Best time to settle down - a question inspired by The Rational Male

[taiyuu_otoko]

Settle down IF or WHEN a girl who passes your criteria CONVINCES you to.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel the need to convince a female to settle down with you, you've already lost.

Forget about time frames and focus on creating a SITUATION that will make it natural to settle down.

That situation is as follows:

You have enough income, wealth and security to withstand the HORRIFIC financial destruction a family will wreak.

The lady in question passes YOUR criteria.

She RECOGNIZES your value and SHE is the one convincing YOU to settle down.

IMO, focus on any"correct" phases in life, especially phases in life that are SEVERAL YEARS away is really a self-deceptive con. Designed by your ego to keep you from developing the strong social skills NEEDED to create the aforementioned situation.

e.g. "I'm not really supposed to settle down until I'm in my 30's since red pill guru says so" is really just a clever marketing con that many writers and youtubers use to sell books, get ad revenue.

Put it in the reverse. Suppose you met the PERFECT, ideal woman today. Andy by magic of mental experiment, you KNEW she would never stray, stay in good shape, etc.

Would you NOT settle down and create a family because some guy you've never met said so.

If the answer is NO to that, then the answer must ALWAYS be NO to any "ideal" phase of life.

In a sense, any idea of an imaginary future time in your life to settle down (or start your own business, lose weight, etc.) is a very clever marketing con that people eat up like crazy, as it reduces any current pressure toward REAL self development.

 

[samspade]

It's definitely possible that your younger ex had experiences that you didn't, but can you really say those experiences could compare to yours and that her wisdom is on the same level as yours or even on the same level of the experiences of the older woman you were dating?

Were you able to connect with your younger ex on a deep level? Have meaningful conversations with her? Did you feel like you're hanging out with a person that you could see as an equal?

I wonder, if it's not too personal, what were the reasons for your breakup?

I just didn't love her the way she loved me. I tried, but never felt the same way. It definitely had nothing to do with experience. She's been through some different things than I have, so a lot of that is relative (taking into account the difference in the sexes and all that).

 

[AttackFormation]

It doesn't follow that because times have changed it makes sense to settle down with unsuitable women though. Obviously our human nature tells us to do it because we do want to settle down, but hypothetically if every woman was BPD then the solution would always be to not settle down at all.

Yeah you can't settle down with a damaged woman. I'm just saying that expecting to find a woman who is low mileage ("mileage" = emotional baggage) in 2018 beyond her late teens is a pipe dream for most men and the sooner a man accepts that the less neurotic over his choices he will be. So it's better to find your ego and/or your happiness in something else.

 

[Roober]

Settle down IF or WHEN a girl who passes your criteria CONVINCES you to.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel the need to convince a female to settle down with you, you've already lost.

Forget about time frames and focus on creating a SITUATION that will make it natural to settle down.

That situation is as follows:

You have enough income, wealth and security to withstand the HORRIFIC financial destruction a family will wreak.

The lady in question passes YOUR criteria.

She RECOGNIZES your value and SHE is the one convincing YOU to settle down.

IMO, focus on any"correct" phases in life, especially phases in life that are SEVERAL YEARS away is really a self-deceptive con. Designed by your ego to keep you from developing the strong social skills NEEDED to create the aforementioned situation.

e.g. "I'm not really supposed to settle down until I'm in my 30's since red pill guru says so" is really just a clever marketing con that many writers and youtubers use to sell books, get ad revenue.

Put it in the reverse. Suppose you met the PERFECT, ideal woman today. Andy by magic of mental experiment, you KNEW she would never stray, stay in good shape, etc.

Would you NOT settle down and create a family because some guy you've never met said so.

If the answer is NO to that, then the answer must ALWAYS be NO to any "ideal" phase of life.

In a sense, any idea of an imaginary future time in your life to settle down (or start your own business, lose weight, etc.) is a very clever marketing con that people eat up like crazy, as it reduces any current pressure toward REAL self development.

Agreed. It's weird how I've seen relatio ships last where they got married within 6 months and I've seen them last where they got married much later. What you bring up is important to note. The issue that many face is that they dont know what they want.

There needs to be some education for youth (under 25) on how to be yourself, pursue your goals, and find a partner that will join the ride. Some people are ready young, some people are not, and some are simply never ready. These are conversations that need to happen with parents and gaining experience. There may be a real market for some kind of product like that?

I think it is important that people wait till at least their mid-20s to marry. With college, changing careers, and instability, there are some tough lessons that need to be learned prior to tieing rhe knot.

Your youth should be about developing yourself and finding your place in the world. High school is just fun and games and an emotional roller coaster to boot, it is not a time for real development. People need to get out in the world and experience life to have an understanding of where they fit in.

For example, I was told I was shy all through my youth, I didnt realize I wasnt till I was in my 30s. I thought I was unattractive throughout my youth, and didnt see my potential till late 20s. I was a bit a late bloomer and I think that is far more common now. I think a big part of this is the rapid decrease in effective parenting and the American lie of "do what makes you happy" instead of what is good for your future and your family.

Long story short, I will tell my boys to try and wait till their 30s and find someone 5+ years younger. I hate to admit it, but women are far ahead of men in understanding social dynamics, especially in their 20s. Why this occurs is very interesting...

I have a couple ideas...
-women talk 5 words to mens 1, that is 5 times more practice at communication
-the societal push to "be a man". WTF does that even mean?
-lots of boys with single mommies and deadbeat dads. 1 in 4 kids under 18 right now are being raised by single moms...

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi, this question was initially written for Rollo Tomassi after reading his book The Rational Male, but I'm going to try my luck here in an open forum as well.

I read the book the Rational Male and moved on to the next in the series - Preventive Medicine. Great stuff.
The books raised a question - I tried to cover everything that's relevant for you to get the full picture while keeping it as concise as I can.

I'm a 27 years old entrepreneur.
4 years ago I found out about game and pickup - I went through an intensive year of pickup while consuming RSD material.
I had major mind shifts, personality growth and experiences with women which I wouldn't have had otherwise.
Following a recent breakup, a friend recommended me The Rational Male - it's one of the better books out there, it gave me great insights.

According to the advice in The Rational Male, I should be waiting until my mid 30s to settle down in order for the SMV scale to tip in my favor.
In my mid 30s I should be much better positioned in the SMP, more so in my case since I'm a full-time entrepreneur who didn't quite make it yet.
It always seemed absurd to me, chasing girls who have an inflated and irrational sense of their own SMV, while in comparison my own SMV seems to be irrationally low at the moment - in my own opinion (which doesn't really count for anything) it should be extremely high, much more so when looking at my future goals and personal development over time.
Unfortunately I'm not the one who makes the SMV rules, and I get zero SMV credit for things that in my opinion should be worth a lot, man do I bring a lot to the table even at this point in my life. Not that it matters from a realistic SMP point of view.
I'm set on getting a girl who can provide the whole package (smart, beautiful, good character, feminine, etc), and at my current SMV it seems nearly impossible to get one, let alone maintain and settle down with one - barring dedicating my life to meeting girls and improving my game, which I don't intend to do because ultimately I have things that I deem more important to do with my time.
I'm also a fan of "build it and they will come", at the very least I find the idea appealing - focusing on building oneself and attracting instead of chasing - it seems like a better strategy to keep improving and having more to offer rather than just wasting time on chasing and possibly decaying.
I still maintain my relationship as a goal mentality, be it feminine conditioning or not, having a warm loving family just seems far more appealing to me than the alternatives. I'm not too excited though about the chances of actually achieving that and all of it not going down the drain somewhere down the road due to hypergamy or anything of the sort.

With that said, assuming things go right for me and in my mid 30s I have an extremely high SMV while the women around my age are in the epiphany phase and it's time to strike -
Wouldn't by then women my age be too old to start giving birth to children? Even if I'm 35, settling down with a 30 year old woman and expecting her to bear 4 children doesn't sound like a foolproof plan to me. Not to mention that it's far from guaranteed that I'll be lucky enough to find the right woman by the time I'm ready to settle down - so the ages we're talking about might be even greater.
If I go the other direction and try to settle down with a girl at the peak of her SMV (assuming that's even feasible) - she'll just be a little kid. Even now when talking to women at these ages I can hardly find anything interesting about them other than their looks, the majority of women don't bring a lot to the table at these ages (especially not the good looking ones), and looks alone just don't cut it.

