kickureface
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2006
- Messages
- 713
- Reaction score
- 1
how would i go about doing this. any books help?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
best way to improve inner game?
- Thread starter kickureface
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Stay away from self help books and sh!t like that.
You can't help yourself because yourself sucks.
Here is how you do it:
Seriously hit the gym
Get new clothes like a suit and tie and stuff.
Do something that scares you everyday.
Bang as many hot chicks as you can
You can't help yourself because yourself sucks.
Here is how you do it:
Seriously hit the gym
Get new clothes like a suit and tie and stuff.
Do something that scares you everyday.
Bang as many hot chicks as you can
Interceptor
Master Don Juan
Kick,
right now the two easiest resources to start researcing are form David Deangelo
"On Being a Man"
and
"Deep Inner Game"
then...
Second, go to Dr. Paul Dobransky's Forum.
Third, take a look at RSD's(Real Social Dynamics) forum. They have a lot of inner game , authenitc self oriented posts. And Tyler Durden has a really keen grasp on the inner workings of the mind in romantic/sexual./social dynamics.
Fourth, look up Hypnotica
He's an NLP/Hypnosis expert on Inner Game issues , men's issues, Sexuality and dating
These resources are an EXCELLENT start for you.
right now the two easiest resources to start researcing are form David Deangelo
"On Being a Man"
and
"Deep Inner Game"
then...
Second, go to Dr. Paul Dobransky's Forum.
Third, take a look at RSD's(Real Social Dynamics) forum. They have a lot of inner game , authenitc self oriented posts. And Tyler Durden has a really keen grasp on the inner workings of the mind in romantic/sexual./social dynamics.
Fourth, look up Hypnotica
He's an NLP/Hypnosis expert on Inner Game issues , men's issues, Sexuality and dating
These resources are an EXCELLENT start for you.
Interceptor
Master Don Juan
kick,
Some time ago I wrote to Michael W, The Dating Wizard, and asked HIS Opinion on how to learn and improve. This was his reply to me:
By Michael W, The Dating Wizard:
First of all thanks for the props on the content,
it's important to me to always offer the BEST.
No marketing gimmicks, no manipulation or
preying on people's fears. Just the BEST
INSIGHTS and dating wisdom around, period.
Ok, so let's address the claim from some guys
to "just do it" and "don't think about it".
In my absolute dedication to complete truth, I
will first explain where this whole view comes
from. On one hand, ACTION is usually better than
NO action, so doing something is usually better than
NOTHING. A lot of guys will just stand there
and LOOK at a woman but not actually do
anything.
However, sometimes, action without wisdom
IS worse than doing nothing!
And that's because you can REINFORCE negative
emotions and a negative self-concept that RUINS
your confidence, if you don't know what you are
doing while trying to meet a woman, pick-up a
woman, or date a woman.
Not only that, but if you are doing the WRONG things,
you can end up attracting the WRONG kind of woman,
who will make you regret the day you were BORN.
If a guy is not VERY INFORMED, he is opening himself
up to abuse and to attracting the WRONG WOMAN,
which is FAR WORSE than having no woman at all,
because he will be ignorant to her games and will
be emotionally manipulated until his self-esteem is
left into a bloody pulp.
Also, if a guy decides to be ignorant and "just do it"
and if he never puts any thought into the deeper levels
of this stuff, including his own inner beliefs about
the world, about women, about relationships, etc,
then he will FOR SURE NOT END UP WITH
THE KIND OF SITUATION HE WANTS.
There's an old saying that says, "If you don't know
where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere
else." And it's completely true.
I'd like to give an example of what I'm talking about,
something that is CRUCIAL to know, yet most people
don't even know EXISTS. In other words, something
that people who take the "don't think about it" approach
would totally never ever figure out.
One of the most important parts of "picking up a woman"
begins WAY BEFORE you even step out of the house.
What I'm talking about is DETERMINING and CREATING
your own VALUE-SYSTEM. You will attract that which
you ARE. And you ARE what you THINK and DO.
