BPD ex contacts me again

[Speculator E]

You have to understand that it takes a lot of alphaness to date a BPD. Which is why a lot of guys here aren't really capable of handling one. Part of being alphaness is not to take things personally. Which is what the OP is feeling. As strange as it may sound BPD don't intentionally try to hurt people. They do it out of their fear of abandonment which makes them act out in anger. Think of how normal girls act when they get rejected. When that is magnify 10x that's BPD.

He can leave her alone. But he really should do it as a mean to let it go. Not as a form of revenge because he knows it'll hurt her. That's just childish.

 

[17 shots]

That is true...but I'd rather him be childish then to get hurt by her again. And that's all that will happen because he does not have the same perspective as you. he will only gain that through more experience. I don't think it's really possible for him to just let it go, at least not right now. He still cares too much

 

[Speculator E]

I agree with your last statement. But I still don't think revenge is the best path for him. He needs No Contact if he's really want it to end. Revenge will just keep him wondering how much he hurt her. Which mean he'll keep obsessing about his ex. So it really doesn't do him good.

 

[SayWhat]

You guys are right, I figured it out when I was typing this thread. If I really wouldn't give a f*ck, I wouldn't have started this thread in the first place.

It's not out of a prospect of a relationship with her, that I swear on the bottom of my heart. But this revenge part has always been a huge part of my identity, it's like "who do you think you are if you have the guts to hurt me, you're not better than me and I'll show it to you in one way or the other".

I hate it when people think they're better than me and one way of making sure they don't think that is that I have some kind of revenge. It will never be in the form of material damage (like the tires or whatever), but I get the most satisfying feeling (and yes I realize this sounds very wrong when typing it) out of emotional revenge.

I tried sitting down to think about where my need for revenge comes from, something must have happened in my childhood or some other experience that leads me to this, but I still haven't figured it out.

Thanks though, I'll let you know this evening how the interaction went with her. I'll try to keep it polite and short with her.

 

[Infern0]

You guys are right, I figured it out when I was typing this thread. If I really wouldn't give a f*ck, I wouldn't have started this thread in the first place.

It's not out of a prospect of a relationship with her, that I swear on the bottom of my heart. But this revenge part has always been a huge part of my identity, it's like "who do you think you are if you have the guts to hurt me, you're not better than me and I'll show it to you in one way or the other".

I hate it when people think they're better than me and one way of making sure they don't think that is that I have some kind of revenge. It will never be in the form of material damage (like the tires or whatever), but I get the most satisfying feeling (and yes I realize this sounds very wrong when typing it) out of emotional revenge.

I tried sitting down to think about where my need for revenge comes from, something must have happened in my childhood or some other experience that leads me to this, but I still haven't figured it out.

Thanks though, I'll let you know this evening how the interaction went with her. I'll try to keep it polite and short with her.

You hate when people think they are better than you because deep down you are worried that they are.

You have low self esteem, and other problems and yes it's probably all from childhood.

Hurting a sick woman (your ex bpd) will not bring you any peace, you need to find that within yourself, once you reach that stage you will look back on your chapter with your bpd as a learning experience, and be greatful for it, not resentful

 

[GS750]

You will never get closure with a BPD. Never. So that's why the ignore and/or block advice is spot on. Any attention you give her, good or bad, is still attention. BLOCK her number. Who cares if she thinks that you're ignoring her? She doesn't deserve the time of day from you. My BPD ex continued to contact me for close to a year even though I wan't replying. I finally blocked her number and the only regret that I have is that I didn't block her sooner.

 

[Tictac]

But this revenge part has always been a huge part of my identity,

"When setting out on an errand of revenge, first dig two graves."
Old Japanese Proverb

 

[ZTIME]

You guys are right, I figured it out when I was typing this thread. If I really wouldn't give a f*ck, I wouldn't have started this thread in the first place.

It's not out of a prospect of a relationship with her, that I swear on the bottom of my heart. But this revenge part has always been a huge part of my identity, it's like "who do you think you are if you have the guts to hurt me, you're not better than me and I'll show it to you in one way or the other".

I hate it when people think they're better than me and one way of making sure they don't think that is that I have some kind of revenge. It will never be in the form of material damage (like the tires or whatever), but I get the most satisfying feeling (and yes I realize this sounds very wrong when typing it) out of emotional revenge.

I tried sitting down to think about where my need for revenge comes from, something must have happened in my childhood or some other experience that leads me to this, but I still haven't figured it out.

Thanks though, I'll let you know this evening how the interaction went with her. I'll try to keep it polite and short with her.

OP what you're feeling is actually pretty normal. When you see responses to your thread that say "why should you care what she thinks", it's not invalid advice. The problem is that you're not at that stage right now.

Think of it like this: when you were young and would get into a fight, your natural reaction was to fight back and win. If you got hit or hurt you would fight harder. You wanted to win. (Most of the time not for survival but for social validation from the other kids in school).

