BFs that hit their girls

[CherryBreaker]

Why is it that they stay for the beating and abuse? I currently know a couple of hot chicks that could get any guys they want but they still stay with their abusive BF.

 

[DumpaLumpagus]

I have never seen this myself, but it could be for any number of reasons. The world is just too complex for such a broad question.

 

[Alphathree]

It is a broad question, but I can give a broad answer:

Suppose a simple model of the universe in which any man can have one or more of the following "qualities":

1. abusive toward women
2. attractive to women
3. qualities not directly related to women

Now suppose that I tell you that all men have a 1/3 chance of getting any given quality.

It follows that there would be a reasonable supply of men with quality 2 and/or 3, and those would be sought after by women.

BUT, suppose a second reality, in which quality 2 was rare and men with quality 2 had a 95% chance of also posessing quality 1.

Now what is an attractive woman to do? Search out the 5%, or go with the 95%?

My field experience tells me that the second reality is the real one.

Abuse isn't attractive, but men who have developed attractive qualities may be prone to be abusive.

Conclusion: if your goal is to pick up women, abuse isn't necessary, and in fact, you can "get ahead" by being attractive without being abusive.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

Originally posted by CherryBreaker
Why is it that they stay for the beating and abuse? I currently know a couple of hot chicks that could get any guys they want but they still stay with their abusive BF.

B|tches love a man who takes control and not bs. Since they are hot and spoiled chicks get bored knowing they could get any guy they want, so they become attracted to the jerks/abusive boyfriends and their manliness because they wont treat them like queens or put them on a pedestal just like most other guys out there.

 

[Unregistered]

Their boyfriends hit them because they love them. In general, women like to feel loved. Therefore, they are drawn to passionate displays of romance such as a sharp backhand to the face.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Unregistered
Their boyfriends hit them because they love them. In general, women like to feel loved. Therefore, they are drawn to passionate displays of romance such as a sharp backhand to the face.

Lol, remove foot from mouth, tongue from cheek.

In all honesty, girls usually ARE turned on by things like a light push against the wall before kissing them.

A favorite of mine is to literally PIN her during sex. I take her arms, pin them beside her, and I do NOT let her up.

Sometimes she'll struggle with me, I'll still keep her down. She doesn't SAY anything.

Then afterwards, it's always, "that was SO hot."

 

[frivolousz21]

i wouldnt make light of this.

I nearly beat a women...and I ruined her life on the short term of 2 to 5 yrs....because of what mental abuse can do.

im sure none of you have dont it.

its scary and sick.

those guys are losers....Im glad Im no long er one of those guys..




I know a lot of you think women have this power over men because of sex.

they dont..they dont have shyt for power and arent anything compared to a man.

wat we can do to them is beyond anything a women could do to us.

 

[Wyldfire]

Women stay with men who abuse them for one reason and one reason only...

The abuse fulfills some sick need the woman has.

I know this because back when I was 18 years old I married a man who abused me. For quite a few years the abuse filled a sick need I had. Growing up my family never showed any emotion at all...positive or negative.

My ex and I had a very passionate and emotional relationship...which filled that need I had of being able to feel. Unfortunately, the passion was VERY negatively charged.

It took me about 10 years to recognize why I was staying with him...and as soon as I figured it out, I left him, never looked back and have never been with an abuser since.

Men who are abusive to women don't have any secret trait that attracts women. In fact, it has nothing to do with him at all. It has to do with emotional baggage the woman has...quite often very serious baggage where she thinks she needs to be punished for something. She knows the guy is worthless, but she thinks she is too, so she goes for him. I was lucky that my issue was pretty minor and very easy to overcome. Thats not usually the case, though...which is why you see these women repeat the cycle over and over again.

Women who are attracted to abusers aren't women you want to date unless they manage to sort out why they put up with it and are able to move beyond it and fix the problem. More often than not...that doesn't happen.

Let the abusers have the women they attract...you don't want them anyway. And you certainly don't want to behave like an abuser under the false belief that they are attractive to normal women...they aren't.

Hope this helps expalin a little bit...

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Women stay with men who abuse them for one reason and one reason only...

The abuse fulfills some sick need the woman has.

I know this because back when I was 18 years old I married a man who abused me. For quite a few years the abuse filled a sick need I had. Growing up my family never showed any emotion at all...positive or negative.

My ex and I had a very passionate and emotional relationship...which filled that need I had of being able to feel. Unfortunately, the passion was VERY negatively charged.

It took me about 10 years to recognize why I was staying with him...and as soon as I figured it out, I left him, never looked back and have never been with an abuser since.

Men who are abusive to women don't have any secret trait that attracts women. In fact, it has nothing to do with him at all. It has to do with emotional baggage the woman has...quite often very serious baggage where she thinks she needs to be punished for something. She knows the guy is worthless, but she thinks she is too, so she goes for him. I was lucky that my issue was pretty minor and very easy to overcome. Thats not usually the case, though...which is why you see these women repeat the cycle over and over again.

