Best way to cancel a date

[Miles28]

Hi,

So I'm in the relatively good position of having two dates lined up for Saturday. I didn't mean to double book, I just f**ked up.

Anyway I like both these girls and I want to keep them both interested. I figure I have 3 basic options:

1. Try to date them both on the same night, i.e arrange the first date to finish at 9pm and then meet the second girl.

2. Cancel one of the dates now.

3. Wait and do nothing. Since chicks are flakey there's a good chance one of them will cancel at the last minute. I've been in this situation before, cancelled one date and then got cancelled on by the other at which point it was too late to uncancel the first date!

Also if I cancel on one of the girls will she immediately lose interest? I don't know how girls minds work. It would probably make me angry but MORE interested if a girl did this to me, although I would fight those instincts. If I am going to cancel what is the best way to do it but maintain her interest. They're both good finds and at this stage i'm trying to do the spinning plates thing so either one would be a bad plate to break.

M

 

[Kailex]

Why would you want to cancel a date??? I've done the double date before, and to be honest, I'd rather do it this way.

I wouldn't cancel, what I would do, is arrange the dates in order of "perceived interest". Basically, you want the one with the lowest IL first. The second date would be the higher IL just in case it does escalate past that.

By the way you've structured your post, I am guessing both dates... are first dates. Typically I like to keep first dates shorter than 2 hours.

And by arranging the lowest IL first, you're pretty much guaranteeing that the better date and reason for escalation will happen on later... in case you had to press the Eject seat on the first one.

Now, I have heard people who say that this could backfire: What if things get hot and heavy with the first one?

Well, what's wrong with that? You're still getting some right?

Don't cancel either. Just work it out so you can see both of them, because you want the worst case scenario to be that you can actually escalate/kino one of them. Of course, the ideal situation would be to get both.

If one of the dates seems like it might overlap the other, just reschedule... if the girl has a high enough IL, she will reschedule with you. Don't just eliminate possibilities because you "overbooked". There's no such thing. You're not an airline.

 

[Miles28]

Thanks Espi. I think you're right. But you know, as hard as I've tried to kill it, the AFC part of me is telling me that if I finish up early (i.e by 9pm) with the first girl it's going to lower her interest. It's the other way round right?! I still can't internalise the truth that scarcity, being unavailable, etc are the things that keep them interested. Even though I know those are the things that exactly work on me!!

 

[Miles28]

Great advice Kailex. This is the way I'm going to play it. And definitely one fits into the lower IL bracket and the other into the high IL bracket so it's easy to go along with your strategy.

Thanks man.

 

[masterpiece]

I agree with kailex, but just be carefull to not let them overrun into each other as you dont want to have to rush the date espeically if its going really well.

 

[Miles28]

Thanks Espi and everyone else for the very good advice. Am going to do as suggested.

Espi you're right I do still think too much about not upsetting a woman. I've yet to fully internalise the DJ principles I suppose, although I don't doubt them.

I'll let you know how the dateS go!

 

[Crow]

Now, I have heard people who say that this could backfire: What if things get hot and heavy with the first one?

Well, what's wrong with that? You're still getting some right?

In a bad moment, I did the opposite. As I was geting to the threshhold of my first dates door at midnight, I bailed for the very fact that I got a phone call from HB11. Dropped a sure thing, walked halfway across a foreign city to argue with a girl I was way too fixated on. Went home to my hotel angry, frustrated and with blue balls.

Your way is way better. I wont make my mistake again.

 

[Miles28]

Well I had to cancel one of the girls. Unfortunately the timing just wasn't going to work at all. Logistically it would have been stressful and tough.

I gave a very good excuse and she replied saying that it was absolutely fine and we could meet anytime, etc.

I just hate the part of me that is worried that now I have blown it with this girl by cancelling. As I alluded to previously it's still the horrible AFC part of me which feels like to get women to like you the best way is to always be the perfect gentlemen, never mess them around, be totally honest, etc. Sadly experience, both first and second hand has taught me that the opposite is possible true!

