BlackAnkle's Journal

[BlackAnkle]

Welcome to my Journal
I am new to posting on these forums, but I am no stranger to them. Keeping up with the posts on SoSuave has definitely been insightful to me in my time reading them. This thread will be a series where I keep track of my goals, habits, interactions.. etc, Not that we don't already have enough journals on the forums. This really isn't advice, because I honestly don't have that much to offer you guys. Seeing Journals such as Minds, and Norwegians, I have come to the conclusion that Journaling is the best tool to keep you motivated because you can see your progress over time. This is my intention for the Journal. I have many goals and things I would like to field test, such as the no fap craze and meditation. I will keep record in brutal honesty here, as well as a debrief of my interactions with people (not just girls) throughout each day. Day 1 will be the day I list what I'd like to improve on and I will be back to update you tomorrow
-BlackAnkle

 

[devilkingx2]

so this'll be like every other journal? cool. it'll be nice to see another journey from zero to hero.

 

[BlackAnkle]

A start of a never ending journey

so this'll be like every other journal? cool. it'll be nice to see another journey from zero to hero.

Hope my results are in line with your statement my friend

Welcome Back!
Im ready to start. I have many goals to achieve, pretty generalized goals, but I will refine them down as we go along. I will keep my writings mainly short, just giving you the gist of my growth, so without further a do..

Goals
Long Term
1. Have a deep fulfillment with myself (Without the presence of a woman)
2. Be seen as a leader
3. Be respected by men
4. Have a testosterone filled body
5. Have all A's on my upcoming quarters
6. Develop my music and write my own songs
7. Develop a deep relationship with my lord and savior, Jesus Christ
8. Become a totally passionate person who loves people (Especially women )
...Theres more, If I can think of them, Ill be sure to add
Short Term
1. Get body weight up from 220-240 in pure muscle
2. Get offered by a college for Football and/or Track
3. Develop a good go-to list of women in my life
4. Hook up with two girls at once (Just a fantasy Ive always had)
5. Score A's on my finals next week
6. Grow the Flow out
...These will be updated more often than the Long Terms

How will I achieve this? I have a lot to do. I am a good looking guy, not to be arrogant (which I am, need to work on humility, might add that to list), but to give you guys a general description of me. I have been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was 10 years old, Im 16 now. I am 6'5, I weigh 220 pounds, And most people would think "Wow why would you need advice with such a frame?"... Well I do. Don't get me wrong, Im not a total AFC with the girls. Ive hooked up with at least 40 girls in my years, (No sex, about 5 blow jobs, countless hand jobs... the sex is against my religion), About 34 of the 35 hookups have been at the beach, but not with girls who I live near. I want this to change. I can't seem to get girls who live near me. It seems as if something about my personality drives them away in the long term. This I need to change. Girls who don't know me, or who live away from me (not packed in my high school all day everyday) seem to love me. I have no problem getting them secluded to have my way with them. If I can get a girl alone with me, its game over, she will hook up with me. Anyways... Ill be back to post more about me and How I will achieve these goals tomorrow
Peace
Black Ankle

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I think you should re-evaluate your religious beliefs.

What I mean is that you're strongly contradicting christian beliefs, but you still choose to abide to the no sex before marriage.

Isn't Christianity about faith and intent? You're basically having sex before marriage, you're just not performing the action. Is it really about the action, or is it about the underlaying values?

Think of how many times the bible have been rewritten. It says you should do a ton of things that you do not, and that you shouldn't do things that you do. Being a proper Christian is a paradox in itself, as one cannot follow all the actions AND have the correct intent at the same time, simply based on the motivation behind the actions. Even heaven and hell are paradoxical concepts. How can a perfectly merciless god punish people? Moreover, how can people live happily in heaven, knowing that people are being punished in hell?

My point being: Choose what actions you will follow within religion - it's already a flawed concept. Rather follow the philosophies of your religion over the demanded actions and beliefs.

 

[RiceandChicken]

Nice start to your journal. And dam it if I had your height is be set for life. But we all have our flaws. But as NDJ said, the do and don't's of Christianity isn't a easy thing to abide by. I my self have trouble abiding my it. I am much better off following the principles because that I do very well.

 

[BlackAnkle]

I think you should re-evaluate your religious beliefs.

What I mean is that you're strongly contradicting christian beliefs, but you still choose to abide to the no sex before marriage.

Isn't Christianity about faith and intent? You're basically having sex before marriage, you're just not performing the action. Is it really about the action, or is it about the underlaying values?

Think of how many times the bible have been rewritten. It says you should do a ton of things that you do not, and that you shouldn't do things that you do. Being a proper Christian is a paradox in itself, as one cannot follow all the actions AND have the correct intent at the same time, simply based on the motivation behind the actions. Even heaven and hell are paradoxical concepts. How can a perfectly merciless god punish people? Moreover, how can people live happily in heaven, knowing that people are being punished in hell?

