Bitterness

[HughJasolphd]

Does anyone else here have trouble with being bitter towards a woman that you see often & tried to get to know but they blew you off? I've always been wired where I either like you or I don't, so I have a hard time appearing happy to see them when I'm actuality I want to tell them don't talk to me. I imagine this is a frequent issue when dating in the workplace & it doesn't pan out. How can one reduce that bitter vibe? I know the quote that says bitterness is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die...& I try to remind myself that when it arises but it's still an ongoing issue. I feel like once someone has wronged me I can't act like my true self & be happy around them..I carry that strong "**** you" vibe once someone does me dirty.

Any tips will be great

 

[flowtheory]

Does anyone else here have trouble with being bitter towards a woman that you see often & tried to get to know but they blew you off? I've always been wired where I either like you or I don't, so I have a hard time appearing happy to see them when I'm actuality I want to tell them don't talk to me. I imagine this is a frequent issue when dating in the workplace & it doesn't pan out. How can one reduce that bitter vibe? I know the quote that says bitterness is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die...& I try to remind myself that when it arises but it's still an ongoing issue. I feel like once someone has wronged me I can't act like my true self & be happy around them..I carry that strong "**** you" vibe once someone does me dirty.

Any tips will be great

You’re bitter because they hurt your ego. Getting hung up on little stuff. Have to let it go and move forward. Comes easier when you see yourself as high value

 

[kbbroiler1971]

Okay I'm going to give my insight here. You mentioned dating someone in the workplace and having it not pan out. I did this and it was a huge mistake. Now to be fair I was 18 years old when I did this so I didn't know any better. I didn't think what if it didn't work out. I was very bitter towards this person and then she left my place of work 15 years later. This is why you don't date in the workplace. Plus the final time she saw me back in 2006 I totally blew her off. I didn't respond to a wave at Christmas time and then shortly after she resigned. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Since then obviously, no bitterness. It's easier to forget about a problem when it is not around. I never made that mistake again with dating a co-worker and never will.

 

[HughJasolphd]

Okay I'm going to give my insight here. You mentioned dating someone in the workplace and having it not pan out. I did this and it was a huge mistake. Now to be fair I was 18 years old when I did this so I didn't know any better. I didn't think what if it didn't work out. I was very bitter towards this person and then she left my place of work 15 years later. This is why you don't date in the workplace. Plus the final time she saw me back in 2006 I totally blew her off. I didn't respond to a wave at Christmas time and then shortly after she resigned. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Since then obviously, no bitterness. It's easier to forget about a problem when it is not around. I never made that mistake again with dating a co-worker and never will.

Great insight. Since I personal train & pretty much train out of the same facility I see a lot of the same girls who work there...good lookers too. I'm always thinking in the back of my head about testing the water there but I'd hate to put my work in jeopardy. Your message was valuable info. Thanks brother

 

[Spaz]

Does anyone else here have trouble with being bitter towards a woman that you see often & tried to get to know but they blew you off? I've always been wired where I either like you or I don't, so I have a hard time appearing happy to see them when I'm actuality I want to tell them don't talk to me. I imagine this is a frequent issue when dating in the workplace & it doesn't pan out. How can one reduce that bitter vibe? I know the quote that says bitterness is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die...& I try to remind myself that when it arises but it's still an ongoing issue. I feel like once someone has wronged me I can't act like my true self & be happy around them..I carry that strong "**** you" vibe once someone does me dirty.

Any tips will be great

I'm naturally dismissive so it's easy.

Knowing exactly who u r and what u r capable makes its easier to dismiss people who proves unworthy.

On the other side of the coin, you must display character traits that's worthy and principled - this is what increases a man's sphere of influence organically.

 

[Ranger]

Personally I don’t have a problem with doing women I work around. It really is how you frame it up. If you are looking for a girlfriend, don’t even think it. If you looking at it from you being their secret guy, then it works without risk. She will follow your lead.
A relationship with a woman you work around? Bad idea. The go to guy is a more workable frame.

 

[HughJasolphd]

I'm naturally dismissive so it's easy.

Knowing exactly who u r and what u r capable makes its easier to dismiss people who proves unworthy.

On the other side of the coin, you must display character traits that's worthy and principled - this is what increases a man's sphere of influence organically.

I think that's why I harvest some bitter energy- even though my confidence isn't the greatest I do believe that I am a good dude who is worth knowing. When I'm around a chick continuously who shot me down I subconsciously think "is this ***** serious?" When they still expect me to be open & fun around them like I was prior. I guess it matches up with the first post after mine that suggested they hurt my ego. It makes sense.