You will REAP WHAT YOU SOW, and what you
SOW includes the seeds you have sewn in your
OWN MIND before you even BEGIN to say
a word to any woman.
So, for example, if you believe that the ONLY way a
woman can treat you well is if you PLAY GAMES
with her, then you are SETTING UP a very fragile
environment for yourself and for her. It is fragile
because there can be no high level of TRUST
in such a situation.
From the very get go, your interaction from the first
time you meet her will be laced with confusion, because
on one hand you will feel attraction, on the other hand
you will always feel you need to guard yourself because
of your fear that she will not treat you well unless you
play games with her, such as always making it clear
she is not all that important to you and that you are not
that interested, etc.
Now, let's say this woman IS a game player, then you
have now only REINFORCED her belief that games
are necessary, so now you are REINFORCING a
reality in your own life where you will have to
play games as well.
And, even if she is the kind of woman who HATES
playing games, you are now making her feel that
since you clearly are not someone she can totally
trust unless she plays games as well, so that will
MAKE HER BECOME MORE OF A "GAME PLAYER"
herself.
Also, if you TRULY BELIEVE games are necessary,
then all women will be put into the same category in
your mind, including the women who really are showing
you that they are NOT the same as other women, who
are NOT "game players", etc. You will be unable to
see the truth, you will think "she is just a good faker"
etc etc.
On the other hand, if you believe that a woman being
a good person does NOT require you to manipulate
her, then you will be able to SCREEN OUT the
compatible women from the ones who are not,
because you will KNOW that compatible ones
EXIST. And not only that, but because YOU
will be behaving in a way that is NOT requiring
games of yourself, THIS IN ITSELF may have
a VERY STRONG IMPACT even on the women
who USED TO THINK that games WERE
necessary. Because you will be that rare
and hence make a powerful impact.
There is soooo much more on this topic, but
in these newsletters I can barely scratch the
surface. Still though, I think you can see
that your beliefs are CRUCIAL and not
only that, but also that you can CHANGE
your beliefs if you just realize that a lot
of the beliefs you have now may have
been the result of INCORRECT INFO
that you were given by others.
Now, some guys might take all this to mean
that if dating is not about playing games, then
there is nothing to learn, right?
NOPE, because in fact, in a world where men
and women are BRAINWASHED to NOT
be themselves, you have to learn how to
GET THROUGH ALL THEIR FAKE
SUPERFICIAL behaviours, and how to
GET THROUGH THEIR FEARS, and
reach the REAL PERSON BEHIND
the mask.
Plus, you need to learn how to bring out your
SELF from all those masks that YOU have
been conditioned to wear as well.
It's important to realize that all this stuff is mostly
NOT CONSCIOUS, for men, and for women.
So it's really important that YOU learn it ALL, so
that SOMEONE in the interaction is more aware
of the full picture and can thus lead the interaction
in the right direction. So for example, if a woman
does something, you will UNDERSTAND what
she REALLY MEANT.
You will know the difference between a comment
she said or an action that she did that was made
out of fear, and a comment she said that was made
out of nastyness. You will be able to thus screen
out the wrong women and keep the right women
IN your world so that you can learn more about
them and if they are for you or not.
Also, LEARNING about how attraction works
on the highest levels will enable you to BEST
convey who YOU are to a woman, and will
also teach you how to develop the kind of
connection with a woman that is normally
the kind of thing so powerful that most
people think it's only the stuff of FANTASY
when in reality it can be ACHIEVED IN
REAL LIFE.
Sometimes, it's a matter of a SUBTLE distinction
that makes all the difference in the world, such
as knowing how to make a tease in a way that
is LOVING and not MALICIOUS. This is
a huge topic by the way, because it's amazing
how many guys still think that teasing is about
being mean but coating it with sugar, as if
women were so stupid and couldn't tell
the difference.