It'd be great to hear what's your take on this. Feel free to burst my bubble and hurt my ego, keep it real.

Its not so much about "waiting" as it is "doing."

Doing, burdens of performance, taking action, climbing the dominance hierarchy, etc is male nature.


Your being a entrepreneur couldn't be anymore Red pill. The same aspects of generating leads and new prospects transitions well with spinning plates.

Do not mistake male top form SMV mid to late 30s for "waiting." This is a school boy error. Its that, 99% of men marry over the hill women, plummeted SMV or cratered SMV. Its baby rabies and after her being a "alpha widow."


Muck rsd, Peterson, RMG, Rollo, and seek self knowledge. Explore consciousness. The highest order is free thought.

Listen to gene warfare series by Stefan Molyneux. Listen to truth about sex, single moms, etc and unplug.


The onus on self. The idea that the world is linear is fools mate. Its cyclical. There's no end point.

The reason men fail is the forever rubbish whereby current and future earnings plus sexual access is gifted to a woman who can exit with resources for life.

4/5 marriages end in divorce initiated by women.

Look, cohabitation is bad. Women can coast on your blood and sweat after eons of banging the guns as a entrepreneur. Date. No marriage. No single moms. Pull or next. Repeat. Have choice. Pick wisely.

Top form SMV is early side of twenty or late teens. IMHO a woman's true nature is here.

 

[daproest1]

You are currently too young to settle down. Spend your 20s building your life, spend your 30s dating and fvcking women while enjoying what you've built up for yourself. Spend your 40s with a companion, if that's what you ultimately desire.



I have never focused on all the math and theory over SMV. From my own observations, it all depends on how you carry yourself when out in public. If you appear to be confident, fun and exciting and have the ability to get yourself stuck on the mind of a woman, you don't have to worry about SMV.



This is the fallacy of focusing on SMV; It blurs the reality of the situation. Having a higher SMV isn't going to attract better (or more "quality" women) because for the most part, they don't exist. Also, the older the women get, the less likely you're going to find a "quality" woman. From what I've seen, women are at their maturity peak by age 23. Most have also been alpha-widowed by this age and have bought their tickets to ride on the c0ck carousel for the rest of their lives. The ones who get off the carousel either become lesbians or adopt cats.



I agree with this. However, just focusing on building your life isn't the magic ticket in getting the attention of women. You have to make your personality work in your favour. You have to be confident, fun, interesting, and social. If you have all those going for you, you'll be able to surround yourself with women. Once you hit that point, all you have to do is pick the ones you want to date.



A lot of men see an unwritten rule that you need to date women who are around the same age as yourself. This is ultimate crap, and the rule was written by single women in their 30s who in their minds haven't found Mr. Right yet.

Shopping for a woman for the long haul is like shopping for a car. The lower mileage on it and the newer it is, the better it's going to be. If you want a life-long companion, you should be looking at never-married and childless women who are younger than age 23 and have had sex with less than five men. This is a very small window of women, but they do exist. You must also find one who's never been alpha-widowed. Once they become alpha-widowed, they are essentially ruined and damaged unless you're the one who alpha-widowed them.

If you decide that I'm full of 5hit with regards to this, you're going to find yourself having many unsuccessful relationships with entitled garbage women who keep themselves surrounded by a circle of orbiters and ex-BFs. If you've spent any amount of time dating women who are older than 23, you'll start to see how similar they all are. Once you start dating women in that small window that I mentioned, you'll see a world of difference.

A lot of people 5hit on women who are under 23 as being "immature". What they always forget is that these "immature" women can grow out of that phase (unless they've already been alpha-widowed).

I'm 40 years old. My GF is 25. I met her five years ago and was the second guy to fvck her. I've never had a more loyal, respectful, dedicated GF in all the time I've been dating women. Most of the other successful couples I know are ones who met in high school. That small window is IMO your only hope when it comes to finding a good woman for keeps.

