BlackAnkle's Journal

[BlackAnkle]

Dude why the fvck would you stay up for 43 hours just to do well in high school exams? You're screwing your body over

I have a 4.1 GPA and I'm trying to play football at Stanford(Adding that to my goals btw). (that GPA is weighted btw with AP Classes bringing it up) I had an 89 in my AP chem class which I had to make a 92 on to bring me to an A. Nothing wrong with worrying about education!

If I can't make the GPA for Stanford I'm thinking of Georgia... Anybody else here know where they are going to college?

 

[BlackAnkle]

You should probably tell your best mate, cause you know, he's your best mate.

Any idea on how to go about this? I care about our friendship way more than this girl (NoHomo) but this is like my main wingman for everything in life.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

No homo in the context of your journal is just hilarious

You should probably have thought of that before you hooked up with her.

Tell him like it is. How you value your friendship and that you regretted it and wanted to tell him.

Honestly though, if you really value the friendship you should let go of the girl altogether. It really isn't healthy for your friendship, even if he says it's ok - if he had feelings for her.

From Stanford to UGA? That's quite a leap. UGA has a great party scene though. Read The College Code if you wanna see what HPRJ got up to at Georgia State.

 

[BlackAnkle]

Field Report
Another great night. That HB 9 I said I was planning on a date with (not the one from my last report) she turned out to be an easy 10. I met this girl on instagram (great way to meet random chicks). I simply commented on her picture you're cute and then proceeded to get her number. Well I had been texting her for about two weeks, we both had conflicting schedules so I couldn't really schedule anything. But we finally got something together for tonight and it was to say the least the best hook up I've ever had. Here's how it went

So I stayed with my friend, we will call him bill, Me and bill go way back, he lives about an hour away from me but I wanted to see him, so I went down to his city and we had a great time. Was flirting around with some friends of his but didn't have any major interest. But we had drinks and chilled with some guys, so that was a great time catching up with him. Anyways, I spun the night, and then had the date with the new girl from instagram. Judging from her instagram, she was a 9, that soon changed as the date proceeded.

I drove to her town, about 30 minutes away from Bills, there were some huge storms in the area, tornadoes and funnel clouds, so I had to figure a way to make this work. I went to her house and awkwardly met her mom and got that out of the way and took her to dinner. This girl is a natural brunette but actually has more to the blackish/dark brown hair. Her eyes get me. I love some pretty eyes to stare in to. We ate, awkward dinner, she was really shy so it was a struggle to keep a conversation going. I don't really recommend taking a girl to dinner before getting comfortable with each other. Lights were flickering in the restaurant due to the crazy winds. So her mom was calling her like crazy saying be careful and stay at the restaurant until it passes. We went out to my truck and just were gonna wait there. I kissed her as soon as we got in my truck. Getting girls is so easy to me when I get them alone. I have absolutely no trouble in that area of my game, if the girl is isolated, it's so easy for me. I have a trick I normally use. While talking.... I'll start.. Making pauses.... In my voice.... And... BOOM. I'll just let that slow paused tension build and kiss her. I'm a big guy so it's hard to maneuver around my truck. But we managed, she didn't like me putting my hands on her boobs and ass at first, but I started kissing her neck and she got horny. I let her unbutton my shirt and feel my abs and all, and then convinced her to take off her shirt. She took it off and was just wearing her yoga pants and pink sports bra. It was so ****ing hot. But that didn't stop there. After that sexy sports bra came off, that's when she turned straight to a ten. She had on this white lace bra and that sports bra made her D sized boobs look like a B size. Her boobs were incredible. They didn't sag, they were huge but perfectly soft and firm. I took off her bra too and holy ****. I sucked them for a while and we just sat and hooked up and I fingered her over her yoga pants a bit. She put her hand down on my area for a second but stopped. So we just hooked up to some G-Eazy in there. (Awesome rapper by the way, my favorite, definately look up some of His stuff) after about 30 minutes of kissing her mom got mad because we were supposed to come back and watch a movie at her place. So I put her bra back on a went back to her place where I just talked to her mom and her friends and her and played them some piano. We hung out and watched a movie for a little while but it wasn't as fun with her friends around so I left. But before I left, I brought her outside, and we kissed outside her front door. I had a really strong connection to this girl, she was so laid back and chill with the perfect combination of sexuality in a total non slutty but passionate way. I definately see her as relationship material and I told her this, I told her that she "really impressed me tonight" I love that line, it flips the table around and makes the girl think she was the one who was doing the impressing. I told her I want to continue to see her and quite possibly want a relationship with her. She said she likes me and wants to continue to see me, so to be quite honest, I'm really hoping for a solid relationship with this girl. I'm not very used to relationship though so I'm not sure where to go with it. She said she would want to be my girlfriend, but it's also so early. So yeah, we left talking about our future together, so I'm hoping nothing changes as I get to know her. I need advice on future relations though, the best way to go about pursuing her.

