Body Language

[imarockstar]

Hey guys, been a while since Ive posted on here, been getting my life together and things are going really well for me nowadays.

I have a question that I feel like I should know the answer to and that is to most people common sense, but I need some confirmation or just opinions.

What exactly is attractive body language? I understand that if a girl touches her hair or mirrors you etc are all good signs. But how, as men, are we supposed to project attractive body language to women? The only thing I can think of is smiling or walking confidently (not hunching).

Could you guys give me some good examples of what I should be doing to project positive, attractive body language? I have a slight feeling that I already do it without knowing it but I'd love you guys' insight.

 

[samspade]

As you said, stand straight and don't hunch. Occupy as much space as you can. Don't cross or fold arms. Smile but not too much. Maintain eye contact whenever possible. Touch people's shoulders, arms, etc. Be animated when speaking but don't overdo it. The most important thing is not to appear "guarded" but "open." Expose your torso in other words and keep your hands out of your pockets.

You can form a "V" or church steeple with your hands at about your sternum (Mr. Burns style). This is one of the few ways to have your hands in front of yo but not appear guarded.

Here is some additional related advice I just happened to write:

http://theuniversalmale.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/put-the-device-down/

 

[TheCWord]

Great article, Sam.

 

[evan12]

search for "dominant man body language" that is what attract women

 

[samspade]

Great article, Sam.

Thanks man!

 

[imarockstar]

Thanks Sam, and great article. I am a bartender myself, and I could have written this article myself, although perhaps not as eloquently. It drives me nuts seeing people come out in public to a social setting, in an atmosphere where you are supposed to be social, all to mindlessly stare at their phones every 5 seconds. As you touched on, it, to me, is a new age form of bad manners to pay more attention to your phone than the person who you are out with. Its equivalent to saying," We are hanging out, but you are such a bore that I'd rather look at what other people are doing on Facebook".

And don't even get me started on the guys who roll solo to the bar and don't talk. I understand, sometimes you don't want to be bothered and are just out for a quick drink and a bite to eat, watch some sportscenter, and relax. What kills me is the same guys come out alone, every single week, hang out for hours but barely say anything or approach anyone. I know what is going through their head," Well its better than being at home alone", and they hope for some miracle that maybe tonight might be the night, that somehow someone will approach them.

They barely even talk to us bartenders, and we see these guys every week and every time I try to converse with them they give very vague and closed off responses. This is getting pretty off track, but guys, please dont be that guy. I know my limitations, I know that I am not that social of a guy to go alone to a bar, its awful for me. Luckily I have friends that will go, but if they arent down, I usually wont do it unless I know someone who works there. If you dont know anyone in town, get into a hobby that interests you, and eventually they will become your second family, or at least someone you can go out and grab a beer with.

 

[imarockstar]

As far as my google search went, it was not very helpful and slightly pathetic. Techniques mentioned such as standing up straight, chin up, chest out, T/V shaped, not guarded; are all things I found I do anyways. I at times have trouble with eye contact until I become aware of it, then I focus. Its not that I am nervous, its just that I have ADD and I am all over the place sometimes lol.

However, things such as occupying space in such a way that would offend someone, or being the leader in conversation, not letting others talk, telling other people to "be brief" in their responses, using swear words in polite environments, oh and the worst, belittling others in order to look more alpha: PATHETIC. I know it was just one website, but I skimmed through a few others and they had advice that was just as bad.

This, IMO, is not how a DJ acts. A DJ is friends with everyone. He is confident and speaks his mind, but he never makes others look bad in order to look better, its the life he lives and the positive attitude that he has that makes him look good already. He is happy with himself and does not worry about if other people like him or dislike him for that matter.

Besides, my biggest pet peeve is a wannabe macho man that tries to outalpha me by trying to make me look bad, usually happens in front of women. This has happened only once or twice in my post grade school years, and usually Ill laugh it off and crack a joke about his obvious insecurity, which in turn completely backfires on his ridiculous strategy. In middle school and high school it happened a lot, but I was so naive and mentally weak. I have been involved in a couple of forms of martial arts the past year or so and very dedicated to fitness the past year. I work extremely hard, and for some chump to try to make me look bad, using a shortcut instead of working as hard as I did, really pisses me off.

This goes without saying but do not follow this "belittling others" advice, because you may just come across a guy like me who will call your bluff. And you will never know who is trained. Guys I train with are all different types. Some very out of shape looking, balding, older, younger, good looking, athletic, black, white, tall, short etc. You never know. And one of the guys you would least expect to know how to fight and you would think is a complete pushover is our black belt.

I know I just took this discussion in another direction but it is relative and it is something I really needed to say, because at one point after finding this site, I tried to take shortcuts like this, and luckily nothing bad ever happened, I just felt pathetic being a phony.

 

[goundra]

nobody who'd I would rank as "untouchable by the untrained man" (the meaning of the black belt, when it's for real) ever looked anything like a pushover. In fact, most of them show exactly what they are, which is warriors.

 

[sharkbeat]

the point is not for you to not think about body language. It should just happen.

The key is the emotions behind your heart. Are you happy and excited? Then you will be automatically animated when you talk. If you are deep in thought, then youd look occupied. I however prefer to be genuine about my body language. I prefer to express myself in however that feels natural to me, rather than making myself look like a weirdo by consciously fixing myself to be an alpha.

Women can tell if you are fake (Hell, I can tell). They play along, as they are too polite and probably enjoy the show. The way you speak, body languages, everything. How do you make yourself look like a natural? Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Someone who have mastered his emotion can carry their emotion like water. He can control it in such a way that he carries other people's emotion with him. Suddenly he's pleasant to be around because he's that magnetic. Or when he's angry, he's *that* scary. Not because he has mastered the True Alpha Body Language Mastery online course, but because he's very comfortable in expressing himself that other people are drawn into him like a tsunami that swallows the entire village and pulls them into the ocean.