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Best books/resources on commanding social situations

TonyTenner

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I mean all social situations, particularly the workplace and dinner parties. I'm reading the 48 Laws of Power and while it's good, it's much too esoteric to apply to every day social situations. Are their concise books or videos specifically pointing out the rules one should observe to command a social situation?

I've noticed in work, one guy often says "good question" to someone else in the meeting. It immediately reframes things so that the others people in the meeting are their to validate themselves to him- even though we're all the same level. Sly psychological techniques like that are what I'm looking for...
 

stringpuller

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I mean all social situations, particularly the workplace and dinner parties. I'm reading the 48 Laws of Power and while it's good, it's much too esoteric to apply to every day social situations. Are their concise books or videos specifically pointing out the rules one should observe to command a social situation?

I've noticed in work, one guy often says "good question" to someone else in the meeting. It immediately reframes things so that the others people in the meeting are their to validate themselves to him- even though we're all the same level. Sly psychological techniques like that are what I'm looking for...
Public speaking course is an option.
Acknowledging others input is always good to do.

How to win friends and influence people i heard was good. "Dale Carnegy"
Ive not read it but my wife read his biography.
I think the best tool ive used in social situations is philosophy/ presence. Be in the moment.
 
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TonyTenner

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Public speaking course is an option.
Acknowledging others input is always good to do.

How to win friends and influence people i heard was good. "Dale Carnegy"
Ive not read it but my wife read his biography.
I think the best tool ive used in social situations is philosophy/ presence. Be in the moment.
I've actually just signed up for a public speaking course, starting next week.

"How to win friends and influence people" is on my read list.

Re. be in the moment, in 48 Laws of Power he apparently advises the opposite. I haven't got to that part of the book yet but interested to see his reasoning.
 

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HyenaPrince

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Dale Carnegie is kinda outdated. If you follow his principles you'll be going out of your way to do anything you can for people to like you. I've read two of his books - one of them being "How to win friends and influence people". He has some good basics but nothing that will make you go "damn I'll use that sh*t next time I'm in the office" .

There is a whole ocean of books for social situations and working the room. Start off by reading How To Talk To Anyone by Leil Lowndes and The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. I remember feeling like having mastered black magic after reading those books.
 

stringpuller

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All these titles you can get some knowledge from.
The bible is 2k + years old.
 

BeExcellent

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1. 48 Laws of Power (You are reading this and if you keep it handy and refer to it often it will become part of the fabric of how you read situations, which is invaluable in life.) It’s much more applicable than you realize.

2. The Art of Seduction also by Robert Greene. Marvelous book about human interactions with applications far beyond seducing romantic interests.

3. How to Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie...Yes the diction is outdated. However the principles aren’t because humans are still humans. The biggest takeaway I got from this book was regarding these two things: Never correct someone publicly (whether it be a fact or pronunciation of a word or a name)...and refrain from criticizing others. There are ways to influence people that come from inspiration rather than criticism. Any time you correct or criticize you cannot help but insinuate that the other person is stupid or wrong or both. This makes enemies and isolates you socially very rapidly.

4. The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine. Excellent little volume on the ins and outs of conversations and habits to adopt and habits to avoid. Written by a once socially awkward engineer.

5. The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Lots applicable to socializing & conversation in there although it is more generally about strategy and tactics.
 

stringpuller

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1. 48 Laws of Power (You are reading this and if you keep it handy and refer to it often it will become part of the fabric of how you read situations, which is invaluable in life.) It’s much more applicable than you realize.

2. The Art of Seduction also by Robert Greene. Marvelous book about human interactions with applications far beyond seducing romantic interests.

3. How to Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie...Yes the diction is outdated. However the principles aren’t because humans are still humans. The biggest takeaway I got from this book was regarding these two things: Never correct someone publicly (whether it be a fact or pronunciation of a word or a name)...and refrain from criticizing others. There are ways to influence people that come from inspiration rather than criticism. Any time you correct or criticize you cannot help but insinuate that the other person is stupid or wrong or both. This makes enemies and isolates you socially very rapidly.

