Beware of the Inferiority Complex

[FutureSpartan]

Recently I went through my "bitter" phase. We have all been through it before. I was approaching girls with no sustainable success. I got angry and frustrated. I began disdaining attractive women having it so easy in the dating game, while guys like me were struggling just to get one date.

So I began harboring a chip on my shoulder, blaming them for my failures.

But then eventually I got over myself, began to reexamine things, and needless to say it helped put my view of women in perspective.

I never really cared if a girl I wasnt attracted to liked me. For example, in my normal everyday interactions with women, the ones I wasnt attracted to, seriously if they did not give me IOI's or if they werent responding to me being playful or funny, I just brushed it off "pfft, her loss" I said.

But I seemed to take an attractive woman's reactions more seriously and personally. "Geez, she did not laugh or give me any signs of interest...she's probably shallow like the rest of those hot women. I'll never be good with the ladies" You see right there, I let the fact that I found her attractive mean that she must find me attractive. When I did not get the desired reponse, I took that personally. I was mad/frustrated because I had her on a mental PEDESTAL just by virtue of finding her attractive.

In my mind i was obligating her to return my feelings of interest.

And then, I realized, this was just another form of SUPPLICATION as bad as buying gifts, overcomplementing, and writing poetry. Any behavior or attitude portrayed hoping to win a girls approval is supplication.

We worry more about our self-worth and ego than we do treating women as human beings with feelings, passions, and interests, as we normally do with everyone else . A woman doesnt owe me anything for me approaching her or trying to talk to her, thats arrogant. If she does not want me the same way I want her, I messed up somewhere and learn not to do it next time, or I did everything right and she missed a good opportunity, her loss. NEXT.

And looking back at my past dealings with attractive women, I have been messing up BIG TIME through my inferiority complex, bitter attitude, and general goof-ups during dates. So in a way, I am glad I approached and failed because it has given me huge insight towards my flaws and how I can fix them. And that alone has made me a better person.

-FutureSpartan

 

[S-House]

That's a really awesome post. Incredibly inspirational as I too am trying to reevaluate myself and pinpoint where I have gone wrong all these years.

 

[FutureSpartan]

Thanks man, I have read on here numerous times "NEXT!" and "Don't take it personally" but it never really clicked in my head until now.

In short:

Never attach your self-worth and ego to the women you desire; treat her like you would normally treat everyone else.

 

[wayword]

It's natural to swing from one extreme to the other before finding a middle ground. I think a lot of AFCs swing to the other end first for a while and overcompensate for a lifetime of sucking cooter. This is probably even a healthy step in detoxing and exorcising your old AFC self.

But later on you will swing back a little and lay in the cut as you zero in on the sweet spot. I'm settling back a little myself now and it does seem lately that women are showing more interest. Of course, that center is far closer to the anti-AFC than AFC side...h3ll I'm never going back THURR!!!

 

[Interceptor]

What happens here is that many of us depend on the woman for our validation, and our happiness.
We look outside ourselves for these things.
But the truth is inside of us.

Don't make her responsible for something that is ultimately your responsibility.
Also remember, that the "Halo Effect" is a powerful persuader.
Many of us are programmed to think that an exceptionally physically beautiful woman has a very high set of morals, and ethics, and is beautiful inside as well. The truth is, it is usually the opposite.
We also are forced back into "Scarcity Mindset" the more beautiful the woman is.
Why?
Because this chick is so "Hawt", think of just how impressed "our friends will be if they saw us with her!
This chick is beautiful! This is all I really need! A hot chick! That's all!
I am now FINALLY "THE MAN" !! Now that I've scored this hot chick, I really am a Man! I wasn't before! But now that she;s with me...I mean just look at me! I'm better than you! Look at this chick! You don't have her! I do!
Woo hoo!"

Which are all thoughts a person of low self esteem would have.
As we all know, this behavior will ultimately end in disappointment.
The "relationship" will break apart. You will become more exasperated and needy, and you will act so panicky and frantic she will run away from you.


We , as males, often have a hard time viewing objectively our relationship with a hot female.
We usually think "I think she's hot! I like her!! Therefore, she MUST like Me!!"
So we only can see OUR perspective, not hers.
This is very, very, very offputting to women. And is the usual marker of a low self esteem , and clueless about women's behavior and attraction. He is more concerned with how he is reacting, rather than trying to see just how she is reacting to him.
This is not trying to appease a woman.
This is accepting that "Yeah. I do loke this woman. But I'm not love with this chick. I just met her. I just want to get to know her. Maybe she is interested in me. And if so, maybe we can get together."
That' it.
No drama. We keep it cool. That way, we can "see" if she's responding, and is showing true interest.
If not, we walk away. That chick didn';t want you.
Big deal.
But if you have "scarcity Complex". You're convinced you'll never find another woman. You'll never have another woman. You are ugly and all woman hate you. You hate all women because one woman wasn't interested in you.
Avoid this thinking.
It is poison.
It is poison for your mind, body, and soul.

 

[FutureSpartan]

It's natural to swing from one extreme to the other before finding a middle ground. I think a lot of AFCs swing to the other end first for a while and overcompensate for a lifetime of sucking cooter. This is probably even a healthy step in detoxing and exorcising your old AFC self.

But later on you will swing back a little and lay in the cut as you zero in on the sweet spot. I'm settling back a little myself now and it does seem lately that women are showing more interest.

I agree, but the key is to not get stuck in that bitterness. For me its been cycles of "ok im gonna give them another chance" back to "I HATE WOMEN!" I think thats much worse than swinging one extreme then settling. My personality was inconsistent and some people even thought I was bipolar.

I never really addressed the root cause of WHY I was failing with women, until now.

 

[FutureSpartan]

Interceptor-

Thanks man...I will definitely incorporate that mindset

 

[Luke Skywalker]

It is poison.
It is poison for your mind, body, and soul.

Scorpion poison.