Benefits of Lady Friends

[asid76]

I have been thinking all week about having female friends. A few years ago, I decided, wisely I think, to reduce the number of females that I was hanging out with as "friends". Each one became my friend after I was attracted to them, went to great lengths to meet them, and then poured my heart out to them:

"Whats that? You WANT me? We're just friends silly...teehee!"

..Whatever. I was a wuss then. A combination of learning, evolving and practising have helped me greatly since then. I still hang out with two of the girls that I became friends with back then. And this leads to my post.

What is the point of being friends with females?

Of the two I kept as friends, one has got a BF now and spends all her time with him, or doing things for him. The other one, we hang out often, but she speaks of going on lavalife and other such sites to find a good guy etc. and when she does find one we probably won't hang out anymore.

My point is this: You can't be real "friends" with a woman. Not in the same way you can be friends with a guy. I can still play guitar, video games, go fishing, driving, clubbing, etc with all my guy friends and it is still just as fun as it has always been. No awkardness, no pressure.

Men and women are very different creatures and having a platonic relationship is awkward and uncomfortable for all parties involved, especially when our "parts" go together so well...it creates moments of tension.

Like when you and your "friend" go out to eat and the waitress hands YOU the bill, like you're the BF. Or the person at the ticket line-up says "what a cute couple!" or when your "friends" new BF calls her five times while you're out for coffee or watching a movie with her or something.

I'd say there are a few good reasons that come to my mind at the moment to be friends with a woman, but not too many:

1.) you can ask them "women" things
2.) they might introduce you to other women
3.) if you get two or more girls to walk into a social setting with you, you'll pump your buying value with other single women
4.) they can help you with fashion and other "gay" things that you can't ask your guy friends sometimes
5.) they just MIGHT get drunk and jump your bones one day, lol

There are probably other good reasons but this is all that comes to mind at the moment,

BUT:

1.) you can ask them "women" things - MY MOM AND MY SIS CAN DO THIS
2.) they might introduce you to other women - AND THEY'LL ASK HER WHY SHE IS JUST FRIENDS WITH YOU AND SHE'LL SAY WHY AND THE OTHER GIRL WOULD LIKELY NOT WANT YOU EITHER
3.) if you get two or more hot girls to walk into a social setting with you, you'll pump your buying value with other single women - ACTUALLY THIS IS COOL...BUT NOT NECESSARY
4.) they can help you with fashion and other "gay" things that you can't ask your guy friends sometimes - SO CAN GOOGLE.COM THOUGH
5.) they just MIGHT get drunk and jump your bones one day, lol - BUT PROBABLY NOT

I don't know, I just can't see any reason to be friends with women at this point in my life. I have more meaningful, deeper relationships with the men I am friends with and I feel that these relationships are going to last, where I have a strong feeling that 95% of the women I am friends with will inevitably fade into obscurity as they have children, get LTR's, marriages etc.

In short, the next time a girl wants to be just friends...I recommend really asking oneself "why?" Did you really go out of your way to meet her, so that you can have someone new to watch Dexter with??

The answer depends on the girl, but ultimately, if there is nothing to gain, I see no reason to have a platonic relationship...I don't look at hot women and think about what great friends they would be...that is NOT my intent, so why go there at all?

Most girls I am currently friends with just represent a failure to create attraction on my part.

I know some of you are going to blast me for saying this, but its how I feel.

 

[synergy1]

your title kind of says it all, the 'benefits' of friends. What kind of statement is that? I am not friends with anyone based solely benefits, but rather mutual interests and the collective drive towards having fun. Most of my friends have been guy friends since the interests overlap much easier, but I see nothing wrong with having a few female friends if they happen to get into the social circle. Sort of contradicting myself here, but a fringe benefit of hanging with a few chicks means hooking up with their friends basically requires no effort. Care is needed otherwise you get a bad rep though...but that is a bit off topic.