Sometimes, it's not something subtle at all, it's
MAJOR, such as knowing which issues are
a matter of taste and you should thus be flexible
on, and knowing which matters are truly matters
of principle, and you must stand and not budge
no matter how tough it is for you to do so.
And you will find that very often, a woman
actually shares those values but it's not easy
in our society to stand up for those values
as they are so rare, and so she will only
end up cherishing you more and you will
both be bonded on a higher level.
And if a woman does not share those values,
then at least you will save yourself years of
wasted time trying to make something work
that was doomed from the beginning.
This is a HUUUUUUUGE topic, and only those
who take the road of KNOWLEDGE will benefit.
So DEFINITELY, taking the "not thinking" strategy
for one's dating life is as foolish as getting onto
the SPACE SHUTTLE and not knowing anything
about how to fly it, but figuring that pressing any
buttons buttons or flipping switches is better than
doing nothing.
Such a philosophy of "no thinking" clearly is
absurd, and we can see just how horrifying the
results of this are by taking a glimpse at
the society around us, and at the celebrities
that most people worship. And I'm not just
talking about things like divorce.
Knowledge is power.
Wisdom is power.
Some time ago I wrote to Michael W, The Dating Wizard, and asked HIS Opinion on how to learn and improve. This was his reply to me:
By Michael W, The Dating Wizard:
First of all thanks for the props on the content,
it's important to me to always offer the BEST.
No marketing gimmicks, no manipulation or
preying on people's fears. Just the BEST
INSIGHTS and dating wisdom around, period.
Ok, so let's address the claim from some guys
to "just do it" and "don't think about it".
In my absolute dedication to complete truth, I
will first explain where this whole view comes
from. On one hand, ACTION is usually better than
NO action, so doing something is usually better than
NOTHING. A lot of guys will just stand there
and LOOK at a woman but not actually do
anything.
However, sometimes, action without wisdom
IS worse than doing nothing!
And that's because you can REINFORCE negative
emotions and a negative self-concept that RUINS
your confidence, if you don't know what you are
doing while trying to meet a woman, pick-up a
woman, or date a woman.
Not only that, but if you are doing the WRONG things,
you can end up attracting the WRONG kind of woman,
who will make you regret the day you were BORN.
If a guy is not VERY INFORMED, he is opening himself
up to abuse and to attracting the WRONG WOMAN,
which is FAR WORSE than having no woman at all,
because he will be ignorant to her games and will
be emotionally manipulated until his self-esteem is
left into a bloody pulp.
Also, if a guy decides to be ignorant and "just do it"
and if he never puts any thought into the deeper levels
of this stuff, including his own inner beliefs about
the world, about women, about relationships, etc,
then he will FOR SURE NOT END UP WITH
THE KIND OF SITUATION HE WANTS.
There's an old saying that says, "If you don't know
where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere
else." And it's completely true.
I'd like to give an example of what I'm talking about,
something that is CRUCIAL to know, yet most people
don't even know EXISTS. In other words, something
that people who take the "don't think about it" approach
would totally never ever figure out.
One of the most important parts of "picking up a woman"
begins WAY BEFORE you even step out of the house.
What I'm talking about is DETERMINING and CREATING
your own VALUE-SYSTEM. You will attract that which
you ARE. And you ARE what you THINK and DO.
You will REAP WHAT YOU SOW, and what you
SOW includes the seeds you have sewn in your
OWN MIND before you even BEGIN to say
a word to any woman.
So, for example, if you believe that the ONLY way a
woman can treat you well is if you PLAY GAMES
with her, then you are SETTING UP a very fragile
environment for yourself and for her. It is fragile
because there can be no high level of TRUST
in such a situation.
From the very get go, your interaction from the first
time you meet her will be laced with confusion, because
on one hand you will feel attraction, on the other hand
you will always feel you need to guard yourself because
of your fear that she will not treat you well unless you
play games with her, such as always making it clear
she is not all that important to you and that you are not
that interested, etc.
