Bottom of the Social Pile

[Desdinova]

So yesterday I was visiting the girl I'm seeing and her parents invited me over for a BBQ for today. My date said she'd love for me to come, so I accepted. Then I realized that I broke one of the main rules of being a DJ - I would have to cancel plans with a friend. For a moment, I felt bad about it.

Then I realized who I was cancelling plans with... It's wasn't any of the close male friends that I have. It's the girl who drove me to Sosuave. The one I was engaged to 13 years ago. The one who made my life a living hell when she ended the relationship.

I've been occasionally hanging out with her off and on over the last 4 years. I have absolutely no desire to get back with her, and I don't feel any attraction toward her. Hanging out with her and letting our kids play together was just something to do while I wasn't serious with anybody. But that changed yesterday. Me and the girl I'm seeing had the "relationship talk" and became official.

I had almost forgotten what I had told myself when I started hanging out with my ex. I told myself that she is at the BOTTOM of my social pile. She does NOT deserve priority. She is the one I cancel with to be with someone more important, and pretty much EVERYBODY in my life is more important than her.

So I cancelled with her via FB. She responded with "I'm sorry to hear that..I hope everything is ok ." Then she fvcking phoned me (I didn't answer) and left a message which sounded almost desperate for me to call her back and make other arrangements to hang out.

I'm no longer the AFC I was 13 years ago. I'm the guy who has many women wanting to date me, my ex included. I could sit and make the excuse "well, I was an AFC back then, so I can't blame her" but there is NO JUSTIFICATION for her treating me so horribly when she ended the relationship. I have a written record of all the rotten things she did at the end of our relationship. Revisiting those writings is like revisiting a horrible nightmare. I would be a fvcking idiot for putting myself back into a place where I could be treated like that again.

So after remembering all this, I no longer felt back about cancelling. I'm going to the BBQ with my newly official gf, and I'm doing it guilt free.

 

[Ruleit]

The one who made my life a living hell when she ended the relationship.

You're far more forgiving than I could ever be.

If you were a once upon a time "nice guy" it's a constant task to annihilate these innate tendencies. Stay vigilant and all the best on your new relationship.

 

[Desdinova]

You're far more forgiving than I could ever be.

I don't think I've actually forgiven her for the 5hit she did to me. I'm just not going to be a bitter a55hole about it.

 

[zekko]

Good for you, Des, and congratulations on your successes.

I kind of agree with Ruleit though, I'm a little surprised to hear about guys hanging out with exes that treated them badly. If she's that low a priority, it would seem like she's barely worth hanging out with at all.

 

[Tictac]

Strong frame Des!

Good for you.

 

[Kailex]

I'm very disappointed in you Des, after all that, you don't even tell us what you had at the BBQ?

 

[Desdinova]

I'm very disappointed in you Des, after all that, you don't even tell us what you had at the BBQ?

LOL, I'm not going to be at the BBQ for another 4 hours or so. This chick can cook and loves cleaning. She keeps pushing to come help clean my house.

 

[Die Hard]

Me and the girl I'm seeing had the "relationship talk" and became official.

Congrats, Des!

 

[zekko]

Me and the girl I'm seeing had the "relationship talk" and became official.

Des, I notice you do not shy away from entering relationships, even though a lot of the community takes a dim view of them. I'm sure you've heard this bit of PUA Bro Theory:

Women have two types of men, and use them for different purposes:
1) The wild and exciting, fun and sexy alpha male, who she uses for short term mating strategy - one night stands, sexual gratification, FWBs, and such. This is the guy the manosphere tells you to be.
2) The stable but boring provider beta type, who she uses for long term mating strategy - paying her bills, providing a house, helping her raise her offspring (that she had with the alpha male). This is the guy you shouldn't be.

In this construct, the community seems to suggest that if a woman views you as a long term prospect, that is basically an insult. How much credence do you think this scenario has, and do you have any comment on it?

 

[Die Hard]

I'm sure you've heard this bit of PUA Bro Theory:

Women have two types of men, and use them for different purposes:
1) The wild and exciting, fun and sexy alpha male, who she uses for short term mating strategy - one night stands, sexual gratification, FWBs, and such. This is the guy the manosphere tells you to be.
2) The stable but boring provider beta type, who she uses for long term mating strategy - paying her bills, providing a house, helping her raise her offspring (that she had with the alpha male). This is the guy you shouldn't be.

In this construct, the community seems to suggest that if a woman views you as a long term prospect, that is basically an insult. How much credence do you think this scenario has, and do you have any comment on it?

I'm not Desdinova but I wish to comment anyway...

None of those two types will find true happiness. However, if you had to choose one over the other, I'd say being the first type is preferable over being the second type.

But those two "types of men" can be combined in one MAN! Call it a 'True Man', a 'Don Juan', whatever.... But this is what any guy should strive to be!

My favorite example of this is Slickster. I think Rollo also fits the image and there are some others on SoSuave who seem to have combined the two types inside of them as well...

It's just not easy to become this True man/Don Juan, most of us keep cycling between the two types... I think Pook's "Be a Man!" is a good post about the topic: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16903

 

[Zarky]

What did the chick do that was so mean all those years ago?

 

[Desdinova]

But those two "types of men" can be combined in one MAN! Call it a 'True Man', a 'Don Juan', whatever.... But this is what any guy should strive to be!

