Bit of help with a FWB

[DrBoris]

OK i'm usually quite good with what to do in relationships but this girl has really got me confused.

Basically we were former work colleagues that started going out in the Summer, had a few brilliant months together and then she just texts me one day saying it was over. Her reasoning was that she didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment and just wanted to be single. In hindsight I think I started to act a bit wussy and her ex started to worm his way back into her life.

However, she's wanted to have sex with me since the first time she saw me (her best friend told me this) and she always talks about our amazing sexual chemistry and how i'm mind blowing in bed (this she has told to all her girl friends as well). She wanted to stay friends after we broke up and it didn't take long before she suggested friends with benefits.

In terms of how we act when we're together you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference between when we were going out together and how we are now that we're FWB. However, she constantly blows hot and cold with me and has become increasingly flaky.

As an example, she's wanted to take me out for dinner for about 6 weeks now but each time the date comes around she flakes out. Each time there is a bull**** excuse, as to why she couldn't make it followed by a promise that she'll do it the next week. This week though I heard nothing from her and rather than chase after her I assumed she was going to flake and got on with my ****.

So next day she sends me a FB message asking what happened, I tell her I assumed she was busy and not to worry about it to which she replies with a whiny message about how I never texted her to remind her. Then she gets her friend that works with me to tell me that her phone messed up and my number got deleted and could I send her a text (obvious bull****).

Now I sent her FB message saying that i'd see her next Tuesday for dinner and texted her a pic ripping on the size of her nose so she can't pretend she doesn't have my number any more. Neither of these have garnered a response from her though.

I'm just wondering if anyone with a bit more experience could give me a few pointers as to what the hell is going on with her and what the best way play this might be. I've never had a girl like this before flaking out so much on her own plans, but then for every time she flakes she'll ring up and want to see me that day and will be all over me when we're together.

With the state the relationship is in should I be playing it cool and letting her think the flaking isn't bothering me or do I tell her straight that it's not acceptable.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I think you have every right to call her out on her frequent flaking. Not dating somebody doesn't excuse her being rude. What if one of your bros kept flaking to go to the bar? Doesn't even have to be a bro or close friend at that. Anybody who flakes last minute is just being rude, and when it's often it's even ruder.

Relating this to you FWB, I can only guess she flakes for the same reason she stopped dating you. Going out to dinner is something a couple does, and considering she doesn't want to be a couple she might flake for this reason, she doesn't want you to think she's ready or give you the wrong idea.

I have a similar situation with a friend (except she has a boyfriend currently). We hook up a lot but whenever something comes up to do something that's just us, it always falls through or she backs out.

If you're content with the FWB situation and aren't too attached to her, then just keep doing what you're doing. If this bothers you though, call her out on it. Tell her you can't keep doing the FWB thing because it puts your other pursuits on hold out of respect to your feelings for her. If she won't give you a legitimate reason as to why she doesn't want to date you, then go NC and leave her be.

 

[DrBoris]

See this is the thing, when it's a planned thing she flakes. However, she's more than happy to do stuff on the fly. The date on Tuesday was set up whilst we were having a dinner at the weekend.

 

[VladPatton]

Whatever your relationship is with her, it sounds like she is just being a disrespectful b!tch. I can't see why you would put up with it, really. I mean 6 flakes in a row for dinner, are you kidding? You should of went cold after #2! That's a little ridiculous.

If I were in your shoes I'd just cut my losses and delete her number, Facebook, all that stupid ʂhit and look for a woman that is into me and respects me not to flake 6 times in a row. She is showing complete entitlement and treating you like ʂhit because you let her. Don't be her human Charmin anymore.

 

[DrBoris]

Whatever your relationship is with her, it sounds like she is just being a disrespectful b!tch. I can't see why you would put up with it, really. I mean 6 flakes in a row for dinner, are you kidding? You should of went cold after #2! That's a little ridiculous.

If I were in your shoes I'd just cut my losses and delete her number, Facebook, all that stupid ʂhit and look for a woman that is into me and respects me not to flake 6 times in a row. She is showing complete entitlement and treating you like ʂhit because you let her. Don't be her human Charmin anymore.

Not 6 times in a row. She set the initial date up 6 weeks ago and she's flaked twice to see her friends and once because she was working. Then this week I got silence in the days before the date, didn't even bother waiting to see if she'd flake and played pool with my mate instead.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

If this bothers you though, call her out on it. Tell her you can't keep doing the FWB thing because it puts your other pursuits on hold out of respect to your feelings for her. If she won't give you a legitimate reason as to why she doesn't want to date you, then go NC and leave her be.

One of the first thing's you learn when internalizing game is to never judge women on what they say, put it all on their actions.

Well calling a woman out on anything is absolutely pointless when your not in an exclusive relationship (and even then, you should pick and choose your battles properly).

Your basically advising him to be a big huge wussy and call her out, express his feelings and you expect her to do a 180 and start changing her ways? If so you have a lot to learn.

The OP already knows she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with him.

The problem here isn't the flaking; its a lack of options. If the OP had 2-3 other girls in tow, this wouldn't even be a post on this message board.

The reality is, he has some feelings for her, it looks like he has decent amount of control over it but its starting to build.

The very nature of a FWB relationship is a slippery slope, a fast forming wave, that is powerful and crashes hard. Your only job is to fuvk her, and fuvk her really good. If you do, she stays around for a long while, if you don't your paddling back out looking for the next one.








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