4. The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine. Excellent little volume on the ins and outs of conversations and habits to adopt and habits to avoid. Written by a once socially awkward engineer.

5. The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Lots applicable to socializing & conversation in there although it is more generally about strategy and tactics.
Nice list. Rather surprised coming from you. What compels a women to learn this stuff?
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
"know thy enemy"?
 

Lynx nkaf

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Nice list. Rather surprised coming from you. What compels a women to learn this stuff?
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
"know thy enemy"?
From what I saw here, she is succeeding in raising her kids since the divorce and no doubt has learned alot of rational wisdom here from you guys.
She totally doesn't seem a feminist at all, she's nurturing and patient and submissive and helpful. I will never forget the things I learned in the way Be communicates. Can't help it, I admire her String, and I don't say that about femin ists.
So no, she's not feminist and does not see anyone as enemy. Too feminine to be femin ist.
 

stringpuller

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From what I saw here, she is succeeding in raising her kids since the divorce and no doubt has learned alot of rational wisdom here from you guys.
She totally doesn't seem a feminist at all, she's nurturing and patient and submissive and helpful. I will never forget the things I learned in the way Be communicates. Can't help it, I admire her String, and I don't say that about femin ists.
So no, she's not feminist and does not see anyone as enemy. Too feminine to be femin ist.
Whoaa the panty army just came out. Haha.
No seriously it was a legit question. I ask because as being the sub secs that doesn't usually lead does this dull the game for you?
Example would be a cool song ive always liked i learn the part or how its played it loses its luster somewhat. Mystery is gone.
 

TonyTenner

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1. 48 Laws of Power (You are reading this and if you keep it handy and refer to it often it will become part of the fabric of how you read situations, which is invaluable in life.) It’s much more applicable than you realize.

2. The Art of Seduction also by Robert Greene. Marvelous book about human interactions with applications far beyond seducing romantic interests.

3. How to Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie...Yes the diction is outdated. However the principles aren’t because humans are still humans. The biggest takeaway I got from this book was regarding these two things: Never correct someone publicly (whether it be a fact or pronunciation of a word or a name)...and refrain from criticizing others. There are ways to influence people that come from inspiration rather than criticism. Any time you correct or criticize you cannot help but insinuate that the other person is stupid or wrong or both. This makes enemies and isolates you socially very rapidly.

4. The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine. Excellent little volume on the ins and outs of conversations and habits to adopt and habits to avoid. Written by a once socially awkward engineer.

5. The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Lots applicable to socializing & conversation in there although it is more generally about strategy and tactics.
Thanks, nice list. I feel like with the Robert Greene books I need to take a week off work and plough through them - they are long and dense. I'll read The Fine Art of Small Talk, had a browse of it and seems short, sweet and practical.
 

stringpuller

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Thanks, nice list. I feel like with the Robert Greene books I need to take a week off work and plough through them - they are long and dense. I'll read The Fine Art of Small Talk, had a browse of it and seems short, sweet and practical.
Tony if you are busy like myself and have little time to stare at the book. Robert has a lot on audio book. I find easier to listen while driving.
 

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lamath

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Influence by Robert Cialdini is just great

Anything Robert Greene, The Prince by Macheivelie.

The Art of Worldly Wisdom Balthasard Gracian

And
Arthashastra, or, The Playbook of Material Gain by: Kautilya Chanakya


Cialdini is the easiest to digest.
Dale Carnegie is basic af, find what motivate ppl and use it to your advantage.
 

TonyTenner

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Influence by Robert Cialdini is just great

Anything Robert Greene, The Prince by Macheivelie.

The Art of Worldly Wisdom Balthasard Gracian

And
Arthashastra, or, The Playbook of Material Gain by: Kautilya Chanakya


Cialdini is the easiest to digest.
Dale Carnegie is basic af, find what motivate ppl and use it to your advantage.
Nice list, ill tackle Influence by Robert Cialdini next from that
 
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