BPD & Attraction. Conclusion: You're playing with a loaded deck.

[KontrollerX]

"What's the best way to know that a woman is one of these types aside from living through their crazy manipulations......"

Here is the first part of your answer Aenigma...

Thanks. This forum had helped me with the answer to why I stayed. At the time and in the midst of my delusion, I thought that if I was good enough I could get the old her back. If I just treated her well enough, my girlfriend would come back and this impostor would go away. Now I understand that the woman I loved was the illusion and the other was the real.

And here is the rest of it...

When you examine your Cluster B relationship again ask yourself was there ever a moment in time that you sensed or realized that the only thing that mattered in that relationship was the Cluster B's needs?

Even if you couldn't see this during the relationship ask yourself now while reflecting back on the experience this question.

Keep in mind ALL of the apparent selfless acts of kindness or things you mistook for normal expressions of love in a relationship ALL was focused and given to you as a means of manipulation and keeping the hook baited providing the illusion of the real only so that they could get their needs met.

What I'm saying finally Aenigma and I've thought long over this question for you is that you personally should finally realize that your ex is an empty husk once you realize through study and reflection that the blackhole of need giving back nothing genuine in return was the only thing you and each one of us were left to interact with in our seperate relationship charades.

If you can think to a time where you talked to your ex and you sensed you were being manipulated to fulfill her need or you just realize it was all about her needs in general during the relationship and nothing more that should reveal to you the truth of her emptiness.

They are so good at putting on the mask of humanity you may really need to wrack your brain to get past the bullsh!t and find a moment that you remember being extremely off. Remember that moment and study it over.

To put it another way normal people genuinely care about their friends and lovers and do nice things for them just to see the smile on their friends/lovers faces.

Well the difference with Cluster B is of course everything they do for someone in their life is an act of manipulation for their later gain. In other words they won't do something to make you smile because it makes you happy. Doing that doesn't even make them happy. What it does, the thing that really makes them happy about doing a supposed act of kindness towards a victim of theirs is it manipulates the victim so as to be better controlled.

Now THAT puts a smile on their face.

 

[Mr. Me]

I thought that if I was good enough I could get the old her back. If I just treated her well enough, my girlfriend would come back and this impostor would go away

This is a common mindset of the emotionally abused partner in an emotionally abusive relationship (as the dysfunctional partner, due to BPD or other, is being emotionally abusive): the thinking that it's YOU who must be doing the "wrong" things that have turned your partner into this "alien".

You'll very often see the extremes of that abused mentality in the media by women who are emotionally and physically abused by men, those victims thinking, "He was right to hit me/call me horrible names, I deserved it, I should've been quieter while was napping/should've had the dishes cleaned/shouldn't have voiced my contrary opinion to his/etc.

Then you find yourself walking on eggshells. If you find yourself doing that, it's usually a big clue to get out of the relationship.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

This is a common mindset of the emotionally abused partner in an emotionally abusive relationship (as the dysfunctional partner, due to BPD or other, is being emotionally abusive): the thinking that it's YOU who must be doing the "wrong" things that have turned your partner into this "alien".

That´s called projection!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection