Best friend

[raymando]

I need advice. My best friend is a woman. We've known each other for over a decade. She used to be my ex-wifes best friend. They no longer are best friends b/c my ex figured we were having an affair (we weren't - wouldn't be any point in lying about it now).

We have become closer over the years to the point that we are each other's best friend. I want more. Not only can I not escape my own thoughts about she and I hooking up, but everyone around me asks me why we haven't. There's no escaping the idea.

I approached her a couple of years ago. She somewhat resisted the idea. We had a short attempt. She became very anxious and we ended it.

She is currently living with me while she looks for a new place. I am wanting even more to move to the next level. I brought it up with her and she doesn't seem to feel the same way.

I read a little bit about the whole 'nerve' thing. I have to admit that I haven't shown a great deal of nerve with her. I think that is something I can do something about.

So, to all you Don's out there, what can I do to create that infatuation that seems to be missing. Is it possible? Or, do I give up and move on? I think the longevity is there, just the spark needs to be lit.

 

[Kwah]

Dude, you have had someone you can trust completely for 10 years. Do you really want to throw that away on some fling that may only last a couple months?

My best friend is also a woman that I have known most of my life. Under normal circumstances(and a few not normal ones) I would give my left nut to sleep with her, but she's like the one person in the world I trust with anything, why screw that up?

 

[SamePendo]

Its up to you, you can take Kwah's advice, or do the following:
Learn the fact that women are kind of liars. She wont tell you she likes you, even if she does. Its not a lie for her, because she is used to this kind of lies.
So, you can simply take the lead, and stop talking, and start... moving. Take action, kiss her.

I wont tell you which one Id go for, because, as I said, its up to you.

 

[Bungo Pony]

This woman has become comfortable with you as her friend. Creating romantic interest in a woman you've been friends with for over a decade would be damn close to impossible. In my opinion, it's not worth wasting your energy trying to get with her when you could go out and start fresh on a woman who doesn't know you.

 

[raymando]

I think it's a romance thing

I have to agree with both of you. I definitely don't want to ruin the most important relationship I have. At the same time, I have been able to remain friendly/friends with pretty much everyone I've been intimate with.

I am not looking for a quick roll. I can see myself with her for life. And I know I would like that as more than a friend. For her, she doesn't see the romance. That's understandable since we've never developed it. I think it could be. But, in a true DJ sense, it is something I think I need to undertake smartly. Being that I'm not that smart in this way, I need help.

 

[assasin]

Are you looking to start something up with her because you really think it could be great or are you looking to start something with her because you want to get back into a relationship and she's the best option you have without going out meeting new people?

If it's the later then you need to evaluate your life and ask if you have the control over your own destiny that you would like to have.

On the other hand, if of all the girls in your area, this girl is the pick of the bunch and your ideal woman then you have nothing to lose.

Ex wife's best friend and the cause of your break-up though? Sounds like trouble to me.

 

[Helter Skelter]

When I was 26 I met this girl who I worked with who was only 16. We worked together for a long time and eventually developed into a close friendship. We knew each other also for about 10 years. She was by far the coolest girl I've ever known. In fact she is the only friend I've had who was totally honest with me. Never lied to me.

She always knew I wanted more, but reminded me on regular basis that I was like a brother etc. This girl was beautiful, kind, smart but it just wasn't going to happen. We stopped seeing each other when she met her eventual husband. Now she's married and we no longer speak. She spoiled me and because of it, I've never been able to find a girl I've been really happy with.

It fact of the few romantic girlfriends I've had, I can't say I really like any of them very much.

My advice is to try to focus on someone you can have a romantic relationship with and not just friends.

On the other hand, go for it if you think their is any possible chance to be more than friends with her.

 

[PEACEDJ]

Whatever your trying to do with this woman. Don't do it, it will NEVER work out. There will be no spark, if I was you I'd help her find a place so she'll get out of my crib faster.


The best advice anyone can give you right now is stay away. Don't hurt your ownself and get your feelings torn up.

 

[raymando]

50/50 here

Boy, I'm getting it from both side of the fence. Clearly, this is not an easy question with an obvious answer. I totally appreciate the feedback.

I was asked if she's just the most convenient and accessible girl. Good question. To a degree, she is. She lives with me right now. And I have thought of accelerating her moving to make things easier on me (out of sight, out of mind). But, I have been dating a bit too. She knows about my dating and even helps me. In this regard, I am truly lucky. But, I find that she's always in the back of my mind.

If I'm convinced there's no way to create that spark, I will drop it. I just can't help but think this kind of situation can be managed. I hear all the time how couples work to put romance back in their lives. You would think there's a way to put it into the relationship.

This is a true DJ challenge. Honor and glory to the Don that knows.