BPD Insanity

[JWT]

I've been with my BPD g/f for almost a year now. After countless hours searching the web and talking to friends, I know the best thing to do is RUN. Her push me away/pull me back cycles work on me every time. Trying to get myself to NO CONTACT mode, but for some reason, she pops in out of the blue and I feel inclined to respond back - usually this is on text message. My question is: She used to only be able to go hours until she pulls me back. Now it's getting longer, like a couple days. Is this common? Still can't understand why she doesn't break it completely off after I hear what a horrible person I am, etc. Is she waiting for me to break it off so she can relish in her ever so familiar role as the Victim?

 

[JWT]

I figured as such. She admitted to me as having cheated on her ex husband on more than one occasion, so I would be a fool to think it couldn't happen to me. I wonder why she admitted to such a thing (and did so only two months into the relationship) that she is not proud of? So she says.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Truly. And in addition to that when you "Abandon" her, you are giving her drug of choice... which in turn makes it that much more exciting when she ropes you again in the future when she's burned many other bridges to narcissistic supply around her.

RUN DUDE. These cycles are destroying your self-esteem. Block her now before It's too late. I moved mine IN WITH ME. That wasn't fun... in fact it was HELL.

There is NO happy ending here. NO future. NO path for a family that isn't completely DYSFUNCTIONAL.

RUN.

 

[Johnny Alias]

And she is proud of it... they get a rush from being able to lie and get away with it. It's almost a trophy to them!

Once my ex-fiance and I banged behind her new guy... then she ran off home because she was late after I had spilt my seed in her... and then she laughed her ass off the next day telling me he went down on her as soon as she got home!!!!

THEY ARE SICK! THEY ENJOY THIS! And just a heads up she is probably ripping you apart when speaking to any other men in her life. Truly man.

RUN!

 

[JWT]

Sage advice. I know I need to RUN and am about there. I need to stop wondering why she does what she does, when she will contact, etc. and take care of my needs and sanity. Just easier said than done.

 

[VladPatton]

No contact is the wrong antidote here. She knows you too well. A break up is in order. A clear severing of the relationship.

 

[JWT]

No contact is the wrong antidote here. She knows you too well. A break up is in order. A clear severing of the relationship.

Agreed, but for some reason that will give her the satisfaction of saying that I was the one that hurt her and then she can play the Victim. She's threatened to end the relationship multiple times and when I say go ahead, she doesn't. It's just a manipulation tactic designed to control and instill some fear in me. I'll have to carefully plan my exit. I probably shouldn't worry about her and just move on and not look back.

 

[GS750]

Yep. A clear beakup where there is no question. Then cut this leech out of your life. BPD women are toxic, she will literally ruin your life if you stick around.

 

[abe0]

The only way to have a relationship with the BPD is to be a really strong male, have a very very thick skin, be prepared never to be loved the way we view love, be indifferent to her behavior, set some guidelines such that if she does not behave she knows you are ready to walk away at any time....and sometimes you need to walk away with bad behavior. These women are disconnected...they may one day chew you apart or love you to death the next day its as if nothing ever happened.
Also, no matter how much she tells you she adores you....as soon as you start reciprocating affection and getting close...they pull away for fear that you will abandon them. Sooo, they do a pre emptive strike on you first. Then they go away and slowly come back as if nothing happened. With these women you can not just bust there balls or punish them for their behavior. When they start coming back...you need to be indifferent to them and not show how happy you are to see them . You sloooowwwly let them back in. You can not show them too much affection or love,...or it will scare them.
If its worth the hassle...this is the only way to deal with them and be prepared for infidelity issues, be prepared to have her win almost every silly argument that is not worth fighting for because they always think they are right, and be prepared for a lot of grief. They might leave you and then when they get dumped from another guy who thinks she is crazy...they come back again.
Most people do not want to deal with this craziness. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THEM....they can not change.
Again, you need to be strong and be ready to deal with all her bs without letting get underneath your skin. I say, look at it as a learning experience and a challenge....and keep a few more plates to keep you entertained when she is not around.
Oh...one more thing...I do not know how well absolute no contact works with them. No contact is really just a way to get out with a little dignity and never to expect anything from them...its a way of getting out. With her...we will call it modified no contact. You might approach them after a week or two and find that they might be receptive only because in their little brains they might be going through there nice happy phase and forgotten how horrible you were. Then, after given her the permission to contact you....proceed on your own terms and make her work for it little by little.
These are interesting little creatures....things are black and white....push and pull....yes and no.... one day they love you....next day they hate you and they forgot they even loved you....there is no grey zone for them and there biggest fear is to be abandoned.
Good Luck....Abe