Fun ass night. She was such a good kisser. I've had a hell of a start to my christmas break. My life is improving and in enjoying every second of it. I love this community and the support from everyone here

Night guys
BlackAnkle

 

[RiceandChicken]

Stamp of approval earned from me. Hell of a night bruh. Keep up the good work, your journal is rather impressive thus far.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

This makes me happy

 

[BlackAnkle]

Stamp of approval earned from me. Hell of a night bruh. Keep up the good work, your journal is rather impressive thus far.

Thanks for the support, it's really encouraging when a well respected DJ says he approves of me.

This makes me happy

I've been reading that 7 Habits of Highly effective people book you recommended. To be honest, I was expecting one of those cheesy self help book with certain "laws" to follow, but this book was just the opposite, even at times condemning the quick personality fixes that modernized society likes. The title misled me but I am about a quarter of the way in and I love it.

 

[BlackAnkle]

A setback in the journey, but not really

So, its time to update for this week, as well as tell y'all about a certain occurance.

Things are going great, Im closing in on two weeks of no fap and to be honest, not only does it have noticeable differences on your mood, it also ameliorates the look of your junk as well, kinda cool in my opinion.

Also, Merry Christmas, Jesus is born in Bethlehem soon! Too anybody who celebrates this fun time of the year..

As I type this, I just got done with a killer shoulder workout and cardio to begin it. My track coach has given me a total list of workouts to do over the break, pretty nice guide to follow, I will post the list of different workouts if anyone wants them. I did a leg workout yesterday, was able to get 365 for 3 sets of 8 and did some power cleans and some abs as well. And for my cardio, me and some buddies played basketball. Ive pretty much been going non-stop this break. I skipped going out to party with friends last night due to my exhaustion this weekend with that gorgeous 10 girl i was with. Pretty girls wear me out. I have been procrastinating the hour of reading and meditation part of things, Honestly because I have been too busy enjoying myself on my break, its nice after a long week of exams. Cold shower=bomb. You can absolutely feel the euphoria as testosterone flows through your veins after a good workout and an ice cold shower afterwards.

Well along with the good news of an improved lifestyle and hooking up with a couple of hot girls, there is some sad news, but its not so sad to me honestly.

That HB 10 I had alot to say about and I made plans to hang out again on the 26th, I was gonna get her and take her to this big city about an hour from both of us for privacy and a hell of a night. And it was going well, she gladly agreed and was ready to come, I had to work out some stuff around her mom but for the most part, we were good to go. Last night, though, she kinda was ignoring me and I was getting weird vibes. It seems that even without talking to someone, you can sense whether the spark is there or not. I sure wasnt feeling it from her. I snap chatted her once and texted her this morning asking if she was still up for it, This is how our conversation has gone...

Her: (She is agreeing here and telling me she can go and stuff and asking for my moms number so that our moms can talk to each other)
.. Her mom never called mine, so I just texted later and said
Me: So whats your mom's status?
Her: Ohhh Yeah its fine
Me: Pick you up @5?
(She didnt reply, she was at a party or something, it couldnt have been like a rager type party as she lives in the country and they never have those)
Me(Next morning after she snapchatted me back): Glad you decided to get up
Me: (I waited an hour or so) I need to talk to you though so please call me or something when possible
Her: Oh about what?
Me: Well Im not gonna bring my truck to my sisters on christmas (we are doing christmas at my sisters) if you cant come
Her: Ohh Yeahh... Sorry.. Umm. let me text my dad real fast (real bad vibes)
Me: You alright?
Her: Yeah, Im just sleepy
Her: & yeah just go ahead and take your truck to your sisters
Me: Okay. And I told her the time id get her
Her: Ok

So i went to do my shoulder workout which was great, I didnt check my phone during the workout when I got done i did and i had a text from her

Her:I cant go.. Dad isnt comfortable with it
Me: Could we just stay in your town?

