Best Friend

[BuddhaSMASH]

Ok guys, I probably already know what the answers gonna be, but I'm gonna ask advice on the situation. I've been best friends with this girl for about 3 months now. The problem is that I've always had feelings for her but didn't want to run the risk of ruining our truly beautiful friendship. Well, about a week ago my older sister tells me that my friend is actually the one who has feelings for ME! And apparently she wants to date me. Well the next day I talk to my friend about it and what she tells me is that she actually likes me but she doesn't want to hurt me. She's moving in july and doesn't want to start a relationship just to end it so soon.
Here's where the real problem is. It's gotten to the point that I am starting to develop a nasty case of one-itis with this girl. My first inclination was to completely destroy all contact with her. Just drop her out of my life completely. But wouldn't that make me a complete @$$hole? I mean, she really is my best friend...I dunno, what do you think?

 

[RKTek]

A year from now, how do you want to remember this?

Women often like the 'lost love' or 'tragic love' which gets them all weeepy and emotional. They love crap like that. She knew months ago she was moving away, and that you two had a friend relationship but it's more emotional to internally amp up her feelings briefly, then tragically move away. "Oh...the tragedy!" [swoon]. "Farewell sweet lover, parting is such sweet sorrow" I think is a line from some Jane Austen novel or some such, but it perfectly describes how women hate/love thinking about what could have been, even if it probably never would have been.

You'll never really know for sure but had she not been moving away, if you asked her out and gotten sexual, she might have pushed you away.

So keep things in perspective as to her real ACTIONS and not what your sister heard her say. Stay friends, but only act on her actions, not on some hearsay emotions.

 

[becker]

Hey, I hope it works out, it makes for a great story. Most people here, probably me included, think that the best friends to more than friends thing isn't too easy, if not near impossible.

How do you become best friends with someone in only 3 months anyways?

 

[Umbra]

F*ck it, I say go for it. I'd rather regret doing something than not doing it. So what if she moves away? At least you'll have a few months of a beautiful relationship. It'll hurt like hell when she moves away, but you'll have the fond memories. Sounds like you're both just scared of the inevitable end. F*ck it. Enjoy real love when you get a chance, because it's rare, bro. Just my opinion.

 

[Big-J]

Not to be an ******* or anything (I've been away for a bit), but aren't you supposed to be dead? .


It's a fair question if I missed the "I'm not dead" thread, point me in the direction. .


Or in one way or another did "sense prevail" or was it a big joke on us? Just wondering.




Oh and if she's moving away, if you wanna take a chance tell her you wanna give her something to remember . Oh, and try to get a "parting gift" when she leaves .


And now that I read that over, it does sound overly sexual... AND IT SHOULD! Oh and I'm addicted to smilies

 

[Dognuts]

HOLY SH!T dude! I'm in the EXACT same situation right now. OMFG. Still cant believe it. Anyways, I decided to move on dude, I stopped emailing her and stuff, generally avoiding her, and she's been on me like a bad rash dude, I love it. But, I asked her out, she didn't "want to hurt me" because she's leaving for VA college, I'm going into the Army, so I simply nexted her. And I can tell it pisses her off wicked bad. Hey man, my email is Mongol1985@aol.com-email me for more details, since we're sharing the same fvcked up experience.

 

[BuddhaSMASH]

Umbra, I think you wrongly interpreted my post. She told me she doesn't want to date me cause she doesn't want to hurt me. My question is if I should just totally break contact with her or stay around her...And, Big-J, the attempt failed.

 

[prophet123]

I say keep being friends. If you were friends before, whats changed here besides the "tragic love" deal? You have nothing to lose by staying friends with her, (besides your breaking heart, but time heals all wounds) but you have a bad reputation to gain by breaking it off. Nothing wrong with friends.
"I would rather lose the game by a card too high than a card too low." From Don Quioxte, it really puts the Don Juan life-style into perspective. If you know you're going to lose, might as well lose like a winner, right?

 

[Umbra]

I thought her not wanting to hurt you was a hesitation about getting into a relationship with you, not a final decision. Anyway, if you can't or don't want to change her mind, I'd say continue being friends. It's not too much longer to endure the torture of not being with someone you want to be with, and you'll part ways on a sweet note.

 

[BuddhaSMASH]

see thats the thing. I want to change her mind and I get the feeling that I can! I just want to know how to go about it...

 

[Umbra]

I think you could change her mind if you tried. A compelling speech and some reassurance would probably do the trick. Hit her with full force after you've just had some splendid moment together, maybe laughing, and there is a silent moment of longing between you afterwards, when you're both looking at each other and you can see the wanting in her eyes. Something like:

"Listen, I know we're parting ways soon, but I'd rather have a few days of complete happiness with you than a few days of longing and a lifetime of regret. I know if we go further in our relationship, it will hurt when the end comes. But I'm not afraid of facing it, because we'll be facing it together. I just think if we both have feelings for each other, it's only fear, pretending to be reason and logic, that's stopping us."

It just seems that she's scared of the pain that will come at the end. She's protecting herself more than you. And she's trying to shift the responsibility of causing that pain before it ever happens.

Or you're wrong about her having feelings for you, and she's coming up with a very polite excuse for not having a relationship with you.

 

[Pro]

So you get another girl or two to remove the one-itis and do your dj thang with your "friend"