Best next move after canceling a date

[thirdtimescharm]

So I had a lunch date for today which I canceled, which would have been our second date. Problem was, I was up until about 7 AM making out with a foreign exchange student who I met last night, and with a Super Bowl Party tonight, I opted for sleep over lunch. I left her a VM about 90 minutes before the date was scheduled to cancel (used a "I ate some bad thai" excuse), and said that I wanted to get together for dinner this week to make it up to her. Still have not received any reply though...is it on me to call her back again?

 

[Metro3pilot]

Yes

:rockon:

 

[jophil28]

Still have not received any reply though...is it on me to call her back again?

Canceling a second date via VM - not good tactics. You have not established a connection yet that can withstand disruption.
Women believe that THEY are entitled to cancel anything whenever and for whatever "reason' BUT they expect a man to show up ALWAYS.I know that it is a double standard, but we are dealing with a WOMAN here. In the early stages there is only a flimsy connection and woman EXPECTS a man to build it by actively pursuing her and doing it "right" . This is just how they think.

By canceling, you have slipped back behind the starting line. She probably thinks that your IL is LOW and feels rejected, hence her 'no reply' to your VM. She is pissed and hurt.
You have lost control- some may disagree, but you cannot control what you do not participate in. You can only control a car if you are in the driver's seat.
I would suggest that you act within 24 hours to covertly send the message that your IL is still high.

YOu cannot withdraw from a woman UNTIL you have PULLED her into your frame, and one date is not enough to pull a woman in tight enough. (STR8UP is forever struggling with this problem).

If your IL is high enough to continue, remember this for the future - YOu have to PULL before you can PUSH.

 

[guru1000]

Canceling a second date via VM - not good tactics. You have not established a connection yet that can withstand disruption.
Women believe that THEY are entitled to cancel anything whenever and for whatever "reason' BUT they expect a man to show up ALWAYS.I know that it is a double standard, but we are dealing with a WOMAN here. In the early stages there is only a flimsy connection and woman EXPECTS a man to build it by actively pursuing her and doing it "right" . This is just how they think.

By canceling, you have slipped back behind the starting line. She probably thinks that your IL is LOW and feels rejected, hence her 'no reply' to your VM. She is pissed and hurt.
You have lost control- some may disagree, but you cannot control what you do not participate in. You can only control a car if you are in the driver's seat.
I would suggest that you act within 24 hours to covertly send the message that your IL is still high.

YOu cannot withdraw from a woman UNTIL you have PULLED her into your frame, and one date is not enough to pull a woman in tight enough. (STR8UP is forever struggling with this problem).

If your IL is high enough to continue, remember this for the future - YOu have to PULL before you can PUSH.

This is KEY!

I can't think of one girl who has taken me up on my next offer after I had canceled due to time restraints.

Just as Jophil said you have to reel her in before you have control. This constitutes some sort of emotional investment. Until then, it's all about FRAME work. Rejection for a women is ten times worse than for us. After all, if they are not good enough to sleep with, then what good are they? Most girls are very insecure so by canceling a date, you covertly tell them "I am not that into you." The only way for them to save face and VALIDATE themselves is to take off. Only a very SECURE woman would follow through a second time and communicate overtly. That's very rare.

Lesson to be learned.

 

[DJDamage]

You have lost control- some may disagree, but you cannot control what you do not participate in. You can only control a car if you are in the driver's seat.
I would suggest that you act within 24 hours to covertly send the message that your IL is still high.

I wouldn't call it losing control, more like option A was better then option B.

Making out with a foreign exchange student until 7AM and then opting to catch up on some sleep then to go out on a date means that you clearly MADE A CHOICE and as you made this CHOICE there are consquences.

Spin more plates because this one seemed like you choose to drop. The power dynamics has already shifted. Now you are on the weaker position trying to almost "beg" for forgiveness for a chance you will make it up to her. Even if she accepted the date, there are higher expectations from her perspectives and you will subjected to harsher scrutiny. If her interest in you weren't established then it could drop like a sack of sh1t, especially if its a hot woman with other options.

