Blocking the ex, sign of winning?

[nismo-4]

The only thing about blocking a girl, is it tells her that you thought about her enough to do it. NC usually projects that you are Not thinking about her.

It all depends on what SHE thinks. She could think otherwise.

OP, just move the f**k on! Delete her entirely! She could care less about your ass.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Beyond blocking, sometimes I even question the value of NC in terms of not responding when they try to break the NC. Half of my brain says me giving them the silent treatment, when it's way out of character, gives her a sense of "I win". Logically I know it doesn't matter but it gets under your skin - damn her for thinking she's winning - kind of thing. Nonetheless, I've remained NC for all three of her attempts to contact me. Damned if you do, and also if you don't!

 

[muzza.deman]

If winning is so important then go the other way and actively comment. If she bites you open dialogue.. But you risk losing both privately and publicly is that an acceptable risk ?????.you never truly "win" if you won't risk losing.....but seriously
There is so much good advice preceding me it is a moot point... I personally would next her or at least no contact until you decide what's your gut feel. Do you think hockey dude sees you as a threat, you would know by now if he did IMO.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I agree.

'No contact' is about preserving our ego and pride from butt-hurt. It's a juvenile woman's tactic.



Why have you acted against your logical thought process? Emotion?

Escalate it straight to getting her out. Who cares if she declines?

If you want to be over a woman, then be over it. Don't give a sh*t about "who wins" by a woman's standards - care about 'winning' by a man's.

This is one of those things where I agree with you and my own basic premise, but I have not acted accordingly. I think the main reason is that we really haven't talked about what I am pissed off about and NC is the only way for me to transmit that unhappiness. Part of it is me enjoying her spinning on the hamster wheel, but if she wonders what's wrong, no part of her three attempts were asking me what it wrong. She commented through a mutual friend that she was pissed off that I didn't answer her last FB message, but that is it. I feel like if I talk to her then she will think all is fine with me and I'm still on her back burner. The struggle has been for me to find a way to tell her that I'm not there for her anymore, without having to actually TELL her that. To me, when I imagine that conversation, it is fraught with peril to my sense of self. She'll turn it around on me, make me the bad guy, and I'll be begging her to be back in her life and back on the back burner. Frankly NC is the only way I know to go - but it keeps me dedicated to it. 121 days and counting.

 

[devilkingx2]

This is one of those things where I agree with you and my own basic premise, but I have not acted accordingly. I think the main reason is that we really haven't talked about what I am pissed off about and NC is the only way for me to transmit that unhappiness. Part of it is me enjoying her spinning on the hamster wheel, but if she wonders what's wrong, no part of her three attempts were asking me what it wrong. She commented through a mutual friend that she was pissed off that I didn't answer her last FB message, but that is it. I feel like if I talk to her then she will think all is fine with me and I'm still on her back burner. The struggle has been for me to find a way to tell her that I'm not there for her anymore, without having to actually TELL her that. To me, when I imagine that conversation, it is fraught with peril to my sense of self. She'll turn it around on me, make me the bad guy, and I'll be begging her to be back in her life and back on the back burner. Frankly NC is the only way I know to go - but it keeps me dedicated to it. 121 days and counting.

don't tell her anything, she doesn't need to hear it, NC til the end of days

I agree.

'No contact' is about preserving our ego and pride from butt-hurt. It's a juvenile woman's tactic.

NC is supposed to be about focusing on other things, rather than wasting your time on a woman in the past and convincing yourself you still have a chance or something dumb like that

 

[grayclif]

It's been 4 months since I last spoke to my ex, she got into a relationship a week later after breaking up with me and is now in a relationship with this guy who moved in to her house the same week. She's BPD.

Based on this info here there is no reason to have any contact with this woman for all eternity. Who care who is winning or losing. Just block her from everything, move on and spin plates.

 

[grayclif]

I have now read 9 books trying to fill my knowledge on this and psychology.

Nine books in four months and the best you can come up with is you need to find power over an ex?

 

[PantyWhisperer]

don't tell her anything, she doesn't need to hear it, NC til the end of days

Good advice and I plan to follow it to the letter!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Good advice and I plan to follow it to the letter!

You will regain mental strength, confidence and self respect. You don't even realize how much you are giving up dealing with that situation.

 

[BraddH]

Boy why do you care about winning or losing against this girl?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Boy why do you care about winning or losing against this girl?

Easiest "win" because she will go tit for tat back and forth and better than you, is to completely cut her out of your life, get on with personal goals, development, SEX, LIVING GREAT, plates, taking care of yourself, furthering your career etc.

Thinking of how to get someone back is negative thinking and can take over 50% of your processing capability, also it will affect your confidence cause you are still focusing too much on her. LET HER GO.

 

[BraddH]

Easiest "win" because she will go tit for tat back and forth and better than you, is to completely cut her out of your life, get on with personal goals, development, SEX, LIVING GREAT, plates, taking care of yourself, furthering your career etc.

Thinking of how to get someone back is negative thinking and can take over 50% of your processing capability, also it will affect your confidence cause you are still focusing too much on her. LET HER GO.

Why are you telling this to me?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why are you telling this to me?

Whoever is hanging in there to get a female "back" that's playing games. It's stupid and a waste of your brain power.

 

[BraddH]

Whoever is hanging in there to get a female "back" that's playing games. It's stupid and a waste of your brain power.

Why are you telling this to me?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I used my situation as an example. This is something I want to know generally. In any relationship. I just so happen to be in a situation where I acted upon this. This is to look back on for my own. As for reference.

Blocking someone a couple of months after a break up, gives the dumper power or not? Does it reassure her of her decisions to stay with her rebound?

She has no power with you if you don't want her and don't talk to her.

 

[HankHill]

There are two types of breakups:

1 Those where people want to stay friends (most women prefer this but men do it too). I've chosen to not stay friends (although this could lead to FWB more easily? so may be I've been doing it wrong). Anyway, in this type of a breakup I don't see why I would maintain friendship or connection with them on the social media. I think you did the right thing by blocking her first, before she blocked you. Onwards and upwards.

2. The second breakup is where people have decided to stay friends. Well in that case I guess it's acceptable to maintain social media contact.

 

[greatsnake]

Deleting and blocking them is being weak.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was reading my responses two years ago.

 

[Billtx49]

Deleting and blocking them is being weak.

That, and sends a covert signal that you gave it enough attention to do it and you might be butt hurt.

 

[devilkingx2]

Deleting and blocking them is being weak.

Burning bridges to move on is a sign of strength

That, and sends a signal that you gave it enough attention to do it and you might be butt hurt.

who cares what she thinks if you're deleting and blocking her lmao