 

[Johnny Alias]

The only way to have a relationship with the BPD is to be a really strong male, have a very very thick skin, be prepared never to be loved the way we view love, be indifferent to her behavior, set some guidelines such that if she does not behave she knows you are ready to walk away at any time....and sometimes you need to walk away with bad behavior.

Hi Abe... Does this really constitute a relationship? This is a total mindfvck. Also, many of the men who read these posts are strong men. Alphas even.

The behavior you're describing sounds to be closer to a non-emapthetic lying sociopath than a real man.

It kind of implies that there is hope... and from what I've read (WHICH IS A **** TON) there really isn't any. They don't respond to therapy, they don't really love you since you're pretty much a toy, and they will forget you once they find a shiny, better, and non-argumentative toy.

Comes down to this... DO YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH A 6 YEAR OLD!??? DO YOU WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS... WITH A 6 YEAR OLD???

I wouldn't even suggest one night stands with these people The flattery, sex, and agrandizement they shower on their victims is IMPOSSIBLE to resist...

Unless maybe you were a sociopath... and not human either.

 

[orbion2013]

mate get away from this woman... i have just recently broke away from my bdp ex...i decided to just vanish... changed my mobile & gone into hiding

trust me, she will destroy your soul... i stuck with mine for nearly 3 years, on and off.... she would always reel me back in some way.

you can never change a person like these... these are toxic people

how can you be with someone, who will never admit wrong doing, never apologise, never show any sympathy or understanding.

these are all terrible qualities in a relationship... you will always be the bad guy... she will always be the victim

do yourself a favour.... run like a mofo

no matter how good a f@ck she is.... trust me it's not worth destroying your own life

 

[JWT]

Thanks Abe. All that is true and I fully realize what I am in for. Just don't think it is worth it anymore. She has fully admitted to me that she is terrified of me leaving her and that she starts fights to get attention - just like a child does. Negative attention beats no attention in their world. The fact that she takes absolutely no accountability for her words or actions is the problem. I've tried calling her on her bs and have had hard core, undeniable proof to back my case but she still somehow finds a way to twist it around back on me and play the Victim. Too much energy involved to maintain a relationship with on of these people, no matter how strong the connection was in the beginning. My brain and gut know the right thing to do. It's my heart that still is making a stand.

 

[GS750]

The only way to have a relationship with the BPD is to be a really strong male, have a very very thick skin, be prepared never to be loved the way we view love, be indifferent to her behavior, set some guidelines such that if she does not behave she knows you are ready to walk away at any time....and sometimes you need to walk away with bad behavior. These women are disconnected...they may one day chew you apart or love you to death the next day its as if nothing ever happened.
Also, no matter how much she tells you she adores you....as soon as you start reciprocating affection and getting close...they pull away for fear that you will abandon them. Sooo, they do a pre emptive strike on you first. Then they go away and slowly come back as if nothing happened. With these women you can not just bust there balls or punish them for their behavior. When they start coming back...you need to be indifferent to them and not show how happy you are to see them . You sloooowwwly let them back in. You can not show them too much affection or love,...or it will scare them.
If its worth the hassle...this is the only way to deal with them and be prepared for infidelity issues, be prefer to have her win almost every silly argument that is not worth fighting for because they always think they are right, and be prepared for a lot of grief. They might leave you and then when they get dumped from another guy who thinks she is crazy...they come back again.
Most people do not want to deal with this craziness. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THEM....they can not change.
Again, you need to be strong and be ready to deal with all her bs without letting get underneath your skin. I say, look at it as a learning experience and a challenge....and keep a few more plates to keep you entertained when she is not around.
Oh...one more thing...I do not know how well absolute no contact works with them. No contact is really just a way to get out with a little dignity and never to expect anything from them...its a way of getting out. With her...we will call it modified no contact. You might approach them after a week or two and find that they might be receptive only because in their little brains they might be going through there nice happy phase and forgotten how horrible you were. Then, after given her the permission to contact you....proceed on your own terms and make her work for it little by little.
These are interesting little creatures....things are black and white....push and pull....yes and no.... one day they love you....next day they hate you and they forgot they even loved you....there is no grey zone for them and there biggest fear is to be abandoned.
Good Luck....Abe