Then i called her, Told her straight that her excuse was very unstable and that I didnt feel like she cared to go. We talked about the possibility of another date in her boring town
After call..
Me: Listen, you dont really want to come. I can easily tell by the tone in your voice... Its cool
Her: Im just going through some stuff right now

Now normally here i would have dragged this out and said "So tell me whats going on?" But I took a different approach.

Me: Thats fine
Her: sorry, maybe another time... after christmas or something
Me: Dont be sorry, If youre uniterested, you are unintersted
Her: Thanks for understanding...
Me: No worries

And that was it. Im not that sad. I feel much better having that closure that she was unintested than when she was being unresponsive last night. But I feel great, honestly, I proceeded after that to tell some other girl Id be in her town tonight, and Ill just make plans with her. I dont feel like its the end of me and HB 10, But I could be completely wrong. Im just gonna keep doing what I came here for. Myself, not women. To better myself and be the ultimate man I could be. Yeah It hurts, but cold showers ****ing hurt too, Its not about the shots you make. This is really the first time that ive ever felt motivated from a girl being uninterested. And yes, I do care about this girl and will admit I have some oneitis, dont give a damn. Im ready to take on the world.

Cheers,
BlackAnkle

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Eeyy, girls change their minds depending on their mood. It's definitely not over, but just let it be for a while. Hit her up whenever you feel like it in the future

Oh and you could post those workouts if youre interested in input from people like DanZy or Jack. They miiight not know how to advise for your needs, but they know their stuff.

 

[BlackAnkle]

Im on a downswing
So these past few days, have honestly been **** to say the least. I went to a party last night, I feel like its impossible to hook up with any girls who live in my town, not sure what the deal is but I just feel that a wall separates us. I need more respect from guys honestly, I'm the biggest, strongest and fastest running guy at my school, so in caveman terms, I'm an alpha male. I also hook up with way more girls than any guys at my school would think of, but it just still seems like these high school guys don't give me the respect I feel I deserve. I want women, and men to look at me with respect. Things need to change. I want to be seen as a quiet guy, one who speaks only with wisdom, when he speaks, it's full of straight charm and masculinity. I need to get into the self improvement that I've been putting off ever since starting this journal, constantly, I find myself dying to be in college, just to have a fresh start with new girls and a new public figure. I don't want to be dying to be in college, I want to be happy right here, right now. Since I've started journaling, my whole focus has been on women, this journal is going to have a whole paradigm shift. I don't give a **** about women right now, from now, until I have reached a place of happiness, where I am totally content with who I am, this journal will be about me. It will be about my lifts, my looks, my status among people as a whole, my conversational skills, my knowledge, my grades, my music, my reading capabilities, my style, my celibacy(from my hand), and anything that has to do with making myself set apart from every one of these guys in high school.

Here is what I plan on doing:
Tomorrow:
I am going to wake up, organize my room, closet, throwing out any clothes I do not need. I am going to get rid of my non-fashionable clothes and spend some money on good ones. I am going to clean out my truck, then I'm going to the library to get a library card. Then I'm going to go look for a place out in eh wilderness where I can meditate and read in my eno everyday. Tomorrow will be a foundation for the start. I am then going to set up a workout/dieting plan to follow strictly without any cheat days. Tomorrow I will do a bit of working out too, but it won't be on the plan because I have to make the plan tomorrow. I also going to set up all of my vocal singing tracks on my new phone so that I can do each lesson while taking my cold shower every day to optimize my time usage. I will also set aside a time to practice piano/guitar/music theory and song writing for an hour at least every day. I am going to begin to pray again, I won't be drinking at all (I'm planning) in this 2014 year. I haven't decided whether to give up tobacco (dipping). I will brush my teeth 3 times for 2 and a half minutes every day and will floss them in the morning and at night. I will always look my best, even when going to workout. I am going to start a rigid sleep cycle, this one may be kinda hard to get into fully until after the new year when I am back in school. This list will definitely be added onto, but for now, I will use this list as a guide to what needs to be started on tomorrow, no girls will be on my mind, just improving my life so that I can reach my goals and dreams. The books I read won't be about women, or social interactions, because I feel those will come with my inner improvements. I want to be genuine, none of this fake pua crap I read everywhere. I also am considering getting a go pro so that I can document and make cool videos for my music and life in general.