Just chalk it up as oppertuinty to learn from this by managing your time properly for future encounters.

 

[jophil28]

I wouldn't call it losing control, more like option A was better then option B.

It is very much about a loss of control .
IF I read the OP right, he is floundering and asking for advice which he needs to extract himself from the consequences of his poor choice.. A guy who has tight control of his strategies would not be in this position of asking if he should contact her next or wait for her to call him.

THis is what he should have done.
Initiate a prelim. connection with the exchange chick using the usual C&F, a little kino and so on. Set her up to meet in a day or so. She is an exchange student for pete's sake ( she is not going anywheres for a year or two and she will have limited social options so she is likely to regard him as a PRIZE )

He could have gotten some sleep and the next day he would have been in good shape for the lunch date with the first chick. Then he would have had the lunch chick in the bag and the second one eager for a meeting in a day or so...and he would not be posting here asking for tips on damage control..

It is all about thinking first and planning your strategy and not letting your aching nuts keep you up all night playing kissy face with a newbie .

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Canceling a second date via VM - not good tactics.

It wasn't a tactic...she didn't answer the phone. And in the condition I was in, the date would have been a disaster had I gone through and met up with her.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I wouldn't call it losing control, more like option A was better then option B.

Making out with a foreign exchange student until 7AM and then opting to catch up on some sleep then to go out on a date means that you clearly MADE A CHOICE and as you made this CHOICE there are consquences.

Spin more plates because this one seemed like you choose to drop. The power dynamics has already shifted. Now you are on the weaker position trying to almost "beg" for forgiveness for a chance you will make it up to her. Even if she accepted the date, there are higher expectations from her perspectives and you will subjected to harsher scrutiny. If her interest in you weren't established then it could drop like a sack of sh1t, especially if its a hot woman with other options.

Just chalk it up as oppertuinty to learn from this by managing your time properly for future encounters.

I figured this was probably a lost cause, and I am thankful for all the ways you guys are pointing it out to me. On the plus side, I got 3 other numbers at the super bowl party (2 were literally handed to me by the women without my asking), and while I'm sad to potentially lose the one I was going to lunch with, the cost was indeed something I was willing to pay, and the end result leaves me with multiple prospects in the wings.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Ok, time to buy another lottery ticket. Canceled lunch date just called me. She said she didn't even get the message until 6 PM last night, so thought I completely blew her off (for TMobile phone owners, this is getting to be pretty standard, where calls go straight to VM and the phones are then slow to notify that there is a message). So I was able to recover, and we are back on track. I know I will get slammed for this one, but tentative plans are now for dinner on Friday...she has a very unusual schedule due to her job.

 

[Adam007]

yes u should call her again.

 

[jophil28]

..but tentative plans are now for dinner on Friday...she has a very unusual schedule due to her job.

Get plenty of sleep Thursday night and good luck on the dinner date..You were lucky this time ( BTW why "tentative "plans ? Did she say that you should call her later in the week to confirm Friday night ? )

 

[thirdtimescharm]

yes u should call her again.

I don't have to call her Adam, she called me.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Get plenty of sleep Thursday night and good luck on the dinner date..You were lucky this time ( BTW why "tentative "plans ? Did she say that you should call her later in the week to confirm Friday night ? )

Thanks jophil. Tentative because she won't know until Wednesday whether or not she has to work on Friday night. She is going to call me Wednesday once she knows for sure. Of course, Wednesday night I will be out at a movie with my other plate ;-)

 

[jophil28]

Thanks jophil. Tentative because she won't know until Wednesday whether or not she has to work on Friday night. She has a very unusual work schedule. She is going to call me Wednesday once she knows for sure. Of course, Wednesday night I will be out at a movie with my other plate ;-)

NOw you are cooking.
BTW, just wondering about that 6 hour delay in VM alert.
IT may be a little optimistic to expect her to leave a message after your last 'no show' for the lunch thing..