Women who are attracted to abusers aren't women you want to date unless they manage to sort out why they put up with it and are able to move beyond it and fix the problem. More often than not...that doesn't happen.

Let the abusers have the women they attract...you don't want them anyway. And you certainly don't want to behave like an abuser under the false belief that they are attractive to normal women...they aren't.

Hope this helps expalin a little bit...

Given that this was written by a woman, not bad.

Not much ********, to the point, and possibly even useful to straight males.

I don't think ALL of the women who are abused necessarily secretly 'need/want' it.

I used to be abusive toward my first girlfriend. It was because I owned her completely and totally, and I was on a power trip to see exactly how much more I could own her.

I didn't purposefully hurt her, but I did use force with her.

Strangely, that was the "AFC" me...

I've learned now that love is not neediness, nor is it abuse.

Thing is, women base so much (if not all) of their decisions on how they feel, abuse+attraction can get them utterly confused.

They're attracted, so they keep coming back, but they're abused, so they keep getting hurt.

It's an emotional rollarcoaster that a weak-willed woman isn't capable of controlling.

When someone earlier in this thread said that men ultimately can hurt women far more than they can hurt us, he was right.

I've been emotionally damaged by women before, but ultimately, I've been in a position to dole out far more firepower the other way.

I'm not going anywhere with this.

Abuse is not the way to achieve your goals, trust me.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Alphathree
I don't think ALL of the women who are abused necessarily secretly 'need/want' it.

I used to be abusive toward my first girlfriend. It was because I owned her completely and totally, and I was on a power trip to see exactly how much more I could own her.

I didn't purposefully hurt her, but I did use force with her.

Strangely, that was the "AFC" me...

I've learned now that love is not neediness, nor is it abuse.

Actually...all women who stay with an abuser (stay being the key word) and/or repeats the pattern does have a need that it is fulfilling. Since they don't typically realize or understand it, very few others pick up on it, either. Even the supposed DV "experts" are clueless about this. I discussed it with a couple such experts one time and they were floored by what I said. They changed their thinking because of that conversation too. You can't rescue, save or help a victim of abuse because they won't respond to it. They will keep going back until they figure out why they allow it.

Men abuse because of fear and insecurity. It's neediness and desperation in it's ugliest and most pathetic form. No man should ever try to model himself after the "abusive jerk"...because they are the biggest AFCs of all.

Looks like both you and I are survivors of DV, just from the opposite side of things. Congratulations on moving beyond your past. It's not often that men who abuse overcome their patterns either, so you have been just as fortunate as I have been.

 

[Smooth Player 056]

Girls that stay with abusers are trauma survivors, and when your a trauma survivor of phisical abuse you tend to repeat it over and over again....unless they get getlp ie: couseling/therapy...12 step

 

[aftershock]

I think this is similar to the Nice Guy v Jerk stuff. A violent, abusive guy is an extention of a Jerk.

Read the Bible article on it (I think it's by Pook but can't quite remember) and see what you think.

I despise men who hit women.

 

[frivolousz21]

im telling you..I had a gf who lived her life normal..good home..no abuse...and she fell in love with me.and overtime..I started taking **** out on her and putting her down..she took it for 3 yrs.


I dont know why she did..Im glad its over and I could better myself.

im just saying...any form of abuse is bad and wrong!

and im sure none of you will do it to anyone


and the same reason women stay with abuse is the same men continue it.

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by Alphathree
Thing is, women base so much (if not all) of their decisions on how they feel, abuse+attraction can get them utterly confused.

They're attracted, so they keep coming back, but they're abused, so they keep getting hurt.

It's an emotional rollarcoaster that a weak-willed woman isn't capable of controlling.

I was in an abusive relationship for nearly six years.

I have to say that it's not simply the fact that a woman is "weak-willed" and not able to be "in control" of her emotions that leads her to stay in an abusive relationship.

This is a misconception that stems from our need to feel secure - "Oh, I'd never be that weak or vulnerable - It would never happen to me. It only happens to those who are weak-willed." I used to think that way. That's blaming the victim. It makes us uncomfortable to admit that it could happen to anyone.

In fact, the woman may actually be a very strong person.

In my case, the abuse started with little things like being spit on and then gradually escalated into controlling behaviors and eventually, slapping and other violence.

The fact that it started out as something small and seemingly insignificant led me to be able to push it aside and pretend that it wasn't as terrible as it was.

Also, I was in love with the abusive man and it blinded me to what was happening. Additionally, it was not the usual abuse-scenario that we've all grown accustomed to hearing about - no bruises, black-eyes, cuts, etc., which made it all the easier to deny.

They will keep going back until they figure out why they allow it.

