Besides cutting contact - how can i punish this behavior?

[returningchamp]

Please - im looking for some interesting ways to punish this behavior BESIDES ENDING IT AND CUTTING CONTACT (which is the obvious answer i think most will give; can we get something else? Some new ideas?)

So i dated this girl for a good 2 years, and we ended up having a very mutual break up (we were heading in different directions and life; and i was on the verge of cheating on her).

A month ago we saw each other for the first time in 3 years! Things instantly sparked back up. And she was over my house making out with me that night. and we had sex again the next day. Then again... and again and... well, you get the picture. She stayed over my house 4-5 days a week (i know this was mistakeville; but didn't care at the time; my hormones were over riding my senses)...

Then the last 2 weeks or so - she's suddenly not coming over AT ALL. She's taking forever to respond to texts and being very casual when she does...

So i text her last week and set up for a date on saturday. She's supposed to show up and there's a whole day of things we have planned. We're supposed to go on a date.

Well... She doesn't show... Doesn't even text me to tell me she's not showing... I wanted to call her and say "why aren't you here?"... But i didn't...

She texts me the NEXT day to apologize and says this:

"I'm sorry, but we were getting back together so fast. I felt all those feelings we had when we first meant and i felt like we are repeating things too fast. I had to take a step back and look at what was going on. Im having a hard time already in that i want to see you soooo bad, but im scared of all these feelings."

I talked to her a bit and made it clear i didn't want to see her anymore... and it was inexcusable that she stand me up. Today she starts with texts that go like this:

"I just want you to know that i am extremely sorry. I know you probably don't believe me, but i am."

i responded "ok" and she responded "ok"

Then, she hits me with this:

"I feel like you're already drifting away from me again. Do you feel like u r?"

to which i have not responded to... because well, she was the one talking about not wanting to move fast and not wanting those feelings, etc... Why is she talking about drifting away? I don't get it...

But anyway - I want to punish her for what she did. But i don't want to cut contact. What other ways can i punish her and let her know that will not be tolerated?

 

[thedude4242]

dont give a you know what about her in a respectable way.

 

[jophil28]

OH boy, this switcheroo is familar to most guys. YOu are experiencing the typical self centered behavior of a woman who believes that she can just flake because she had "some feelings" . Then she believes that she can shoot you a text with "I'm sorry" and all is forgiven.

Your Q, "How do I punish her ?" You already are by partially withdrawing your attention and affection. Deal with flaking behavior BRUTALLY - harsh treatment is essential if you wish to train her out of this . Maintain your distance.

OK, Lets put that aside for a moment.
I am going to ask you to be a little introspective and a lot honest.
What exactly do you want from this woman ?
I get the impression that you might be considering re-cycling her .

 

[returningchamp]

Your Q, "How do I punish her ?" You already are by partially withdrawing your attention and affection. Deal with flaking behavior BRUTALLY - harsh treatment is essential if you wish to train her out of this . Maintain your distance.

Well, she found a school book at her house that i left there and i need it... So she's bringing it by... I guess that's my perfect chance to be cold and harsh up close and personal?

On a side note - im sure had i been begging her to just give me a chance to hang out with her or acted all simpy - she probably wouldn't have volunteered to bring my book over.

OK, Lets put that aside for a moment.
I am going to ask you to be a little introspective and a lot honest.
What exactly do you want from this woman ?
I get the impression that you might be considering re-cycling her .

I'm talking to another girl. But i definitely have a connection with this past girl that is very real. She was there with me when i was a freshman who almost flunked out... Now im on my way to being a doctor; which really brings the women out of the woodwork; and it's hard to see who's seeing me as a future dollar sign and who's seeing me for my charm.

So i'd be interested to see where this goes...

And it helps her that she doesn't look like she's 16 anymore, and has gotten a body on her now! lol...

 

[909pua]

I think what happened was she met someone while she was acting shady with you. then she flakes on you and gives you excuses while she's with some guy that she probably fvked. Then she found out in the last minute that this guy became all attached to her, she got scared, she lost interest, and now she wants to be back with you (basically she ate up all her words). I think this is what is going on. As far as punishment, this might be hard for you, and it is also for me, but I would suggest you kinda detach yourself and dont try anymore. Make her taste her own medicine.

 

[acehole]

Wow this is too scary. I was in and am in the same situation. I dated my gf for 2years and didnt see her for 2.5 years maybe 3. We got talking after that long time and fvcked hung out etc. She goes on vacay, this is during the beginnign, and she comes back and stops talking to me for like 4 days. Im like wtf everything was going fine. I assume she was doing that to take a step back and see what was going on. THen she ended cracking and called me to hang out after 4 days. I said wth is your problem blah blah and that was that.

a little bit later in the beginning she announced she was seeing a dude before me and he was coming back into to town and ljbf'd me and I was like wtf. I laid into her and said she was fvcked up etc. Then I said to her if that dude comes over we are never talking again. she really didnt give me an answer and I walked off, but we ended up fvcking later that night.

From there we got back together and after 2 months we decided to move back in with each other because before we lived together for 1 of those 2 years. It was good in the beggning then her old self came back eventually and now she wants to move out, she causes fights, doesnt come home etc.

Ive been wehre you are. If you want to get back together you gotta be the one to push it that way whether directl or indirectly because she does not wanna be repsonible for you two getting back. You gotta call her, but not too often, letting her call you sometimes yadda yadda but initiate a little bit more than normal with her since youve had her and she konws you etc. Then when she does something like what she did to you the best thing to do is not initiate and wait for her call. If she calls answer because shes seeking rapport with you and wants to fix things because she will know that youre mad because you havent intiated in a while. Just as long as you stay confident and not pvss out and not get smothering, she will have a hard time not wanting to get back with you.

Good luck

 

[909pua]

Wow this is too scary. I was in and am in the same situation. I dated my gf for 2years and didnt see her for 2.5 years maybe 3. We got talking after that long time and fvcked hung out etc. She goes on vacay, this is during the beginnign, and she comes back and stops talking to me for like 4 days. Im like wtf everything was going fine. I assume she was doing that to take a step back and see what was going on. THen she ended cracking and called me to hang out after 4 days. I said wth is your problem blah blah and that was that.

a little bit later in the beginning she announced she was seeing a dude before me and he was coming back into to town and ljbf'd me and I was like wtf. I laid into her and said she was fvcked up etc. Then I said to her if that dude comes over we are never talking again. she really didnt give me an answer and I walked off, but we ended up fvcking later that night.

From there we got back together and after 2 months we decided to move back in with each other because before we lived together for 1 of those 2 years. It was good in the beggning then her old self came back eventually and now she wants to move out, she causes fights, doesnt come home etc.

Ive been wehre you are. If you want to get back together you gotta be the one to push it that way whether directl or indirectly because she does not wanna be repsonible for you two getting back. You gotta call her, but not too often, letting her call you sometimes yadda yadda but initiate a little bit more than normal with her since youve had her and she konws you etc. Then when she does something like what she did to you the best thing to do is not initiate and wait for her call. If she calls answer because shes seeking rapport with you and wants to fix things because she will know that youre mad because you havent intiated in a while. Just as long as you stay confident and not pvss out and not get smothering, she will have a hard time not wanting to get back with you.

Good luck

I would advise against initiating contact. Initiating contact will make her feel that she still has you and will look at you as some back up source. When you take that feeling away that you are her back up source, trust me dude, things will turn around. It will be hard for you to do it. I'm going thru one right now, been talking to some girl for 6 months, i started initiating more then she pulled back big time and doesn't call back anymore. So i stopped calling. I'm sure theres another guy out there that she is giving interest to and she knows in the back of her head she can have me anytime. You need to take that feeling away from her. Make her taste her own medicine and when you do it, give her a double dosage so her a$$ realizes not to fvck with you like that. For example, let her contact you, and dont mention anything about hanging out. Dont answer some of her calls. And if she asks to hang out with you, tell her OK and when the time comes, if she doesn't call you, assume she flaked on you and dont call and just flake on her instead. Show her you are the boss.

BUT whatever you do, DO NOT show her that anything is BOTHERING YOU, this will show her that you are weak and whatever you do to her, whether being a DJ or AFC, the situation will become destroyed beyond repair

 

[WC2]

When I read your post it's like the retelling of stories of my ex's to the TEE.

With that said, let me fill you in on what's going on.

She hadn't seen you in 3 years, so naturally she was

WONDERING what you've been doing without her.

This WONDERING is what brings ex's back into the equation and usually THAT'S IT.

She spent some time with you and finally asked herself, WHY am I WONDERING? He's spent most the nights with me since I got back together with him, so what's to WONDER who he's sleeping with/hanging out with besides me.

Once her ability to WONDER faded away, she started flaking. Instead of being direct and honest, she took the easy way out and flaked (almost all girls do this btw).

