Being Too Picky...

[jlazz]

Hey guys,

Background: I went out with my ex-gf for about 7 months last year and she was the hottest girl I've ever been with. She pretty much set the standard for the type of girl that I want to be with, physically and personality wise.

When we brokeup, it wasn't a bad breakup, but circumstances caused her to move away. As a result, we decided to just break it off since it'd be too hard to have a long-distance relationship. However, we talked almost every day after she left as if we were still together. It was hard to get over her especially since we still kept in touch. She would also frequently ask me if I've met anyone new, etc. which I always said no to. Still to this day, whenever we talk, she asks me if I've hooked up with anyone or took anyone out on a date.

Anyway, long story short, ever since we brokeup, I've had a decreased desire in hooking up with girls and have increased my standards by a lot. If me and my friends are hanging out, my friend will be like "damn that girl is hot" and most of the time, I'll be like....she's alright, not really that great. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing. It has kind of prevented me from trying to meet more girls. I have made out with a handful of girls since my ex-gf and have only had sex with one who has been a frequent hookup. Even her though, little things about her make me less attracted to her. I think since my ex-gf I've been used to the physical + emotional aspect of hooking up with someone no matter how weird that sounds for a guy.

How can I regain a desire to talk to girls? I've also been really rusty. I used to be really ****y/funny and a natural flirt...flirting with girls like it was second nature. Lately though, I've been timid and have a lack of confidence to approach girls. I focus too much on myself when I go out. Please give me some good advice on changing this.

Thanks.

 

[Asteconn]

Having high standards is nothing to worry about. Just make sure that you're up to those standards yourself.

Also - from what I see on your post; I'd go after this girl of yours again. To me, she still seems very interested in you.

 

[jlazz]

Having high standards is nothing to worry about. Just make sure that you're up to those standards yourself.

Also - from what I see on your post; I'd go after this girl of yours again. To me, she still seems very interested in you.

I've always had somewhat high standards because I consider myself a good looking guy and have a lot going for myself, but lately I have dropped significantly in my confidence. How do I get it back up again?

As for my ex...if she still went to my school we would probably still be going out, but she changed schools. She does visit every now and then and when we see each other again its like we never left each other, but its hard once she leaves. Maybe sometime in the future we will meet up again, but not something I'm going to pay too much mind to.

Right now, I'm focused on improving my inner game. I go through cycles of being extremely confident and being insecure. They are extremes through. Lately I've just been feeling insecure a lot. I can't pinpoint why.

 

[Jitterbug]

When we brokeup, it wasn't a bad breakup, but circumstances caused her to move away. As a result, we decided to just break it off since it'd be too hard to have a long-distance relationship. However, we talked almost every day after she left as if we were still together. It was hard to get over her especially since we still kept in touch. She would also frequently ask me if I've met anyone new, etc. which I always said no to. Still to this day, whenever we talk, she asks me if I've hooked up with anyone or took anyone out on a date.

Have you ever asked her the same question back?

She's asking as she wants to make sure you're still exactly where she left you.

Don't let this EX stop you from moving on with your life. You want to know how you can recover again? Stop talking to your EX every fvcking day would be a good start.

 

[jlazz]

Have you ever asked her the same question back?

She's asking as she wants to make sure you're still exactly where she left you.

Don't let this EX stop you from moving on with your life. You want to know how you can recover again? Stop talking to your EX every fvcking day would be a good start.

Yeah, whenever she asks me I ask her back and she says no. I've stopped talking to her every day a long time ago. She's the one that calls me every now and then when she's drunk and spills all of her feelings for me. She tells me how she misses me and asks me if I would marry her, blah blah. The only time she calls me though is when she's drunk.

The problem is...I care a lot about the girl, but I feel like talking to her, even every once in a while, just brings me back to thinking about her and losing a desire to meet new girls. It probably doesn't make sense to you guys. She's found out about girls I've madeout with and stuff, just from word of mouth. Then she'll interrogate me about it...retarded. Should I stop answering her calls completely? She's probably going to come visit me in a couple of weeks...should I resist hooking up with her and just treat her as a friend? I know its gonna be bound to happen that we hookup like last time.

Aside from that, how do I regain my game? Rebuild my inner game?