Now, let's say this woman IS a game player, then you
have now only REINFORCED her belief that games
are necessary, so now you are REINFORCING a
reality in your own life where you will have to
play games as well.
And, even if she is the kind of woman who HATES
playing games, you are now making her feel that
since you clearly are not someone she can totally
trust unless she plays games as well, so that will
MAKE HER BECOME MORE OF A "GAME PLAYER"
herself.
Also, if you TRULY BELIEVE games are necessary,
then all women will be put into the same category in
your mind, including the women who really are showing
you that they are NOT the same as other women, who
are NOT "game players", etc. You will be unable to
see the truth, you will think "she is just a good faker"
etc etc.
On the other hand, if you believe that a woman being
a good person does NOT require you to manipulate
her, then you will be able to SCREEN OUT the
compatible women from the ones who are not,
because you will KNOW that compatible ones
EXIST. And not only that, but because YOU
will be behaving in a way that is NOT requiring
games of yourself, THIS IN ITSELF may have
a VERY STRONG IMPACT even on the women
who USED TO THINK that games WERE
necessary. Because you will be that rare
and hence make a powerful impact.
There is soooo much more on this topic, but
in these newsletters I can barely scratch the
surface. Still though, I think you can see
that your beliefs are CRUCIAL and not
only that, but also that you can CHANGE
your beliefs if you just realize that a lot
of the beliefs you have now may have
been the result of INCORRECT INFO
that you were given by others.
Now, some guys might take all this to mean
that if dating is not about playing games, then
there is nothing to learn, right?
NOPE, because in fact, in a world where men
and women are BRAINWASHED to NOT
be themselves, you have to learn how to
GET THROUGH ALL THEIR FAKE
SUPERFICIAL behaviours, and how to
GET THROUGH THEIR FEARS, and
reach the REAL PERSON BEHIND
the mask.
Plus, you need to learn how to bring out your
SELF from all those masks that YOU have
been conditioned to wear as well.
It's important to realize that all this stuff is mostly
NOT CONSCIOUS, for men, and for women.
So it's really important that YOU learn it ALL, so
that SOMEONE in the interaction is more aware
of the full picture and can thus lead the interaction
in the right direction. So for example, if a woman
does something, you will UNDERSTAND what
she REALLY MEANT.
You will know the difference between a comment
she said or an action that she did that was made
out of fear, and a comment she said that was made
out of nastyness. You will be able to thus screen
out the wrong women and keep the right women
IN your world so that you can learn more about
them and if they are for you or not.
Also, LEARNING about how attraction works
on the highest levels will enable you to BEST
convey who YOU are to a woman, and will
also teach you how to develop the kind of
connection with a woman that is normally
the kind of thing so powerful that most
people think it's only the stuff of FANTASY
when in reality it can be ACHIEVED IN
REAL LIFE.
Sometimes, it's a matter of a SUBTLE distinction
that makes all the difference in the world, such
as knowing how to make a tease in a way that
is LOVING and not MALICIOUS. This is
a huge topic by the way, because it's amazing
how many guys still think that teasing is about
being mean but coating it with sugar, as if
women were so stupid and couldn't tell
the difference.
Sometimes, it's not something subtle at all, it's
MAJOR, such as knowing which issues are
a matter of taste and you should thus be flexible
on, and knowing which matters are truly matters
of principle, and you must stand and not budge
no matter how tough it is for you to do so.
And you will find that very often, a woman
actually shares those values but it's not easy
in our society to stand up for those values
as they are so rare, and so she will only
end up cherishing you more and you will
both be bonded on a higher level.
And if a woman does not share those values,
then at least you will save yourself years of
wasted time trying to make something work
that was doomed from the beginning.
This is a HUUUUUUUGE topic, and only those
who take the road of KNOWLEDGE will benefit.
So DEFINITELY, taking the "not thinking" strategy
for one's dating life is as foolish as getting onto
the SPACE SHUTTLE and not knowing anything
about how to fly it, but figuring that pressing any
buttons buttons or flipping switches is better than
doing nothing.
