BPD ex girlfriend.

[TJenkins11]

For starters I'm new here, friend recommended the rational Male and well here I am.

I broke up with this girl over 2 years ago and felt great a month or so after the breakup. Obviously was tough at first because I was addicted to her and she was the hottest girl I've ever had and was amazing in bed. She opened up my sexual potential in way, like I only want sex on this magnitude going forward or I just get bored or uninterested. Shes Chinese and like my most ideal body type. I always desired her body type even before I met her.

Well a year or so into our relationship she needs to go back to her China to get work experience in a hospital there and finish some schooling. Which was difficult to come to terms with but we decided to try to make it work. So we tried to long distance thing.
But quickly I realized she had been talking to another man this whole time even found out she visited him and stayed with him for 2 weeks when she told me she was going to visit her mom and the rest of her family. I talked to this guy over an app called Wechat and we hashed it out and found out she was lying to us both. Bottom line she is a compulsive liar. (Sorry if this is so long lol)

Now it's been over 2 years and shes planning on coming back. Shes visited me the last 2 Christmas times for 2 weeks at a time. We rarely contacted each other other than that. I'm not paying for her tickets or anything like that either time by the way. She wants to finish her PhD program here and try to settle down here. She was only like 20-22 when we dated and now shes going on 25. She says she has learned alot and grown up alot and learned not to cheat and will be loyal to her next man saying she doesnt have time to waste cheating and fooling around and lying.

I feel like it's a bad idea to live with her again. Do I try to take it slow and see where things go whilst spinning some other plates so I'm not going off scarcity? Shes got alot of potential if shes truly straightened out as far as intelligence and beauty go and we have alot of common interests for our future.

All replies are appreciated!!

 

[Billtx49]

Bottom line she is a compulsive liar.

She says she has learned alot and grown up alot and learned not to cheat and will be loyal to her next man saying she doesnt have time to waste cheating and fooling around and lying.

If you truly believe your initial statement, why would you believe hers now…

If she really has BPD, it’s called a personality disorder because it’s ingrained in her personality. It’s who she actually is and that’s unlikely to change without professional therapy…

 

[TJenkins11]

Definitely not trying to date her right away. Was going to just take it slow and try to be friends for awhile and get a gauge on where she is at mentally and see where her maturation level is at. I was wondering if just the long distance and her being young was the main problem or if shes just a bad evil person.

 

[Focal core]

Bpd are pathological liar, they will lied about everything even with a trivial matter, so don't be shock about it, as well she's going to China she see that's an abandonment, its quite natural for them for seeking another solace (another man arms), do u want to have this kind of bullshlt in your entire life? Pls do so if u may.

 

[stovepipe]

Even if you just sleep with her you will more than likely develop feelings for her again. More memories that will only add to the time it takes to heal We dont know if she is actually BPD, but her past actions speak for themselves. Let me tell you a cheater and a pathological lair are traits that do not leave ones system. Liars get better at lying as they get older. She might have gotten a little better at one but the other is still present.

Think about it this way. She played you, cheated on you, betrayed you, disrespected you and emotionally mind phuked you. Do you really even want to give someone who did all that to you another sec of your time? If you can get to the point in your life where you permanently cut people off who treat you that way, you will become a force to be reckoned with. Only you know how much bad behavior you can emotionally/mentally handle. But I will tell you this. If she is in fact a BPD and you stick around, you will forever regret your decision. So why even risk dancing with Jezebel?

 

[TJenkins11]

Great replies guys! Trust me I've grown alot since our relationship. I was actually in a 4 year relationship before this one where I was cheated on. I've become a person that hates the idea of a relationship. I mean yeah I see it as a long term potential goal but I'm not actively pursuing an LTR by any means. I was just making sure she wasnt maybe worth it or if theres been an experience where a person actually changed.

I know I've changed alot. I use to lie and do whatever it took to get laid years ago after my 4 year relationship ended. I stopped doing that and vowed to never lie again and always be straight forward.

She says she went to a sex addict group for months and learned alot. I mean this chick couldnt even go a week without sex before. I also want to bring up the point about culture. As shes Chinese and was born in China but came here to study and get her education and to ultimately live here permanently. I just maybe fooled myself into thinking that her culture greatly effected that way she viewed loyalty and honesty.

I'm fairly happy without her. I mean I consistently get laid whenever I want with chicks near or equal to her attractiveness but it always had felt a little empty and lacking of the passion that I had with her. Is this just a lingering mental block?

 

[Billtx49]

it always had felt a little empty and lacking of the passion that I had with her. Is this just a lingering mental block?

True passion comes from the underlying emotions of Both individuals. If it feels lacking, either one or both individuals are not totally in…

 

[SoSuave666]

True passion comes from the underlying emotions of Both individuals. If it feels lacking, either one or both individuals are not totally in…

BPDs and NPDs can feign passion for as long as it takes to get you hooked.

 

[Billtx49]

BPDs and NPDs can feign passion for as long as it takes to get you hooked.

Very true, but eventually a man realizes she has nothing for him under the surface…
Aka, not much emotional depth if any at all…

 

[TJenkins11]

Anything on the cultural side of things? Does that matter? Also side note I had a threesome with her and her best friend this last holiday season. I dont know if that had any meaning but it was my first successful threesome and my buddy bought me a belt for the accomplishment. Lol

I mainly want to know cultural differences because I seem to always end up talking to asians and Spanish chicks the easiest and find that end up linking up with the more attractive of their nationalities compared to standard white women.

 

[Mazer]

Definitely not trying to date her right away. Was going to just take it slow and try to be friends for awhile and get a gauge on where she is at mentally and see where her maturation level is at. I was wondering if just the long distance and her being young was the main problem or if shes just a bad evil person.

Friends??! Unless it’s FWB I would next.

 

[Sunnypoo]

DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. AT ALL. If you can manage to get away from a BPD without suffering then you are a lucky man, don't press your luck.