Boredom

[flowtheory]

How to handle when a woman says she’s sometimes bored in a relationship.

Was reading an article earlier about providing security and being reliable in relationships. It’s what many strive for but at a certain point it can often be a kiss of death leading to predicability, and the partners - women in this case - feeling complacent or bored.

I’m for healthy relationships and growth. I know I have a tendency toward routine and have experienced predictability in my past.

Without creating unneeded drama or anxiety in the union what are some ways to bust out of making women feel potentially bored so I don’t have to experience the consequences of it in my current situation?

Is it just a matter of keeping things novel, fresh dates ideas, new sex positions, pursuing purpose?

 

[lamath]

This is a relationship killer for sure.
Not sure what is the best course of action, only thing i can think about is being less avalable.
You dont want overexposure.

 

[SoSuave666]

What is your passion? You should be spending time doing those things just as frequently if not more frequently than seeing your gf. Pick up a course at a local school that interests you so you are simultaneously improving yourself and NOT spending time with her.

What are your friends up to? One of the most common occurrences in a relationship is letting go of your friends to supplicate to your gf.

When do you typically see your gf? Every day starting at 6 pm? Skip a few days because you've got other things going on.

How is the secks? Is it boring? Let her know you are feeling bored with the sex life and would like to spice it up with some new things (positions, toys, anal, whatever). Turn secks DOWN for a whole week.

Fall asleep on the couch working on a project while she goes into the bedroom for sleep.

When going out with her, make sure you look great and other women interact with you. Walk up to the bar looking good af and have others hit on you. Don't bat them away, just flirt a bit and leave after 5 minutes back to your gf.

Take on more work. Do proposals late at night or work on training others. Travel for work if you can and see new places without your GF.

Travel just in general without her. Make it a family trip or a trip with friends.

Be so busy you can't text back immediately.

These are just a few things to try.

 

[Crown]

You have to understand that security means having a nice place to live and not constantly making her secure about treats.

Women are drama addicts and they will never admit it. If you don't create mystery and uncertainty, you're not stimulating her inner nature.
If she says she is bored, she means you're too predictable and that there's not enough uncertainty in the relationship. if she knows how you think and what next move you're going to do, both mystery and uncertainty are dead.

 

[AJ84]

How to handle when a woman says she’s sometimes bored in a relationship.

Was reading an article earlier about providing security and being reliable in relationships. It’s what many strive for but at a certain point it can often be a kiss of death leading to predicability, and the partners - women in this case - feeling complacent or bored.

I’m for healthy relationships and growth. I know I have a tendency toward routine and have experienced predictability in my past.

Without creating unneeded drama or anxiety in the union what are some ways to bust out of making women feel potentially bored so I don’t have to experience the consequences of it in my current situation?

Is it just a matter of keeping things novel, fresh dates ideas, new sex positions, pursuing purpose?

It’s up to her to relieve boredom too, not just you. Some couples stop dating and stop seeing their friends. That’s never good.

Have your own passions outside of her and she should have the same.

When you have your own thing going and time spent on that, you appreciate each other more.

Try new things together, learn new things that you can share with each other.

There will be a level of comfort at some point in any healthy relationship but that doesn’t mean it has to become dull.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Just because you are part of a couple, do not stop living as an individual, with your own life and experiences, away from her. Keep growing, learning, and exploring, as an individual. She should do the same. So when you come together, you have had time away to miss each other and who you are is also ever evolving and you each have new things to share, when you do come together again. It allows you to be fresh and bring fresh energy into the relationship and her as well.

Do not make your relationship the center of your universe. Neither should she. You are two people with two lives sharing yourselves with each other. Do not lose yourselves in the relationship. Also, do not let yourself become two people with one shared stagnant life.

 

[flowtheory]

Thanks for the great responses.

I always find it difficult to be in hot pursuit of many other things while in relationships. I mean, aside from having a passionate career, keeping dates fresh, working out, seeing some friends, reading books, there isn’t much time.
I need downtime and generally I just want to mellow out with my girlfriend or whomever I’m with at the time. But I’ve still had some women mention predictability or routine asim a fairly structured individual.

I think @Crown you’re right that even if there are lots of things going on, women crave that uncertainty and drama. I’m just not a dramatic person when it comes to relationships though.

 

[AJ84]

Thanks for the great responses.

I always find it difficult to be in hot pursuit of many other things while in relationships. I mean, aside from having a passionate career, keeping dates fresh, working out, seeing some friends, reading books, there isn’t much time.
I need downtime and generally I just want to mellow out with my girlfriend or whomever I’m with at the time. But I’ve still had some women mention predictability or routine asim a fairly structured individual.