My point being: Choose what actions you will follow within religion - it's already a flawed concept. Rather follow the philosophies of your religion over the demanded actions and beliefs.

Hey man, My beliefs are mine, Please respect them. Notice how one of my goals had to do with me wanting a better relationship with my God, this thread is not about Christianity, it's about my journal, and me keeping track of my goals, and For me to do that, I have to be totally honest with you guys. I am a sinner and have done things I'm not proud of. But this wasn't made for anyone to try to change my beliefs. So that's that. I'm not speaking any more on the subject unless it's to reflect that the goal is going well

 

[BlackAnkle]

Nice start to your journal. And dam it if I had your height is be set for life. But we all have our flaws. But as NDJ said, the do and don't's of Christianity isn't a easy thing to abide by. I my self have trouble abiding my it. I am much better off following the principles because that I do very well.

Thanks man. Love encouragement. I don't want this thread to be a religious debate. Nobody truly knows what's out there, just like nobody knows the perfect formula to a woman's heart, we just have what we believe right? If something works for you, then great!

 

[LearningSlowly]

Gotta weigh in on religion here.

First, figure out who Jesus was and what he wanted. He was poor, humble and well-read.

Next, look at yourself. You want a better body, you want two girls at once, you want to have a list of girls you're working, you want to be a college athlete (and aren't talking about getting scholarships other ways, through academics or charity).

Your ego is large. Your religion is serving only to fuel your ego. Because you are Christian, it becomes another checked off box on the list of reasons girls should like you.

Watch out for it. The devil is in the Church and in Indoctrination, not the lone man questioning.

 

[BlackAnkle]

End of Day 1

Gotta weigh in on religion here.

First, figure out who Jesus was and what he wanted. He was poor, humble and well-read.

Next, look at yourself. You want a better body, you want two girls at once, you want to have a list of girls you're working, you want to be a college athlete (and aren't talking about getting scholarships other ways, through academics or charity).

Your ego is large. Your religion is serving only to fuel your ego. Because you are Christian, it becomes another checked off box on the list of reasons girls should like you.

Watch out for it. The devil is in the Church and in Indoctrination, not the lone man questioning.

Day 1-
Learned today that people are very offended by religion. Not sure why they are telling me my life contradicts itself when I had already mentioned That I was an arrogant bastard who is trying to be better.

Anyways...
Today was pretty average, I haven't masturbated in a while, nor watched porn, it feels good. I feel like my manliness is slowly coming back to me and that my interactions with people seem to be getting better. I've still got a long way to go. If you ever feel pain over a girl, TAKE A COLD SHOWER. Not chilly, I'm talking I've cold on the lowest setting possible to the point where your heart is beating. This is real pain, Euphoria comes afterward though, probably one of the most incredible sensations I've had. As far as meditation, I haven't started yet. I figured I'd wait for next week so I can start fresh (I like that). I've prayed a good bit today, I know many of you readers don't respect my honesty on here, but I do I fact love The Lord. Although my sin reigns through, I'm trying to fix it. It may seem weird that I have "Get a deeper relationship with The Lord" and "hook up with two girls at once" on my goals, but I'm hoping my intentions change, I can't help the way I feel about things... Anywho..

I've been texting a couple girls lately, still none really from where I live. They seem to be responding better, but still not quite where I want them to be. Here's an example of a conversation I had with someone I'll call Mary
Her: Heyy
Me: Hey babe
Her: how are ya?
Me: ready to get on this christmas break
Her: Me too. I moved to *******
Me: awesome! Now we can hang when I come down there
Her: maybe
Me: :/ (I sent this face)
Her: Just messing of course we can (with a kiss emoji)
Me: that's better (kiss back)
Her: what's up?
Me: (ignoring her because I wanna stop texting) I'll be up in Memphis over christmas so let's just plan on then
Hey: no reply

And that was it!
There's more threads but this is the only one where I actually made plans, I actually made plans with this hb 9 I'm interested in next weekend, so we will see if that happens.

I'll be at a huge indoor track meet competing for nationals this weekend, wish me luck!

Oh and here is my list of "fads" I'm into
Cold showers
Meditation
No fap
No porn
Workout 4 times a week
Cardio 6 times a week
Always dress your best
Always maximize interaction
Seize all opportunities

Cheers, this girl just texted me back right at the end of typing this, go figure
-BlackAnkle

 

[BlackAnkle]

you want to be a college athlete (and aren't talking about getting scholarships other ways, through academics or charity).

Your ego is large. Your religion is serving only to fuel your ego. Because you are Christian, it becomes another checked off box on the list of reasons girls should like .