Man I had this. Met my ex when she was 21. I was 25. She was everything I’d ever wanted. She never wanted kids and neither did I. I was a bartender at the time so I had my fair share of women before her. She had only been with 3 dudes. All LTRs. Good girl. Innocent. Naive. In school on track to be a nurse. Let me lead since day 1. Fast forward 6 years. She left. She wanted marriage, I was reluctant to the idea. We had a lot of bickering over dumb ****. Just lack of LTR experience on my end basically. Well it’s been 6 months and I have an insane amount of regret. I know she’s not the same person anymore and I know finding one of these again is extremely unlikely. Oh... and she was a 9.5 with low self esteem. Perfection. Never jealous or possessive or materialistic. Fml.

 

[Newbee2]

The longer you wait, the fewer quality women are left.. that said sure SMV goes up midt 30's and getting it is more easy, but it's somewhat dammaged good's. Too many salvage project's / single mom's / independent and lost causes.. captain save a h0 is never a good option. I let a few good ones slip in my midt to late 20's.. that was faith, but they have become good wife's / mothers today. When I look back, I should have been better.

Don't set a firm plan or date on life.. life is about oppertunities and to catch them when they appear. Buddhism say; If it happens, there is a reason for it.. if it doesen't happen, there is a reason for this too..

Embrace what life provide to you.. better take chances, than let good oppertunities slip away

Don't stress yourself, be successful and the rest will come at the right time.

 

[daproest1]

The longer you wait, the fewer quality women are left.. that said sure SMV goes up midt 30's and getting it is more easy, but it's somewhat dammaged good's. Too many salvage project's / single mom's / independent and lost causes.. captain save a h0 is never a good option. I let a few good ones slip in my midt to late 20's.. that was faith, but they have become good wife's / mothers today. When I look back, I should have been better.

Don't set a firm plan or date on life.. life is about oppertunities and to catch them when they appear. Buddhism say; If it happens, there is a reason for it.. if it doesen't happen, there is a reason for this too..

Embrace what life provide to you.. better take chances, than let good oppertunities slip away

Don't stress yourself, be successful and the rest will come at the right time.

Lol hard not to stress. I want her back.

 

[Sunnypoo]

The only time alpha widow applies is if you're a beta. Sticking to an age of 23 or under with no kids and who have slept with five or less is very realistic however limiting, especially with the age. I would push it a bit further to 25-26 with no kids and five or less partners and a spread of you being 8-10 yrs her senior. I find this age difference range is ideal as you aren't so old as to suffer from a generation gap and she is not so young as to have missed out on some life experiences.

You don't want to go too young with to much of an age difference as years from now she could wake up some day wondering what she missed out on. Alpha or not this **** happens.

 

[Glassguy]

Let me start out by saying that I really like the Rational Male. Its a very good read and will get someone looking for answers into the right mindset.

However, you have some flawed thinking here. Let me point a few things out:

I should be waiting until my mid 30s to settle down in order for the SMV scale to tip in my favor.

In theory you are correct, but in my experience the theory doesnt always translate over to reality. The reason is simple: many women in today's society (at least in the US) still have (in their eyes) a majorly inflated value on themselves and still feel tremendously entitled.

It always seemed absurd to me, chasing girls who have an inflated and irrational sense of their own SMV, while in comparison my own SMV seems to be irrationally low at the moment

You will find that as you get older (US society) the more attractive women still have the highest opinion of themselves and their irrational sense of their own SMV is way out of whack.

With that said, assuming things go right for me and in my mid 30s I have an extremely high SMV while the women around my age are in the epiphany phase and it's time to strike

Do you really think that is what makes a good "relationship"? When your SMV is high and the woman's is dropping? Wouldnt that more or less be a version of winning by default?

If you are the best version of yourself and are working on YOUR goals (financial, health, fitness, appearance, social life) then I have to ask you a very honest question: Why is finding ONE woman so important to you?

That in itself is a scarcity mindset way of thinking. At 27 years old you should be enjoying the single life, staying on YOUR purpose and dating multiple women. If one just so happens to fall in your lap that you enjoy spending more time with then so be it. But that should NEVER be your purpose.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I didnt read the thread yet. But i feel its best to settle down after a man has sufficient social strength. He should be able to choose amongst several women at this point and his woman should know that. Its better for both of them for it to be this way.

 

[Glassguy]

I didnt read the thread yet. But i feel its best to settle down after a man has sufficient social strength. He should be able to choose amongst several women at this point and his woman should know that. Its better for both of them for it to be this way.

A solid Rotation gives you just what you described.