This will be taken one step at a time

Cheers,
BlackAnkle

 

[BlackAnkle]

Oh and for any of you who masturbate and watch porn, I just want to let you know that your love life is watching other people have sex. Just think about that

 

[LearningSlowly]

Good job man. Not sure if you see it, but you're coming into a nice bubble of success. Stay the course and you will see some rewards soon.

I like how you handled that girl. You could tell she wanted to walk away so you walked away first.

Don't get too bogged down by making music plans and meditation plans and workout plans. All of those activities are benefitted most by just showing up. Show up and spend daily time doing them and the plan is secondary. Don't burn yourself out on them, slow and steady with those.

 

[BlackAnkle]

Im back
So quick journal tonight. Holidays season pretty much coming to an end and it's time to begin getting serious about my work. Yes, I did have a New Year's Eve kiss. It's was okay. Girl was hot at best, just cute at worst. I was actually planning on a raging party with my best mate up in a town an hour away. He has a relationship with some girl up there, I kissed that girl awhile back but never told him, thought I'd just keep it to myself and let him have his fun. Anyways went up to the town about an hour away because there were 7 killer parties. We ended up arriving to each party just as the cops showed up at each but finally found one after a long night of driving. Walked into party, said hey, cops sowed up again, walked back to car, found a girl while walking, she came close to me because I had a fuzzy jacket so no approach was needed. I siply put my arm around her, pulled her over by my car and made out with her against the car. Turns out it was the friend of that girl who used to be with me but is now with my friend. So we all went to her house and upstairs, I hooked up and played piano for them all, and yeah... Drove home.

I am also starting looking for buisness opportunities. I want to make cash. Considering giving guitar/piano/vocal lessons here at the university town I live in. I also am buying/selling iphone cases. Any ideas let me know.

No fap has failed after 23 days. In questioning whether it's fap, or porn which is the issue. I wanna know thoughts on this ^

My new high school just finished building, we start back on Tuesday. It's absolutely epic.

That's all tonight, gonna get some major self improvement in soon.

Cheers,
BlackAnkle

Ps. Working on clearing a path out to back in the woods and setting up a place in nature where I can read, meditate, and just relax. I want to build a nice fort and tarp that I can put up if it rains. And I also want to eno out there too, maybe make it a good place to bring future dates and build fires. Reading "A new Earth" I love what he has to say. But I don't agree with Tolles views on that if you believe only your religion to be right then you are fueling the ego.

 

[RiceandChicken]

Well on the no fap. It comes easy for some of us. For me, I don't even think about fapping. I've exercised such self control in that matter that it's really nothing to me.

I think the issue could be self control. You let the hormones kick in and they start taking over. Then you let your body tell you(time to empty out the pipes). You aren't an active porn watcher are you? If not, then I honestly think it's just horniess getting you. Got to use this secksual energy in other ways.(gaming, inviting a girl over and working magic on her, going to the gym). Once you start doing that, fapping will become a thing of the past.

 

[BlackAnkle]

Well on the no fap. It comes easy for some of us. For me, I don't even think about fapping. I've exercised such self control in that matter that it's really nothing to me.

I think the issue could be self control. You let the hormones kick in and they start taking over. Then you let your body tell you(time to empty out the pipes). You aren't an active porn watcher are you? If not, then I honestly think it's just horniess getting you. Got to use this secksual energy in other ways.(gaming, inviting a girl over and working magic on her, going to the gym). Once you start doing that, fapping will become a thing of the past.

