Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Lately my own field experience has directed my attention to contexts of dating, pick-up artistry, etc., with respect to the “big picture” (your overall image, how you fit in a community, scene, or setting, etc.) vs. the “small picture,” (dealing with individual women). Most pickup artist (PUA) techniques are directed toward the small picture, whereas the sort of general self-improvement advice is directed toward the big picture.
The importance of this is what might work marvelously well in the small picture can be outright poisonous in the big picture. Being too good a seducer could lead to one being perceived as “dangerous” – or conversely, someone who a gal who’s hot to trot can count on for a trip to heaven. It all depends upon the context.
Aside from certain obvious legal or ethical considerations, there are no rules in the small picture: in some cases, it may be best to “strike while the iron is hot,” and call the gal an hour after you get her phone number; in other cases, it might not be best to call her for several days. You might be in a situation in which you drag each other into a closet and hit it right where you’re at, or it may be best to be ultra laid-back and not even treat your first meeting as a dating prospect, let alone get physical. Again, it all depends upon the circumstances.
“But what if I make a BIG MISTAKE?” you might be thinking. Welcome to life, bro. Sh1t happens. As the cliché goes, the only way to make no mistakes is to do nothing, and that’s the worst mistake of all. Do your best to make as little a deal of it as possible. Maximize corrective action, but minimize others’ perception. If a wound’s not deadly, time will heal it. For really bad mistakes – or just plain real bad breaks (false accusations, etc.), you may need to “get out of Dodge,” whether that means: be it avoiding a certain club or scene, switching schools, or even moving far, far away.
One of the biggest things in the “big picture” is not to make anything look like too big a deal. Not even disrespect. Be firm, but cool. Let rejection roll off your back (doing so actually ups your perceived sexual value, BTW). This is what the Zen concept of “non-attachment” means.
The main thing I want to get across here is this: don’t overthink – but keep the big picture in mind at all times. The small picture is like the flighty one-night attention wh0re (who can be fun); the big picture is reliable and faithful.
Geez, this must read like a dissertation, and its dryness contradicts what I’m about to say, but for those of you who are still awake, perhaps the biggest thing in the big picture is to have fun and see to it that those around you are enjoying your company, too. Attach yourself to the game, rather than the outcome. Do that and you virtually can’t go wrong.
The importance of this is what might work marvelously well in the small picture can be outright poisonous in the big picture. Being too good a seducer could lead to one being perceived as “dangerous” – or conversely, someone who a gal who’s hot to trot can count on for a trip to heaven. It all depends upon the context.
Aside from certain obvious legal or ethical considerations, there are no rules in the small picture: in some cases, it may be best to “strike while the iron is hot,” and call the gal an hour after you get her phone number; in other cases, it might not be best to call her for several days. You might be in a situation in which you drag each other into a closet and hit it right where you’re at, or it may be best to be ultra laid-back and not even treat your first meeting as a dating prospect, let alone get physical. Again, it all depends upon the circumstances.
“But what if I make a BIG MISTAKE?” you might be thinking. Welcome to life, bro. Sh1t happens. As the cliché goes, the only way to make no mistakes is to do nothing, and that’s the worst mistake of all. Do your best to make as little a deal of it as possible. Maximize corrective action, but minimize others’ perception. If a wound’s not deadly, time will heal it. For really bad mistakes – or just plain real bad breaks (false accusations, etc.), you may need to “get out of Dodge,” whether that means: be it avoiding a certain club or scene, switching schools, or even moving far, far away.
One of the biggest things in the “big picture” is not to make anything look like too big a deal. Not even disrespect. Be firm, but cool. Let rejection roll off your back (doing so actually ups your perceived sexual value, BTW). This is what the Zen concept of “non-attachment” means.
The main thing I want to get across here is this: don’t overthink – but keep the big picture in mind at all times. The small picture is like the flighty one-night attention wh0re (who can be fun); the big picture is reliable and faithful.
Geez, this must read like a dissertation, and its dryness contradicts what I’m about to say, but for those of you who are still awake, perhaps the biggest thing in the big picture is to have fun and see to it that those around you are enjoying your company, too. Attach yourself to the game, rather than the outcome. Do that and you virtually can’t go wrong.