I know that I gotta get out & meet more women, but I'm conflicted if I should focus on bettering myself first so that bitter energy subsides in potential future interactions. Im not entirely happy with where I'm at in life & want to change that. But I'm already on quite the dry spell after all the time I've spent locked up for medical ****.

 

[glass half full]

You’re bitter because they hurt your ego. Getting hung up on little stuff. Have to let it go and move forward. Comes easier when you see yourself as high value

Better to not act ant differently, brush it off as if you learned it would not have been good anyway (and it probably wouldn't). More fish in the sea.

 

[Spaz]

I know that I gotta get out & meet more women, but I'm conflicted if I should focus on bettering myself first so that bitter energy subsides in potential future interactions. Im not entirely happy with where I'm at in life & want to change that. But I'm already on quite the dry spell after all the time I've spent locked up for medical ****.

There's no actual conflict there as it's all within ur mind.

Change the way you think as it will influence the way you do things.

The way you think + the way you do things = desired result.

 

[lamath]

I think that's why I harvest some bitter energy- even though my confidence isn't the greatest I do believe that I am a good dude who is worth knowing. When I'm around a chick continuously who shot me down I subconsciously think "is this ***** serious?" When they still expect me to be open & fun around them like I was prior. I guess it matches up with the first post after mine that suggested they hurt my ego. It makes sense.

I know that I gotta get out & meet more women, but I'm conflicted if I should focus on bettering myself first so that bitter energy subsides in potential future interactions. Im not entirely happy with where I'm at in life & want to change that. But I'm already on quite the dry spell after all the time I've spent locked up for medical ****.

What i found hard in the past is making a move toward a women that i find cute but that ik is probably lower smv than me,and she turns me down.
The hardess break up i ever had was with a women i considered lower smv than me, but for the life of me i never got why she broke up with me.

 

[longtail]

Does anyone else here have trouble with being bitter towards a woman that you see often & tried to get to know but they blew you off? I've always been wired where I either like you or I don't, so I have a hard time appearing happy to see them when I'm actuality I want to tell them don't talk to me. I imagine this is a frequent issue when dating in the workplace & it doesn't pan out. How can one reduce that bitter vibe? I know the quote that says bitterness is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die...& I try to remind myself that when it arises but it's still an ongoing issue. I feel like once someone has wronged me I can't act like my true self & be happy around them..I carry that strong "**** you" vibe once someone does me dirty.

Any tips will be great

If she blew you off/rejected you, that's her prerogative; just like you have the prerogative to reject a girl who didn't interest you. She has not wronged you in any conceivable sense. If she is a salesperson at the auto dealership and she failed to deliver on a car you put a down payment on, then she wronged you. But all you have to do is file a claim with your bank or card company and it's settled lickety split.

As far as women at work, I don't encounter that many who are so hot as to make this much of an issue. The only way you are consistently around hot women at work is if you work at a college campus or Forever21 or some other profession dominated by hot young females, which would be none.

 

[Serenity]

If you're dumb enough to do this in a work environment, then at the very least be professional. You may feel bitter, but that is not something that should affect work. You don't have to pretend to be happy and fun around a girl who blew you off, but if it is a workplace environment then remain professional and don't treat her badly. If you used to be happy and funny towards her, but then stopped with that, she will know why if she had blown you off. If you act neutral and professional too, then she won't have anything to hold against you.

Ideally though you learn not to let women own your feelings so easily. To not be bothered, because it's their loss and you won't let a simple b!tch ruin your mood. Also, don't try dating women at your workplace to bypass this entire problem completely.

 

[longtail]

If you're dumb enough to do this in a work environment, then at the very least be professional. You may feel bitter, but that is not something that should affect work. You don't have to pretend to be happy and fun around a girl who blew you off, but if it is a workplace environment then remain professional and don't treat her badly. If you used to be happy and funny towards her, but then stopped with that, she will know why if she had blown you off. If you act neutral and professional too, then she won't have anything to hold against you.

Ideally though you learn not to let women own your feelings so easily. To not be bothered, because it's their loss and you won't let a simple b!tch ruin your mood. Also, don't try dating women at your workplace to bypass this entire problem completely.

You advise him to control his feelings, yet you went apesh1t scolding him lol.

 

[Serenity]

You advise him to control his feelings, yet you went apesh1t scolding him lol.

Wouldn't call that scolding, there was at least no uncontrolled feelings behind it

 

[HughJasolphd]

Wouldn't call that scolding, there was at least no uncontrolled feelings behind it

Definitely not scolding. I appreciate honesty & tough love. It's the only way to grow & get better when you ask for advice.

 

[Spaz]

Definitely not scolding. I appreciate honesty & tough love. It's the only way to grow & get better when you ask for advice.

Good mindset there.