Best way to handle LTRs complaint of "not spending enough time together"?

[strong like bull]

Hey guys,

ive been through quite a bit in my journey and ive learned a lot, but theres still a thing or two i havent had to address yet.. until now.

my LTR and i have been together for 2+ years. we've been living together for a year now and weve lots of great times together. she is without a doubt a girl i could seriously see being the one that i choose to marry.

there is, however, one little problem thats been rearing its ugly head a bit lately. in a nutshell, shes complaining that "we never get to spend time together anymore" and it "depresses" her. it comes up from time to time, but seems to be a recurring theme lately.

as i said we live together.. and our work schedules are half in sync. we both are off sundays, which we always spend together or together with family. and theres usually a night and afternoon or two during the week we both are off. lately, theres been some stress of our jobs slowing down a bit, meaning less money.. meaning we have "date nights" and whatnot less than b4. for what its worth, i do try to make the best of it though going through this rough patch, e.g. making nice dinner instead of going out.

on top of work, i also have a business im dedicated to growing. even though it will take time, i know that one day, that side business will be grown to replace my day job and truly provide me with the lifestyle i want to live. so needless to say, its a top priority of mine as the long term future depends on that. and of course, when i have appointments or whatnot pop up it seems to annoy/stress her out.. although as i said i always try to make the best of the time we have.

so my question is, whats the proper way to handle that situation?

to be honest, so far when its come up i handle it as:
"i understand 100% where youre coming from, and i too wish we could spend more time together. but these are things that have to be done. if im ever gonna get out of my day job this is the kind of action i have to take."

sometimes even to the point of conveying to her that if she cant handle it or isnt willing to make the best of it, as i am, then im sorry but theres nothing i can do...

ive never been much of an emotional guy to begin with, but i do try to be compassionate and understanding. although at the same time, sometimes that kind of behavior just adds more stress on top of everything else ive got going on. especially with the business - its common sense that if i gave up the time i put into the business, id never get out of my day job, never truly amount to the man i want to be, most likely live in a life of stress and frustration due to lack of money and freedom... just not the life i want to live!

any thoughts or insight??

thanks in advance,
SLB

 

[trent81]

If you're too busy to have a girlfriend, or you are not emotional, and robotic. Then don't have a girlfriend. Sometimes you have to go out of your way to make someone happy. Either dump her, or spend some time with her. It's not that difficult. If you're life is too hectic, get rid of her. Doesn't sit well, does it? Imagining the fact that you might lose your girlfriend. I gurantee you she will break up with you in less than three months. She is already on the way out emotionally. So stop being a divk head and start doing something about it. Some of these people on these boards would die for a girlfriend, and you neglect yours cause you are too busy. Doesn't take much once a month to go do something with your girl all day. Fuvk me....

 

[trent81]

Do you know what she's thinking?

If this jack ass is this busy right now and neglects me, what happens when he marries me? What happens if his business goes off? I sit at home, never go out, never go dancing, never go anywhere, maybe even no sex. Why would I marry a workaholic? Fuvk this jack ass, I'm gonna find me another one.


THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I GOT TO FUVK A MARRIED WOMAN FOUR MONTHS AGO> NEGLECT

 

[horaholic]

Bullshyt. You WANT the woman to think you aremt spending enough time with her, (within reason, of course) too much time is a bad thing. Give her the gift of missing you, (just a little bit, though)

You should, however, make time for you both. You are the man, and it is your job, to lead the relationship, and that means making sure you both do new and exciting things together here and there. This is VERY important, if you dont want to be cheated on, or dumped. You dont have to kiss her ass, but you need to spice things up, and relieve the relationship boredom. MAKE TIME.

 

[BananaSmile]

Take showers together thats spending time

 

[Jitterbug]

When your woman says "we don't spend enough time together!", what she really means is that when you do spend time together, you're set in a routine and it's boring the crap out of her. She doesn't want more of the same crap, she wants something more exciting.

 

[strong like bull]

You should, however, make time for you both. You are the man, and it is your job, to lead the relationship, and that means making sure you both do new and exciting things together here and there. This is VERY important, if you dont want to be cheated on, or dumped. You dont have to kiss her ass, but you need to spice things up, and relieve the relationship boredom. MAKE TIME.

.......

When your woman says "we don't spend enough time together!", what she really means is that when you do spend time together, you're set in a routine and it's boring the crap out of her. She doesn't want more of the same crap, she wants something more exciting.

i agree 100%. i sat her down last night and cleared the air. i really do understand the importance of making time together and doing exciting things together. its just as important to me as it is to her and thats what our relationship was built on. i just needed to know that she'll be able to tough it out during the rough patches; there will be times where between work and business i dont have all the free time in the world. but i made it clear to her that i will always be willing to make reasonable time for us, to do fun things together.

thanks for the input
-SLB

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You should book a skydiving adventure some sunday.

 

[Da Realist]

We don't spend enough time together = you're not giving me enough attention outside sex.

Let's be real: you're not listening to what she wants. I don't believe in letting a woman run a man, but there are times we try to explain the business end of stuff to them when they're running on emotion. See, she wants this emotional energy from you and you're trying to explain things logically instead of making her FEEL like she's important. The best way to make her feel it is to take a step back from something some time soon and just "spontaneously" spend time with her. She wants you to once in a while make an active effort to be with her instead of it just being when it's convenient for you. Don't go overboard with it and try not to do it when she's complaining because that opens up the whole " you only do it to keep me quiet" argument that you will just annoy the crap out of both of you. Best of luck with the business and the relationship.

One more thing. This may fly in the face of what some guys here will tell you, but what I've learned. Do not let that business you're trying to start be the reason you're not marrying her. I've been in the situation where I was trying to make money and pushing marriage off, but you need to realize that she will not get in the way of you getting money by you getting married. If she's really down for you, she will be there every step of the way and there is no reason you can't at least get engaged. Now if she's a liability (which she doesn't sound like), drop here. But for real, share the responsibility for the future with her instead of trying to put it all on your shoulders, let her go through it with you, be the secure one, and put a ring on her finger before it gets too late.