boys and fighting

[penkitten]

my son is almost 12 and is always getting in trouble lately for fighting with these kid at school and daycare. ( yes he still goes there after school until i get off work.)

why the heck does he go out of his way to fight with this kid soooooo much ?

what is it gonna take to get these two to cut it out?

im tired of detention and suspenstion from school and at least summer is out but the daycare is upset that it continues there.



i do not understand why it is so important to them to continue trying to beat the other one up.


please explain/ advise.

 

[oilers05]

Seperation is my idea, I use to have the same problem myself only it wasn't my son. It was me, myself and another student went on and on until 'they' (School) said enough and seperated us to the best of thier ability.

 

[penkitten]

why did you like to fight with him so much?

i keep telling them to seperate the kids, but thats not solving it.

 

[McKindley]

maybe he just doesn't want to be the one to back down?

 

[oilers05]

Oh, I never enjoyed it. I don't think your son enjoys it ethier, it could be that the two are so alike they're are competitive like hell, or maybe they see each other as a punching bag?

What you have to ask yourself is if it's that bad that you have to take him out of this particular school/day care.

 

[Page]

Originally posted by penkitten



i do not understand why it is so important to them to continue trying to beat the other one up.

It's a guy thing.

It's clean and honorable IMO to settle a dispute by beating the hell out of the other guy in a fair fight. Sometimes it doesn't have to come to that, but when it does, you just have to give 'em hell, you know what I mean?

Sometimes, you just have to fight, just to protect your reputation and pride. Personally, I would rather go down fighting than to walk away from a fight if challenged and lose all of my pride. There's no shame in losing a fight, but there is huge shame in walking away. If he did that, there would be zero respect coming his way for quite a long time, so your kid really had no choice.

Your kid had a tough choice to make: he could fight and keep his dignity, or walk away and lose all of his dignity permanently. Getting beaten to a pulp is better than being called a coward (or worse) and its easier to sacrifice your body than your dignity.

Hope this clarifies.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

If your son walks off, or worse runs away, all the other bullies will start beating him up. Better to kick the other guy's ass, or go down fighting, which will earn you respect (at least for a schoolyard).

When I was much younger I got picked on because I walked away from fights, but when I started fighting back, people stopped trying to pick on me.

Remember this is school, not the real world. Things are a lot different. You just have to accept it. Besides, unless you go to school in Nigeria, your son isn't likely to be stabbed or shot or blown up by a mine.

 

[PRMoon]

why do girls enjoy destoying one anothers self esteem? It's just the nature of the beast. Guys prove dominance through violence and girls dominate through verbal abuse. It's humanity at it's finest my friend, and there's really a whole lot of explination behind it. Animals have tendancies and rituals, this is one for us.

 

[Alpine]

I blame the parentsl.

Only joking Pen.

Hey have you checked out those reality Nanny type shows, I know I shouldn't admit to watching sh1t like that, but they do seem to sort the kids out.

Seems like a lot of it is to do with sending mixed signals to the kids and them seeking attention.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by diplomatic_lies


When I was much younger I got picked on because I walked away from fights, but when I started fighting back, people stopped trying to pick on me.

That was my experience for the most part. It only gets crazy if you go to a school where there are gangs.

I had kids f*ck with me all through junior high and high school. It wasn't until I stood up to them that the sh!t decreased. Sometimes violence is the only alternative. It beats being a punching bag for a bunch of little thugs.

 

[Julian]

violence solves everything


just start crushing skulls in every direction.


Nah jk i dont fight, im a pacifist...like ghandi.

 

[tristan22]

Fighting in todays society is crazy. With gangs, retaliation, and weapons being carried you're asking for trouble.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by penkitten
my son is almost 12 and is always getting in trouble lately for fighting with these kid

what is it gonna take to get these two to cut it out?

One of the reason he has too much energy that he could not.. didn't know how to apply in a more constructive way.

Will they be fighting forever? No they will stop when they find more hobbies\activities that will take more attention in their lives than just expressiing their anger at each other or figuring out who is stronger.

