Boundaries, male friends, and reality

[Bokanovsky]

This has to be the most autistic thing I've read here.

I'm glad to be able to express my thoughts with language you can relate to.

 

[jnMissouri]

if you think you need boundaries then you do need them.

thinking like an armchair quarterback and looking back on history, I would not put in a boundary with a woman that I am not married to. I would simply next her if the reason for boundary appears and or demote.

if married with kids and then you discover the need, then yes put them in and enforce by any means you can. even better if you are in a limited community and can place the boundaries on the other men.

if she is a very young virgin, then maybe you protect her with rules. any other, it is better if she makes the choice herself that aligns with what you like.

for sure do not worry about what others think about this, just do what feels right. if you feel the need for setting boundaries then do it. it is not insecure or jealous it is a reaction to something she is doing. she may or may not know she is doing something or she may have rationalized to herself so much that she thinks she is innocent. remember she is not your judge, what you think is more important than what she tells you.

I would NOT encourage girls' night out. if she needs a lot of girls' nights out, she is not ready for a committed ltr. that doesn't make her bad at all, just she isn't ready to priority one single man. just search SS, how many threads ask advice on how to approach a girls group and isolate one of them. btw: the girls know about all of this, that's why they want to go to those locations together.

self imposed boundaries are the stuff of a great girl.

submitting to your boundary is a sign of submission (and that's good..) but not a sign of desire.

Yeah, and she called me from the venue and after she got home an hour later. She got hit on by guys repeatedly while sitting at a table with her girlfriends. In fact her girlfriends said they are jealous she get's all the attention. She is very petite and attractive so guys hit on her a lot. While she was shopping for expensive gifts for me, she told me she got three times at the mall shopping for me....

 

[devilkingx2]

In my opinion, setting boundaries is for things that a girl may not know or understand in good faith.

So basically you set boundaries for things that are unique to you or that some guys tolerate but you won't.

If you have to tell a girl something obvious like not to collect side guys who think she's single, or not to flash the bartender for free drinks, or not to blow her weed dealer, you've already messed up long ago somewhere else and are basically doomed.

 

[Bigpapa]

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[metalwater]

Yeah, and she called me from the venue and after she got home an hour later. She got hit on by guys repeatedly while sitting at a table with her girlfriends. In fact her girlfriends said they are jealous she get's all the attention. She is very petite and attractive so guys hit on her a lot. While she was shopping for expensive gifts for me, she told me she got three times at the mall shopping for me....

ohh... what did you think about that?

 

[3AM]

Have to say, there is a lot of contradictory discussion here.

If you think about the fundamentals of women and how they operate it's simple. They truly act like children.

When you have this as a foundational premise this all becomes very simple. To properly engage a child, discipline and boundaries start from the moment they take a breath of air and continue into adulthood. This creates a well mannered and loving child that respects and honors you.

In addition, kids always test boundaries (Human Nature). It's up to the Father (Leader) to hold boundaries and principles in the house. If you are a weak man this is very difficult. I would also add if you aren't educated on what good boundaries/principles are, the outcome is the same.

Now, women are the same. When a woman enters your life, think of it as my example of kids and birthing above. You need to have your boundaries and principles laid out from the beginning. She then has a choice. Submit or leave. If she submits then it's really the same game as above.

The tricky part is, do kids have the same rules and boundaries as parents? NO they don't. Us men operate differently and have or should have more freedom than kids and women. The thought of equality is laughable at best. If you hear equality then you are in a position of bad things to happen in your relationship.

Men, try to look at this from a high level and not situational. When you get to situational it's very easy to get bogged down by details. This is what women do in confrontation and it muddies the waters. Take the highroad and enjoy the vantage point from the view.

Hope some of you can see the insight in this. Peace and love brothers!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can set boundaries and she'll most likely cross them because she wants to test you or doesn't see you as her best option.

At that point, you have to tell her you aren't going to tolerate her behavior and you have to walk away.

Just walk away. The talking part doesn't help

 

[indiff]

Alright my SoSuave brothers here’s my opinion on setting boundaries based on my experience.

Setting boundaries in a relationship is too late.

If I see that she’s a gal with guy friends then I’m not interested in a relationship with her and I will not entertain the thought of her being my girlfriend.

What’s next OP,
You going to start a thread asking how to set boundaries on your gf/wife who doesn’t know how to manage money and over spends plus you took on her debt.

How about you just don’t get into a relationship with a woman of such financial ruin.

Just my opinion.

Too many times I’ve agreed to be in a committed relationship without setting boundaries. Because I thought she might leave me and the sex would stop. I’ve learnt from that experience that you should always define what those boundaries are.

It’s better this way because I just don’t want to deal with girls who just can’t let go of that one male ‘friend’.

Very easy to just kick them to the kerb once you make that a requirement for a long term partner.

 

[metalwater]

Too many times I’ve agreed to be in a committed relationship without setting boundaries. Because I thought she might leave me and the sex would stop. I’ve learnt from that experience that you should always define what those boundaries are.

It’s better this way because I just don’t want to deal with girls who just can’t let go of that one male ‘friend’.

Very easy to just kick them to the kerb once you make that a requirement for a long term partner.

do you tell them and ask for agreement or just see what they do and decide based on that?

 

[indiff]

do you tell them and ask for agreement or just see what they do and decide based on that?

I usually talk about boundaries once she brings up the idea of us being committed. This usually happens after we’ve been dating a for a few months. Usually after I can no longer tell her ‘let’s see where this goes’.

Easier to be firm on boundaries when she’s asking you for a relationship. If she tries to negotiate, run.