Beta wins, or did i do something wrong?

[doodlebug]

So, this is my very first post on sousave and i would like to say thanks to all of you who helped me in the past year since i found this community. I would also like to say sorry for my poor english. (It isnt my native language)

So where do i start? im 20 years old uni student. I met this HB7 some months ago (around 2 or 3) in a university party. We both know each other because we used to live in the same town, but we never talked,texted or whatever. I just know who is she. she studies in the same field as i do but she is older than me (21 soon to be 22). We were both drunk and sexual attraction was there as soon as we met, then we started to drink and dance together and what not. After the party she asked me if i want to come up to her place. I said yes (hell, who wouldnt?) We proceed to have really rough sex. We both agreed to be ****buddies.

Fast forward 2 months (with sex every week,ofc). We went to another uni party together. So i was standing outside smoking with a girl i know (she is pretty sexy) And ****buddy came to me out of the blue and asked me if i have time to talk. We sat down on a bench and she tells me that she wants relationship and she needs emotions because sex is not everything etc. I said no, i dont want LTR with her. She told me that theres another guy(same age as she is) who waits for her and he really gives her emotions (we all know these guys). I told her that she is old enough to know what she wants and also told her to be happy with him. I was ofc, a bit angry and i was also a bit (really!) drunk. While we were talking, this beta guy sits next to us and she tells me that he is the guy. I was like and i told her thats it im off. so i left them there on the bench and went in the club to dance with some random girls and talk with friends. On the TOP of this ****ed up situation i also met with my ex gf :moon:

So, my question is... where did i **** up? I didnt really put any emotions in our relationship, simply because i didnt want to. Im not sad or depressed im just confused . Maybe she really needs a beta orbiter? or sex wasnt that good? She kept saying me that sex was aweomse, but its not everything. ??

Thank you, Love you all!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

2 to 3 months is how long it takes for a woman to start desiring a relationship with a guy she's seeing regularly, regardless of whatever agreement you think you had with her was. So, if you were having sex with her every week, that's time being spent with her which is bonding you two. To her, this can only go on for so long before she starts feeling negatively about it on her end. After all, she doesn't want to just be some guy's c*m deposit box despite what she may have said.

Her coming to you asking for a relationship was perfectly acceptable. However, once you said you're not wanting that, it's also acceptable for her to say she's desiring more, and that if you're not the one wanting to give it to her then someone else is. If you decided not to put emotion into your agreement that's in your right, but like I said, most girls can't really do this even if they make you think they can. Your response basically said to her "all I want you for is sex," and if she wants more and you're REALLY not trying to do that, you can't be mad at her for bouncing on to the next guy.

Also: I know you've probably read a lot on these boards about being "Alpha" and "Beta." Don't fall into this line of thinking - the majority of guys on this board end up screwing themselves over by trying to do actions they THINK are "Alpha" yet actually end up being neither Alpha or Beta, but dumb. I say that to say: just because a woman wants a guy who shows some kind of emotion to her doesn't mean that guy has to be "beta." You can still display masculine qualities while showing emotion - you just don't need to show it in the same way women do, or in a way where you overdo it. All she wanted was for the guy she was having sex with to treat her like more than a sex object, and there's nothing wrong with having that desire. Where you screwed up was assuming you could sex a girl and have her want only that (when that is rarely the case), but like she said: it's not all about that.

 

[DonJuanit0]

I myself lately discovered that sex is not the most important thing for women!

In your case, you obviously didn't do something wrong, you didnt want a LTR while she wanted, you dodged it and she got what she wanted! Why should she stay with you is the question you should answer to yourself.

If it's not all about sex (which as I said before, that's what I found lately), then what else could you give her? You said you were emotionless. She was not.

After all, she came to you asking for a LTR before going with the other guy, this means two things:

1) She wanted to make you jealous and accept her offer
2) She had already someone in mind (like it is in most cases), so you probably shouldn't really bother about that girl!

You didn't fack up! You wanted different things. Or, as I suspect it might lead to, you were playing too hard to get and might end up regretting it.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

You did very well

Here is what you can do better:

Understand that fbuddy relationships are largely temporary. Girls are going to crave a deeper emotional connection and security. Understanding this will allow you not to get upset when it happens. By knowing it you can wish her well and give her some spiel about wanting her to be happy and have the things she wants.

Your relationship isn't over. You remained alpha and stuck to your guns. When she breaks up with this dude (and there is a good chance she will) who do you think she will come running to? Keep repeating this formula and yo will have a steady supply of FBs coming into your life. It leaves you free to concentrate on other things.