Forgot to mention I have a 31 on my ACT and I am a national merit semi finalist, I'm not all about sports. But I have reached my academic goals, so why would I post that? Second, I mentioned in my "about me" part of this journal that my ego is very large. And I know my religion fuels my ego, Which is why a part of the journal says I want to improve it. Do you have any advice for me? I just want to improve, not trying to impose my beliefs, like I said in the intro, I have nothing to offer you guys. I don't understand why you are all attacking me.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I didn't really want to talk again but I knew there would be this reaction. Following Jesus is well and good, but either talk about him like he's a philosopher you really like, or don't talk about him at all.
There is no God but the one inside you, the books are just stories.

Also, your progress is great. Your future goals are great. You are taking good steps to being a great human being.

 

[BlackAnkle]

I didn't really want to talk again but I knew there would be this reaction. Following Jesus is well and good, but either talk about him like he's a philosopher you really like, or don't talk about him at all.
There is no God but the one inside you, the books are just stories.

Also, your progress is great. Your future goals are great. You are taking good steps to being a great human being.

Thank you for the encouraging words. I do love Jesus, and don't believe the bible is a story. But thank you again.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Do you have any advice for me? .

Don't get angry at the people that are trying to help you.

We don't disapprove of your beliefs, nor are we offended; we just have our own opinions and see contradictions in your behavior that you might not.

I won't discuss the religious stuff, because it's against the forum rules. Feel free to PM. I'd definitely read some books on the subject though, like Tolle (especially since youre into meditation) and some Richard Dawkins (to balance out the bible and Tolle).

 

[BlackAnkle]

Day 2- Just average.. Would love Advice

So today I was pretty sleepy waking up, I stayed up until around 12 last night, I've been playing some old RPG on the old playstation 2 and am trying to beat the game so I can get really into business with my goals full on. I'm almost finished.

Woke up, didn't feel like showering or looking my best so I just ran my hair under the bathtub and went off to school. School was normal, we didn't really do anything this week. I flirted with a couple of girls today, it all seems to no avail in the end. I'm not good with girls that I've known for awhile, where as I am really good with girls I've never met. I can usually meet someone new and hookup with them on the spot, but when I know someone for awhile, I can never seal the deal. Anyways, that girl that texted me back last night had some interesting things to say. A little history of us...

We met on the beach, she lives about an hour away from me it turned out. I set up a date with her, and she had me over to her house where all we pretty much did was hook up on her couch up stairs, this went on for about 2-3 hours, I got tired of it, my lips were really dry at the end of it. She ended up not wanting to to continue things with me, I was also fairly unattractive at the time due to a bad haircut. So we ended for awhile, but she saw me again later this year at a time when looks were on point, so I guess she changed her opinion and we've talked a little, but last night she brought up this different side which I haven't seen of her because she parties, drinks, and does crazy **** all the time. So I expected our conversation to be about our next date or whatever but here's how it went..
Her: Hey (selfie)
Me: Babbbbbeee (selfie back)
Her: what's up?
Me: You're a cutey.
Her: hahaha why the sudden interest in me again
Me: you're a cute girl
Her: yeah but I'm not the same girl, I don't wanna be a hook up or anything like that
Me: Okay, you're still a cute girl
Her: well I need to focus on being a better person and don't wanna be with any guys, let's be friends (ouch)
Me: I feel ya, no worries.

So yeah, I got the LJBF.. Oh well. Plenty of girls out there. I haven't masturbated in 5 days now, so I feel horny and it's making me more interactive. I just needs someone's advice on this:
Why do you think it is that I can pull HB 9's and 10's if I am just meeting them for the first time but can only get girls in the 7 -6 range when I've known them awhile?
-I feel highschool is a very hard place for relationships.

I am going to keep grinding hard, I am starting a heavy lifting regimen next week and am going to focus on that, my exams, and my music. I still will flirt around with girls and make an effort to meet them, but I feel that I base my happiness off of girls.
I have a date with a hb 9 (if plans turn out) this weekend. I've never met the girl before, got her number from instagram and have just been texting her (never met, go figure, she's into me)

I'm in ******* (town) this weekend for a track meet, so I hope I place well in the finals. So y'all wish me the best, maybe I'll see some cute girls running and I'll have a chance to meet them.

Tonight I'll be chilling with some black guys, love them, they know how to turn up. (There's not many white sprinters)

Give me advice if you have any,
Love this journey so far
Cheers
Black Ankle

 

[BlackAnkle]

Day 3 - Long, Boring, but good

So after a terrible nights sleep last night, I woke up this morning around 6:30, took a Russian shower ( This is where you alternate between the hottest setting and the coldest setting ), and went to eat breakfast in my hotel. Today I had the big track meet, which I did really well in! I had prayed about this meet a good bit and practiced hard during the season. My results turned out to be good. It was an indoor track meet, so We had the 60m dash high hurdles instead of the 110m. Somehow, My times got posted wrong so I was in the 23rd heat (slowest heat). I completely dusted everyone in that heat and had a top 16 time (out of 237) which meant I would head to the finals. So the finals came, and there was two heats. I got placed in the first ( the faster one) so we raced and I came in third overall, I lost to an LSU commit and a Florida State Commit. I did beat a Kansas commit for the hurdles!

