Best Friend On The Verge of Being Homeless

[Desdinova]

I've known this guy for 20 years, and we always have a blast together. Work schedules clash, but we occasionally make time to hang out.

He's been having a difficult time as of late. The other day, he messaged me, seemingly in a state of desperation. He's been living with 3 other roomates in a house. They're all moving out, but my friend has no place to go. He's also been getting his paycheck garnished because his ex-wife is constantly demanding child support. When they split, she moved to a different city with the two kids.

His workplace has cut his hours and he's been living off food from the dollar store. He can only afford to pay $200 per month for rent. He's stressed as fvck and depressed.

I'm at a bit of a loss on how to help him. I have a bunch of outbuildings on my property. I was thinking of trying to get him a job at the corner store and insulate one of the outbuildings for him to live in, at least temporarily. (our winters in Canada can get a bit chilly). I currently don't have any extra room in my house, and won't until I put on the addition next summer.

I'm hanging out with him Thursday. I'm going to see what I can do to help him. I'm really searching for ideas here.

 

[Julian]

You have a house, own buildings, etc etc. Why not let him sleep on your couch an charge him 100 bucks a month so he can stack some cash an get on his own again in a couple months

 

[Monster DJ]

You have a house, own buildings, etc etc. Why not let him sleep on your couch an charge him 100 bucks a month so he can stack some cash an get on his own again in a couple months

this. if you trust him enough.

 

[Desdinova]

I trust him, but I'm not sure if he'd actually get back on his feet in this fashion. He seems to remain in cheap and convenient living situations. He's never lived on his own. He's either couch surfed or had roomates.

I love the guy to death, but I don't want to live under the same roof as him.

 

[speed dawg]

He obviously needs a place to stay. You know the answer to "how can I help him".

The problem is, you don't want to enable him. You have to tell him up front that it's temporary, and set a timeline on him. 6 months, you have to be out. And no mess ups (I don't know if he has any bad habits, but you know what I mean). And then enforce it.

We had to do that to a buddy of mine recently. Another friend's family had a house out in the middle of nowhere, and we let this guy live out there while he's getting over a drug addiction. We gave him 6 months with no mess ups. Well, he got pilled out and trashed the place. We kicked his ass out.

 

[Desdinova]

He obviously needs a place to stay. You know the answer to "how can I help him".

The problem is, you don't want to enable him. You have to tell him up front that it's temporary, and set a timeline on him. 6 months, you have to be out. And no mess ups (I don't know if he has any bad habits, but you know what I mean). And then enforce it.

We had to do that to a buddy of mine recently. Another friend's family had a house out in the middle of nowhere, and we let this guy live out there while he's getting over a drug addiction. We gave him 6 months with no mess ups. Well, he got pilled out and trashed the place. We kicked his ass out.

Exactly. However, if I set him up in one of my out buildings, he can stay there as long as he wants. He can use one of my showers, there's an outhouse he can **** in, and it won't bother me.

 

[Julian]

Exactly. However, if I set him up in one of my out buildings, he can stay there as long as he wants. He can use one of my showers, there's an outhouse he can **** in, and it won't bother me.

Why not just give him 2 grand to get set up in an apartment somewhere and just gift it to his ass. that way you dont have to have him in your hair at your pad, you can feel good about helping a friend and being generous, and he can feel like he has a new start and can maintain his dignity and not have to be sh1tting in a fking outhouse in the canadian winter. let him know thats all hes gonna get and hes on his own and he should be able to swing things with this windfall and make some moves. make sure he understands your not a free loan but you are a brother whos wants him to succeed and this is a one time cash blessing to him.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Does the guy have any practical skills? Do you think he could do the work to improve the out-buildings, maybe as rent?

 

[Desdinova]

Why not just give him 2 grand to get set up in an apartment somewhere and just gift it to his ass. that way you dont have to have him in your hair at your pad, you can feel good about helping a friend and being generous, and he can feel like he has a new start and can maintain his dignity and not have to be sh1tting in a fking outhouse in the canadian winter.

That doesn't help him. It'll likely just to go his ex-wife and his situation will be fixed up for a couple of months.

There's nothing wrong with 5hitting in an outhouse. That's how it was done before running water.

I think his main problem is he's in a vicious circle when it comes to money. He can't fight the bytch to decrease his child support because he doesn't have any money for a lawyer. He barely has any money for food. If I'm going to help him, I'm going to give him something that will help in the long run. However, I want my privacy and my own space, so I don't want him on my couch.