Fast forward to you being emotionally hurt by BPD. You hate the feeling, and want to fight back. On some level you want to know that she's been hurt as much as you. Again you are searching for social validation as you did when you were young.

The truth is that if you live your life and improve every aspect of it, the social validation you seek from her will be gone, yet you'll get it anyway once she sees that you no longer care.

Ask yourself this: "If I was so successful, muscular, well dressed, and wealthy as I could possibly imagine, would I still require validation from a low six BPD?" If the answer is No, then you know that working on yourself is your path to freedom.

It's YOU who chooses to cling onto YOUR need to be validated by a lower class then YOURSELF.

 

[Infern0]

Yea in time u will be able to deal with her without caring. It's funny because this morning my ex who I haven't been in contact with in years came by my house knocking on my door. I was knocked out sleep and didn't hear it. But my neighbor was outside and she asked him for my number. He said no, and took her number to give to me.... a long time ago if this had happened I would of felt just like you. She brought me a lot of pain. But now I just dgaf. I just laughed it off. I'll prolly call her later just to tease her about how desperate she is lol. But what I'm saying is, these feeling you have will pass. And u will be a stronger person because of it. U might even thank her one day for hardening you for future women

Yeah how about you don't actively try and torment a mentally ill person?

 

[SayWhat]

Well luckily I didn't see her. But in all I had a horrible day, my lack of social skills and low self-esteem is having a disastrous effect on my wellbeing.

 

[Infern0]

Well luckily I didn't see her. But in all I had a horrible day, my lack of social skills and low self-esteem is having a disastrous effect on my wellbeing.

I'd like to help you, but you are going to have to help yourself as well, lack of social skills and low self esteem, ok it's good that you are aware of these issues, but instead of wallowing in self pity, you need to start tackling these issues instead. What could be causing them, what is the underlying issues that are causing these, you need to start thinking and working that out, then you can take action.

These problems CAN be solved, trust me, you CAN improve, but you need to make an effort.

 

[Speculator E]

I already said this, but read books about bpd, social skills, and self esteem. Go to library if you can't afford them. Again you trying to get advice primarily from the internet is not good.

 

[SayWhat]

Pff these are a couple of horrible days. It's not about this ex, it's about the fact that I started to realize some stuff.

I've always wanted this, I've always wanted ex'es to reach back out and cling on again. I'm sure if I reached out, I could get this BPD ex back in the sack (I basically want to be wanted). But as said, I truly don't want that. I've had a lot of social interaction these two days with friends, unknown people and family. I think the number of sentences I said these two days are below 100. Why? I honestly don't know besides the fact of low self-esteem and the thought if I would say anything, I would just sound obnoxious and boring. This **** is eating me up.

I even have this with family, I have a little niece of 4 years old, she's basically afraid of me because I never talk to her or play with her. Truth is, deep down I want her to come over to me and tell me stuff like 'uncle have you seen my new toys' or 'come and play with me' or whatever.

I tried so hard these last years to get better, but it just gets worse. I know never give up, but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try to apply every principle and it works the other way around. I don't want to give up guys, but I'm 27 now and I am like this, I fear that I just have to accept the fact that it's not in me.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Block her or you will end up being incarcerated or dead emotionally or physically.

Not worth it. I just spend a year in criminal limbo because I had to knock my BPD out. It's been 2 months with zero contact and my life has improved 10 fold. She is nothing but a hopeless, empty, unaccountable shell of a fvcked up person - Your chick is no different. You cannot save her.You will lose your sanity in the end.

no matter how hot she is or how much fun you have at times - Run.

 

[Alvafe]

serious i'm all up to do waht you feel the most, not answering or caring or even reading her msg is teh least effort you can do so its pretty easy, care less about what she think, is not important, she will lie about it anyway.

if you don't want to deal with her then don't, get a hold on what you want and just do it, even if that means trying to heel her in so a quickie, but I don't recomend

 

[MrWood]

I had to knock my BPD out.

go check yourself into jail. Takes a big man to hit a woman...

 

[Dgwizdal]

go check yourself into jail. Takes a big man to hit a woman...

Ya don't know what you're talking about. She could have killed me.

 

[MrWood]

and I simply called the cops on my kids mom when she hit me, and filed for divorce and had her force-ably removed from the home and my son left in my custody. (Washington State)
just sayin

 

[Tictac]

Ya don't know what you're talking about. She could have killed me.

Was she armed?

 

[Dgwizdal]

Was she armed?

Was about to smash me over the head with a 20lb solid mirror after destroying my house, putting holes in the walls, chucking pots of grease at me, and trying to club me with beer bottles.

Not proud of it by any means. She absolutely lost it. Last resort.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/im-probably-going-to-jail-part-2.233837/