Such a philosophy of "no thinking" clearly is
absurd, and we can see just how horrifying the
results of this are by taking a glimpse at
the society around us, and at the celebrities
that most people worship. And I'm not just
talking about things like divorce.
Knowledge is power.
Wisdom is power.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
The way I improved my inner game was through success. You're not going to get success by gaming on girls that are out of your league, no matter how much about women you know better than the guys that those girls are dating. I started off dating girls that are average/easy to get, and worked my way up.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Inner game cannot exist without inner confidence. It's the foundation upon which everything else stands.kickureface said:
everywomanshero
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 2, 2005
- Messages
- 1,814
- Reaction score
- 36
I think there are different levels of inner game.
If you're really bad off, banging some hotties will definitely boost your self-image and morale. The problem is that if this is your only real sense of self-worth, then it will always hang to some degree in the hands of others. Success with the opposite sex becomes a validation-like drug harder to kick than a herion habit, the need for higher and higher levels of success becomes the "tolerance", and when the success stops the user comes crashing down and suffers withdraws.
So banging hot chicks can really only be one component of a man's total inner game, an temporary shot in the arm to make up for years of not feeling as successful as he wished to be with the opposite sex. For me personally, I had to bang over 50 chicks before I really "got over" the intense need to bang every woman who turned me on physically and emotionally.
The other side to this is validation from within, knowing one's instrinsic value that cannot be added to or taken away from by others. This is knowing that one is equal to all others as a person and remains true irrespective of success and failure. This is the kind of inner game that allows one to take risks without worrying needlessly over failure. This courage prevents one from wasting all his resource on what ifs. A person with true inner game is OK no matter the results, therefore, taking worthwhile risks are not that scary. He has more resources to focus on the matter at hand which results in more success and feeds back intot he first part I talked about (feeling compentent). So there is a pattern of getting more success and not even needing the success to feel good that build on one another.
How to do this?
1) Society is a friend not a foe. You find the usefullness you provide society in forms such as employment, putting smiles on faces, you see that you have a place in society, etc
2) Overcoming faulty beliefs. Affirmations, visualization, postive self-talk, behavioral modification. When we force ourselves into new roles we open doors to insight, and when we mentally prepare ourselves to suspend negative belief systems can interpret things more realistically.
3) Taking care of oneself. Doctor/Dental Care, exercise, well-dressed, good posture, start each day on a good note and expect the best.
4) Specifically for DJs, realizing the hottest members of the opposite sex eat, ****, fart, have stinky cookies, desire sex in the back of cars, and sh1t just like the rest of us. This is important at some point, although I freely admit there was a time when I went gaga over certain women and I have no problem admitting it was a great feeling while it lasted!
If you're really bad off, banging some hotties will definitely boost your self-image and morale. The problem is that if this is your only real sense of self-worth, then it will always hang to some degree in the hands of others. Success with the opposite sex becomes a validation-like drug harder to kick than a herion habit, the need for higher and higher levels of success becomes the "tolerance", and when the success stops the user comes crashing down and suffers withdraws.
So banging hot chicks can really only be one component of a man's total inner game, an temporary shot in the arm to make up for years of not feeling as successful as he wished to be with the opposite sex. For me personally, I had to bang over 50 chicks before I really "got over" the intense need to bang every woman who turned me on physically and emotionally.
The other side to this is validation from within, knowing one's instrinsic value that cannot be added to or taken away from by others. This is knowing that one is equal to all others as a person and remains true irrespective of success and failure. This is the kind of inner game that allows one to take risks without worrying needlessly over failure. This courage prevents one from wasting all his resource on what ifs. A person with true inner game is OK no matter the results, therefore, taking worthwhile risks are not that scary. He has more resources to focus on the matter at hand which results in more success and feeds back intot he first part I talked about (feeling compentent). So there is a pattern of getting more success and not even needing the success to feel good that build on one another.
How to do this?
