Best confidence books

[SayWhat]

Hi all

I've read my fair share of books on woman and I think I can implement them, but my confidence and fear of rejection is holding me back.

I'm certain this won't be an issue if I have a high self-esteem and nothing can get me of my center.

Unfortunately, I've been aware of this for many years, but not much has changed. I can't seem to have a lasting effect on myself.

Are there any must read books on this subject?

 

[ubercat]

I think there are three main things to address:
1. get into Mind full Ness tai chi yoga etc. something that will take you out of your own head and give you a break from your egolack of confidence comes from here it is your ego which is afraid

2. work on something where you can experience success. goes to a cooking class and hold a dinner party for people. I like your food and had a good convo congratulations you are a social leader. learn a competitive sport and start winning matches. Hell if u are a nerd go to chess club and start beating those guys.

3. find out what re-charges you and don't be too hard on yourself. if you are an introvert and you ve been trying hard to be social, then taking a weekend off to chill out is fine as long as next weekend you're out there again.

 

[wifehunter]

Without going into detail...

If you want rock solid confidence, something more powerful than yourself. I would go with supernatural sources.

 

[RangerMIke]

Ubercat has some good advice. You can not gain confidence from reading... confidence comes from doing. Find something difficult to do study, practice and master it. I try something new every year....could be learning an new language, to this year, which was Yoga, which I now really like, and it's a great way to kill your ego... If you are not worried about your ego, you're not going to be concerned with rejection. Martial Arts is a good one, pick one, any one, but practice enough where you actually get good.

Learn to fly a plane.... man NOTHING gives you more confidence than your first solo flight.

But the only true way to get confidence with women is to have success with women. The only way to do this is to keep trying.

 

[ubercat]

we probably need a little more info on what exactly the road block is and your age. Whenever I come out of an LTR i use online dating for my training wheels.

easy to practice your conversational skills without pressure as it's not real time. and I know the odds of meeting a high quality woman there are low so I really don't care what happens as there is a high probability I'm just ducking a bullet anyway.

But some Guys can't handle the flakeyness of net girls and OLD totally destroys their confidence. at my age I don't find cold approach very effective but in my twenties I did. so we really need to know your specific issue and situation to provide specific advice.

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to look more into mindfullness or yoga.

I already have a hobby I love and a great job where I give everything and it pays off, but I can't get it out of my head. I've had moments in my life that should give me confidence, but it doesn't at all.

What it really is I can't describe, just a basic fear of thinking I'm not good enough, unattractive,... I have gotten many compliments on my looks as working as a waiter, but it just doesn't help. I've been on Tinder, I get some matches from 7-8's, but I don't care about them, I just keep thinking I'm not attractive because the really hot ones don't...

About Tinder, I don't talk to my matches, I keep them for a few days in the hope they say something, if not I just delete them. Another pathetic example is last night, I had a few beers and decided to say hi to one of them. I woke up this morning at 7am and just deleted the match because I was too 'afraid' of what she would say or I would completely f*ck it up with my lack of conversational skills.

I also have trouble talking to people I don't know very well. Put me alone with someone else and I hate it and I hope the other one is a talker, put me with two others (or more) I don't mind as there is more chance of talking.

 

[RedBear]

About Tinder, I don't talk to my matches, I keep them for a few days in the hope they say something, if not I just delete them.

What? Read the bible.
You don't need "high self esteem", you just need to say "hi".
All the knowledge in the world isn't going to get you laid, practice.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Without going into detail...

If you want rock solid confidence, something more powerful than yourself. I would go with supernatural sources.

go into detail, please.

 

[wifehunter]

go into detail, please.

I can't go into it. This forum has rules against those kinds of discussions.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I know professionals get a bad reputation on here, but counselors vary just as much as any other group of people. Some of them are very worthwhile. If you have health insurance, they will probably pay for a visit or two a month. The problems you are talking about are larger than your love life. When you start tackling them, your love life will take care of itself.

 

[ubercat]

BB is right u need a team working this. For mindfulness just start today - all the psychs recommend it. Headspace app has free 10 min guided meditation which is easiest way for beginners. Start a journal. Do headspace for one week c how u feel.

 

[ubercat]

And tell us yr age. Its anonymous man !