Okay, well I don't want to make this too long, but here's a quick summary. I have learned a lot this year and one of the most important lessons is to spin plates. I have 5 plates right now. Some I see more frequently than others. So the most recent one I met is a little different than the rest. She's someone I'm attracted to more than physically. She's a shy and awkward girl, but is pretty much into the same things I am I generally feel more comfortable around her. So the first time we hung out, I escalated everything and got the kiss. She seemed shocked. I went for another one about an hour later and she pulled away. Whatever, long story short, we end up making out later, everything is going fine until she starts asking me shi't like "what do you want with me? I won't let you take advantage of me, why are you so desperate?" And I just play it off like "me? you're the animal in here, I'll be lucky if I can get out of here with my socks on!" Stupid shi't like that. Anyhow, a few days later, we hang out again and I try to escalate again......nothing. She's really interesting to talk to, but she would get hesitant about getting farther.
Finally one day she breaks down and tells me how her ex is an AFC that's harassing her and putting her down. Then she admits to me that she was a rape victim last year and she never told anyone about it. After that, I was always hesitant about getting sexual with her. She even took me to her house the last time we hung out and it looked like she really wanted it, but I never been with a recovering rape victim, so I was a little hesitant about escalation at this point. So she just gave up and fell asleep.
She has super low self esteem and keeps saying shi't like "I'm useless, no one will ever love me......you should just leave me alone.......maybe he was right about me this whole time, I don't deserve anything good" All sorts of negative shi't. She's fine when we're together, she's happy and she sends me texts all the time like "darn, I like you so much" and "I'm so happy when I'm around you" but then she gets a nasty text from him or dwells in her own mind too much and begins to get all emo again. She then starts telling me stuff like "I just want to be left alone, I can't see anyone, you'll just end up hurting me, why should you care about me? I'm going to be alone forever" and all this stupid shi't.
The thing is, aside from that stuff, I like this girl and I'm trying to figure out how to handle something like this before I **** up. Recently, I've been talking to her a little too often on the phone and text trying to cheer her up. I have been calling her up all the time, texting her and asking her to chill, but she keeps saying "I want to be left alone, I don't deserve anyone". I am giving her way too much attention and I feel like that's the wrong thing to do because I can sense a little resentment and I feel like this will ultimately push her away. But when I leave her alone and don't talk to her, she sends me shi't like "who are you banging tonight?" or "see, I knew you would forget about me" and I feel like that's not helping either. I have a feeling most of her negativity is coming from the whole rape thing because she keeps saying stuff like "no one cares about me, if they did, someone would have come looking for me and it would have never happened"
I really like this girl, but I've never dealt with someone in this situation. I'm trying to figure it out, but instead of guessing, I'd like to hear the opinions and ideas of you guys on here. I'd like to make this a little more than a F'buddy, but its hard getting close to this chick, I don't know where to begin. I'm still seeing the other girls, I was with one tonight actually, but I like this girl more than the other girls I hang around/screw. Advice is greatly appreciated.
Finally one day she breaks down and tells me how her ex is an AFC that's harassing her and putting her down. Then she admits to me that she was a rape victim last year and she never told anyone about it. After that, I was always hesitant about getting sexual with her. She even took me to her house the last time we hung out and it looked like she really wanted it, but I never been with a recovering rape victim, so I was a little hesitant about escalation at this point. So she just gave up and fell asleep.
She has super low self esteem and keeps saying shi't like "I'm useless, no one will ever love me......you should just leave me alone.......maybe he was right about me this whole time, I don't deserve anything good" All sorts of negative shi't. She's fine when we're together, she's happy and she sends me texts all the time like "darn, I like you so much" and "I'm so happy when I'm around you" but then she gets a nasty text from him or dwells in her own mind too much and begins to get all emo again. She then starts telling me stuff like "I just want to be left alone, I can't see anyone, you'll just end up hurting me, why should you care about me? I'm going to be alone forever" and all this stupid shi't.
The thing is, aside from that stuff, I like this girl and I'm trying to figure out how to handle something like this before I **** up. Recently, I've been talking to her a little too often on the phone and text trying to cheer her up. I have been calling her up all the time, texting her and asking her to chill, but she keeps saying "I want to be left alone, I don't deserve anyone". I am giving her way too much attention and I feel like that's the wrong thing to do because I can sense a little resentment and I feel like this will ultimately push her away. But when I leave her alone and don't talk to her, she sends me shi't like "who are you banging tonight?" or "see, I knew you would forget about me" and I feel like that's not helping either. I have a feeling most of her negativity is coming from the whole rape thing because she keeps saying stuff like "no one cares about me, if they did, someone would have come looking for me and it would have never happened"
I really like this girl, but I've never dealt with someone in this situation. I'm trying to figure it out, but instead of guessing, I'd like to hear the opinions and ideas of you guys on here. I'd like to make this a little more than a F'buddy, but its hard getting close to this chick, I don't know where to begin. I'm still seeing the other girls, I was with one tonight actually, but I like this girl more than the other girls I hang around/screw. Advice is greatly appreciated.
) usually have their own set of issues that need to be worked out. If you ever find yourself wanting to "save" a woman, you have to start digging really deep and asking why. You don't deserve a project, you deserve a partner.