Best ways to move past a BPD / Gaslightee relationship?

Chev.Chelios

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I would say the most important thing is setting up personal boundaries. Have a standard on how you want to behave and how you want others to behave in your presence. Your job is not to get along with everyone. That's how you invite the most evil people in. Your job is to discern between real and fake people. You need some kind of filtering system.

Nowadays, I don't even respond to certain people or certain types of behavior. Like if you were to text me after midnight about something random, I would just completely ignore you. The person sending me random texts knows they are bored and trying to use me for entertainment. And if you keep trying to get my attention out of neediness, I would ghost you even if you were related to me. That's how high my standards are. I even ghost people who look like they are aimless and not improving themselves. The first sign of neediness/aimlessness and I am gone.

Something amazing happens when you have high standards for yourself and people. All the "evil" people disappear or change to fit your standards. The interesting thing is my standards re mostly non-verbal. I never had to tell anyone. People can just pick it up from my vibe.

The reason why all of this is important because I want you to take some personal responsibility as well. Too often I see guys play the victim card when all along they allowed themselves to be manipulated. They lowered their standards and betrayed themselves at some point. A lot of women do this as well. They date the worse guys and blame the male population for their poor choices.

There are good people out there. In order to manifest them, you have to raise your standards for yourself and others. And live up to your standards everyday. This is how you begin the healing process towards feeling complete. The worse time to get into a relationship is when you are needy. You'll just end up attracting neurotic people.
great reply..
if the girl doesnt gut you permanently and your able to learn after the nighrmare you will find yourself with some wicked strong personal boundaries.

getting involved with the wrong people means death.
 
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European-DJ

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Two months in I’m feeling a lot better, although I still think about her a lot. There’s no real closure and I see myself stuck in similar thought patterns as other users have described- you don’t really experience the same highs with other girls...

I know that it’s for the better- but some nights do get lonely and I always get set back a bit when I receive the occasional text.

Nonetheless, just wanted to post an update to let the other users know that I sincerely appreciate the advise and that I’ve followed it.
 

mrgoodstuff

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great reply..
if the girl doesnt gut you permanently and your able to learn after the nighrmare you will find yourself with some wicked strong personal boundaries.

getting involved with the wrong people means death.
Its that simple. Women choose. Entertain only those who choose. A good friend wont have you in positions that degrade you. They also will be reciprocal.
 
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Go to this site, gettinbetter.com, read read and read until you heal. Yeah empty and void, it's like a Pandora box being emptied from oneself the void and experiencing all the pain that comes out of it.. Bpds are notorious at waking up all these feelings that were unresolved since youre a very young child.. I know been there done that, I completely heal within a year and not a single women can manipulate me cause u have been with the most crazy female in the planet!! Congratulations!!
I will have to check that out. Been over a year since my former mistress fled, but not before her BPD inflicted some serious wreckage. Sustained no-contact for ten months, including resisted answering a text she sent in late May. Didn't have that resolve this weekend and got sucked into a short convo.

On one hand, now that the convo is over and I have a better idea of where she's been and where she's at now, I have a much clearer perspective. On the other, I need this to not regress. Scary how I can simultaneously see through her particular brand of Crazy, yet at the same time start falling back into the familiar cadence of our interactions.
 

Focal core

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Scary how I can simultaneously see through her particular brand of Crazy, yet at the same time start falling back into the familiar cadence of our interactions.
You both obviously share same wavelengths, the way to get out of it is to get resolved with it, Heal, grow and change. Healing is always about Honoring your own feelings. If you read something similar with your life with her on that site you're obviously been with one heck of a sickos. The worst thing you share with your bpd lover is poor self-worth.. Get that shape up you will over her in no time.
 
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You both obviously share same wavelengths, the way to get out of it is to get resolved with it, Heal, grow and change. Healing is always about Honoring your own feelings. If you read something similar with your life with her on that site you're obviously been with one heck of a sickos. The worst thing you share with your bpd lover is poor self-worth.. Get that shape up you will over her in no time.
Just finished "At any cost" on that site. The picture that painted was a really good blend of the dynamics with my ex and my former mistress. Very good material there. It's not the first time I've seen her through that lens, but it's always helpful to have the point reinforced.

Yes, self-image and self-esteem issues have dogged me my entire life. It's an inner narrative I continually work to negate, but it's a very slow process.

Over the past year I've been fortunate to have a very positive dynamic with my current GF---the differences between the quality of these two women are stark. I'm at a point where I feel like I will have retreated on a lot of hard-earned personal growth by re-engaging in any capacity. There isn't a single thing she has to offer that is worth giving up on that.
 

Focal core

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Just finished "At any cost" on that site. The picture that painted was a really good blend of the dynamics with my ex and my former mistress. Very good material there. It's not the first time I've seen her through that lens, but it's always helpful to have the point reinforced.

Yes, self-image and self-esteem issues have dogged me my entire life. It's an inner narrative I continually work to negate, but it's a very slow process.

Over the past year I've been fortunate to have a very positive dynamic with my current GF---the differences between the quality of these two women are stark. I'm at a point where I feel like I will have retreated on a lot of hard-earned personal growth by re-engaging in any capacity. There isn't a single thing she has to offer that is worth giving up on that.
Congratulations with your new women, it's really hard to find a girl that truly love herself that to some extend has the capacity of reciprocity in a relationship, most girls were branches swingeeeeee that has nothing to offer in a meaningful way in a relationship. Most cant even tolerate being with themselves. That being said same as a men which share their same wavelength, it's really like seeing a same type flock of birds flying together, the old saying water seeks its own level is really are no lie.
 

Focal core

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Btw for your info Ive never re-engage with my ex bpd wife, because I am not that type of person she should be targeting into, turns out this evil bratt has no personalities, so fvcked up in her head they had to copy all your great personality in order to get along with you, a chameleons and you would think she's the one until her mask fall off. What a stupid fvckup that I've never heard of this sickos exist in our society before I met her.
 
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Btw for your info Ive never re-engage with my ex bpd wife, because I am not that type of person she should be targeting into, turns out this evil bratt has no personalities, so fvcked up in her head they had to copy all your great personality in order to get along with you, a chameleons and you would think she's the one until her mask fall off. What a stupid fvckup that I've never heard of this sickos exist in our society before I met her.
Chameleon definitely fits her, both when I was with her and the short update on her life I got yesterday. My ex was another thing entirely, but BPD traits were there and the relationship dynamic had all the hallmarks of it.

They can really fvck with your head, and I'll be damned if I lose the ground I've covered so far.
 

Focal core

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Chameleon definitely fits her, both when I was with her and the short update on her life I got yesterday. My ex was another thing entirely, but BPD traits were there and the relationship dynamic had all the hallmarks of it.

They can really fvck with your head, and I'll be damned if I lose the ground I've covered so far.
Yup very typical though, my ex as well turn into something I didn't recognized as expected.. But in return I got something I have never had before, a fvcking great social skills and abilities to see through people. After you read all the bpds section.. Read the DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? Article, and resolved most of your core trauma from there. :up:
 
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Spaz

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Victim mentality = loser.

Since you boys can write novels upon novels of how hurt you are, I'm pretty sure if you used the same persistence, you'll be able to write novels upon novels on how to be great.

It's time for you boys to grow up and gain some winning mentality for a change.
 
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