 

[doodlebug]

thanks, harry. I forgot to say that i texted her the other day and i said sorry for being a bit rude. I told her that she has the right to go after a guy who loves her. I was just confused. I mean she could have tell me this with a coffee in the afternoon. She literally f.cked up my night. This is the only thing that made me mad, and dont worry im not really into this beta and alpha thing. :wave:

 

[IBreatheSpears]

If this was pre-contraception days, you'd be the guy who gets women pregnant while their cuckold boyfriends act as providers.

If she's a bit more unethical than the average girl, and if you are, you might get to keep banging her anyway, because her beta boyfriend probably won't be able to satisfy her.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Your mistake was in not reading that girl better.

She brought that guy over just to make you jealous or to try to force a decision from you. The beta will be dropped, if not now then soon. He's just a tool to her. If she respected him she would not sit him next to you like she did. Tools are to be used and thrown in a bag for the next time you need the tool.

The reason why she doesn't flat out tell you she likes you is because she is scared of rejection (like you did). So she will use tools like sex and betas to get you to do what she wants.

And now that you rejected her she is probably turned on a little bit. So expect more BS or she will just stay butthurt and never talk to you again.

 

[fuko2007]

Your mistake was in not reading that girl better.

She brought that guy over just to make you jealous or to try to force a decision from you. The beta will be dropped, if not now then soon. He's just a tool to her. If she respected him she would not sit him next to you like she did. Tools are to be used and thrown in a bag for the next time you need the tool.

The reason why she doesn't flat out tell you she likes you is because she is scared of rejection (like you did). So she will use tools like sex and betas to get you to do what she wants.

And now that you rejected her she is probably turned on a little bit. So expect more BS or she will just stay butthurt and never talk to you again.

I have to agree 110% on this one. She sat the guy there to try and get you to come around and agree to her terms. And just like the Sgt. just said she is probabially getting the hots for you. Dont be surprised if she now uses you for sex "alpha" and uses the poor guy that was on the bench as an emotional tampon. Women will often lie about this when they want you to jump into an ltr. They will start talking about this guy that guy or hang out with a guy.

You made the right move man, now just sit back and watch what happens. It isnt over yet.

 

[:-)]

this is all good. her bringing the other guy is just a tool in her arsenal to get you to commit. she couldn't care less about the other guy. if she did, she'd be with him already. lol..

it's all good OP.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

^ how can you be so sure? She might be screwing him already just to fill the emotional void created. Never underestimate anyone.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

2 to 3 months is how long it takes for a woman to start desiring a relationship with a guy she's seeing regularly, regardless of whatever agreement you think you had with her was. So, if you were having sex with her every week, that's time being spent with her which is bonding you two. To her, this can only go on for so long before she starts feeling negatively about it on her end. After all, she doesn't want to just be some guy's c*m deposit box despite what she may have said.

Her coming to you asking for a relationship was perfectly acceptable. However, once you said you're not wanting that, it's also acceptable for her to say she's desiring more, and that if you're not the one wanting to give it to her then someone else is. If you decided not to put emotion into your agreement that's in your right, but like I said, most girls can't really do this even if they make you think they can. Your response basically said to her "all I want you for is sex," and if she wants more and you're REALLY not trying to do that, you can't be mad at her for bouncing on to the next guy.

Also: I know you've probably read a lot on these boards about being "Alpha" and "Beta." Don't fall into this line of thinking - the majority of guys on this board end up screwing themselves over by trying to do actions they THINK are "Alpha" yet actually end up being neither Alpha or Beta, but dumb. I say that to say: just because a woman wants a guy who shows some kind of emotion to her doesn't mean that guy has to be "beta." You can still display masculine qualities while showing emotion - you just don't need to show it in the same way women do, or in a way where you overdo it. All she wanted was for the guy she was having sex with to treat her like more than a sex object, and there's nothing wrong with having that desire. Where you screwed up was assuming you could sex a girl and have her want only that (when that is rarely the case), but like she said: it's not all about that.

I agree with almost everything you say here Harry, except for the last paragraph.

Being Alpha is most definitely the key to attracting women. However I agree that many posters on SoSuave have no clue what "being Alpha" really means.

Being Alpha doesn't mean being a jerk or a "playa", just like being a good guy doesn't automatically make you a Beta (in fact I'd say most Betas I've met are the most egocentric, narcissistic jerks I've ever met).