I don't know what I'm worrying about. I don't think that there is a guy out there that would refuse to ever go on a date with a really hot woman again because she had cancelled (and given a very good, albeit untrue, reason) but made it really clear that she was still very up for meeting. I really want to reach the stage in my game where my mindset is basically not to worry what the female is thinking. The girl I cancelled on is actually quite dull company but because she's beautiful and very refined I consider her high value. It would be great to be in a situation where there are 4 or 5 equally hot options always available so the risk of losing one ain't no thang, lol.

 

[Kailex]

Release the Kailex!!!

Well I had to cancel one of the girls. Unfortunately the timing just wasn't going to work at all. Logistically it would have been stressful and tough.

I gave a very good excuse and she replied saying that it was absolutely fine and we could meet anytime, etc.

I just hate the part of me that is worried that now I have blown it with this girl by cancelling.

Didn't she say that it was fine to meet anytime?
This is PERFECT. Not you can truly gauge her IL the next time you try to set up something. But don't wait TOO long or it will die down.
And why are you worried that you blew it with her? Don't you have another plate set for Saturday anyway? You have 2... how hard could it be to get another to replace THAT one in an instant with something else??? STOP worrying about what SHE is thinking. All you should be worrying about is YOU.

As I alluded to previously it's still the horrible AFC part of me which feels like to get women to like you the best way is to always be the perfect gentlemen, never mess them around, be totally honest, etc. Sadly experience, both first and second hand has taught me that the opposite is possible true!

Then stop listening to that part!!!
PERFECT is an absolute. We don't deal with absolutes. Women aren't perfect, so we don't have to be perfect either. That person you described gets stepped on constantly, and you sir, are not a ladder.

I don't know what I'm worrying about.

Me neither.

I don't think that there is a guy out there that would refuse to ever go on a date with a really hot woman again because she had cancelled (and given a very good, albeit untrue, reason) but made it really clear that she was still very up for meeting. I really want to reach the stage in my game where my mindset is basically not to worry what the female is thinking.

Book of Pook is excellent for that along with some other titles in the DJ Bible. Let THEM worry about what WE are thinking, not the other way around!

The girl I cancelled on is actually quite dull company but because she's beautiful and very refined I consider her high value.

Beautiful and refine do not a high value make. If she's dull and you are interested in getting to know her better, you might be swimming up a stream. I REALLY hope you are entertaining company. If all you are looking for is a quick lay... then go for it. But I'm always weary of DULL women... most of the time that translates to poor sense of humor... uppity feminist standards... and pseudo-b!tch.

It would be great to be in a situation where there are 4 or 5 equally hot options always available so the risk of losing one ain't no thang, lol.

You have 2 options. It should still be no thing. Just get another 1 or 2. Work on it. Even if they are not HB10, doesn't mean that they aren't "high value". Maybe I'm less superficial than most here, but I don't necessarily think that looks and being refined always equates to high value. After all, how much fun can a girl be if she has a dull personality?

Just go out on Saturday and have fun...Reschedule with the other girl soon.
You're fine. I could see WHY you would be worried if you had NO options. But you are already ahead of the curve of most guys by having more than one option.

Stop worrying so much!

 

[masterpiece]

You are worrying way to much, ur still cool with her so just ring her within the next week to arrange another meet up.
Its probably better this way anyway as you can now focus 100% on the other girl this sat without having to worry about finishing on time ect.

 

[Miles28]

Hi,

Just thought I'd update this. Thanks for the advice. In the end I, to put it crudely, ended up nailing the girl that I didn't cancel on. Really good night (obviously). The other girl still seems fairly keen so I haven't blown that out of the water. As a matter of principle I hate cancelling on people because it's been done to me a few times and it sucked. However this time I think it was the only option and I'll have opportunities to make it up to the other girl in the future.

M