Best way to act seeing ex in public

[EbbsAndFlows]

Generally speaking, how do you guys act when you see an ex in public.

I saw mine for the first time in 1.5 months the other night at the bar. I was with my buddies and she was with her girls. Didn't even see her at first, but did see her friends so I figured she was around. Me and my buddy who is my #1 wingman walked right passed unbeknownst to me, and my buddy said he caught her staring with a sad look. Me and my bud roamed and took turns cold approaching and mingling. After making a round we ended up by my ex an her friends, who were seated with some of my other buddies (all mutual friends). I didn't want to act like I didn't see her, so when I passed her again, she and I made eye contact and I gave her a half smirk, full eye contact, and a friendly wave. Me and my buddy proceeded to cold approach 3 girls at the table next to them, where we sat and chatted with them for 30+ min.

Did I handle it correctly? I don't think I would have acted awkward if I had to sit by her, but figured it was best to just let one another have a night free of any potential awkwardness. She saw me chatting up other girls, but I would have done that anyways: wasn't about making her jealous.

How do you all handle seeing an ex? Did I do it right? I'll add: I do sorta like her still, but my pride would never let me break NC. I have def. moved on, but you know how feelings rise when you see an ex unexpectedly at the bar.

 

[JohnChops]

Walk up to the girl next to her and make out with her, walk away, done. Also night name bud, they're a great band

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Walk up to the girl next to her and make out with her, walk away, done. Also night name bud, they're a great band

Ha, she was sitting in a booth with her friends and some of the dudes I came to the bar with. Best I could do was cold approach 3 girls in the booth next to them, which I did.

I acknowledged but proceeded to act indifferent. Difficult to describe the look she threw back: sad, shocked, confused sorta.

I'm curious of that was the best thing to do, versus walking up to their booth and engaging in that.

 

[narcissist]

If you are truly over her then there is no true way to handle it. Because you don't care what she thinks of you. You just do you, and no matter what happens you're happy. To gauge your actions in order to "handle" being around an ex is still being invested in her emotionally. So being truly over her, you sincerely don't give a fvck whether she is around or not, you continue doing exactly what you would do if she wasn't around.


Just my two cents.

As for did you handle it well? Yeah, for the most part, I think so. But the fact that you are now questioning it on SoS shows me there still exists some level of emotional investment in her, on your part. Which is normal when getting over someone. But don't deny it, for that is just repression and eventually it will come back up, and hit you hard.

I just think if you were TRULY over her, your encounter with her the other night would have ended there, and you wouldn't give it a second thought. No offence.

Anyways good luck Ebbs and stay NC!

 

[thunder_god]

I think you did great there. If you could have gotten a make out session with another chick right in front of her that would have been even better.

Good luck!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

If you are truly over her then there is no true way to handle it. Because you don't care what she thinks of you. You just do you, and no matter what happens you're happy. To gauge your actions in order to "handle" being around an ex is still being invested in her emotionally. So being truly over her, you sincerely don't give a fvck whether she is around or not, you continue doing exactly what you would do if she wasn't around.


Just my two cents.

As for did you handle it well? Yeah, for the most part, I think so. But the fact that you are now questioning it on SoS shows me there still exists some level of emotional investment in her, on your part. Which is normal when getting over someone. But don't deny it, for that is just repression and eventually it will come back up, and hit you hard.

I just think if you were TRULY over her, your encounter with her the other night would have ended there, and you wouldn't give it a second thought. No offence.

Anyways good luck Ebbs and stay NC!

I agree with this.

Why rub it in? It shows immaturity and the fact that you're still not over her. Just act normal, as if she wasn't there.

 

[goldengoose]

The fact that you're questioning what you're doing means you're unsure and not over her. You should treat her as an acquaintance at best if you see her out. You shouldn't even care if you see her out. Act as you normally would and have fun without even caring if she is around. Who caes what she thinks when she is there. She is out of your life. Live it how you want it.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

You guys are right.

Just going to keep NC going and forget the whole thing.

 

[chath]

Imagine you are walking into a business meeting.

You sit down and greet the person at the other end of a table, who is representing the company interested in buying your product/services. Next to you is your competitor who also offers similar products/services.

You act how you would to the competitor. You're not rude, but not particularly friendly. You hold a small conversation if prompted but prefer to stay quiet.

This is how I act.

Being in public with an ex is exactly the same experience to me as having a beer with a competitor. Both of which I have done more than once.

As for the male who is with your ex - I treat him like a bro... there is no reason to act negatively towards her new partner.

 

[Masculinity]

I usually just give them girl a nod and then go on with my life as if I had not seen her. It's immature to turn your head the other way and pretend you didn't see her, especially after getting caught seeing her. I think you did well. There's no need to analyze your every move back there--let it go.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

LOl, funny you should mention this. I ran into mine in a mall today. My GF and I were walking hand in hand, and passed her and a guy she was with in the mall. He swerved to go around us, and that is when I glanced at the girl he was with. It was the BPD ex, I haven't spoken to or seen in 2 years.

I mentioned to my GF "That was xxx" She said "really" I said "yeah", and we laughed. She said do you think she recognized you? I said " I imagine, we were only 5 feet apart".

Anyways,
I always wondered how I would act , what I would say if I ran into her. funny how it should happen like this, the one scenario I never expected.

So, here are the positives . (assuming she saw and recognized me - I assume she did, as she had a scowl on her face)

1. I didn't let on I even recognized her (which was true, until we almost passed each other. Never made eye contact or acknowledged her.

= "you meant so little, I didn't recognize you at 5 feet"

2. I was holding hands with my GF of two years, showing the closeness and passion is still there.

3. I am quite a bit bigger/leaner than when we parted ways. I look the best I have looked in 15 years. It was interesting to see how her BF or whomever he was, scooted to get out of our way.


Interesting times. I very well may run into her aain this summer as she vacations where I live.

Funn, I always wondered what emotions it would stir, as I was REALLY hooked on her....truth is, I felt nothing. Just nothing. I guess that is a very good thing. If anything, I felt good knowing how it played out.

Sounds like you handled that like a G and really are all the way over her too. Unfortunatley, I didn't had a gf with me, but I was with my #1 wingman (who used to smash my ex's best friend) and she knows when me and him are at the bars together we're in game mode.

Imagine you are walking into a business meeting.

You sit down and greet the person at the other end of a table, who is representing the company interested in buying your product/services. Next to you is your competitor who also offers similar products/services.

You act how you would to the competitor. You're not rude, but not particularly friendly. You hold a small conversation if prompted but prefer to stay quiet.

This is how I act.

Being in public with an ex is exactly the same experience to me as having a beer with a competitor. Both of which I have done more than once.

As for the male who is with your ex - I treat him like a bro... there is no reason to act negatively towards her new partner.

Word. Well, she was just with her friends, no new bf. But everything you said is still spot on, and a great way to frame it.

If I ever do meet a guy she's dating, I'll be sure to be a bro.

I usually just give them girl a nod and then go on with my life as if I had not seen her. It's immature to turn your head the other way and pretend you didn't see her, especially after getting caught seeing her. I think you did well. There's no need to analyze your every move back there--let it go.

I know you're right. It's just the first time we've seen eachother since the break up. She put the ball in my court shortly after the break up, with regards to us meeting up to catch up, but I felt like it was friend-zoney so I casually told her I'd get back to her and never did.



Regardless, thanks guy. I'll stop over analyzing it and know I didn't do horrible.