Once he has to do a lot of interesting things to do, several activities he takes part in...the fighting will ceases.
So the idea is to help him find something he likes, enjoya nd find inetersting. probably you'd want to put some efforts in helping him discover more groups, sprts, hobbies etc - he is just a kid, he doesn't really know what kind of ooportunities he can find....
He needs some of our help with it.
Though keep in mind that you dont want to be pushy... if somebody impose something on him too much, he may react with rejection..."just cuz it is not MY idea". You have to be subtle but persistent.

 

[Bonhomme]

What was his daddy like?

Psychology, psychology. I think the explanation lies elsewhere, and that most behavior patterns are biochemical in their nature, which implicates genetics.

For what it's worth, I've heard of a sort of video game that has been shown to rehabilitate extremely violent people -- much worse than your kid -- by exercising a region of their brain that has been shown to be underactive in such people. But that's all I know about it. Do a net search.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

My two cents, since I know the kid...

Bonhomme's idea about the father could potentially carry some weight... he was a bit of a troublemaker himself. I tend to think more of nurture than nature though.

Part of the problem is puberty. It's a new thing and it's making him aggressive. Obviously that won't last forever.

Part of it is that he's imitating violent behavior that he has seen on his favorite thing of all time: televised professional wrestling. He's not allowed to watch it anymore, and that HAS helped a little.

Part of it is because he's kind of hyperactive. He might need less sugar or caffeine or something in his day.

Part of it is that boys are naturally more aggressive and tend to handle disputes in more physical ways... whether that's through fighting or sports or whatever. Girls are more likely to settling things by talking them out.

Part of it is that he didn't get as much time as he should have with his dad growing up. Playing and activity with a dad teaches kids their physical abilities and limitations. This boy is unaware that he has any limitations. He thinks he can go into a fight and be throwing kids around like The Rock or Triple H or something... even against kids much larger than him.

I've had some talks with him about his fighting and it seems to sink in for a couple days and then he's right back into it. It's harder because I can't be there all the time quite yet. I think we'll get him turned around before long.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
My two cents, since I know the kid...

Bonhomme's idea about the father could potentially carry some weight... he was a bit of a troublemaker himself. I tend to think more of nurture than nature though.

Part of the problem is puberty. It's a new thing and it's making him aggressive. Obviously that won't last forever.

Part of it is that he's imitating violent behavior that he has seen on his favorite thing of all time: televised professional wrestling. He's not allowed to watch it anymore, and that HAS helped a little.

Part of it is because he's kind of hyperactive. He might need less sugar or caffeine or something in his day.

Part of it is that boys are naturally more aggressive and tend to handle disputes in more physical ways... whether that's through fighting or sports or whatever. Girls are more likely to settling things by talking them out.

Part of it is that he didn't get as much time as he should have with his dad growing up. Playing and activity with a dad teaches kids their physical abilities and limitations. This boy is unaware that he has any limitations. He thinks he can go into a fight and be throwing kids around like The Rock or Triple H or something... even against kids much larger than him.

I've had some talks with him about his fighting and it seems to sink in for a couple days and then he's right back into it. It's harder because I can't be there all the time quite yet. I think we'll get him turned around before long.

wait.. are u calling me a bad mother?

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by penkitten
wait.. are u calling me a bad mother?

lol Calling Gio line 1.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by penkitten
wait.. are u calling me a bad mother?

No, you're actually a very good mother. I just think I'll be able to help a lot.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
No, you're actually a very good mother. I just think I'll be able to help a lot.

its not my fault he didnt spend any time with his dad.
what am i suppose to do ?

 

[Jake-inator]

Originally posted by penkitten

wait.. are u calling me a bad mother?

Wow i love how women take out their insecurities on guys.
Then the guy gets on his knees and says "i'm sorry, but i don't know what i'm appologizing for."


Either way, it sounds like the boy needs a daddy - someone to hold down the law.


Also Gio if this is your gf, I would consider running... VERY FAST!!!
She seems rather unstable.