I think @Crown you’re right that even if there are lots of things going on, women crave that uncertainty and drama. I’m just not a dramatic person when it comes to relationships though.

Some women crave drama, these are the ones who are more likely to be flakey, demanding, run hot and cold and generally more of a pain to be with because if you don’t create the drama they will.

Don’t assume all women are like this. You will turn off some of them by creating situations where they essentially decide it’s not worth the roller coaster of emotions and uncertainty because they have better things to do with their lives then put up with that.

Do what makes the most sense to you and is the most sustainable. But if you have to make a constant effort to run an mystery/ uncertainty game to keep her interested long term, how tiring will that be after 6 months? Is someone who needs that to be kept interested even gf material?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Some women crave drama, these are the ones who are more likely to be flakey, demanding, run hot and cold and generally more of a pain to be with because if you don’t create the drama they will.

This is what I have come to learn myself through dating. I've read a lot in the last year or so about women craving drama, and I've experimented a bit with it, but at the end of the day, I'm getting to the point of realizing that if a woman needs this to stay interested, then it isn't worth it. The MOST "drama" I'm going to create, is during early stages of dating, I'm going to not be overly available, a bit aloof, and will not initiate much communication beyond setting dates once a week. This isn't really "drama" but it kind of is - it's the uncertainty and mystery and excitement.

But once you are in a relationship......

I always find it difficult to be in hot pursuit of many other things while in relationships. I mean, aside from having a passionate career, keeping dates fresh, working out, seeing some friends, reading books, there isn’t much time.
I need downtime and generally I just want to mellow out with my girlfriend or whomever I’m with at the time. But I’ve still had some women mention predictability or routine asim a fairly structured individual.

See I too made this mistake with my ex-wife. You MUST MUST MUST have your passions and social life that do NOT include your wife/GF. My experience is that women always want to compete for your attention and they start getting bored if you're always there, you aren't special anymore, they don't have to want your time and attention anymore because it's there in abundance. This doesn't mean you don't see her and do all sorts of things with her, it just means you have your own things going on too. Most women will complain to you about your being busy all the time, but this is actually a good thing - it's the polarity at work. This is the "drama" they need. It doesn't have to be BS drama you instigate intentionally (which is bad and not masculine) - it's something women instigate when they want more of your attention than they are getting because you are so busy with your life. But if you give them 100% of what they want, they become bored and resentful. Based on what you are saying, your struggling with this is likely the cause of complaints of boredom.

Yes, spending a lot of down-time with your GF feels good and is easy, but many good things in life aren't easy and you should work on focusing more on other things - building your career, social circle, hobbies, competition, etc. Consider this: When you are getting ~80% of your need for companionship, camaraderie, communication, and a partner for activities from your GF, what happens when it doesn't work out and you suddenly find yourself alone? Now you have a GAPING void in your life, and you'll be 100x more depressed because you are trying to get over the breakup while also being alone most of the time. A big social circle and hobbies take years to build - you want to have that now, not try to get it after being freshly dumped.

 

[GrowingPains]

Just got this book called Wisdom as Moderation. In the beginning the author is talking about how we should avoid extremes.

He distinguishes between mechanism and chaos. One would not enjoy either of these because on one hand there is no excitement. On the other hand there is is no order. The key is to strike balance between the two. He also uses beauty and ugliness to explain. Ugliness is disorder and it is an extreme. But beauty is not the opposite of disorder. It is not the absence of disorder - mechanism, to relate to the previous example. But it is a balance of ugliness (disorder) and it's counterpart that creates beauty. As it creates a tension, an interest in how things will play out.

Then he goes on to discuss this in the context of a relationship. Some relationships fail because of boredom. Some relationships fail because of intense conflicts or too little predictability. A beautiful relationship strikes a balance between the two.

So the posts above seem to touch on how you can go about achieving this. Being engaged in your passions (being passionate is magnetic, and if you take it a step further leadership is too), meeting her needs, meeting your needs, having game. And in this sense, I am referring to the way Rollo defined 'married game'. Essentially, maintaining an abundance mindset. She is not your only source of enjoyment. You must still be a man of social abundance through your friends and family. Maintain an exciting life. I believe these things will take you far.

 

[Billtx49]

Boredom = sex becomes actual work for her, not fun, exciting, and emotionally fulfilling .

Her likely cure for her boredom = branch swing.

Your cure = unpredictability that leads to emotionally exciting interactions and events with her.
Surprise is your best advantage, use it to keep her emotions pumped to a high level …