Does the guy have any practical skills? Do you think he could do the work to improve the out-buildings, maybe as rent?

I honestly don't know. He followed in his dad's footsteps as a cook. He might have a few skills, but if he's going to be living in my out building, he's going to help me insulate it.

But none of this is definite yet. I'm going to be seeing him tomorrow, so I'll find out what's going to happen.

 

[Billtx49]

He might have a few skills, but if he's going to be living in my out building, he's going to help me insulate it.

If things go that route it’s a good opportunity for him to learn some skills then. Think about installing a vented wood stove. Might help instill some added self sufficiency in him also if he wants to keep warm in winter.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Couldn't he park up a flash centrally-heated trailer/ camper on your property?

 

[sazc]

It sounds like you want to be a good friend, to be there for him. It also sounds like you have a handle on who he really is.

Based on what you said, I would not help him. It sounds like he needs to find the motivation to make a life for himself, rather then fall back on someone saving his a$$ once again.

If you do help him, go in eyes wide open understanding that the result of your generosity will most likely be the eventual termination of the friendship (assuming he abuses your generosity some how)

Why are the roommates disbanding? Perhaps to get away from him?

 

[Desdinova]

Couldn't he park up a flash centrally-heated trailer/ camper on your property?

He certainly could... if he could afford one.

 

[FairShake]

I guess I come from a different world than some of you guys. A friend of 20 years would absolutely have a place on my couch before he or she goes homeless. Friends of a lesser vintage have already slept on my couch. I wouldn't give it a second thought. I've been homeless myself and, but for the grace of friends, I'm still here. If you have domiciles other than your home on your property you really don't have an excuse.

 

[FairShake]

There's nobody looking out for men in this world except ourselves. And by "ourselves" I mean other men. If we don't do it, nobody else will. All this talk about helping guys out on this website and in the manosphere means nothing without real life application

 

[speed dawg]

There's nobody looking out for men in this world except ourselves. And by "ourselves" I mean other men. If we don't do it, nobody else will. All this talk about helping guys out on this website and in the manosphere means nothing without real life application

If you recognize this truth, then why are you so liberal? You're contributing to the problem. I'm just curious, more than anything.

 

[FairShake]

1. I don't really call myself a liberal/conservative, left/right, Capitalist/Socialist. I think once you label yourself as one or more of these things you start looking for proof that your political persuasion is right rather than what works.

2. That said the kind of conservative, right, Capitalist belief system espoused by our Republican (and, honestly, much of the Democratic) Party is absolute sh!t for the working man and woman economically, socially, and health-wise. The lost generation of men IMHO, are a symptom of dumb trickle-down economics, a threadbare safety net, free trade, automation, and class war from the rich and their kiss-asses not liberal, left, socialists. I've been around the world, seen it done better over and over again (sometimes worse) and developed my view from experience.

 

[FairShake]

Forget that, no more derailing of a thread.

 

[sazc]

How funny is it that inn a society where 3 out of homeless are men tha a female would make this comment. Doesnt matter if you have a good paying job or not. If you didn't there is a man who'd take care of you. or if you're were irresponsible the government would help you or force a man to give you money. This is why i don't respect women in the same way as men.

Lol, it's sad that you continue to troll me

 

[Desdinova]

Okay, so I got the skinny on his situation...

- Almost half of his paycheck is being garnished for child support. Being that his job pays him damn near minimum wage, he has no money for rent. Rent here is a bit on the expensive side, even for a bedbug infested 5hithole.
- I never knew this, but the guy has already been homeless a couple of times. He has no complaints about living in one of my outbuildings.
- He has no phone, and come December 1st he won't have a physical address
- I'd have a car for him to use to travel to jobs out here, but because his paycheck is being garnished, his drivers license has been suspended. This is the fvcking stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
- He has no clue how much his child support payments are supposed to be because there's never been a written agreement with regards to the amount. It sounds like she went to a lawyer, told him he isn't paying xxx dollars, and got his paycheck garnished.
- He has never visited a lawyer nor ever been summoned to a court room with regards to child support or visitation with his kids
- He might get arrested if he quits his job and moves into my outbuilding, because it will appear that he's actively avoiding work to avoid paying his ex-wife. The only thing out here for work is a corner store, and they're not hiring.

The guy is up 5hit's creek with a turd for a paddle. He needs to see a lawyer yesterday. I'm going to see if I can get him set up with one.