being to hard on myself..? advice needed.

[Skyline]

First off this thread isn't about women or anything like that.

Today I realized I have a problem. I had a test scheduled for today and I studied my heart out beforehand. I normally don't study as much as I did, if at all, but this time I really wanted to get everything down. I studied to the point that I knew all the answers from the back of hand and was pretty much ready.

Now, for this type of test we HAVE to get 100% on it or we have to redo it. I was pretty much expecting to get 100% the first time because I knew all the answers. When my teacher announced the first time 100%'er's. My name was not called.

I was pretty much devastated.

The feeling I had was a mixture of anger and sadness. I was confused about it at the time and asked to be excused for a bit. Even during my AFC years I had never felt that before. There was no pain in my chest or anything it was just straight up anger with a tad of sadness. It took me about an hour to realize where I'd felt that feeling before. It wasn't from girls or anything like that either.

It was when I became REALLY passionate about something and every time I did some mistake that wasn't up to a standard that I subconsciously put I would get really disappointed in myself. This has happened mostly in sports and its the first time it's sort of "leaked" into my academic area. It's never happened with girls before. Now I always assumed it was me being naturally competitive, which was why I never joined a sports team or played one seriously, but this time I know it's more than that.

I'm still not quite sure what it is. Maybe my ego? Maybe it is actual competitiveness? Or maybe it's the fact I KNOW I can do it/better but when I don't I just feel as if I could of done better?

 

[Serenity]

You are disappointed in yourself because you expected an outcome and it didn't come true. This is something I have fallen for myself. It's negativity, the feeling of not being good enough. It's your ego taking a blow.

I solved this by accepting it as it is. You didn't get 100% the first time, it doesn't mean you're worth any less. You have a choice between feeling sh!t and going in with strong determination to overcome the obstacle.

Do your best and be proud of your effort no matter what the outcome is. When you fail you will learn how to do it better the next time. Keep this spiral of thoughts until you get it right, this will keep you focused on solutions.

Actual competitiveness is keeping your mind focused on what to achieve and do your best, winners don't feel like sh!t, they just keep going.

In my opinion accepting the reality of a situation is the definition of being egoless (or zen).

 

[Skyline]

Alright thanks.

It felt sort of like an ego thing to be honest but wasnt sure. I know ill nail it the next time i just need to learn how to control it. Im pretty sure im close though, i calmed down real fast compared to the other times.

 

[Overthought]

I remember reading disappointment and the feeling of heartache only lasts 20 mins physiologically and after, it is simply you over thinking etc. As such, most definately take in that heart ache (as my coaches use to say) but remember to keep walking and don't let it get on the top of you. It is good to have a goal or something to drive yourself towards and a competitive edge is even better. Success is built on not giving up and keeping at it.

 

[NewJack]

Love and nurturing creates strength.

Love and nurture yourself and you will be unbeatable, generally speaking.