While you didn't come across as needy, you didn't exactly come across as a man who doesn't want her back in your life.

The challenge disappeared, and she decided to seek greener pastures.

When she flaked on your date and you told her you don't want to see her anymore, she got a little spark of that CHALLENGE and WONDER again and had to wonder what better you have to do now.

So I'm going to ask the same question that Jophil asked:

What do you want from this girl?

Is your connection to this chick really genuine? Before you say yes, step back and think about it.

If you had sex with any girl for years and had great times together, wouldn't you have a great connection with her? Does this mean that she's the right girl for you?

No. No, no, no.

Just by her actions I can already tell that she's still in her party stages..

When I say party stages, I don't mean she's literally partying all the time. I mean that she's still seeking new experiences and new men to date before she settles down for an extended period of time.

Chances are she will seek another man and date him for a few months then toss him on the curb when he's no longer a challenge to her.

And we can't blame women for this, especially at a young age.. if women want to have fun just like us, that's how it should be.

To answer your question, there is really no way to punish her that's going to benefit you.

You could :

A ) Start dating another chick just for the sake of pissing her off

This is considered games and it's pointless. Don't commit to another chick unless you've made an educated decision; not because you want to make another jealous.

This may invoke the same reaction as her as in B ).. but read on.

or

B ) Cut contact with her for an xtended amount of time

Yes she will probably come back when she sees you're a challenge again. But for how long?

In my experience when an ex comes back time after time, she usually shortens her period that she will hang out with you every time. Maybe this time she hangs out with you 2 weeks instead of 4. Then just a week next time, etc.

But wait.. if you think you have a solid connection with this chick and want to get back with her you want her for the long run, right?

No can do. Like I said, she's not going to commit to an ex in the long run unless you have something REALLY good going for you like great financial stability or fame.

Sorry to say but it's really a lose-lose situation for you.

You can cut the contact for a bit and hope for a temporary period of hanging out and sex, but it won't go much farther than that. And what's the point in killing yourself over just temporary sex?

It sounds to me like you want a girl who's going to commit in the long run and be there, not flaking on you when she decides you're too easy.

There's plenty of fish in the sea my man. And while Ex's are GREAT in every aspect (great sex, great connection, etc), 99% of the time they are just there to affirm that they can get you again.

Sad, but true.

Drop her for good. If you run into her awhile and bang her, fine. But don't talk to her after that. The only talking with this chick you should be doing is the once in awhile f*ck session, followed up by nothing. If you can't control yourself from following up after, then just stop seeing her for good.

Trust me, I've been here plenty of times. The stress and agony isn't worth it with so many great women out there.

 

[acehole]

dude basically if you wanna call her call if you dont dont. Be natural with her she knows you already you are not some new dude. Be natural and dont play bs games...that will get you konw where with her.

 

[Giles]

Tell her she owes you a three way or make her do anal. Get her to give you a ******* for like an hour or so and then just go to sleep when you're done. Sleep on the couch after she comes to your place and you have sex. Stand her up. Just a few suggestions.

I still think when a chic flakes out on me the best thing to do is wait a couple hours and send her a txt and be like whoops I forgot.

 

[SandHawk]

What the hell? If a girl doesn't show up for a date or whatever, I'll call. You acted like an AFC there, by not calling. I would have called her, tell her to either come or stay away...

 

[bukowski_merit]

Act distant and cold for a few days... make her REALLY pursue you... make her buy you things... And when you finally hook back up - do what one guy already mentioned - make her give you he@d for a long time or do anal or something... when all is said and done - make her really feel like she's had to work overtime to get back with you...

Tread slowly when listening to people jumping to conclusions about what happened. Sometimes an flakes answer is exactly what happened. It's not uncommon for a woman who feels things are moving too fast to do a withdraw. There doesn't have to be another guy involved. There doesn't have to be any games involved. IT CAN BE just what she says it is. And i've dealt with things like this MANY times (i have had relationships with many women with boyfriends; and things like this happen almost weekly in those; as her emotions are up and down constantly.).

What the hell? If a girl doesn't show up for a date or whatever, I'll call. You acted like an AFC there, by not calling. I would have called her, tell her to either come or stay away...

I could not disagree more. 95 out of 100 men will blow up a woman's phone if she flakes on him. The 5 who don't - make the woman wonder, "how come he hasn't texted/called me to get my excuse?" ...

I NEVER call a woman who has flaked on me...