That's basically what I was going to say; somewhere in between the two. A little bit of a55hole, a little bit of gentleman. Sitting on one end of the scale makes a chick bored. As a side note, everytime I'm doing something remotely dangerous at home (cleaning my eaves, cutting tree branches) I ALWAYS make sure I text my gf and let her know I could die at any time within the next few hours

What did the chick do that was so mean all those years ago?

You just HAD to make me go back and dig up the old autobiography I was working on. This is stuff that happened post-breakup which was a couple of months before I found Sosuave...

- She calls from work, and I let the answering machine kick in. Some guy is dictating what she should be telling me. Shortly after, she came to the apartment, grabbed the answering machine tapes, and took them with her.

- Some guy buzzes up to my apartment, wanting me to let him in. He describes what I look like perfectly, but I have no clue who he is. I didn't let him in.

- The caretaker tells me that my brother had visited her and was interested in renting an apartment. The fact is: my brother is married, lives in a different province, and has two kids.

- To shut off the alarm of an old broken watch, I had to dig through a garbage bag my ex had packed. While digging through it, I found a scribbled-out note. I held it up to the light, read it, and discovered it was a rough draft of a romantic note to some guy, and she had mentioned dumping me in it.

- She asked me to do favors for her, and then would get mad at me for refusing. When she broke up with me, she gave me the "I need to do things for myself" line, so I decided to enforce it.

- She received a check in the mail, couldn't find it, and asked me to help her look for it. I enforced the "you need to do things for yourself" line, and then she accused me of hiding the check on her. I had absolutely no clue where it was.

- Even though she was no longer living with me, she would let herself in and eat my food

- She got mad at me for packing up stuff she wanted to take. She hadn't picked out what she wanted, so I gave her 5hit about waiting for the last couple of days when she had a whole month to do it.

- A couple of days before I moved out, she came over (during the middle of the week) and cleaned the apartment. The problem was, she cleaned it throughout the night and I needed to get sleep for work the next day.


And this is just the post-breakup stuff. This woman was a fvcking slob, she would fall asleep in bed while smoking, lost the engagement ring I bought her, gave our food away to her sister (who spent her money on crap), would play video games for 24 hours straight, would stay out all night and into the next afternoon without telling me where she was, and she had a temper that would explode at the flick of a switch. The whole thing was like a bad nightmare.

Why in hell would I want to put myself through all this garbage again?

 

[Zarky]

Must have felt pretty bad at the time but, compared to what some chicks do to guys they're no longer interested in, that was a cakewalk.

Imagine what she would have done as your ex-wife

 

[Desdinova]

The tug-of-war I keep having is with the whole "I was an AFC" argument. I mean, she's been pursuing me on and off for the last 4 years now. I occasionally think about what it would be like if we were to try dating a 3rd time around. She HAD a good job and made killer money, but right now she's unemployed and living with her sister... along with her kid... who's father is the guy she went back to... and was the guy she initially dated before meeting me back in the mid-90s.

But I don't want to risk finding out if the "I was an AFC" argument would make the relationship work. I probably could make it work better than the previous two times, but knowing me I'd probably kick her out of my life after getting fed up with her 5hit. Why go back to someone I know is defective and waste time I could use to find someone better? Why go back when I know I'm going to end it anyway? She was a terrible lay, so that's not a good enough reason.

There's far too many good reasons to keep her as an ex. I don't mind being friends (HAHAHA, do you know how many times she told me that?) She just doesn't have enough value. I'm currently dating hot women in their mid-20s, so what would I want with a worn-out 33 year old?

 

[Zunder]

Me and the girl I'm seeing had the "relationship talk" and became official.

Sounds like a business transaction.

no longer the AFC I was 13 years ago. I'm the guy who has many women wanting to date me, my ex included.

Ummm, sorry not following. Lots of women want to date you so why are you bothering to be exclusive with this chick? Whats so special about her, when you could be be fuking the brains out of any number of other women that want to date you?

 

[Zunder]

Des, I notice you do not shy away from entering relationships, even though a lot of the community takes a dim view of them. I'm sure you've heard this bit of PUA Bro Theory:

Women have two types of men, and use them for different purposes:
1) The wild and exciting, fun and sexy alpha male, who she uses for short term mating strategy - one night stands, sexual gratification, FWBs, and such. This is the guy the manosphere tells you to be.
2) The stable but boring provider beta type, who she uses for long term mating strategy - paying her bills, providing a house, helping her raise her offspring (that she had with the alpha male). This is the guy you shouldn't be.

In this construct, the community seems to suggest that if a woman views you as a long term prospect, that is basically an insult. How much credence do you think this scenario has, and do you have any comment on it?

Zekko - I have come to the conclusion you are a woman.

 

[Desdinova]

Ummm, sorry not following. Lots of women want to date you so why are you bothering to be exclusive with this chick? Whats so special about her, when you could be be fuking the brains out of any number of other women that want to date you?

I'm not about getting as much pu55y as I can. I actually find dating and fvcking to get stagnant after a while. Progression is where the challenge is

So I tried to continue being friends with my ex. I have her kid's car seat and was going to give her some records I didn't want, so I asked her when I should bring all of it by. She sent me this:

keep them and the car seat I have another one. take care of yourself Des

I'm guessing the relationship status update on FB upset her

 

[Zunder]

Well Des, good riddance once and for all to her aye!
Treat is as a golden oppurtinity to rid yourself of the ex once and for all

 

[Desdinova]

Should I find myself single again, she will be trying again. This was her 4th attempt to get me back.

 

[zekko]

Zekko - I have come to the conclusion you are a woman.

Zunder - I have come to the conclusion that you are a bowel movement.