 

[T-Mack]

Hey I was in a similar situation not too long ago. The only difference is that I don’t get to see the girl anymore because she is living on the other side of the world. The best thing you could do for yourself is to CUT ALL CONTACT with her. I know it’s really hard to let go of someone that you cared a whole lot about, but it is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself when it came to improving my inner game. There is one thing you have to understand though. The inner game doesn’t come back overnight and it takes time. You still have to let go of the EX and you are no where close to that yet. Put on some sad songs and cry for a few days. Then throw away all the photos, emails, letters, and everything she has given you. If you don’t like the idea of throwing stuff away then put everything away in a box where you can’t see it anymore.

The next step is one of the hardest to keep on task with which is to stop reminiscing about good times with your ex and start making a list of areas in your life that you want to make improvements on.

Some of the things I’ve done for myself since I ended contact with her included expanding my social circle and making new friends (that are a POSITIVE influence on you), listening to more music with upbeat lyrics and getting rid of that crappy stuff that makes you want to slit your wrist, eating healthier, getting more sleep, spending less money and not buying crap I don’t need, banging new girls, more time with hobbies, and hitting up the gym. If you stick with some realistic goals for yourself you will feel like a new man in a few months.

 

[jlazz]

Hey I was in a similar situation not too long ago. The only difference is that I don’t get to see the girl anymore because she is living on the other side of the world. The best thing you could do for yourself is to CUT ALL CONTACT with her. I know it’s really hard to let go of someone that you cared a whole lot about, but it is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself when it came to improving my inner game. There is one thing you have to understand though. The inner game doesn’t come back overnight and it takes time. You still have to let go of the EX and you are no where close to that yet. Put on some sad songs and cry for a few days. Then throw away all the photos, emails, letters, and everything she has given you. If you don’t like the idea of throwing stuff away then put everything away in a box where you can’t see it anymore.

The next step is one of the hardest to keep on task with which is to stop reminiscing about good times with your ex and start making a list of areas in your life that you want to make improvements on.

Some of the things I’ve done for myself since I ended contact with her included expanding my social circle and making new friends (that are a POSITIVE influence on you), listening to more music with upbeat lyrics and getting rid of that crappy stuff that makes you want to slit your wrist, eating healthier, getting more sleep, spending less money and not buying crap I don’t need, banging new girls, more time with hobbies, and hitting up the gym. If you stick with some realistic goals for yourself you will feel like a new man in a few months.

Thanks for the advice. Its not like I have one-itis for her, its just sometimes when I'm on facebook, I'll glance at her profile to see what she's up to. Then it just makes me think about her a little bit. Besides that though I don't have any pictures, letters, etc. of her. I've been over her, its just that she has set the standard for the girls I meet. I find less and less girls to be worthy of hooking up with, but at the same time, I have been lazy about talking / flirting with girls.

I've been broken up with her since like June and then saw her for a weekend a couple of months ago.

After we brokeup, I had no desire to get in a relationship with anyone else. One thing I noticed though, is that when I was talking to her, subconsciously I felt like we were still going out so when I talked to girls, I didn't care at all and girls were more attracted to me. It was like I used it as a crutch, but the idea that I had her all into me still gave me confidence and not give a ****. However, thats where the problem lies. That reliance fueled my confidence. Now that we rarely talk and I find her more shady since she only calls me when she's drunk, I don't have that fueling my confidence and thus, have a loss of confidence that was based off of that.

I noticed that when I frequently talk to girls...just friends that are girls, it keeps me on my game and my well-being on par. Lately, I haven't been interacting with my girlfriends. I think I just got to make my way back into just flirting more frequently so I can regain how I naturally flirted before.

I need to get in a state where I don't care about what people think of me AT ALL. I've faked it for a while, but then I fall back into my original position at times. Any tips on not giving a **** about what people think of you? If I can overcome that, I can practically do anything, where talk to girls randomly, have a better time at parties, do crazy things that I resist because I'm outcome based.

 

[Asteconn]

To be honest, I still think that there is potential here.

As a test though, you should goad her into visiting you properly. Make her do the travelling the first time.

If not; then there's nothing to stop you going out there and finding someone more worthy of your time (if she is a non-starter that is)