big problem

[taiwanesedude227]

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but for some reason when I am under pressure (talking to women, getting AMOG'ed, etc) I can never think if witty things to say. RIGHT AFTER the pressure is gone, I usually think of like 3 or 4 ****y and funny lines but for some reason they never come to me on the spot and I'm not sure why. Also, for some reason when I am talking to people I'm too focused on the conversation to apply stuff to focus on breaking my old habits, such as fidgeting with my hands, smiling too much, etc. I'm finding it really hard to change myself. How should I overcome this problem?

 

[Easy Tiger]

This is a pretty standard problem for people who aren't blessed with a quick wit. The result for such people is that the stuff that they blurt out is not funny and comes out as trying too hard, or is boring.

Ever had that situation when you are with a bunch of more senior people at your work, and you a bit too eager to please and end up saying something wrong?

The reason that this happens is that you believe yourself to be in a stressful situation. Your pulse rate climbs, maybe your palms get sweaty, you mind races analysing the conversation looking for an set-up for a joke.

Consider another situation. Maybe you are relaxing with your friends, you have had a couple of beers, you are feeling good.

No stress, no worry. You just chilled out cracking jokes and shooting the sh!t.

When are you funnier? When are you more interesting?

The key for you - t'dude - is to turn the "stressful" situations talking with women, into relaxed situations. You need to feel comfortable in doing what you are doing. The only way to do this is to practice. You thinks Tiger Woods would be comfortable on a golf course if he never practised his swing?

Find women you don't care so much about - friends of your sister, ugly women at work/school, women paid to talk to you in shops, and work some short convo's with them. The more frequently you do this, the more relaxed you will be around them.

That's it...there is no magic method...just practice.

 

[taiwanesedude227]

Thanks, I'll try that.. but what about the other part of my question? When I'm in a convo, I tend to be so concentrated on the convo that i forget to pay attention to body language and stuff... how do i overcome this?

 

[Easy Tiger]

Again this comes with practice, man.

Make a conscious effort next time you are in the middle of a convo with a woman to notice how she stands, how much eye contact she makes, etc.

Buying signals are pretty obvious, because they are meant to be...does she touch your arm often? Play with her hair? Play with her glass? Toss her hair back? Look directly at you rather than looking around.

Before you get into the conversation, psychologically prepare yourself to do this. Guarantted if you focus on this aspect prior to five conversations you get into, you will succeed in at least three cases in reading body language. Especially if you are doing it with women you aren't so interested in.

Another helpful hint is to ask questions that require more detailsed answers , not just a yes or no. That way, while she is talking to you about her cat/study/feelings about the war in Iraq, you can focus more on her actions than words.

After a while reading your conversational partner becomes a natural part of talking.