I also ran the 400, came in 23 out 223 people. Not my strong suit

I looked like death all day today so I didn't have much confidence to try to start conversations with the girls around the meet.

I've been texting the HB 9 as well as a HB 7.5 , I'm working on plans with the 9 this weekend. I'm also gonna make plans with the 7.5, I like 7.5's body, she would be an 8.5 if her personality wasn't so damn weird. So that's it, a track meet, long and boring and a ride home in a school bus. Not my favorite type of day but I'm happy with my track results. Hopefully another School will offer me soon, (only Florida state has so far).

Gonna clean out some stuff tomorrow and begin meditation as well as a good lifting program/diet

Still haven't fapped, off to bed now,
Cheers
Blackankle

 

[BlackAnkle]

Day 4. I guess, gonna start updating weekly
I want to keep these entry's interesting, enough worthy of writing and worthy of you all reading. Not enough interesting events happen in my life that are noteworthy daily. So I'm going to start just gathering major events weekly and updating my goals weekly. If there is something that I just HAVE to get out, I will break those rules

Anyways I guess I'll tell you about my day so far and you won't hear back from me (unless the aforementioned happens) until next week.

I woke up pretty early, since I stayed up late after the track meet I was pretty tired. Wasn't planning on church my my parents wanted me to go, so I went in the midst of my exhaustion. Woke up a little bit at church. Afterward I ran a mile and did some abs. Ever since I've been studying for my pre cal and apush exam. Anyways.. That's it. Haven't texted any girls today. Wanting to read 7 habits of highly effective people that Norwegian DJ recommended. So yeah, hopefully my plans with HB 9 workout.

Gonna do my vocal work and probably read that book and go to bed at 8.

Planning on these habits this week..
-wake up at 5 and run a mile and do some abs/stretching
-look my best everyday
-study each night for my exams
-read an hour everyday
-no fap
-meditate for 20 min daily
-pray and read bible
-maximize interactions with all people
-Lift after school hard and do track workouts
-Do vocal work all week
-let go of my ego

Until next week
BlackAnkle

 

[BlackAnkle]

Field Report
So I'm updating before the week long mark because I've had a favorable night, but before I get into the happenings, let me just give you a quick background to help you understand.

This week has been so stressful, as I write this I haven't slept in 43 hours due to my extremely hard exams. I'm trying to keep an honors GPA so I have to work hard. But I finished my last exam today and got a fresh start to my Christmas Break.

I talked to the girl earlier in class today, she used to date my best friend for a really long time so it's always been non romantic between us even after they broke up. She is hot. Her ass is huge, and her boobs are just perfect. She has this long auburn hair that hangs all the way down to her perfectly shaped ass. And just some puppy dog eyes and she is pretty skinny. Anyways, Lately I've been on No Fap (hardest **** ever by the way) and no fap has made me super horny at all times. So I find it harder to refrain from pinching her ass in class and stuff. Anyways we had a study group one night with a couple of friends and somehow we got off on the topic of winter formal. I ended up saying to her "we are going to formal together" and she said laughing "you can't just do that you have to ask me!" And I replied "is that so?" And then proceeded to take her home and hook up with her before leaving my car. That was about two weeks ago or so. Today, I made plans with her again, we went to see a new movie which was awful, the whole movie I was just messing around with her ass in a conspicuous way because like half my school was at that movie and we couldn't be seen together due to my best mate dating her a while ago. We went out to the concession stand, I made out with her in a corner on the way to the stand (we couldn't kiss in the movie due to people we know being there) and then coming back I made out with her a little more lifting her by her ass against a wall. When the awful movie ended, We proceeded out, talking to some friends from school, then I took her to my car, drove to a secluded area. TIP: When you are about to kiss a girl in your car, lean over and grab the handle that leans her seat back while kissing her, it turns them on so much I've found. We kissed until we both got tired of it, she wouldn't let me put my hands down her pants, but I still played with her ass and around her boobs (which she did let me feel under the clothes) and then I just took her to her car and let her drive home. She blew me a kiss getting out and yeah. It was just a great way to kick off the break and after being with her, it's really hard to not fap since she didn't blow me or give me a handjob. But I'll keep strong. Really fun night,
I'll update the actual improvements/goals journal on my scheduled day

Cheers,
BlackAnkle

 

[DanZy]

Dude why the fvck would you stay up for 43 hours just to do well in high school exams? You're screwing your body over

 

[RiceandChicken]

Good stuff man. I think you can fvck this chick if you want to.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You should probably tell your best mate, cause you know, he's your best mate.