1) Society is a friend not a foe. You find the usefullness you provide society in forms such as employment, putting smiles on faces, you see that you have a place in society, etc
2) Overcoming faulty beliefs. Affirmations, visualization, postive self-talk, behavioral modification. When we force ourselves into new roles we open doors to insight, and when we mentally prepare ourselves to suspend negative belief systems can interpret things more realistically.
3) Taking care of oneself. Doctor/Dental Care, exercise, well-dressed, good posture, start each day on a good note and expect the best.
4) Specifically for DJs, realizing the hottest members of the opposite sex eat, ****, fart, have stinky cookies, desire sex in the back of cars, and sh1t just like the rest of us. This is important at some point, although I freely admit there was a time when I went gaga over certain women and I have no problem admitting it was a great feeling while it lasted!
WC2
Master Don Juan
In short
Building Inner-confidence
Opening your mind up to new things
Be positive
Always be secure
Don't rely on others
Building Inner-confidence
Opening your mind up to new things
Be positive
Always be secure
Don't rely on others
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Good list.WC2 said:
kickureface
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2006
- Messages
- 713
- Reaction score
- 1
i always had the notion that inner game and innner confidence were the same. care to explain?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Step One: Think of something you always wanted to do in life. This could be anything like Scuba diving, sky diving, telling that ******* to ****off, or whatever. Write it down.
Step Two: Do whatever you wrote down.
Step Three: Repeat
This is a cycle I used to get me out of a very deep and long depression and it can work for you. This is also a three step process to living like this is your last day on earth or whatever.
Step Two: Do whatever you wrote down.
Step Three: Repeat
This is a cycle I used to get me out of a very deep and long depression and it can work for you. This is also a three step process to living like this is your last day on earth or whatever.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
You can have confidence without having game, it doesn't work the other way around.kickureface said:
kickureface
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2006
- Messages
- 713
- Reaction score
- 1
then what exactly is inner confidence? from what the context is, i assume it's real confidence whereas outer confidence is a front?
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Outer confidence isn't necessarily a front, it's just dependent on external things; things which you have no control over. If those things change it could affect your confidence. Inner/real/authentic confidence is internal and is under your control.kickureface said:
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
This is good advice for self-improvement but definately not good advice for inner game. Doing this may improve your inner game indirectly, but it may not. Have you ever heard stories about people who get plastic surgery and get turned into beatifull people yet when they see themselves in the mirror they say 'I'm still ugly' because the old image of their ugly self is still there? What about the naturally beatifull and slim people we see every day that think they are ugly and fat? I rest my case.
Inner game is not to be confused with 'game'. My view of inner game that it is essentially confidence and security in who you are. It's like the chicken and the egg. If you have to have confidence to get women then how can you do it because unless you have been succesfull with women you wont have confidence? Don't dwell on that too much. 'Think and you shall become'
Check out the confidence section in Weapons of Mass Seduction: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30513. It goes above and beyond the usal stuff you see. To be honest though I still believe in affirmations. I don't neccesarily mean reading them on bits of paper (although that's good too), just positive thinking. NEVER put yourself down, in your own mind or when talking to other people. Think 'I can do this' never 'I can't'. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are good looking. Whenever a voice pops up saying negative thoughts, fight it, fight it untill you win.
You can get inner game from success, but then like has been mentioned your confidence will always depend on the validation of other people. With real inner game you can always be confident. It's not easy, I know. Life is naturally up and down, you just have to embrace the ups and fight the downs. Fight the nagativity but embrace the fact that not everything in life is rosey.
You have to work on your inner game and outer game (including self-improvement) at the same time so you find balance and they feed off of one another. Self-help books and affirmations are good, but pointless with action. Action is good but hard to come by without motivation, and aimless without direction.
I give this advice with confidence, although to be honest I am still working on conquering my inner and outer demons. It is a constant battle, be prepared.
kickureface
Master Don Juan
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thanks everyone in this thread. its a shame we have to weed out thousands of posts just to get to your good ones that actually help