"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Big emergency...

Fortunate_Juan

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So first of all, let me go over some things

The past 2 months has been a crazy time for me…

My best friend shot himself may 18th I went out got really drunk the next night ended up kissing 2 girls. One of the girls told me she was taking me home. I’ve known her for awhile (since freshman year of Highschool) it was a good thing because I was looking for a fight. Anyways we ended up staying in a hotel bed together, we didn’t end up having sex because she’s a good friend and it’s a complicated situation. But we had just been hanging out together more before my friend decided to do something really stupid. After he did that, we ended up hanging out more. Now we have slept (no sex) together on multiple occasions (I know bad move on a Dj part but like I said it’s complicated).

I went down south (live in alaska) to visit my grandparents over the weekend. I was a little hard to get a hold of. I called while drunk a few times (it was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary so it was a celebration I don’t normally go out every weekend and get fit shaced) I called her on the day I was returning and she offered me a ride from the airport when I landed. She admitted she missed me and that it took me going down south to realize that she was having feelings for me ( I had a feeling she was interested in me because of indicators of interest) I helped her move in to her new apartment on Monday and we flirted all day long. She bought me pizza and we ended up watching a movie then going out. We had a few drinks then went back to her place, at this point she admitted to me that she liked me as more than a friend (this was Monday night/Tuesday morning) and I admitted to her that l liked her as more than a friend. And so I told her my views on dating which happen to be: Dating is a trial run; it is no indicator that you aren’t a good person. I was being nonchalant about it and seeing what happened. I told her that I was going to bed (we are in the same bed at this point) because she said she didn’t want to have sex (I wanted to, but didn’t make it apparent because desperation never works) when she found out I was falling asleep she climbed over to me and leaned in for a kiss and we started kissing passionately. Then she stopped and I let her because I hadn’t showered, brushed my teeth (since morning) and I had been moving and sweating all day. Then Tuesday I didn’t call her because I didn’t want to seem desperate and honestly because I was freaking tired and busy as hell. Then we decided to hang out on weds (last night) and we went out and sang karaoke and we flirted a bit. Then we went to her house, she “had the talk” with me about how she isn’t sure about this, (mainly an ex-boyfriend problem she has had and I’ve known about since we started hanging out again more.) and she’s “not sure if she wants to be dating right now” (im not sure if I want to be dating either). Anyways we had a talk flirted some more in bed, she leaned over started making out with me, then stopped said she didn’t want to have sex. At this point we talked more and I leaned over and started foreplay (biting the neck, earlobes chest while squeezing her breast) she was definitely in the mood I could hear her heart beat. I tried to slide a hand up her shirt and she stopped me. So I backed off and downgraded back to what I had been doing. Tried to do it again a lil later. And was stopped again. I went to bed shortly after that but I am pretty pissed off right now.

I would like some insight, or a second opinion I guess. On what I can do to still turn this in to a relationship, because she did say that it doesn’t mean we aren’t ever going to go out, but she says she isn’t ready yet. Her body says yes, but her mind says no or is unsure. Please help.

I apologize for the long post, but I tried to keep everything in it pertinent. I really need help/advice badly.

Thanks.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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xblitz44x

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Fortunate_Juan said:
Then we went to her house, she “had the talk” with me about how she isn’t sure about this, (mainly an ex-boyfriend problem she has had and I’ve known about since we started hanging out again more.) and she’s “not sure if she wants to be dating right now” .
Give her what she wants; space. Don't be spiteful or mean or pissed off about it. Just let her do what she wants to do. She's made her intentions clear that she doesn't want to date, but if you play your cards right you may be able to screw around. Now if you could handle that is another issue...

Like I said, back up off of her and tell her you respect that and it's cool with you because you've got a lot going on as well. You'll run into her again and when she's seen that you're not suffocating she might be in for a little casual fun until she makes up her mind.
 

Desdinova

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Start talking about your female friends (even if they're not real). Create some social proof to let her know she's in competition with other women. Invite her out somewhere and bring along a female friend.

I hope to hell you actually ARE spinning other plates while working on this woman.
 

Fortunate_Juan

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It's nice to hear that my plans are backed up by you guys. I was planning on not ignoring her but not spending as much time with her. I do have other plates going, with new ones on the way. So basically I'm just going to play the field although I did tell her that last night since we arent in a "relationship" by the time she figures out if she wants me or not, it may be too late because I am going to continue to date. GOOD LORD THOUGH TALK ABOUT SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!!!!

If it wasnt for girls being so damned hot I would become a monk.
 

Big Eee Zee

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lay off the ladies and get your life in order.

losing a friend like that knocks you off balance, even if you think it doesnt.

and the fact that your drinking and gaming so soon after (one day) indicates your life is in fact NOT in order.

so i'd advise stoping and thinking for a bit.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Fortunate_Juan

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Thanks

I will be examining things a bit differently now. Thank you for your point of view.
 

WC2

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Ha big emergency? Here's my first and only piece of advice to you- girls should never be an emergency to you. end of story.
 
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