, your friends, your money, your job, and even your health.... I'm in such a better place.... Not going to lie... I still miss the sex and she's a HB9.... but gotta stay away from the addiction that it feels like being with her... If you meet a BPD.... back away slowly... then run....

 

[kaitracid2010]

dude i have been seeing a bdp / narcassist only for a year or more... i don't know how you managed 10 years!


i would leave the sex alone... tempting as it is.... your feelings will come back for her & you will be back in a world of pain

 

[Thundernuts]

First off just want to say that my hat is to you for the shear amount of endurance you have. Ten years is impressive.

Secondly do not go back to her at all. If she is anything like my ex she will seek revenge and u don't need that crap. Remember the old saying hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn? Its old and remembered because its true

 

[Clooney4life]

Thanks for the kudos, but I really wasn't trying to set a record... I was the father figure to her boys and love them like they were my own... the youngest was 1 and the oldest was 5 when we started.. The lie that I kept was that she was just sorting through being cheated on... but the truth is she was enjoying all the benefits of my lifestyle and having her boys taken care of... while she was ripping me down... pulling me away from everything and everyone... When she went too far (every few days) and I would let her know if she was that unhappy and didn't trust me she could leave... well that's when some of the best sex I've ever had would happen.. just using her vag as currency to pay for her misdeeds.. I don't have any direct proof she ever cheated, but I've always been told that if they accuse you over and over it's because they are the ones doing it.... She was great at putting up the front of a good woman done wrong... Here is a red flag... If they say everyone they have ever been with has cheated on them... which of course I was going to change that and be captain save a hoe..... Then they have issues... I never cheated on her.... but that's not the story she tells... hmmmmm...... and yep I think you guys are right... she is very spiteful I'm glad I was reminded of that, I don't need anymore of my stuff broken.... or knowing her, she would go get herself smacked around only to call the police and blame it on me..... Nope.....