bomb after 2nd date

[constant_improvement]

Hi:

I am new to this forum and have been reading up on the dj bible......

I am sure this situation has happened to some of you before...... I went out on a date with this beautiful blonde girl.... coffee..... we had a good time I thought.... she laughed at all my jokes and palmreading and immediately agreed to date #2 ... dinner

At Dinner: we try indian food.... i tell her all about it and she and me are having a great time..... towards the end she says: "I AM GLAD I CAME TODAY"...... I pay for both of us...........when we are coming back from dinner.... she says.... "I really had a great time today"..... i said that is good.

Then she drops a BOMB......... SHE : " I want to be upfront with you though.... I do not want a relationship right now.... actually i kind of dont know what i want.....so i dont want to lead you on....... i kind of enjoy my single status also..... i am pretty bad at relationships.... my longest was 8 months...... but i would still like to go out with you a next time....... is that ok with you"

I am taken by surprise ....... after recovering for 2 minutes and her prompting me to share my thoughts I SAY: "yeah, that is fine........ it is not as if you have signed a contract, you have not signed in blood saying that we are in a relationship...... however, i want to make it clear I AM NOT LOOKING FOR FRIENDSHIP ONLY....... I have tonnes of friends.
So, relax and take your time to make up your mind if you want"

Then, while parting she told me she would talk to me soon.


QUESTION: what the hell does this mean........ my translation: "you are interesting and a nice guy who pays for dinner but I am not sexually attracted to you". Is that what it is??

OR

Maybe I am too nice........ I have not tried to kiss her yet.
Why does she suddenly value her single status now??

I have not dated a lot....... so this caught me by surprise........ any ideas on what i should do now would be helpful.

I have not called her since that date yesterday and do not intend to call as of now.

thanks

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by constant_improvement

QUESTION: what the hell does this mean........ my translation: "you are interesting and a nice guy who pays for dinner but I am not sexually attracted to you". Is that what it is??

OR

Maybe I am too nice........ I have not tried to kiss her yet.
Why does she suddenly value her single status now??

Your translation is almost correct. Well I guess this is a matter of opinion but I believe this to be the full translation (most of it is what you already said).

"You're a nice guy. You took me out and paid for dinner. However, I'm not sexually attracted to you. You're currently in the friends zone. Being the attention wh0re that I am, I don't want to reject you up front. So I'm going to be more discreet about it and say things like I'm not ready for a relationship and that I'm bad at them. This way you'll still like me because I wasn't mean by rejecting you up front and you'll even think you still have a chance. This way I can wrap you around my finger, get you to pay me for more stuff and get the attention I crave so much from you."

Two possiblities:

There is a 98% chance that this translation is true and you're going no where fast with this girl. In this case, DROP HER like a bad habit. Don't let her use you for self-validation/attention and free dinners. Love yourself and just cut her out of your life. You deserve better.

There is a 2% chance she's actually telling you the truth. If you're actually thinking about this possibility, I got one question: "Are you feeling lucky today kid?" I'm not much of a gambler, especially with women since they're not worth the outcome, even if it is a positive one. There are 3 billion other possible positive outcomes with women in the world. Why risk everything for a 1 in 3 billion shot?

In short, I would forget about her and persue other women.

As for why this happened. You most likely acted too nice. Buying dinner for example. You probably didn't project a sexual tension. So you got ditched in the dreaded friends zone.

Whether something as simple as a kiss could have helped in this situation I do not know. Perhaps more detials would help.

 

[Fenderules]

its a no win situation




A: she blown you off
B: if she is telling the truth then she has emotional baggage and will prolly not get far with her

 

[wolfie]

Have you considered the possibility she just wants casual sex with no relationship strings?

 

[belividere]

Maybe she is honestly just telling the truth. I wouldn't give up just yet. I would ask her out for something simple like coffee again and try to kiss her. If she turns away then give up because yeah you've become friends. I think you gave a solid reply it though so that was good. If you told her that you dont just want a friendship then she knows what you expect.

 

[Caldus]

She's probably using you for free food.

 

[TizZle]

If you go out again make a move and don't pay for her date... Get her at a high point then kiss her.

 

[Caldus]

I went on a date with this attractive girl one time and I paid for her food. She didn't even say thank you. That *****. I didn't want anything to do with her afterwards. I hope your date said thank you for the dinner at least.

 

[Life-Trainee]

/\/\/\ that was my first impression

 

[stalluproar]

Framing, Framing, Framing!!

A good frame to have in the first few dates is I am going to relax, have fun, and not expect to get fast in a relationship. In fact, have a philosophy that too many relationships are ruined by moving too fast. Even go as far as telling her that. Then if she plays the card she played on you in the future, she will look stupid.

Even if she tries to play that card, just say, "Relationship?? Who ever said we were in a serious relationship?" <pause> "If your lucky"

 

[Caldus]

Originally posted by stalluproar
Framing, Framing, Framing!!

A good frame to have in the first few dates is I am going to relax, have fun, and not expect to get fast in a relationship. In fact, have a philosophy that too many relationships are ruined by moving too fast. Even go as far as telling her that. Then if she plays the card she played on you in the future, she will look stupid.

Even if she tries to play that card, just say, "Relationship?? Who ever said we were in a serious relationship?" <pause> "If your lucky"

I like that.

 

[DeathDealer]

Cut contact with her immediately.

 

[constant_improvement]

thanks

Guys.... this is great........thanks for all the input...

Wolfie: this possibility has in fact just struck me......

i will take a chance and invite her to a third date, make her pay and then try to kiss her.....

i will keep all of you updated on whether this works......... one of the problems is that i dont have other girls in rotation........ i have never done a cold pickup.

 

[MacDiddy]

Another possibility is that She knows she's falling for you and she might not want that.

Totally ignore what she has just told you and continue the sarge!!