A lot of what you described with your chick friends leaving the scene when they got B/Fs happens the other way too. I have had plenty of my guy friends vanish as soon as they get g/fs as well. There are always two sides to the story, and they are seldom presented here at S.S...

 

[zekko]

2.) they might introduce you to other women - AND THEY'LL ASK HER WHY SHE IS JUST FRIENDS WITH YOU AND SHE'LL SAY WHY AND THE OTHER GIRL WOULD LIKELY NOT WANT YOU EITHER

I think you have a point here. The girl will see that your friend does not consider you worthy of dating, and that lowers the challenge and attraction. Girls want to brag about their boyfriend to their girlfriends, and in this case their girlfriend has already taken a pass on you. It's like a demonstration of low value.

 

[Warrior74]

My best female friends fall into two catagories.

1. Girls I fvcked already and didn't want a relationship with. Either as FB or a social circle ONS. But the point is, I liked them as a person and they liked me but for some reason I just couldn't see dating them and I LJBF's them.

2. Girls I wouldn't fvck at all. Either I found them unattractive or my moral compass prevented me from fvcking them (married, dated one of my close friends).

For some reason both sets of women here tend to hold me in high regard, I get lots of respect, they tell me they love me all the time and they invite me to a lot of social events. We don't hang out, or go shopping, or play video games, we may talk every now and then on the phone and facebook and see each other at social events. It's always good to have several women in a venue who spread the word on what a good guy you are. The ones I have LJBF'd they always tend to get a little clingy in social situations even if their boyfriends or husbands are there...they tend to display unconcious jealous signals to other females that I talk to...which doesn't hurt me, but it's probably not helping their relationships.

As long as you know what to expect from a female "friend" they are great, and the key is not to expect to much of anything.

 

[Greasy Pig]

My point is this: You can't be real "friends" with a woman.

Wow, I've been saying this for years much to the dismay of women who class me as a friend.
In reply, I say: 'Well, if we're 'friends' when was the last time we went to a movie? When did we hang out and play video games? When did we go and watch a sporting event and get blind drunk?'
That's right, never.
I can honestly say I have one true female friend but I've boned her a couple of times over the years when we got drunk. She is great for advice and a good laugh.
BUT, I treat almost every other woman in my life as a woman I may get to f*ck one day.
I'm FRIENDLY with them but not FRIENDS, if you get what I mean. They all think I'm a great guy and enjoy hanging out with me but I'm managing these relationships in such a way that if I was to make a move one night, I would be shocked if they said the old: 'But I thought we were just friends!'
It's a balancing act but it's served me well over the years.
Great post!!

 

[HalfAddict]

I have lots of female friends and lots of guy friends.. we hang out often, there really is no problem...

Perhaps you are looking to hard to get something out of it instead of enjoying the companionship having a few beers and shooting the breeze.

And none of my female friends came from a failure to generate attraction, in fact a couple of them were attracted to me without me doing anything..

 

[jophil28]

In reply, I say: 'Well, if we're 'friends' when was the last time we went to a movie? When did we hang out and play video games? When did we go and watch a sporting event and get blind drunk?'
That's right, never.

When a woman says,"We are friends" it is statement of EXCLUSION more so than inclusion, especially if she uses the word "just". She is not including you in her life, she is excluding you from her bed.

OF course women do not go to the game with you or go night fishing. Their definition of "guy friends" is based on self interest with a locked vagina.

She wants to be able to call you for a rescue if she has broken down, or she is drunk and her girls have left her at the club alone , her lawn needs mowing, or she needs a 'cutout guy' to be her escort at the annual company dinner dance. Being "friends" with a woman works mainly to HER advantage not yours .

"We are friends" simply means that you 'serve' her needs, with no nookie, while she looks around for a BBD..

 

[thezenmachine]

I went out with one of mine last night and she was talking to girls, introducing me to them and it was a great time. You get a good one like that and keep her around. This one is a mess (alcoholic, totally messed up life) but a sweetheart as far as helping people out. I'm not a real club guy, but she made it fun and way easy! Worst case, I had someone to dance with!