Best next move after canceling a date

[jophil28]

I believe she's already demonstrated high IL by initiating contact a) when she returned from being away for a week and b) after I blew her off. I might be missing something, but if I follow your black and white advice, I'd never spend a night with a woman who extended an invitation on "her" time. For me, if I'm with a woman who I choose to be with, and she invites me to spend a night with her...well, thats kind of a good deal. Since I already consider myself a prize (and I believe she does too, but only time on the date will tell), I think I'm just gonna go with the flow of the date, and if things look like they are moving towards me spending "all night" with her...yep, I'd definitely do that.

Besides, in reading back through this thread, I pretty much have flown completely against all the advice and opinions offered, and I'm still on track.

OK do whatever you wish BUT, you have not understood what most of us have been getting at.

Firstly, because a woman calls you and says that she is available Saturday night does not indicate HIGH IL at all . This is little more than a woman telling you that she is willing to spend time with you .You have not created any emotional connection with her in any substantial way YET.
Yes, she is telling you that she is OK about going on a date and will probably be willing to stay out late.and that is all that you can take to the bank art this stage.
If you want a date and possibly sex only on the night, then go your route.
However, if she is more than just an "opportunity" to you and she appeals to you perhaps as an LTR candoidate, then you need to use a different MO.
Get it ?
.

 

[iqqi]

I don't think canceling the date ever = loss of interest, its not like you stood her up. You promptly tried to reschedule. You guys, don't take things so damned seriously. If she was that uptight that you couldn't make it due to whatever great reason you had, then good riddance!

Any chick with high IL isn't going to toss you out just because you were sick . If it isn't a pattern, it isn't a problem.

The worse thing you could do is act AFC and freaked out that you canceled. Be cool.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

OK do whatever you wish BUT, you have not understood what most of us have been getting at.

Firstly, because a woman calls you and says that she is available Saturday night does not indicate HIGH IL at all . This is little more than a woman telling you that she is willing to spend time with you .You have not created any emotional connection with her in any substantial way YET.
Yes, she is telling you that she is OK about going on a date and will probably be willing to stay out late.and that is all that you can take to the bank art this stage.
If you want a date and possibly sex only on the night, then go your route.
However, if she is more than just an "opportunity" to you and she appeals to you perhaps as an LTR candidate, then you need to use a different MO.
Get it ?
.

I do get it, but I also know my "past" with women, and I can tell you from MY experience, that it is possible to create substantial emotional connection on a single date. Haven't you ever just met someone where you just "clicked?" Conversation flows, experiences mesh, and it seems that you've known each other before...and you just seem to "fit?" Furthermore, just because she may be willing to spend the night with me does not mean I will have sex with her. I've been through this enough to know what sex does to a woman (especially one that already may have an emotional connection) and believe it or not, I'm more than willing to spend a night with a woman who I am interested in as an LTR and NOT have sex with her. THAT creates some really powerful interest.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I don't think canceling the date ever = loss of interest, its not like you stood her up. You promptly tried to reschedule. You guys, don't take things so damned seriously. If she was that uptight that you couldn't make it due to whatever great reason you had, then good riddance!

Any chick with high IL isn't going to toss you out just because you were sick . If it isn't a pattern, it isn't a problem.

The worse thing you could do is act AFC and freaked out that you canceled. Be cool.

Thank you iqqi. I'm glad there is another voice of moderation and can see things a little bit outside of the box/dj bible.

 

[jophil28]

...that it is possible to create substantial emotional connection on a single date. Haven't you ever just met someone where you just "clicked?" Conversation flows, experiences mesh, and it seems that you've known each other before...and you just seem to "fit"?

It is possible to have a very nice time on a single date but that does not equal a sunstantial connection ( Ask STR8UP- he is an expert in disconnection ) and yes, I have just "clicked" with a couple of women buy then the clicking stopped after a few days . What you are describing is a rush of brain chemicals triggered by talking about common values and shared experiences.

THis often leads women to believe that they have met their "soulmate" - !

The creation of a true connection is a process not an event . That takes time ( a little more that one or two dates) and INVESTMENT in each other.

However, good hunting Friday night.

However we will need a field report on the SS desk by 9am.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

The date will be Saturday, but it will be interesting in any case. I might actually end up spending Friday night with the exchange student. She's been texting me, almost acting as if I am her bf with notes on what she was cooking for dinner, how she did on a test, etc. Pretty fascinating actually, as with her, we already spent hours playing kissy face, have very little in the way of shared experience, and compared with my date #3 last night, who I have more in common with, closer in age (though 47-34 isn't typically close) and for the most part, are just building something which I see as an LTR. Contrast that with Saturday date #2 (who is 44), where I don't know where things are yet. 3 completely different women, born in 3 different decades...I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

 

[jophil28]

///(I have ) 3 completely different women, born in 3 different decades...I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

THis is called having OPTIONS ! Nice !

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So the date went basically as planned, except it started out a bit strange as she invited me up into her condo -before- we went out. I think it was because she wanted to give me her "pet" test, as she has a dog and some cats. Then a low-key dinner at a thai place, and then to a nearby club to hear a band that I wanted to see. All light and fun on my end, but she's kind of cool and formal acting all night long, and after it was over no real sparks when I took her back home about 1:00 AM. I'm not sure if I want to see her again at this point because I already have one plate where I might go the LTR route.

So of course I headed over to the bar where I knew my exchange student was hanging with her friends and got to play some more with her late into the night ;-) I've also set up a date Wednesday with a woman I met a a super bowl party who really seems to have a fun personality just to keep things rolling.

 

[Adam007]

I think, u should call again ................

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I think, u should call again ................

Old news Adam...she called me. But thanks

 

[Adam007]

call again........