 

[thirdtimescharm]

NOw you are cooking.
BTW, just wondering about that 6 hour delay in VM alert.
IT may be a little optimistic to expect her to leave a message after your last 'no show' for the lunch thing..

I've had the same delayed VM alert happen to me, as well as calls going straight to VM, so I know it happens. Plus, we both have the same carrier. At the very least, I will know she called since my phone will be on (vibrate), so even if she does not leave a message, I will call her the following day.

All that said, I am not going to -over-analyze things. I see some of my younger friends literally twist themselves into knots over women, and luckily, I am currently enjoying so many different options that I'm finally able to see the forest through the trees. All my dating is based on a simple rule...are we having fun? If the answer is no, NEXT.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So she calls today, and says "I can't go out Friday BUT I can on Saturday AND I don't have to work on Sunday morning."

Damn, I hate it when that happens! Saturday should be interesting ;-) I think her IL is pretty high at this point...

 

[jophil28]

So she calls today, and says "I can't go out Friday BUT I can on Saturday AND I don't have to work on Sunday morning."

Damn, I hate it when that happens! Saturday should be interesting ;-) I think her IL is pretty high at this point...

High IL - it looks that way. However you have yet to "connect" with this woman in a way that "locks in" her IL ..
Her job MAY be creating time constraints on her and her availability OR she may be playing hard to get to set the frame to try to get control..

If I were you I would go on the date , make it all fun and high energy and then take her home about midnight. The idea is to leave her wanting more .

 

[thirdtimescharm]

High IL - it looks that way. However you have yet to "connect" with this woman in a way that "locks in" her IL ..
Her job MAY be creating time constraints on her and her availability OR she may be playing hard to get to set the frame to try to get control..

If I were you I would go on the date , make it all fun and high energy and then take her home about midnight. The idea is to leave her wanting more .

Since I KNOW what her job is and the how and why of the time constraints, I'm going to assume the the high IL.

Furthermore, if a woman tells me up front that she doesn't have to work the following morning, then why would I cut the date short to leave her wanting more? If things aren't going well, and if I'm not getting any signals that would be fine, but if I'm on a date and things are going well, I'm not going to walk out the door.

 

[jophil28]

Furthermore, if a woman tells me up front that she doesn't have to work the following morning, then why would I cut the date short to leave her wanting more? If things aren't going well, and if I'm not getting any signals that would be fine, but if I'm on a date and things are going well, I'm not going to walk out the door.

You need to research the topic of how to create value and attraction with a woman and how to "prize" yourself PRONTO.

At the moment you are operating according to HER time availability. This is perhaps unavoidable , but you need to counterbalance that obstacle by creating VERY high IL in her so that she WANTS to move toward YOU in spite of the obstacle that her job creates. You do NOT do that by being available to her all night.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

You need to research the topic of how to create value and attraction with a woman and how to "prize" yourself PRONTO.

At the moment you are operating according to HER time availability. This is perhaps unavoidable , but you need to counterbalance that obstacle by creating VERY high IL in her so that she WANTS to move toward YOU in spite of the obstacle that her job creates. You do NOT do that by being available to her all night.

I believe she's already demonstrated high IL by initiating contact a) when she returned from being away for a week and b) after I blew her off. I might be missing something, but if I follow your black and white advice, I'd never spend a night with a woman who extended an invitation on "her" time. For me, if I'm with a woman who I choose to be with, and she invites me to spend a night with her...well, thats kind of a good deal. Since I already consider myself a prize (and I believe she does too, but only time on the date will tell), I think I'm just gonna go with the flow of the date, and if things look like they are moving towards me spending "all night" with her...yep, I'd definitely do that.

Besides, in reading back through this thread, I pretty much have flown completely against all the advice and opinions offered, and I'm still on track.