Channeling, what if, after you try to channel your energy, stronger sexual desire comes around? I've noticed that after I get a heavy squat day in or some heavy lifting, my body seems to be way Hornier than before. But here it's a "damn I'm tired, I've had a great gym day I'm just going to stay home and release my sexual energy" and I've struggled with porn. I'm definitely coming out of it though. Just a week without it a year ago would have killed me. I think Porn is more of a destroying issue that one has to recover from, but the need for masturbaring seems to be more of a motivation.

 

[RiceandChicken]

Alright, as far a that is concerned, I have to sympathize with you on the after acquitting you become more horny. I understand that feeling bro. It's like you want to go to some girl you know and wouldn't mind banging, and ramming it up her p**** dry. It's something that with time you gain control. That's where you use the energy and go game girls. Get that sarging that you want to do really bad but can't find the motivation for it.

And Porn, yes, it's a destroyer. It wrecks havoc in the brain and on your dvck
Because you become use to watching girls fvck. And when a girl wants to bang you, you can't get it up. That's the peak of porn destroying you.

And in terms of jacking off... It's ok to do so for a once every 2-3 days. Of course you want to be able to 4-5, sometimes weeks without fapping once you gain control. Don't be so hard on your self when it comes to that kind of stuff bro.

Have you been to yourbrainonporn.com?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Do whatever you want. Stay off porn.

This is really fringe, but it's from an author I respect and a great book Im reading. http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

 

[BlackAnkle]

Do whatever you want. Stay off porn.

This is really fringe, but it's from an author I respect and a great book Im reading. http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

What are your thoughts on Masturbation, without porn in your life. Taking out the possibility of erectile dysfunction, does it have harmful affects? I respect your opinion

 

[NorwegianDJ]

What are your thoughts on Masturbation, without porn in your life. Taking out the possibility of erectile dysfunction, does it have harmful affects? I respect your opinion

I think it's okay, but you really just gotta find out what your goals are and what best fits them.

For example, Tyler from RSD thinks masturbation is perfectly fine, but he also acknowledges nofap. It's not a magic pill, but it sure is a very valid option that can help you keep steady on other fronts.

Continuing, I find myself doing better when I do well on NoFap. Maybe because of how it makes me feel, maybe because of consistency across my goals. Point being, for me it helps.

Also great on the point of self-control. I just got reminded of some comment on how celibacy is counter-intuitive because it mostly just promotes excess masturbation, especially among priests. Anyway, do whatever you feel. If you feel that jerking it is causing you to relapse back into bad habits, or causing anything negative, then just refrain from it for a period of time.

 

[BlackAnkle]

Back, sorry for being so quiet lately.

Hey guys, I've been really busy. I'm working on a lot of new and good things in my life right now.

With school starting back, I'm trying really hard to get a 34 or above on my ACT and I want Stanford to offer me for football. I'd love to go there. I also have been working. I'm starting A lawn and landscaping company here in my town and I'm gonna get permits and licenses so that I can properly run the buisness. I want to get about 50-70 customers. I'm looking to profit 30000$ first year and up to 100000$ my second year. It's going to take a lot of work but I've been studying a lot of economics about it and I have a steady base.

I have also been working more on my music, I am writing my first song right now. So I'm really busy.

And yes, I have kissed a few girls since last time I posted. But my life has traveled way beyond what women perceive me as. I feel totally changed in that I am pursuing my goals and what I want and not trying to impress anybody. I think great things are about to come. I broke my power clean record at our school and power cleaned three plates on each side which is 315 pounds. Coaches from Ole Miss saw this happen and have given me interest.

I'm really excited about my journey. It's getting more and more fun everyday. My advice for guys is this: don't live a passive life. There's a difference between being present and observing things as they are And being passive. It is possible to be satisfied where you are, and to be determined to improve. Put yourself out there and don't stop. Make neurological connections in your brains by learning and reading and your brain will start to connect more and more things and that's when true creativity and success flow from your life. Don't stop doing. But make the doing your true purpose. Make whatever it is you're doing at the present moment your life's purpose.

Cheers,
BlackAnkle