Being too aloof?

[Kerpal]

I am an introverted, pretty quiet, very reserved guy. I have had girls say that I was "stand offish", "I never know how you feel", "I can't read you", etc. I almost never initiate contact with girls that I'm dating because I don't really feel like I need to. They always contact me first.

I've been dating this girl for about a month and a half. The entire time we've been dating, I haven't initiated contact once. She instant messaged me a couple days ago and said "I feel like if I didn't talk to you I wouldn't see you for days" or something like that. I just laughed it off by joking about how I would get hungry after a couple days (she cooks for me a lot).

But I'm hearing things like this from girls a lot. I know you have to strike a balance between being too aloof and too needy, but how do I know if I'm leaning too far toward the latter?

 

[WaterTiger]

If she's complaining about it, (I don't mean the whiney little baby-talk complaining) as in saying with all seriousness "Honey! It's like dating a coma patient!" Then YES! you're being a little too stand-offish. Pushing away and never initiating communication can draw attention...FOR A WHILE. Eventually the other person thinks you have no interest and will get tired of doing all the work in the relationship. She will dump you.

The "push-pull" is often spoken of on this site. You've done some pulling, now CALL THE GIRL!

No need to go over board, but once a week...you can do that!

 

[women haze]

It's the total opposite for me.....I don't call, they don't care. If I were in your shoes buddy I'd be happy.

 

[Kerpal]

So I was at the girl's house last night, we're sitting on the couch and she says "Can we talk about something?", I said sure, and she brought this issue up again and says she feels like she's the one always calling and inviting me to do stuff or whatever and that she feels bad that I never call her first. So I said I would call her more.

She got up to get a drink and I called her while she was in the kitchen and was just like "Hey, what's up?" :crackup: She said "That isn't funny, you never take anything seriously!" but was laughing while she said it :crackup: Then we ****ed on the couch.

I figure I'll call her a bit more just so she doesn't feel bad, but not enough to seem needy.