This sounds like a hell of a lot of work just for the great sex that comes along with dating a BPD woman. The havoc that they will cause in your life isn't worth it IMO. My cousin was married to a BPD woman for 14 years. She was an absolute monster. I say run, Forrest, run!

 

[JWT]

Agreed on the great sex part. It is the best I've had in ages, if not ever. But losing my sanity and self-esteem is too steep a price to pay.

 

[GS750]

That's how they reel good guys in. With the mind blowing sex. But she will systematically ruin your life, count on it.

 

[abe0]

Johnny...I am not suggesting anyone have a relationship with a BPD. I only suggest that if you were to have one this is what to expect and consider it an exercise and challenge. And yes...you are dealing with the mentality of a six year old....so expect that kind of behavior. I was married to a MILD bipolar ...borderline for 25 years.... She was manageable and mild till she reached early menopause....then a series of events like mother dying, grandmother dying, son going to college cause a complete total nervous breakdown. She tried killing herself four times...ran away with a man old enough to be her father ...and nobody has heard from her including her family for over 2 years. She gave me 25 good years....but the last five years during our divorce would have put anybody in a psychiatric hospital.
My best, Abe

 

[JWT]

That's how they reel good guys in. With the mind blowing sex. But she will systematically ruin your life, count on it.

If it's this bad after only 9 months, I can only imagine if it were years, like some of the other poster's experiences have been. It's been gradually getting worse, not better.

Ironically, she just called and left a vm a while ago saying he wants to talk. She's done this many times and I think she's calling to end it because of my declining stock in her eyes, but it's always been an attempt to reel me back in. Do BPD women ever end it first? If so, how?

 

[orbion2013]

If it's this bad after only 9 months, I can only imagine if it were years, like some of the other poster's experiences have been. It's been gradually getting worse, not better.

Ironically, she just called and left a vm a while ago saying he wants to talk. She's done this many times and I think she's calling to end it because of my declining stock in her eyes, but it's always been an attempt to reel me back in. Do BPD women ever end it first? If so, how?

yeh dude they do end it... they will drop you like a sack of spanners!!

they don't love you, like you believe they do....

 

[papawapa]

I spent 13 years in borderland. I was fortunate to get out alive. In the end I was a shell of the man I once was.

Gtfo now. Save yourself from her insanity. Block her number or change yours. Go ghost. Dont explain yourself. Just be done. I am telling you it is for the best.

Why would you want to have a 'relationship' with a mentally ill woman? You realize that she is not healthy and therefore incapable of having a healthy relationship?
There are millions of women out there, plenty that can bang well, go find a good one.

 

[abe0]

yeh dude they do end it... they will drop you like a sack of spanners!!

they don't love you, like you believe they do....

They do not love the way we love....they are not capable of doing it. They disconnect very quickly that is why they can just dump in heart beat when you least expect it leaving thinking...what the f.... happened here? DO NOT TRY FIGUIRING it out. It is who they are...it is an illness and they do not know why they do it. Again, if you try to get close.....they dump you for fear that they are not worthy of you and you might dump them first. The trick...not to get too close..be distant and do not reciprocate that intense love that they are showing you. If you do..,you scare them.
With so many women out there...frankly...it is not worth the aggravation and I agree ..run..Forest ..,,run. But if you want a challenge,...if you think you can hold it together and separate yourself and your emotions from someone who one day places you up on a pedestal and the next ****s all over you.... Then enjoy the challenge. If you survive a year...you can survive any relationship that is thrown out you the rest of your life!!!!
Abe