Best friend's gf drunk txts "i think i like you"... proper course of action?

[dontknowbouthat]

So I'm at this big party a few nights ago having a good time when my friend's gf comes up to me and starts talking really intimately, as in touching me all over acting like a girl that just wants to hook up. Naturally i back off and try to lose her, and over the course of the night i see her talking with other people. So that was just a dumb alcohol influenced mistake - a one time thing - so i forget about it.

Later in the night though, when i'm about to head out, his gf comes up to me again, completely trashed, and starts grabbing me. Needless to say, i get the hell out of dodge.

While in bed about an hour after i'd left, the gf txts me. This is how the convo goes (eliminating unnecessary portions):

Her: I have sumthin t tell you
Me: ?
Her: I mite regret this.....
Me: then don't say it
Her: i think i like you
Me: go to bed, you're drunk

Now keep in mind that I'm in the same social group as this girl and her bf, my best friend, and I've known her for a while. She's always been very kind to me, and we've never had any problems talking with each other. Before the party though, about two weeks before, she started texting me nearly every other day, leading me to think that something was up, which the party and the convo after it pretty much confirm.

So, what the hell do I do? Should I tell my bro what's up? Normally I would cut off all contact in a situation like this, but the girl is in my social group and I see her pretty often.

Oh, and I have a gf of my own who's in the same social group as my best friend and his gf.

 

[dj_china]

tell your boy man
this is an easy one, unless you want to lose your best friend and your girlfriend in favor of this ho

 

[Warrior74]

Shut your trap. pretend it never happened. if she brings it up again, then worry about taking action.

 

[WC2]

Shut your trap. pretend it never happened. if she brings it up again, then worry about taking action.

Yes.

 

[Captain]

If it's your best friend, I'd tell him. Look out for your mates. This girl is NOT girlfriend material.

 

[Nutz]

Tell your buddy his gf is doing inappropriate crap behind his back and he needs to handle his business. If she gets uppity you can CYA by framing it as though you thought HE sent it like it was some joke or test or something.

 

[Brighty]

I'd say let your boy know ASAP. She obviously isn't interested in him anymore and you can't let your best friend get played out like that.

 

[Moofahsa]

ignore it man. Pretend like it didn't happen. If you wanna cause an epic rift say something to your friend...she will slip up somewhere else trust me...

 

[Proselytiser]

I would tell your boy that she's acting inappropriately and give examples, and provide him with the proof (texts) if you can. However I would like to hear Warrior's reasoning

 

[theunflushables]

For the love of god do NOT tell your friend about this unless you are 100% percent sure that he won't take this out on you. If he even doubts you for one second its over. Just let it slide, stop texting his girl or responding to her texts. If she keeps up her whole "I like you" bit, tell her the feeling isnt mutual.

Like Moofahsa said, she will slip up somewhere else.

 

[jophil28]

One possible problem for "dontknowaboutdat" is if she turns nasty after he does not return her affections.. IT has been known to happen that a woman who is scorned gets all full of hell fire fury and tells her B/F that he molested her.

In this case, I would suggest that "dont knowabout..." whispers this story to two other member of his social circle and even asks their advice and support. One male and one female. Swear them to secrecy for the moment.
Then go to Miss Flirty and tell her that you have spoken to two other members about her approaches (no names at this stage ) .Tell her you want her to stop before "this goes public".

 

[mustfirstregister]

If i were you I do her then tell your best friend she is a slut.

 

[WhitePimp]

Seriously dude, tell your friend that his girlfriend's acting like a slut with you and show him the proof on your phone. If he gets pissed at you, then he's the idiot. But eventually he'll realize she's being a ho and that you had his back once she does it to another guy in the group

 

[The Piano Master]

Inform your bro about it. If he's cool with it maybe that is a green light for you to go to town.

 

[Warrior74]

I would tell your boy that she's acting inappropriately and give examples, and provide him with the proof (texts) if you can. However I would like to hear Warrior's reasoning

I really don't have any reasoning, that's just my gut response. I'm not getting involved in it at all. She didn't say she wanted to meet him, or f*ck him or anything like that. People do say things when their drunk that they would never say nor act on, while sober. Who hasn't done it? Drunk texting anyone?


It defiantly showing some cracks in their relationship...but if it's going to go south...it will on it's own with no help from you. I would probably save the text and keep my distance from her. She'll probably regret it and will hope that you won't mention it.

My gut just tells me to stay out of other people's drama. Now if I know for a fact she's cheating on my boy,then screw her, I'm going to let my boy know the deal about his girl. But something like this...I wouldn't go running to tell it just yet. Maybe I'm too nice. I tend to take a wait and see approach before jumping and dropping bombs on people's lives.

I've had friend's wives try to hit on me. I just ignored it. In some cases they went on with their marriage. In others it went south. Either way it had nothing to do with me. It's hard work telling a man the woman he loves is a hor. At the very least you could ask some leading questions that might get him thinking about it. But its just a whirlwind of drama that sucks in everything and ruins friendships.

One thing I have learned in this life, most people know things, but don't tell you because they don't want the drama. And telling brings you front and center in the drama. Most friends can't handle the truth and in turn kill the messenger. You can get both of them turning against you and bonding over it, while she goes on later to screw him over and he has to come back to you and apologize because you were right. Been through all of that crap before, now I'd rather not be bothered and just let it be what it is. Maybe that's just age and experience, or maybe I'm just tired of dealing with other people's drama and losing friends over it.

 

[Joe Stud]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior74
Shut your trap. pretend it never happened. if she brings it up again, then worry about taking action.


Yes.



YES...

 

[WaterTiger]

Delete the text...

IT NEVER HAPPENED!

If you tell your friend he WILL take it out on you an accuse you of "trying to get with his girl" Why? Because she sent the message to YOUUUUU!

 

[xdreamz]

don't be the bearer of bad news... it'll only seriously hurt your friend damaging your friendship in the process. your friend probably won't know how to handle her and that situation anyways.

 

[ENIGMA16]

I think telling your friend is a bit over the line for a single drunk text. So I agree with just deleting it and acting like it never happened. There's nothing "bad" necessarily about her having feelings for other people when she's in a relationship - it happens to everyone - and also people say stupid **** when they're drunk, so just because this slipped out doesn't mean anything, really.

However, if she does it sober, or if she keeps doing it, then you need to tell your friend, because that's not good. It's the difference between mistakenly letting something slip out drunkenly and actively looking outside of the relationship.

Hell, I had this girl text me at 3 in the morning once and all it said was "horny". I would've totally went for it but I made the mistake of meeting her boyfriend (who is super nice and bought me a ton of beer for no reason), so I couldn't get myself to do it.

I just deleted it and acted like it never happened. She didn't bring it up and neither did I (of course my story differs from yours in that this girl was totally into me and regularly put herself out there for me - to the point that we passed out drunk in our underwear - but I wouldn't tell on her because I wasn't actually friends with her boyfriend).

 

[tafakna]

Warrior is right on IMHO.

Same thing happened recently, except that he was a friend (not my best friend). She started becoming more and more agressive on her moves.

If it happened again I would follow the same recipe:

1) Don't tell him directly
2) Set up some very clear barriers between you and her (make it clear to her and hopefully to your friend that you're not comfortable hanging around her)
3) Hopefully your friend will pick up on the signals and figure out on his own

By telling him you end up in a AWFUL situation, in what psychologist calls Cognitive Dissonance. The less painful way out (at least temporarily) will be considering that you're not as good of a friend or that you're making things up, so that he can keep getting the 'kick' out of his relationship.