Absolutely. And, as Wyldfyre stated, their tolerance of the abuse is usually rooted in feelings of worthlessness, which, as Smooth Player 056 said, is due to the fact that the abuse victim is the survivor of some kind of trauma, recognized or not.

I can't help but notice that some of the men here seem to regard this subject lightly - And I find that disheartening.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Amalthea

Also, I was in love with the abusive man and it blinded me to what was happening.

This is ******** for "what Alphathree said was actually exactly what happened to me, but I had to say, 'no, that isn't right Alphathree' and then say the same thing back in ********."

The attraction blinded you to the abuse. That's almost exactly what I said, save for the word "blinded"

Anyway, I'm not trying to go on some "I'm right" ego trip here, guys.

Just read what I wrote, and read Amalthea's response.

It's the perfect example of how women rephrase logical statements into feeling- and perspective-based ********.

Amalthea I'm not trying to make you seem like a lab rat here. I respect that women communicate the way they do. There's nothing intrinsically admirable about a purely logical and perspective-less view of the world. It's just that it helps us to understand game more than ******** does.

Originally posted by Amalthea

I can't help but notice that some of the men here seem to regard this subject lightly - And I find that disheartening.

A lot of the men here haven't had much luck with women in their lifetimes, yet theyre built to practically hook their self-esteem directly into their success with women.

It's not your "fault" that you go after the guys you do, but recognize that the remaining men who don't get any sex are going to build up crazy impressions of women.

At some deep level, some AFCs might think of women getting abused, "well, at least someone's getting her back."

I personally have to fight every day thoughts like

"how can I respect someone who wants to follow and not lead?"

"how can I respect someone who is motivated primarily by her feelings, which are in turn motivated by things out of her control?"

"how can I respect someone who shuns men who treat her well and loves men who play games with her?"

But these are fallacies that come from trying to see good male attributes in women.

There are things a woman can do that a man will never be able to do. A certain presence. A certain way of relating -- ********, even. A certain beauty, obviously. Warmth, softness, fragility -- on both the emotional and physical levels.

These are admirable female traits, and things I genuinely like about women.

 

[salsipuedes]

Women who take that abuse have emotional and psychological problems, low self steem, etc etc.

 

[Bible_Belt]

back when I was 18 years old I married a man who abused me. For quite a few years the abuse filled a sick need I had. Growing up my family never showed any emotion at all...positive or negative.

That's my mom's story, too. If women were not attracted to abusers, then I never would have been born.

 

[penkitten]

no one should be hitting their mate and no mate should stay with a hitter.
if you stay with a hitter, you are just as bad as the one hitting.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Amalthea
I was in an abusive relationship for nearly six years.

I have to say that it's not simply the fact that a woman is "weak-willed" and not able to be "in control" of her emotions that leads her to stay in an abusive relationship.

This is a misconception that stems from our need to feel secure - "Oh, I'd never be that weak or vulnerable - It would never happen to me. It only happens to those who are weak-willed." I used to think that way. That's blaming the victim. It makes us uncomfortable to admit that it could happen to anyone.

In fact, the woman may actually be a very strong person.

In my case, the abuse started with little things like being spit on and then gradually escalated into controlling behaviors and eventually, slapping and other violence.

The fact that it started out as something small and seemingly insignificant led me to be able to push it aside and pretend that it wasn't as terrible as it was.

Also, I was in love with the abusive man and it blinded me to what was happening. Additionally, it was not the usual abuse-scenario that we've all grown accustomed to hearing about - no bruises, black-eyes, cuts, etc., which made it all the easier to deny.



Absolutely. And, as Wyldfyre stated, their tolerance of the abuse is usually rooted in feelings of worthlessness, which, as Smooth Player 056 said, is due to the fact that the abuse victim is the survivor of some kind of trauma, recognized or not.

I can't help but notice that some of the men here seem to regard this subject lightly - And I find that disheartening.

I was definitely the emotionally stronger person in my marriage. The abuser is the weaker emotionally...that's why they abuse. It's the fear of being left and not feeling in control of themselves that lead them to abuse and try to control the woman (or man) since they don't feel in conrol of themselves.

After I left my ex husband I quickly realized that I never really loved him. I was just in love with the idea of being in love and he served a need I had at the time. I was only 18 and clueless...which is typical of that age...but after finding real love the difference was unmistakeable.

Chances are, more than anything, you just wanted to relive something you experienced in childhood looking for a different outcome. Was your father emotionally distant to you? If you always felt that he was emotionally unavailable to you there is a good chance that you chose the abuser to try to do "right" what you subconsciously feel you didn't do "right" as a child. That's what most women do, in one form or another. My case was a bit different, but the same kind of dynamic nonetheless.

 

[Alphathree]

Great, now two women are talking to each other about how they've been abused on a board for men about picking up women.

Let's share the love.

Hey, anyone wanna go shoe shopping?