Best thing to do if your mindset is wrong

[RestUnknown]

Hi all

My mindset is completely f*cked up. I don't see how I can become the guy who I want to be. I'm 27, my hair is completely grey, my social skills are basically non existent, I'm intimidated by almost everyone and I feel I'm a worthless piece of sh*t.

I tried going to a psychiatrist as I'm not able to get out of this myself. This has been ongoing for at least 8 years and I'm getting fed up with the fact that it seems to get worse and more importantly of all these years that are wasted.

I want to be the outgoing, charismatic kind of guy that everyone likes and people want to be around. If you put that on a spectrum, I'm currently completely on the other end and just clinging on.

Affirmations, self help books, meditation, professional help,... They all don't seem to help.

 

[Tony197]

Your years are not wasted because you've decided to improve. Cliche - the past doesn't matter because the past is in the past.

My advice - sounds like you're trying to go from 0 to Steve McQueen, and when that doesn't work, you beat yourself up, your self-esteem is destroyed, and you fall back to square one. Being "outgoing" and "charismatic" doesn't happen overnight.

Go to a coffee shop to do your job. Go to a bar. And just make small, bullsh!t banter with people. Comment on something you see. Ask people questions. Go up to a woman, any woman, and compliment her bracelet, and say you want to get one for your sister.

Another cliche - you have to walk before you can run. Start by walking. When that gets easier, start jogging.

Here's another then to remember - people will not like you for what you are, but for how you make them feel. Make them feel good.

 

[resilient]

Tony's right, Rest-you can't beat yourself up over the past. Live in the now, brother.

I've had my fair share of failures and I'm sure I'll have lots more to experience throughout my lifetime. The trick is to learn from your experiences.

Here's a few suggestions off the top of my head that may help turn your situation around:

- Journal about your progress.
- Exercise to lift your spirits and self-confidence with cardio and circuit training. Low-impact helps if you have current physical limitations.
- How's your clothing style? Does that need updating?
- Thought about coloring your hair or buzzing it to deal with the graying?
- Develop some interesting hobbies so you have conversational pieces when acquaintances ask you what you do for fun.
-- If you both share similar interests then that's something you can connect on.
- Charisma is good....just make sure you have character strengths to back it up.
- Asking open-ended questions will help you get further in a conversation past answers of yes/no from closed-ended questions.
- Meditation/deep breathing exercises or cognitive behavioral therapy may help with social anxiety. However, you're millage may vary.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

It's too late to directly change your thought process. Once puberty is finished you cannot change the core of your being. You can however fix these issues yourself if you LOGICALLY think to yourself "what is my problem?" After you figured that part out, ask yourself "Now what can I do to fix it?" Use your intuition to figure out these questions because only you know yourself and your situation. None of us can compregend those past 8 years.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hi all

My mindset is completely f*cked up. I don't see how I can become the guy who I want to be. I'm 27, my hair is completely grey, my social skills are basically non existent, I'm intimidated by almost everyone and I feel I'm a worthless piece of sh*t.

I tried going to a psychiatrist as I'm not able to get out of this myself. This has been ongoing for at least 8 years and I'm getting fed up with the fact that it seems to get worse and more importantly of all these years that are wasted.

I want to be the outgoing, charismatic kind of guy that everyone likes and people want to be around. If you put that on a spectrum, I'm currently completely on the other end and just clinging on.

Affirmations, self help books, meditation, professional help,... They all don't seem to help.

I hope with that mindset you are not drinking or taking any drugs which can be depressive?

You are in quite a "hole" there. Your not the only one, those of us who have gotten in those type's of holes have worked our way out by accomplishing goals and moving a more positive direction in life.

I hope your also taking care of your health through eating well and moderate excersize.